Once my persona imploded, I grew frightened—too frightened—and I remained too frightened to function until my sense of self trust, which proves vital to my spirit's well being, saved the day in this way: With self trust intact, I worked to understand the depth of my reaction until insight into a specific fear, which I'd never thought to identify, surfaced. And with that fear in plain sight, I came to see why that which feels easily managed, today, had roused overwhelming fear, 'yesterday'.
In order to be true to myself, from day to day, reality suggests that I accept this fact: Emotion proves unpredictable as soon as fear rouses defensiveness, which instinctively blocks the brain's connection to logic by focusing solely upon fight/flee/or freeze.
After my protective shield came undone, defensive fear overwhelmed my sense of logic, and as it's not my habit to fight, that left flee or freeze in place. For weeks I felt like a lost soul, stumbling mindlessly through darkness, until one strength emerged and wrestled with fear until a glimmer of insight shone bright enough to guide my mind toward engaging with intensive introspection. And thank goodness for that, because while processing through intense introspection, my mind identified this fact: The fear that terrified me during recent weeks mirrored a fear that confounded my mind when I was a defenseless child, dependent on trusted adults to keep me safe from harm.
Though insight into naming this fear tamed my terror, several weeks passed before my spirit re-energized and my body relaxed enough to sit at my computer and write ... Write what, you ask? Whatever train of thought chugged out of my mind while I worked at regaining some semblance of balance.
If at this point you ask: Which part of your mind was in need of rebalancing ... I'd say: my connection between emotion and logic, because logic, on its own, did not transform confusion into the kind of clarity that leads to peace of mind. Why not? Because each time an unsettling experience causes my think tank to flood with emotion, somehow, the spring release on my junk drawer flies open, allowing another unnamed and thus untamed fear to leap out so unexpectedly as to throw my thought processor into a disorganized state of mental confusion
When confusion overwhelms my mind, instinct calls upon my defense system to numb up my strongest emotions in hopes of re-establishing some semblance of mental order. As my defense system is as sly as a fox, it builds a wall that blocks this secret, concerning caging certain emotional needs, from my conscious awareness.
It's important to note that numbed emotion does not mean the strength of my feelings have weakened. Numbed emotion suggests that denial is at work, fooling me into believing that I've gained control over a situation, which had caused my mind to flood with fear. And now that I've clued you in to this secret with which our defense systems outfox logic, perhaps you can see why moving forward on this path toward self discovery proves vital to my spirit's well being. I mean, who in their right mind wants to repress emotion so strong as to leap out and launch a surprise attack on your unsuspecting heart or for that matter, mine?
Oh! Did you feel that flutter of wings soaring just overhead? I mean by now, I'm sure you can name the sage whose spirit just flew down from on high to give us thumbs up :)
Each time I sat down to write, I grew more aware of numbed emotion re-awakening, and that's important for this reason: If I am to know myself so deeply as to be true to myself, through and through, then it's vital to identify the depth of those emotions, which denial slipped behind my defensive wall.
After weeks of writing in hopes of clarifying defensive fears, which had numbed emotion grown too strong to control, I felt less conflicted, more peaceful than during previous weeks when transparency had scared me out of my wits. In fact, I've grown appreciative of transparency, concerning my emotional depths, for this reason: Once my shield of false pride fell away, both sides of my mind felt wholely free to explore conflicting needs more deeply than when my persona had masked this fact: For most of my life, my primary goal had been to 'fit in'.
When my unidentified goal had been to 'fit in', it was tough to identify personal needs denied at my core. Why so? I already told you ... Denial. Denial. Denial. While writing I came to see how fearful 'shoulds', false pride and defensive walls blocked my sense of conscious awareness from feeling personal needs, which had numbed up. I mean how can we give voice to needs that numb up after unnamed fear or undeserved guilt constricts our thoughts?
Today's train of thought proves the brain to be a mysteriously complex instrument, indeed.
Each time I tread another step forward on this path toward self discovery, insight into some aspect of self awareness directs my mind to nourish my spirit's sense of independence without growing selfish. When my spirit feels nourished without feeling selfish, my decisions feel less conflicted, better balanced, more self assured—and here's why that's true: In good conscience, undeserved guilt is not aroused, because I know myself not to be greedy. And in this well balanced, self disciplined fashion does self discovery lead me toward identifying fears, which had overwhelmed logic, thus limiting the scope of my decisions in the past.
Whereas unnamed fears are empowered to arouse anxiety to proportions that overwhelm the brain's thought processor, a rebalanced sense of clarity reduces unbridled fear to proportions in keeping with reality.
Each time I tame fear with logic, my connection to reality becomes better balanced in this way: A mind that works patiently to balance emotion with logic feels free to make changes for the better, one step at a time, all around.
In this methodical fashion do I gain insight into balancing this personal need, which feeds my spirit, with that personal need, which also feeds my spirit, rather than allowing the 'shoulds' inside my head to force my spirit to choose this over that. And here's the best bonus of all: With balance in all things comes peace of mind—until I feel the need to improve upon my ability to juggle conflicting aspects of life, yet again—because clarity suggests that enjoying a well balanced life demands reflective self improvement, now and then.
In answer to the riddle, asking which vital inner strength must we work to develop, over all, I believe that strength proves to be self trust. Why? Because with self trust intact, inner conflict gives way, more often, to insight into self awareness. As self awareness deepens, day by day, fear's foggy maze gives way to an introspective sense of clarity, which flips the switch from darkly colored confusion to a sense of inner peace, and as a peaceful soul opens the mind to welcome joy, the spirit soars—and what, I ask, could feel better than ending today's post with a train of thought as uplifting as that :)
As to why yesterday's riddle posed a trick question, please tune in tomorrow, because, thankfully, I'm looking forward to seeing Catching Fire with my family, so time to write is short :)
In order to be true to myself, from day to day, reality suggests that I accept this fact: Emotion proves unpredictable as soon as fear rouses defensiveness, which instinctively blocks the brain's connection to logic by focusing solely upon fight/flee/or freeze.
After my protective shield came undone, defensive fear overwhelmed my sense of logic, and as it's not my habit to fight, that left flee or freeze in place. For weeks I felt like a lost soul, stumbling mindlessly through darkness, until one strength emerged and wrestled with fear until a glimmer of insight shone bright enough to guide my mind toward engaging with intensive introspection. And thank goodness for that, because while processing through intense introspection, my mind identified this fact: The fear that terrified me during recent weeks mirrored a fear that confounded my mind when I was a defenseless child, dependent on trusted adults to keep me safe from harm.
Though insight into naming this fear tamed my terror, several weeks passed before my spirit re-energized and my body relaxed enough to sit at my computer and write ... Write what, you ask? Whatever train of thought chugged out of my mind while I worked at regaining some semblance of balance.
If at this point you ask: Which part of your mind was in need of rebalancing ... I'd say: my connection between emotion and logic, because logic, on its own, did not transform confusion into the kind of clarity that leads to peace of mind. Why not? Because each time an unsettling experience causes my think tank to flood with emotion, somehow, the spring release on my junk drawer flies open, allowing another unnamed and thus untamed fear to leap out so unexpectedly as to throw my thought processor into a disorganized state of mental confusion
When confusion overwhelms my mind, instinct calls upon my defense system to numb up my strongest emotions in hopes of re-establishing some semblance of mental order. As my defense system is as sly as a fox, it builds a wall that blocks this secret, concerning caging certain emotional needs, from my conscious awareness.
It's important to note that numbed emotion does not mean the strength of my feelings have weakened. Numbed emotion suggests that denial is at work, fooling me into believing that I've gained control over a situation, which had caused my mind to flood with fear. And now that I've clued you in to this secret with which our defense systems outfox logic, perhaps you can see why moving forward on this path toward self discovery proves vital to my spirit's well being. I mean, who in their right mind wants to repress emotion so strong as to leap out and launch a surprise attack on your unsuspecting heart or for that matter, mine?
Oh! Did you feel that flutter of wings soaring just overhead? I mean by now, I'm sure you can name the sage whose spirit just flew down from on high to give us thumbs up :)
Each time I sat down to write, I grew more aware of numbed emotion re-awakening, and that's important for this reason: If I am to know myself so deeply as to be true to myself, through and through, then it's vital to identify the depth of those emotions, which denial slipped behind my defensive wall.
After weeks of writing in hopes of clarifying defensive fears, which had numbed emotion grown too strong to control, I felt less conflicted, more peaceful than during previous weeks when transparency had scared me out of my wits. In fact, I've grown appreciative of transparency, concerning my emotional depths, for this reason: Once my shield of false pride fell away, both sides of my mind felt wholely free to explore conflicting needs more deeply than when my persona had masked this fact: For most of my life, my primary goal had been to 'fit in'.
When my unidentified goal had been to 'fit in', it was tough to identify personal needs denied at my core. Why so? I already told you ... Denial. Denial. Denial. While writing I came to see how fearful 'shoulds', false pride and defensive walls blocked my sense of conscious awareness from feeling personal needs, which had numbed up. I mean how can we give voice to needs that numb up after unnamed fear or undeserved guilt constricts our thoughts?
Today's train of thought proves the brain to be a mysteriously complex instrument, indeed.
Each time I tread another step forward on this path toward self discovery, insight into some aspect of self awareness directs my mind to nourish my spirit's sense of independence without growing selfish. When my spirit feels nourished without feeling selfish, my decisions feel less conflicted, better balanced, more self assured—and here's why that's true: In good conscience, undeserved guilt is not aroused, because I know myself not to be greedy. And in this well balanced, self disciplined fashion does self discovery lead me toward identifying fears, which had overwhelmed logic, thus limiting the scope of my decisions in the past.
Whereas unnamed fears are empowered to arouse anxiety to proportions that overwhelm the brain's thought processor, a rebalanced sense of clarity reduces unbridled fear to proportions in keeping with reality.
Each time I tame fear with logic, my connection to reality becomes better balanced in this way: A mind that works patiently to balance emotion with logic feels free to make changes for the better, one step at a time, all around.
In this methodical fashion do I gain insight into balancing this personal need, which feeds my spirit, with that personal need, which also feeds my spirit, rather than allowing the 'shoulds' inside my head to force my spirit to choose this over that. And here's the best bonus of all: With balance in all things comes peace of mind—until I feel the need to improve upon my ability to juggle conflicting aspects of life, yet again—because clarity suggests that enjoying a well balanced life demands reflective self improvement, now and then.
In answer to the riddle, asking which vital inner strength must we work to develop, over all, I believe that strength proves to be self trust. Why? Because with self trust intact, inner conflict gives way, more often, to insight into self awareness. As self awareness deepens, day by day, fear's foggy maze gives way to an introspective sense of clarity, which flips the switch from darkly colored confusion to a sense of inner peace, and as a peaceful soul opens the mind to welcome joy, the spirit soars—and what, I ask, could feel better than ending today's post with a train of thought as uplifting as that :)
As to why yesterday's riddle posed a trick question, please tune in tomorrow, because, thankfully, I'm looking forward to seeing Catching Fire with my family, so time to write is short :)
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