Which three values do I hold in highest esteem?
Trust, friendship, self respect ... Not in descending order ...
In order to be true to family, friends and colleagues ...
I must be true to myself ...
In order to be true to myself ...
Who must I trust more than you? Myself
Who must I look to for clarity into reality? Myself
Who must I befriend before offering friendship to you? Myself
Children communicate emotion felt at their core, naturally, openly, honestly, until they watch adults fling pretense around so breezily that monkey-see-monkey-do follows role models into mazes where, eventually, honest emotion is no longer bared ... Once in this maze, raw emotion is feared, anesthetized, cloaked and denied. Classically, burying raw emotion deep within the subconscious tends to become a rule of thumb unless adult role models open doors, welcoming young minds to experience an emotional environment where genuine feeling is safely exposed and discussed. When adult role models suggest that fear is accepted as natural, discussions, concerning the reality of fear, are handled so honestly and effectively that no brain space is left over for youthful think tanks to mistake pretense as 'truth'.
Below, you'll find a grandpa's description concerning an experience shared with his grandson, an eight year old child, whose athletic prowess proves advanced far beyond his years. This child looks up to role models, whose passion for success has risen to professional heights in many arenas. While reading this grandpa’s comments, my heart filled with gratitude, knowing that within this extended family, leadership is actively guiding four generations toward supporting each other's endeavors in emotionally healthy ways.
If asked how I know this is true, I'd reply, it's plain to see that trains of thought, driven by insight, create loving safety nets, which invite young spirits to embrace leaps of faith while questing toward each next level of personal success. As success layers upon success, a well balanced mind tends to accept each new challenge with positive focus intact—and as a result of immersing one's sense of safety within an environment made up of positive focus, solid emotional support and step-by-step plans, inner conflict, concerning faith in oneself, gives way to a sense of wholeness where minds are self empowered and spirits thrive.
At first, this loving grandpa described a change in his grandson's go-get-em attitude that caused the adults concern. It seemed that some unknown factor had catalyzed the strength of this eight year old's self confidence to slide. Not just in baseball, at which he excelled far beyond his years, but whenever any decision was necessary. For the first time in his brief history, this exceptionally gifted child was expressing a fear-based attitude, which undermined the self empowering nature of his mind, and as no one had a clue as to what may have caused such an unexpected change, it was obvious that brain storming was in order in hopes of making short work of turning darkened attitudes, fueled by negativity, around.
With insight into the effects of family dynamics, this grandpa considered his options before deciding to take the young boy aside in hopes of offering his grandson's fertile mind food for thought. Upon becoming aware of the contagious nature of fear, Papa chose to dismiss his own misgivings in favor of comparing his grandson's success-based history with his own. And now that I've clarified how quickly one person's fearful attitude can jangle everyone's confidence, I'll show you how this role model helped a child to reach inside and revive his temporary loss of self confidence by allowing this young boy's Papa to speak for himself ...
Over several days, my daughter, son-in-law, wife and I discussed a disturbing change in my grandson's attitude. Following our discussion, I spent some time mulling over this situation. Later that week, my grandson and I took a break from the large, family dinner table, where our extended family had gathered to celebrate my daughter's birthday.
My buddy and I sauntered over to the couch near the TV, where we sat, side by side, watching the final inning of the Rockies game. After a bit, I shared a story with him about my first little league tryout when I was a full year and a half older then him—how I missed every ball hit to me—how I tried another little league after my try out at my local park district league had gone so badly. I told him how I'd struck out ten times in a row and only swung twice during that game. As I loved baseball, I explained that I had to figure it out from there—from the bottom—not the top. Suddenly, my grandson was hugging me so hard and looking up into my eyes so intently that I had a hard time holding it together.
He wants to see a picture from those dog days (which I have somewhere as well as a home movie of me striking out). It will be good for him to see his grandpa as a boy with a love of baseball, starting out at the bottom before rising, year after year, to the point of carving out a professional career, playing in the major leagues.
During the past year, I've put many of Annie's suggestions to work at times when it seemed prudent to discuss changing attitudes with the rest of our family. Though I didn't know what was causing my grandson distress, I wanted him to see that all of us are vulnerable to fear and in need of opening up and asking for help when stress undermines self confidence.
If my grandson had an issue with self confidence before we enjoyed each other's company, one-on-one, that issue seemed to resolve as quickly as his spirit shone forth in his smile, which re-energized naturally from deep within, starting with our embrace and lasting until we hugged, good night. The next day was his last day of school. We made plans for me to pick him up, drive him to baseball camp, pick him up and then spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out.
Spent next day with my buddy ... first day of baseball camp proved a big success followed by bowling, lunch and a movie to boot... and while enjoying each other’s company throughout the day, conversation flowed, naturally, back and forth.
As one of our favorite topics is sports, my grandson, asking if I’d had fears as a hitter, felt safe enough in my presence to open up with this concern: His team often depends upon him when they're in a pinch. We had a special talk about how every player, especially good hitters, has that fear... of striking out, letting teammates down. I let him know that fear is natural, so it's just a matter of coping with it ... whether your talent is in dancing, acting, basketball, baseball, surgeons opening people, lawyers securing justice in court, singers reaching high notes on stage .... yes, Papa experiences fear, and though it took a while, I figured it out how to control it ... and so will you.
He asked if I was ever hit ... yes, once three times in one game by the same pitcher. He told me he got hit in the ankle and it "didn't hurt"... it went away in a second. Yep...all good.
We were listening to Sting in the car ... "if i ever lose my faith in you" came on ...not joking.
Papa , what's faith?
Well, it's like confidence..like belief... like I believe in you .. I have faith in you..I have confidence in you ...
Ok, I get it ... you have faith in me.
Yes, I do... you have a strong mind. I know you can figure it out.
Pappa, I have faith in myself too.
Great!! That's what really counts, because you're the only one whose faith in yourself counts more than all the others. It's great to have others who believe in you, but ultimately, you're in control of you.
I get it, pappa ... I need to believe in myself, right?
RIGHT!!!!!
We reached his house just as his mom and sister were heading to a dance audition. He rolls down his window and shouts to his sister, "I have faith in you. You'll do great, today." My granddaughter responds,"Thanks , I have faith in your baseball skills."
I am not kidding ... this actually happened ... I could not make this stuff up ... what an amazing day ... made me wipe my eyes! He’d been afraid of the fast ball coming at him, but since he felt safe opening up about his fear with me....we were in position to get past fear.
(We all need to get past fear to a safe place inside our minds where self confidence depends upon courage to face each next step on the ladder of success. And that's what separates high self esteem from low ... the ability to muster the courage to grow beyond fear of failing ...)
We are getting out of my car when my grandson, seeing his mom backing her car out of the driveway, heading toward a tree, shouts for her to watch out and slams his fingers into the door of my car ...!!
He and I manage hand crisis with ice..we snuggle on the couch.. he's fine..I'm fine... what a day ... insight into a slice of both sides of life
Annie's take:
Fear of older boys pitching too fast ... team relying on stellar player with royal role models ... BBL camp coming up ... Anxiety, hiding inside the mind, causing stress to build until think tank can't help but roll all thoughts together, like rolling jumping beans in peanut butter, where one thought, filled with fear contaminates the next ... therefore best to clean out fear of failure that might get deposited in start of junk drawer before any sense of general stickiness develops, early on :)
Three responses to fear ... Fight, flee or ... freeze brain in scary place where bright decisions are darkly shaken by shadowy thoughts of possible failure.
Fourth response ... createsafeenvironmentinwhichtotalkaboutfear
With bbl camp coming up, grandson's crisis catalyst may have resulted from seeing older boys pitching too fast for stellar player to hit, registering fear in batters box for first time. This child knows you can't hit if you're afraid and as the fear cycle picked up steam ... feeling fearful undermined his courage, so being a child, he did not know what to do ... fight, flee, freeze ... or ... seek out Papa!!!
Wonder if possibility of disappointing role model Papa, major league player, tied eight year old mind into unusual knots of fear??? If so, who better than pro ball playing Papa to encourage child to unknot and set mind at ease? :)
We are not born with attitudes; attitudes, modeled by adults, are absorbed into the cells of a child’s Neo cortex just as languages and accents are patterned after voices and tones heard most often at home. It’s important to remember that, in addition to personal experience, the sponge-like nature of children’s minds absorb positive, negative, courageous and fearful attitudes from every role modeling adult in the family. That fact, coupled with our own experiences, shape the most unique aspects of an individual's personality :)
If life is likened to a game to be won, inning by inning, then once a child grows to be an adult, insight suggests that we choose our teammates with care :)
Trust, friendship, self respect ... Not in descending order ...
In order to be true to family, friends and colleagues ...
I must be true to myself ...
In order to be true to myself ...
Who must I trust more than you? Myself
Who must I look to for clarity into reality? Myself
Who must I befriend before offering friendship to you? Myself
Whose opinion must I respect for sound reason? My own
If you tend to think successful individuals do not face confidence crises, may I suggest that you think, again ...
We all need support from each other, and when support joins hands with insight, we tend to enjoy each other's company in the winner's circle, quite often.
If adult mental acuity is powered by self trust then the inner strengths of a child are most often bolstered by the level of self confidence achieved by role models, whose footsteps the young tend to follow unless those footsteps feel too lofty to step up into. Bottom line, just as adults must create their sense of safety from within, so must a child. However, a child's sense of self empowerment is so vulnerably malleable as to look to adults for tools that shape high self esteem ...
If you tend to think successful individuals do not face confidence crises, may I suggest that you think, again ...
We all need support from each other, and when support joins hands with insight, we tend to enjoy each other's company in the winner's circle, quite often.
If adult mental acuity is powered by self trust then the inner strengths of a child are most often bolstered by the level of self confidence achieved by role models, whose footsteps the young tend to follow unless those footsteps feel too lofty to step up into. Bottom line, just as adults must create their sense of safety from within, so must a child. However, a child's sense of self empowerment is so vulnerably malleable as to look to adults for tools that shape high self esteem ...
Children communicate emotion felt at their core, naturally, openly, honestly, until they watch adults fling pretense around so breezily that monkey-see-monkey-do follows role models into mazes where, eventually, honest emotion is no longer bared ... Once in this maze, raw emotion is feared, anesthetized, cloaked and denied. Classically, burying raw emotion deep within the subconscious tends to become a rule of thumb unless adult role models open doors, welcoming young minds to experience an emotional environment where genuine feeling is safely exposed and discussed. When adult role models suggest that fear is accepted as natural, discussions, concerning the reality of fear, are handled so honestly and effectively that no brain space is left over for youthful think tanks to mistake pretense as 'truth'.
If asked how I know this is true, I'd reply, it's plain to see that trains of thought, driven by insight, create loving safety nets, which invite young spirits to embrace leaps of faith while questing toward each next level of personal success. As success layers upon success, a well balanced mind tends to accept each new challenge with positive focus intact—and as a result of immersing one's sense of safety within an environment made up of positive focus, solid emotional support and step-by-step plans, inner conflict, concerning faith in oneself, gives way to a sense of wholeness where minds are self empowered and spirits thrive.
Over several days, my daughter, son-in-law, wife and I discussed a disturbing change in my grandson's attitude. Following our discussion, I spent some time mulling over this situation. Later that week, my grandson and I took a break from the large, family dinner table, where our extended family had gathered to celebrate my daughter's birthday.
My buddy and I sauntered over to the couch near the TV, where we sat, side by side, watching the final inning of the Rockies game. After a bit, I shared a story with him about my first little league tryout when I was a full year and a half older then him—how I missed every ball hit to me—how I tried another little league after my try out at my local park district league had gone so badly. I told him how I'd struck out ten times in a row and only swung twice during that game. As I loved baseball, I explained that I had to figure it out from there—from the bottom—not the top. Suddenly, my grandson was hugging me so hard and looking up into my eyes so intently that I had a hard time holding it together.
As one of our favorite topics is sports, my grandson, asking if I’d had fears as a hitter, felt safe enough in my presence to open up with this concern: His team often depends upon him when they're in a pinch. We had a special talk about how every player, especially good hitters, has that fear... of striking out, letting teammates down. I let him know that fear is natural, so it's just a matter of coping with it ... whether your talent is in dancing, acting, basketball, baseball, surgeons opening people, lawyers securing justice in court, singers reaching high notes on stage .... yes, Papa experiences fear, and though it took a while, I figured it out how to control it ... and so will you.
Papa , what's faith?
Well, it's like confidence..like belief... like I believe in you .. I have faith in you..I have confidence in you ...
Ok, I get it ... you have faith in me.
Yes, I do... you have a strong mind. I know you can figure it out.
Pappa, I have faith in myself too.
Great!! That's what really counts, because you're the only one whose faith in yourself counts more than all the others. It's great to have others who believe in you, but ultimately, you're in control of you.
I get it, pappa ... I need to believe in myself, right?
RIGHT!!!!!
I am not kidding ... this actually happened ... I could not make this stuff up ... what an amazing day ... made me wipe my eyes! He’d been afraid of the fast ball coming at him, but since he felt safe opening up about his fear with me....we were in position to get past fear.
(We all need to get past fear to a safe place inside our minds where self confidence depends upon courage to face each next step on the ladder of success. And that's what separates high self esteem from low ... the ability to muster the courage to grow beyond fear of failing ...)
Fear of older boys pitching too fast ... team relying on stellar player with royal role models ... BBL camp coming up ... Anxiety, hiding inside the mind, causing stress to build until think tank can't help but roll all thoughts together, like rolling jumping beans in peanut butter, where one thought, filled with fear contaminates the next ... therefore best to clean out fear of failure that might get deposited in start of junk drawer before any sense of general stickiness develops, early on :)
Wonder if possibility of disappointing role model Papa, major league player, tied eight year old mind into unusual knots of fear??? If so, who better than pro ball playing Papa to encourage child to unknot and set mind at ease? :)
We are not born with attitudes; attitudes, modeled by adults, are absorbed into the cells of a child’s Neo cortex just as languages and accents are patterned after voices and tones heard most often at home. It’s important to remember that, in addition to personal experience, the sponge-like nature of children’s minds absorb positive, negative, courageous and fearful attitudes from every role modeling adult in the family. That fact, coupled with our own experiences, shape the most unique aspects of an individual's personality :)
If life is likened to a game to be won, inning by inning, then once a child grows to be an adult, insight suggests that we choose our teammates with care :)
No comments:
Post a Comment