Wednesday, June 19, 2013

729 WOW! INNER CONVICTION VS OUTSIDE VALIDATION


Wow!  Just had an insight into lessening frustration by discerning whether I'm conversing with an open or closed mind set.  When it comes to mind sets, we all have them, you know.

If I can more quickly surmise which mind set I'm engaged with (open to new ideas or closed, as in afraid to 'quest' toward deeper truths, which question the validity of conventional belief systems set in stone) the communication's instructor in me can more readily decide how much energy to invest in my attempt to redirect two minds toward positively focused change, which may benefit both.  Suddenly, I'm sensing that today's train of thought may deepen my understanding of the serenity prayer:  Give me the strength to change what I can, accept what I can't and learn to discern the difference between the two ...

In light of this morning's insight into minimizing my frustration, it's plain to see my mistake in seeing myself as the leader/fixer within my extended family.  Suddenly, clarity points to the fact that my belief was too far reaching.

Upon deeper reflection into my role with extended family, I must admit that certain loved ones have never paid mind to what I had to say unless I was in full agreement with their opinions, because all they've ever wanted from me was to validate their stance during disagreements with others.  Bottom line, these loved ones conversed respectfully with me only when my opinion proved 'on their side'.

If taking sides is what matters most then logic, representing both sides, can't penetrate a mind dominated by an autocratic attitude, such as this:  It's my way or the highway, so you're with me or against me—end of discussion—start of fight.

As this  morning's train of thought picks up steam, it's clear that minds, driven by autocratic attitudes, need followers, who respond like sheep.  Therefore anyone who has acquired a wealth of knowledge in the area of family communications proves a serious threat to an autocratic regime—operating undercover.

Hmmmm—why didn't anyone explain the serenity prayer to me in greater depth when I was young???????  I mean, seriously!  How much must we learn the hard way through mind sweat and heavy hearted tears?  In truth, each of us faces the same lessons, which repeat in hopes that the day will dawn when a closed mind may actually quest, read, self educate or at least open to listening when knowledge and experience espouse reconsidering attitudes, based in outmoded beliefs, in hopes that whatever time is left to live of life feels great, through and through.  Bottom line, existential beliefs, mindful of each individual's unique needs, contradict conventional belief systems, which maintain control over the masses by threatening fear-based instincts with excommunication if we don't stick mindlessly with the herd ...

In truth, no one can motivate a narrow mind set to expand if the closed nature of this adult think tank has not absorbed the benefits of operating on the premise of 'all for one and one for all'.  The M.O. of a 'my way or highway' mind proves so subconsciously insecure as to unwittingly adhere to an attitude of 'all-for-me-and-me-for-me, no room for your needs, too'.  Holy cow—have I been barking up the wrong trees!  No wonder why certain people have no clue as to why I reset my emotional compass to focus on neutrality when problems, issues and conflicts arise.  No wonder why the minds of certain people cannot be led to resolve conflicts by way of processing through positively focused, logical, step by step plans.  I mean, the more insecure the ego, the more fight, flee, freeze—or falsely fawning—the response.

The more needy the ego, the less clue this person has concerning benefits derived, all around, from embracing attitudes driven by trains of thought leading toward win-win.  Tis self empowering to know that each time blatant insecurity blasts its horn at me, that is a signal for me to consciously step back, quietly contemplate my choices, and reconsider that which may be the wisest way to redirect my own path.  Look at it this way:  If needy person's unchanging attitude has been pushing my buttons for years, it may make sense to walk seek the nearest exit door and see what awaits on the other side of getting no place that feels good fast.

Today's insight into deeper truth, concerning marching to my own drummer, reminds me that the fixer/leader/communication's instructor in me can't lead the needy out of dark mazes of their own making.  And the classic nature of that insight proves especially true, because I've tired of knocking myself out, working to encourage a mind—habitually operating within a comfort zone, too shallow, narrow and darkly shadowed to see glimmers of light filtering in at the end of a tunnel that seemingly reaches into forever.

Rather than exhausting my mind and spirit of energy, while unsuccessfully encouraging a fearful mind to understand our common need to absorb problem solving tools, I'll remember that a needy mindset focuses, most often, on outside validation—meaning—you agree with me or—I don't believe you love me.

Gosh—look at the many gifts that one insight, leading to the next, offers up once we learn to dip into meditating quietly in hopes that our sixth sense may redirect our paths away from conventional decisions, based in the ego's need of outside validation.

If many conventional decisions are based in one's need for outside validation, then thank goodness I've grown accustomed to following my own drummer, most especially during these last twenty years of my life.  I mean, if validation is to be meaningful, then conviction, in terms of self esteem, must have sound reason to strengthen from within.  Guess this points to the fact that we can be birds of a feather with one flock at a younger stage of life until personal growth redirects one's path to fly with open mind sets, later on.

Upon reflection, I'm glad to say that my sixth sense smiled at my youngest son's decision to leave law behind in favor of riding off to Hollywood at a time when most others deemed him out of his mind.  Somehow, my sixth sense 'felt' that his decision was perfectly sane for—him.  And since reality suggests that his spirit is thriving while his mind engages with other writers, penning a hit show, now in its third season, evidently, my sixth sense was clearly in line with his own.  Bottom line, he and I sensed (as did his brothers) that his decision was on target despite the absence of outside validation from most others who feared the fact that hollywood eats most people alive.  On the other hand, the fact we three, who knew this young man so well as to be mindful of which path seemed to be his best fit, offered all of the outside validation necessary to encourage youth to follow a path that brightened his spirit.  In his words:  Being in the top 10% of my class does not mean law school is a good fit.  If I have the will to succeed at doing that which I do not want to do, imagine what I can do with a goal when my mind is fueled with positive passion!  So okay, those were not my son's exact words, but that's the gist of what his act of courage conveyed, and over these past thirteen years, this young man's sixth sense (i.e. high degree of self trust) has continued to prove on target :)

Somehow, when seen in this light, much of that which felt complex about life is simplifying for me—seemingly—overnight for this reason:  My mind has developed sound reason to engage much less often with my herding need for outside validation.  And as one insight leads to the next, this change, in terms of no longer seeing myself as family 'fixer', has actually been in the works for at least twenty years.

Though I am suddenly aware of not ever having been insightful leader/fixer to certain loved ones, I have been a knowledgable, sensitive, conscious role model, encouraging all three sons to develop a host of personal strengths, allowing each one to choose life paths of their own making ... And though they may not yet have lived enough of life's experiences to comprehend certain needs that prove vital to their mother's well being, it's important that I discern my needs for myself in the same way that my sixth sense continues to offer emotional support to each of them.

Think I had any clue that all of this was about to pour out of the depths of my mind upon awakening at 5 am?  No way!  Last night, I fell into a fitful sleep with no clue that my mind was stirring round and round, working on it's own to illuminate a train of insights as profound as the each one that empowers my mind shift away from needing outside validation in favor of freeing my spirit to set a higher value on inner conviction.  And somehow, I believe that this shift in my attitude will empower your friend, Annie, to continue to strengthen her decision-making skills as life moves forward :)


As this morning's train of insights suggests the wisdom of discerning which mind set we're conversing with, open or closed, perhaps you'll choose to join me in not investing so much energy as to knock ourselves out for too little gained as an end result.  And having expressed so much of my think tank into today's post, my mind turns to wondering what you might like to say in reply—comment box still hungry :)

As for right now, my sweet young friend, Cath, who'd lived across the cup-du-sac from our house when my sons were growing up, is coming to 'play' today, as she did when she was five :)  Though we love each other as well, today, as when Cath was a child, we'd lost touch for many years.  Recently, happily, we found each other, again, and with her one year old, Abby, on her hip, Cath's been coming to play with her older friend, Annie, again—so that that which had once delighted two, has expanded to delight three :)

Last night in readiness to offer a sense of freedom to a one year old's exploratory mind, our sculptures were placed for safe keeping in our bath tubs, allowing Kari to relax while Abby enjoys the run of the house—win/win/win :)

This afternoon, I have an appointment with EMDR therapist to encourage blocked memories to dislodge from junk drawer ... and the more I focus on emptying my junk drawer, leaving others to muster the humility and courage to examine their own—or not—the healthier my mind is—the freer my spirit feels—the lighter my heart—the brighter, each new day :)

I've also begun to look forward to exercising in water, each morning—something I shoulda/coulda done, years ago—however, readiness is everything, so rather than looking back and berating myself, I'll end today's post by sending you a warm and cheery smile while my spirit looks forward to every healthy aspect of life that my mind has consciously planned in hopes of enjoying, today 

Oh—did I think to mention dinner plans, tonight, with dear friends? :) :) :)

I'm having a hard time ending this post, knowing how much there is to say about youth giving way to enjoying one's golden years, which tend to sneak up awfully fast, and as that insight pulls today's train of thought into the station, at last, here is one last insight to muse upon, for now:  Is it not best to alert your mind set to stop spinning dark circles of emotional complexity around your life in favor of seeking insight into highlighting ways in which positive focus simplifies complexity so that, hopefully, your herding instinct will not cajole the 'uniqueness inherent within your depths' to sleep walk through the rest of your life?  No  Baaaaa hum bug for me ... :)

The sun is bright, the sky is blue, the grapefruit on Dad's memorial tree have grown from the size of peas to limes to oranges, painted green ... and once green ripens to yellow, this sweet and juicy fruit will delight my palate as much as watching my sons, who've grown into loving, accomplished men, continues to entertain my mind.  And just as each generation gives way to the next in the same way that this present crop of grapefruit will mature and be enjoyed—all will begin, again—and again—because—that, my friends, is the circle of life—of which you and I and each of our loved ones—who are meant to walk paths that differ greatly from our own—prove an active, integral part :)

PS  Want to know why this background is so white?
Your guess is as good as mine :)

No comments:

Post a Comment