Time and again, SELF PROTECTIVENESS has reason to develop. Time and again, Self protectiveness is the underlying reason why loving relationships grow complex, over time. And though that's true in good times as well as bad, it's especially true in the aftermath of tragedy when fearful attitudes plague the mind with inner conflicts, which gnaw at inner peace. *As inner conflict interferes with the development of self trust, here's what tends to develop instead: Subconscious hot spots of insecurity, which may go undetected for decades on end
*Once I'd acquired this subconscious trait of self doubt, fearful attitudes caused me to grow over-cautious, without any clue that my mind had absorbed self defeating traits, which would not serve me well. And thus, in lieu of self awareness, I'll have no clue of this fact: *Any experience that remotely rattles the latent memory of a deeply buried fear may cause anxiety to erupt. *Once anxiety erupts, my defensive attitude may weaken the fabric of deeply valued friendships, romances, or professional relationships until I muster the courage to trust myself, more deeply, as time goes on.
Each time a subconscious 'memory' of pain takes a bite out of my sense of inner peace, you'll watch anxiety power up. *As anxiety derails a straightforward track of mind, you'll watch clarity fog up and openness lean toward secretiveness. And thus will the trustful comfort of conversations wain. *In lieu of self-trust, anxiety heightens; vicious cycles pick up steam, and many aspects of life, which had once felt clearly secure, fog up and barrel down hill.
If you ask why that scenario is as true, today, as when the bard had lived and breathed to ink his quill, here is what I'd say: There's bad news and good news.
Let's get the bad news out of the way, first: *As long as both sides of human nature exist, every generation will face classic, universal and thus, timeless dilemmas ... *When traits, such as openness and trustfulness wain, emotional intimacy does the same. *Once a frightened mind escapes from pain by seeking refuge in Denialand, self-trust has no chance to mature. *If latent insecurities, carried over from childhood, remain raw, then one negative train of thought leads to another until negative attitudes fog up the logical thought processing center in our minds.
*If, over time, denial blocks one mind (or both) from acknowledging everything that's barreled down hill, it's impossible to engage in discussions, where honesty clears misperceptions and sparks of tension from the air. *Eventually, distrust heightens frustration on both sides; two defensive walls are raised; separate camps develop, and masks and shields hide how painfully spirits are drooping on both sides. *If misperceptions continue to pile up and if neither wall is dismantled, all may lose sight of working, together, to take positive steps toward narrowing the gap, which widens if left on its own.
*Once I'd acquired this subconscious trait of self doubt, fearful attitudes caused me to grow over-cautious, without any clue that my mind had absorbed self defeating traits, which would not serve me well. And thus, in lieu of self awareness, I'll have no clue of this fact: *Any experience that remotely rattles the latent memory of a deeply buried fear may cause anxiety to erupt. *Once anxiety erupts, my defensive attitude may weaken the fabric of deeply valued friendships, romances, or professional relationships until I muster the courage to trust myself, more deeply, as time goes on.
Each time a subconscious 'memory' of pain takes a bite out of my sense of inner peace, you'll watch anxiety power up. *As anxiety derails a straightforward track of mind, you'll watch clarity fog up and openness lean toward secretiveness. And thus will the trustful comfort of conversations wain. *In lieu of self-trust, anxiety heightens; vicious cycles pick up steam, and many aspects of life, which had once felt clearly secure, fog up and barrel down hill.
If you ask why that scenario is as true, today, as when the bard had lived and breathed to ink his quill, here is what I'd say: There's bad news and good news.
Let's get the bad news out of the way, first: *As long as both sides of human nature exist, every generation will face classic, universal and thus, timeless dilemmas ... *When traits, such as openness and trustfulness wain, emotional intimacy does the same. *Once a frightened mind escapes from pain by seeking refuge in Denialand, self-trust has no chance to mature. *If latent insecurities, carried over from childhood, remain raw, then one negative train of thought leads to another until negative attitudes fog up the logical thought processing center in our minds.
*If, over time, denial blocks one mind (or both) from acknowledging everything that's barreled down hill, it's impossible to engage in discussions, where honesty clears misperceptions and sparks of tension from the air. *Eventually, distrust heightens frustration on both sides; two defensive walls are raised; separate camps develop, and masks and shields hide how painfully spirits are drooping on both sides. *If misperceptions continue to pile up and if neither wall is dismantled, all may lose sight of working, together, to take positive steps toward narrowing the gap, which widens if left on its own.
When misperceptions go undetected, a variety of unresolved issues may seem to fuse into one, and hopes of resolving conflicts may become a lost cause. At this point, two loving minds may have soaked in so much emotional chaos that neither partner can tell which end is up or ‘who’s on first’.
*As frustration builds behind both walls, fuses shorten, and erupting fireworks, which are bound to blow off steam, do not present a pretty sight for any to behold.
As to the good news: With insight into defense mechanisms, which build walls around our insecurities, we come to see why trust and mutual respect must feel nourished if love is to deepen, flourish and burst into full bloom. With self awareness, dark attitudes stop drilling holes into logic; half full cups, which had sprung leaks, refill, and once insecurity stops pricking each other's balloons, we grow wiser in terms of celebrating each other's steps toward personal growth, day by day.
A relationship is like the climate in the Midwest, which grows better or worse, but doth not stay the same, very long. *This post expresses my belief that a union made in heaven can transform into everyone's worst possible nightmare, one step at a time—if—trust stumbles and tumbles down hill—with no one growing the wiser as to how depth in self awareness may save the day. *I've also come to see why positive focus plus patience, on the part of one mind, may begin to turn vicious cycles around, over time.
When asked why I work faithfully to turn insecure cycles around, my answer is simple: The good health of my family is worth the work. *In fact, being instrumental in catalyzing a rebirth of harmonic family life is the most crucial work I've undertaken, as of yet.
*As trust must continue breathing life into love, there are dark days ahead for two people who remain unaware of the fact that insecurity causes us to drop each other’s hands. As the dropping of hands leads to rolling toward the edge of the bed, a space opens for the devil to whisper of greener grass, beckoning from the other side of the fence.
With insight into defense mechanisms, which build walls of denial around insecurities, we come to see why trust and mutual respect strengthen the interconnectedness of two hearts and minds. *Once we work to readjust negative attitudes, life lightens up; clarity fills in a story's holes; misperceptions clear up; cups overflow and generosity of spirit blows up each other's balloons! How do I know this to be true? Patience, my friend—once we turn off the heartbreak faucet, heartwarming stories will begin to pour forth.
*As instinct led me to study, teach and absorb family dynamics for several decades, I’ve come to believe that self doubt, which heightens anxiety, may be the culprit that erodes loving relationships, more often than we know. *Since no one escapes childhood emotionally unscathed, shadows of self-doubt may be the ornery critters that darken perceptions into misperceptions.
*To our great misfortune, misperceptions distort the innocent intentions of loved ones in the same way that a fun house mirror alters the reflected image of each person, who stands before it. *In short, that which we see through eyes of fear may distort the truth of another's vulnerabilities and strengths. If you ask why we see certain people as 'better' than they are, while we 'see' others in a darker light ... well the complexity inherent in that answer will simplify, story by story. On the other hand, here's a simplified answer that I can offer up, today:
When asked why I work faithfully to turn insecure cycles around, my answer is simple: The good health of my family is worth the work. *In fact, being instrumental in catalyzing a rebirth of harmonic family life is the most crucial work I've undertaken, as of yet.
*As trust must continue breathing life into love, there are dark days ahead for two people who remain unaware of the fact that insecurity causes us to drop each other’s hands. As the dropping of hands leads to rolling toward the edge of the bed, a space opens for the devil to whisper of greener grass, beckoning from the other side of the fence.
With insight into defense mechanisms, which build walls of denial around insecurities, we come to see why trust and mutual respect strengthen the interconnectedness of two hearts and minds. *Once we work to readjust negative attitudes, life lightens up; clarity fills in a story's holes; misperceptions clear up; cups overflow and generosity of spirit blows up each other's balloons! How do I know this to be true? Patience, my friend—once we turn off the heartbreak faucet, heartwarming stories will begin to pour forth.
*As instinct led me to study, teach and absorb family dynamics for several decades, I’ve come to believe that self doubt, which heightens anxiety, may be the culprit that erodes loving relationships, more often than we know. *Since no one escapes childhood emotionally unscathed, shadows of self-doubt may be the ornery critters that darken perceptions into misperceptions.
*To our great misfortune, misperceptions distort the innocent intentions of loved ones in the same way that a fun house mirror alters the reflected image of each person, who stands before it. *In short, that which we see through eyes of fear may distort the truth of another's vulnerabilities and strengths. If you ask why we see certain people as 'better' than they are, while we 'see' others in a darker light ... well the complexity inherent in that answer will simplify, story by story. On the other hand, here's a simplified answer that I can offer up, today:
*We tend to white wash the traits of certain people while painting the traits of others in a darker hue because—love is blind. When love blinds us to clarity, we dismiss painful realities by moving into Denialand, where personal growth gets stuck inside a ton of baggage. And we mistake narrowness for loyalty.
*Those of us who come down too hard on our own vulnerabilities tend to 'put down' the vulnerabilities of others, as well. *In short, if you expect too much of yourself, you'll expect too much of others, and if we expect too much of another, disappointment is sure to follow. Once you learn to give yourself room to grow, that's when you'll 'do un to others ...' (and not before!)
If you wonder what this post has to do with traits acquired by two siblings, whose first five years of life had differed dramatically ... let's see what took place, right after my baby sister, Janet, died ... and then we'll witness environmental changes, which took place after my baby sister, Lauren was born ...
PS I've tired of highlighting certain insights to resemble light sabers, which empower our minds to ignite positive change. In order to nip my growing sense of frustration in the bud, I've chosen to simplify this process, by starring those insights, instead. *Lots of stars within a post points to the fact that I've readied my mind to re-experience a terrifying time, with less fear, due to absorbing insights more deeply than before ... J
*Those of us who come down too hard on our own vulnerabilities tend to 'put down' the vulnerabilities of others, as well. *In short, if you expect too much of yourself, you'll expect too much of others, and if we expect too much of another, disappointment is sure to follow. Once you learn to give yourself room to grow, that's when you'll 'do un to others ...' (and not before!)
If you wonder what this post has to do with traits acquired by two siblings, whose first five years of life had differed dramatically ... let's see what took place, right after my baby sister, Janet, died ... and then we'll witness environmental changes, which took place after my baby sister, Lauren was born ...
PS I've tired of highlighting certain insights to resemble light sabers, which empower our minds to ignite positive change. In order to nip my growing sense of frustration in the bud, I've chosen to simplify this process, by starring those insights, instead. *Lots of stars within a post points to the fact that I've readied my mind to re-experience a terrifying time, with less fear, due to absorbing insights more deeply than before ... J
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