As the mind of a child absorbs mixed messages, the subconscious and conscious sides of an inexperienced brain may cross-wire. As fear creates sparks of static electricity, which weave in and out of our thought processing patterns, common sense suggests that in the aftermath of a family tragedy, each child may develop channels of thought, which are cross wired, differently. (Picture a channel of thought as a tobbagon chute. Imagine hot spots of fear causing the shute to break up, tossing a train of thought (the tobbagon) into the air, where it flies out of control, and as the people inside uncouple, each lands, wounded, where none had thought to go. In this way does a family, which had harmonized well, unexpectedly explode, unless someone detects cracks in need of repair in time to warn unsuspecting passengers to choose a diferent channel of thought in hopes, that by avoiding injury, flexible bonds of family life may be enjoyed at times when a mixed bag of change tosses a curve, and cracks appear, where none seemed to exist, before. )
Perhaps we'll imagine a family in pain as a team of seasoned players, who collectively find themselves in a slump. Perhaps this team of injured players needs to retrain their minds to keep their eyes on the ball if, at the end of the season, each hopes to sport a champion's ring in the game of WIN-WIN.
In truth, trains of thought, which produce a solid streak of wins, are so rare that no child escapes any stage of normal development unscathed. When a championship caliber team falls into a slump, someone must develop the foresight to formulate a game plan, knowing that strategic plays may save valuable players from incurring grevious injuries, which would further weaken the team as a whole. Then, when the game heats up and stakes are high, each player must think more strategically than ever before. In short, if an experienced coach hopes to inspire everyone to harmonize and have a good time, he or she might take everyone tobogganing. However, someone needs to check the chute for cracks before gathering the entire team into a toboggan, right before the big game. In order to be prepared on game day, a team of champions needs a tried and true, but flexible plan when on the field and off. As to players who have incurred injuries, serious enough to have been benched, well—
*Common sense suggests that emotional static, which weaves through the thought patterns of a child, innocent of tragedy, may cause different insecurities than those which plague a sibling, who’d experienced devastating consequences, following trauma, which remains unresolved. As some injuries go deeper than others, it's important to build flexibility into your game plan when two teams come together on game day. Bottom line: *No matter how our experiences differ, nothing restrains both sides from achieving heartfelt goals as much as personal injury, which causes insecurities to erupt. *When subconscious fears go unrecognized, unconscious insecurities limit each person's potential for straightforward growth.
*Though it's likely that I'd felt jealous when Janet had dethroned me, I may feel quite differently about sharing the spotlight when Lauren is lifted out of her crib after awakening from nap after nap, day after day. *Situations, which are taken for granted in one home, may be reason for relief in another. One day, those last two *insights will prove crucial to my spirit's survival. Upon reflection—
Perhaps we'll imagine a family in pain as a team of seasoned players, who collectively find themselves in a slump. Perhaps this team of injured players needs to retrain their minds to keep their eyes on the ball if, at the end of the season, each hopes to sport a champion's ring in the game of WIN-WIN.
In truth, trains of thought, which produce a solid streak of wins, are so rare that no child escapes any stage of normal development unscathed. When a championship caliber team falls into a slump, someone must develop the foresight to formulate a game plan, knowing that strategic plays may save valuable players from incurring grevious injuries, which would further weaken the team as a whole. Then, when the game heats up and stakes are high, each player must think more strategically than ever before. In short, if an experienced coach hopes to inspire everyone to harmonize and have a good time, he or she might take everyone tobogganing. However, someone needs to check the chute for cracks before gathering the entire team into a toboggan, right before the big game. In order to be prepared on game day, a team of champions needs a tried and true, but flexible plan when on the field and off. As to players who have incurred injuries, serious enough to have been benched, well—
*Common sense suggests that emotional static, which weaves through the thought patterns of a child, innocent of tragedy, may cause different insecurities than those which plague a sibling, who’d experienced devastating consequences, following trauma, which remains unresolved. As some injuries go deeper than others, it's important to build flexibility into your game plan when two teams come together on game day. Bottom line: *No matter how our experiences differ, nothing restrains both sides from achieving heartfelt goals as much as personal injury, which causes insecurities to erupt. *When subconscious fears go unrecognized, unconscious insecurities limit each person's potential for straightforward growth.
*Though it's likely that I'd felt jealous when Janet had dethroned me, I may feel quite differently about sharing the spotlight when Lauren is lifted out of her crib after awakening from nap after nap, day after day. *Situations, which are taken for granted in one home, may be reason for relief in another. One day, those last two *insights will prove crucial to my spirit's survival. Upon reflection—
I'll go to any length not to revisit my parents’ mental torment and anguished despair. In fact from now on, I'll do anything to sidestep a frown.
Raise an eyebrow in my direction, watch my strong spirited mind spontaneously capitulate, heel and do your bidding. Jump? How high? Now—watch me jump higher than suggested. Whenever frustration burns a hole inside my mind, my adopted attitude of compliance simply opens the door to Denialand, where any hint of resentment is swallowed with a smile. *For decades, no one will be more in the dark about what I actually feel, deep inside, than me.
*Inner conflict is a stealthy little critter that pays little mind to satisfying a pleaser's basic needs. All I can feel is my adopted need to please. As to my little voice, which pokes at me, I ignore it, constantly. However, there is one visible clue, which showcases the repressed state of my distress: the infernal itch, which compels me to rake my skin raw. Whenever I make a mistake, fear lashes me to the stake, and humiliation burns up all sense of logic.
Death was not explained to young children, back then. And had my parents tried, what could they have said to help a three-year old mind comprehend that which medical science could not yet fathom? If even the rabbi's reasoning had seemed lame, then perhaps, it makes sense to embrace denial as a crutch to assuage the painful crush of undeserved guilt—but for how long? Once again—what might I feel guilty of? *Personally, I'll reside in Denialand until wounds, festering deep within the pockets of my subconscious, have reason to emerge—every bit as raw as before.
Today, as I explore inner conflicts and bare my vulnerabilities to myself, as well as to the world, I watch myself working, patiently, to dismantle my defensive walls without experiencing an emotional melt down. (Been there, done that—twice!) *Each time my conscious mind becomes aware of another subconscious fear, self awareness catalyzes that fear to fade in direct proportion to my reconnection to strengths at my core. Strengths which had failed to develop when I was a child. As you can imagine, experiencing inner strengths maturing and flying free of unresolved fear feels great! Seriously—what feels as peacefully liberating as strength winning over an internal war?
When the death of a beloved child remains an unsolved mystery, a terrified parent may adopt a set of precautionary routines to 'insure' that such a fearsome tragedy will not repeat. And that makes me ask: As fearsome trains of thought imprint into a parent's patterns, which of those patterns might a keenly observant, monkey-see-monkey-do, four-year old caboose, unconsciously mimic while skipping along in her mommy's footsteps, from dawn to dusk, day after day? How many of our parents' fears do little monkey faces unknowingly adopt? What if one child adopts the fears of one parent, while another child adopts the vulnerabilities of the other parent? What might cause that to happen? How dissimilar might the traits of these siblings appear, on the surface, if no one thinks to discover fears, which fog up the mind's eye of each child? Why do we so often hear: Live and let live. Appearances are often deceiving. *What misperceptions may occur when few comprehend that growth in self awareness is catalyzing changes, which must take place if vulnerabilities are to undergo the process of developing into strengths, at long last?
Each time a major change takes center stage in the life of a family, one story winds down and the next chapter in an on-going saga begins ... So, let's see what happens when a falling star gets lost in the dark, lands in the soup and hooks up with a team of synchronized swimmers, who've had reason to adopt the attitude of safety first—above all else ...
Raise an eyebrow in my direction, watch my strong spirited mind spontaneously capitulate, heel and do your bidding. Jump? How high? Now—watch me jump higher than suggested. Whenever frustration burns a hole inside my mind, my adopted attitude of compliance simply opens the door to Denialand, where any hint of resentment is swallowed with a smile. *For decades, no one will be more in the dark about what I actually feel, deep inside, than me.
*Inner conflict is a stealthy little critter that pays little mind to satisfying a pleaser's basic needs. All I can feel is my adopted need to please. As to my little voice, which pokes at me, I ignore it, constantly. However, there is one visible clue, which showcases the repressed state of my distress: the infernal itch, which compels me to rake my skin raw. Whenever I make a mistake, fear lashes me to the stake, and humiliation burns up all sense of logic.
Death was not explained to young children, back then. And had my parents tried, what could they have said to help a three-year old mind comprehend that which medical science could not yet fathom? If even the rabbi's reasoning had seemed lame, then perhaps, it makes sense to embrace denial as a crutch to assuage the painful crush of undeserved guilt—but for how long? Once again—what might I feel guilty of? *Personally, I'll reside in Denialand until wounds, festering deep within the pockets of my subconscious, have reason to emerge—every bit as raw as before.
Today, as I explore inner conflicts and bare my vulnerabilities to myself, as well as to the world, I watch myself working, patiently, to dismantle my defensive walls without experiencing an emotional melt down. (Been there, done that—twice!) *Each time my conscious mind becomes aware of another subconscious fear, self awareness catalyzes that fear to fade in direct proportion to my reconnection to strengths at my core. Strengths which had failed to develop when I was a child. As you can imagine, experiencing inner strengths maturing and flying free of unresolved fear feels great! Seriously—what feels as peacefully liberating as strength winning over an internal war?
When the death of a beloved child remains an unsolved mystery, a terrified parent may adopt a set of precautionary routines to 'insure' that such a fearsome tragedy will not repeat. And that makes me ask: As fearsome trains of thought imprint into a parent's patterns, which of those patterns might a keenly observant, monkey-see-monkey-do, four-year old caboose, unconsciously mimic while skipping along in her mommy's footsteps, from dawn to dusk, day after day? How many of our parents' fears do little monkey faces unknowingly adopt? What if one child adopts the fears of one parent, while another child adopts the vulnerabilities of the other parent? What might cause that to happen? How dissimilar might the traits of these siblings appear, on the surface, if no one thinks to discover fears, which fog up the mind's eye of each child? Why do we so often hear: Live and let live. Appearances are often deceiving. *What misperceptions may occur when few comprehend that growth in self awareness is catalyzing changes, which must take place if vulnerabilities are to undergo the process of developing into strengths, at long last?
Each time a major change takes center stage in the life of a family, one story winds down and the next chapter in an on-going saga begins ... So, let's see what happens when a falling star gets lost in the dark, lands in the soup and hooks up with a team of synchronized swimmers, who've had reason to adopt the attitude of safety first—above all else ...
No comments:
Post a Comment