Though it's true that children learn by mimicking their parents, we commonly soak in attitudes, reactions, behaviors, as well as the beliefs of others, at every stage of life. It’s also common for people of all ages to adopt a sense of responsibility for that which none but Fate is at fault. On the other hand, defensive walls deny accountability, as well. As dichotomy is known to confound the most centered of minds, it's unwise to believe that life will ease up as we move from one stage to the next. Work at putting one puzzle together, watch another clatter to the floor.
Once Annie fails to differentiate between her parents’ pain and her own, the depth of her empathy may hold her responsible for resuscitating their smiles—as well as the smiles of countless others—from the age of three, on. Ultimately, Annie's defense system may build such a tall, strong wall of denial against the depth of her distress that no one will be more deceived by the brightness of her ever-ready smile than—she. Thus, no one will ask anything of Annie as difficult as the tasks she'll demand of herself.
Though Annie will make problem-solving 'look' easy, lots will take place beneath the surface of conscious awareness. Annie will be doing much more than itching to get out of her skin. In addition to playing hopscotch, this child will have reason to dive into the deep.
Though Annie will not be aware of seeking solace by diving into books, she'll grow up to be a voracious reader. Thus the world of books will provide Annie with a retreat from all that she can't fathom about life.
On the other hand, Annie's choice to retreat with book in hand will encourage the reflective nature of her mind to develop. And though Lauren's birth will open the door for family life to laugh with delight, once more, Annie's affinity toward introspective thought will continue to develop. And thank goodness for that, because one day, when her mind is blown away by the deepest maze, ever, introspection will literally save her life.
Though Annie will make problem-solving 'look' easy, lots will take place beneath the surface of conscious awareness. Annie will be doing much more than itching to get out of her skin. In addition to playing hopscotch, this child will have reason to dive into the deep.
Though Annie will not be aware of seeking solace by diving into books, she'll grow up to be a voracious reader. Thus the world of books will provide Annie with a retreat from all that she can't fathom about life.
On the other hand, Annie's choice to retreat with book in hand will encourage the reflective nature of her mind to develop. And though Lauren's birth will open the door for family life to laugh with delight, once more, Annie's affinity toward introspective thought will continue to develop. And thank goodness for that, because one day, when her mind is blown away by the deepest maze, ever, introspection will literally save her life.
On countless occasions, I’ll sit in front of our home movie screen and watch Little Annie Sunshine smiling—dancing—thumb sucking—playing with Lauren, posing in party dresses, blowing out candles, gliding on roller skates with blue eyes, shining, while two sturdy brunette braids, swing back and forth as I zip merrily along the sidewalk, grinning into the lens of Dad's ever-ready camera. As my high spirited smile is truly as real as my badly scratched and bandaged arms, swinging in rhythm with my strides, my middle name may as well have been Conundrum.
Though it's true that our family cup will runneth over, again, a duet of fears will have merged into a fire breathing, two headed dragon, which will sear my mind with high anxiety much more often than those, who 'know' me well, might think. (Ask me to do something that I really don't want to do and watch me do it, agreeably. Watch me do it conscientiously. Watch me do it well. Watch me succeed. Watch me scratch throughout the day.) *When emotional pain hides its baggage in Denialand, look for mental stress to manifest itself in physical ways. (RR&R)
Ellen DeGeneres said, "Never follow someone else's path unless you're (lost) in the woods ..." The problem, as I see it is this: *So many of us lose our way before we know that any other way exists. In short, we can't be true to ourselves until insight hit, and we realize that the path we've carved has strayed away from the instinct to be honest with oneself. I mean, *how can you be true to yourself if you take yourself at face value without identifying self-defeating traits?
Then if we muster the courage to take an honest look, we're bound to get even more confused? Why? Because we may be so lost in denial as to be blind to traits, which are most in need of change! *For example, when inner conflict has been swallowed at three, emotional complexity gets to feeling as natural as rising with the sun and sleeping with the moon.
Just as people, who swallow tape worms, have no clue that a little viper is messing with digestion, I'd no clue of having absorbed inner conflict, which messes with clarity. If asked, today, how I felt, making my way from one stage of life to the next with a two headed viper, snaking around inside my mind, here is what I'd say: Whenever I made a small mistake, that two-headed, fire-breathing dragon seared me with humiliation—as though Grandma's God might smite me down.
If you’d like me to name this two-headed dragon, I will—in good time. For now, the beast will remain veiled until we reach that chapter in my life when the fangs of both heads pierce my heart, simultaneously. As for now, please be aware of this fact: *Most people are born with the potential and drive to develop a wide variety of personal strengths until Fate steps in, scares us half to death, and defensive walls blind us to where we need to grow, most.
When Mother Nature invested us with a defense system, self protection had been her intention. Growth prevention had not been a part of her original plan. Thank goodness she threw in introspection and creative thought processes, as well! And once more of us learn to clear the static out of our thought processors, we may actually join hands, enlarge our circle and make such good use of all six layers of our neocortex that our trains of thought may heal the ills of the world—day by day, person by person, family by family, neighborhood by neighborhood—one village at a time ...
Then if we muster the courage to take an honest look, we're bound to get even more confused? Why? Because we may be so lost in denial as to be blind to traits, which are most in need of change! *For example, when inner conflict has been swallowed at three, emotional complexity gets to feeling as natural as rising with the sun and sleeping with the moon.
Just as people, who swallow tape worms, have no clue that a little viper is messing with digestion, I'd no clue of having absorbed inner conflict, which messes with clarity. If asked, today, how I felt, making my way from one stage of life to the next with a two headed viper, snaking around inside my mind, here is what I'd say: Whenever I made a small mistake, that two-headed, fire-breathing dragon seared me with humiliation—as though Grandma's God might smite me down.
If you’d like me to name this two-headed dragon, I will—in good time. For now, the beast will remain veiled until we reach that chapter in my life when the fangs of both heads pierce my heart, simultaneously. As for now, please be aware of this fact: *Most people are born with the potential and drive to develop a wide variety of personal strengths until Fate steps in, scares us half to death, and defensive walls blind us to where we need to grow, most.
When Mother Nature invested us with a defense system, self protection had been her intention. Growth prevention had not been a part of her original plan. Thank goodness she threw in introspection and creative thought processes, as well! And once more of us learn to clear the static out of our thought processors, we may actually join hands, enlarge our circle and make such good use of all six layers of our neocortex that our trains of thought may heal the ills of the world—day by day, person by person, family by family, neighborhood by neighborhood—one village at a time ...
As you continue to observe my interactions with others, you’ll witness my inability to differentiate between those times when I’ll feel bitten by someone else (think BULLY FOR ME) and those times when no one had thought to bite me as deeply as I’d unknowingly bitten, myself (think FIRST KISS). As I drove both of those points home while writing the first two stories in my blog, let’s see what develops—inside my mind—during the decade that will pass, between my sister's death and my first kiss ...
... and thus did a glorious fall day in 1946 transpose into the first, dismal night of the dark, dismal, forbidding winter, which lay directly ahead. As to the romantic surprise my father had planned for my mother that evening—well—there’s an old Yiddish saying, which translates into English as—‘Man plans and God laughs’. You see, rather than anticipating a night of romantic high jinks, my parents have a funeral to plan ...
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