This morning I awoke to confront the emergence of
A deep sense of saddness, thankfully devoid of
The pain associated with anguish, and I know
To distinguish between the two, because
Anguish is what I’d endured several weeks after
My father’s sudden death at which time
My protective cover of denial fell away, leaving
My mind, body and spirit writhing in
Emotional pain so raw as to have stripped me bare of
Any defense mechanism devised by
Mother Nature to enable humans to endure
Personal loss too great for the heart to bear ...
Geez, I’d thought, this morning, just when
I’d believed myself feeling better ...
What is this welling-up of sadness about?
Thank goodness, intuitive thought offered up
An answer to today’s riddle, which, being in
Keeping with the role that clarity plays in
Saving the day, has served to keep
My current flood of sadness frustration-free, and
So as I continue to progress through each next step toward
Consciously reconciling with each next latent emergence of
Emotion associated with the release of subconsciously
Repressed and thus unresolved grief, I
Gain insight into this fact: This week’s cloudy
Light-headed sense of denial has been transitioning toward
The emergence of sadness (which runs
Several layers deeper than my reluctance to
Bid adieu to the defense mechanism which had
Hidden my fear of vulnerability behind
My misperceptive assumption that
My Fixer was empowered to solve problems and
Resolve conflicts, which deeper truth has known
All along, were beyond my control) makes sense!
And if you ask why I believe this light-headed
Malaise served to flatten my spirit’s
Joie de vie for more than a week until today’s
Saddness erupted in full force, I’d reply:
Last week, an episode of PTSD usurped control over
My processor, and if you question how I know that to be
Unequivocally true, the power of my conviction would say:
Episodes of PTSD are always triggered by
Current events, and last Sunday, the intuitive detective, who
Mediates between the conscious and subconscious
Portions of my brain, began to detect and assemble
All of the pieces of the puzzle, concerning
The set of recent events that had conspired to be
My undoing, last week, alerting my survival instinct
To cocoon my think tank in solitude, freeing
My power of intuition to do its undercover work, whereby
Each event, falling into its very own slot, saw
My brain reacting more like a kaleidoscope than
The rebalanced, clear headed thought processing machine that
Has become well practiced at gathering and
Assembling facts until THE BIGGER PICTURE
Appears, magically, as though all on its own in 3D, and
As soon as my mind boggling reaction to
This week’s eruptive episode of PTSD made sense
My positively focused attitude was restored, re-igniting
My spirit’s joie de vie, and as a result of
Those changes for the better, internal muscle tension
Released, freeing my heart to pump my body (which
Includes my brain) full of oxygen, creating a sense of
Strong heartedness (rather than light-headedness) that
Recreates my lost sense of well balanced
Wholesomeness, which is beginning to feel
Lighter than air, and just to be truthful, here’s
A second reason as to why I am feeling a lessening of
Heaviness: Each episodic of PTSD, which
Hijacks my connection to logical thought processing
Also hijacks my appetite for fun, laughter and food
Rendering my mind, spirit and body
(Inclusive of my brain) too weakened to
Function with any sense of energized clarity intact ...
And as the nature of this beast flattens
My appetite for life, itself, the extra five pounds that
I’ve been unable to shed since summer has magically
Disappeared into thin air along with my light-headed malaise
And that’s all I feel like clarifying, today
Except to say that the set of current events, which had
Converged, last week, has been mentioned in
Recent posts, suggesting that you can choose to
Do some detective work re-searching details on
Your own, or you can wait to see if
My intuitive voice decides to pipe up and
Pen a post in which each interrelated detail slips into
Its kaleidoscopic slot, whereby THE BIGGER
PICTURE (culminating in the emergence of
This morning’s flood of sadness) will
Assemble itself in 3D for you as it has, today, for me
And BTW, now that intuitive clarity has unwrapped
Its gift of understanding exactly what’s been shifting
Gears inside my head over this past week
I no longer feel the overwhelming sense of sadness which
Had served to draw me toward composing this post, and
Thus do I feel deeply thankful for all I continue to
Learn about myself and my innate potential to
Develop the necessary brain control to minimize
The victimizing distress associated with PTSD during
Each session of EMDR therapy in which
The astute guidance of my therapist offers
My intelligence sound reason to grow ever more
Inquisitive and knowledgeable about (as well as
Patient with) fortifying my faith in
My power of intuition, which seeks out
An emotionally peaceful (safe) environment of solitude in
Order to assume its role as wise old sage, who, acting like
The middleman, communicates freely with
Both my subconscious and conscious mind whenever
Readiness to release another secret, concerning some portion
Of a childhood trauma, insecurity or repressed sorrows is mine
Oh yes, one last riddle to consider for today: I wonder if
You can readily define what differentiates a trauma from a fear?
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