Inner conflict is a mental strain that cracks our peaceful relationship with ourselves in half whenever conscious awareness deny the truth of whatever our innermost self really feels, believes, or fears, catalyzing our egos to erect a defensive wall of denial behind which we place any fact that does not match the self image that our crumbling connection to personal safety has need to see reflecting back from our mirrors, and as long as deeper truth remains subconsciously separated from our brain’s revised perception of reality, we continue to deceive ourselves in hopes of regaining the lost sense of inner peace that deceit of oneself cannot possibly restore, and as one deceit leads to another, a negatively charged, vicious cycle picks up steam, which is why we so often hear ourselves (and others) proclaim: I am my own worse enemy, referencing the fact that inner peace will remain beyond one’s reach, and your processor and mine will feel like gerbils running on a wheels until your life’s path and mine turn a corner where blindfolds and ear plugs dissolve so as to free our minds to seek the key to unlocking, releasing and naturally embracing deeper truths so as to banishing our defense system’s alternate realities from messing with our processors’ healthy connection to mental clarity, once and for all. And as this intuitive train of thought, which has composed the whole of today’s post, clarifies my inner quest to conjoin my inner life and outer life as wholly reunited, at long last, perhaps the key to maintaining my fleeting peace of mind, concerning will continue to open doors in my wall of denial, gifting me with insights that inspire future growth spurts to face my fears of reality with an eye opening, ever deepening sense of natural flexibility that advancing age and maturity demands, because, quoting Erma Bimbeck: “Old age is not for sissies” and that same truism holds true for retrievable loss of loved ones as well as accepting the reality of one’s mortality.
Throughout these past two weeks, my intuitive powers have been busy spotlighting yesteryear’s negatively charged fears, triggered to sneak out of my subconscious, catalyzing my perception of today’s reality to feel down right creepy, as though evil lurks everywhere, and ever since Thanksgiving, my very existence felt split between two planes of awareness while my anxious processor directed my mental energy inward, so determined was I to name the set of fears, which spliced together, had pierced my spirit as if a lightening bolt from the past had reserected its negatively charged powers to burst through my wall of denial, electrifing my dizzied brain’s sense of inner balance, which is just beginning to straighten itself out, and upon regaining balance, hopefully my exaggerated sense of vulnerability will naturally diminish.
Now that I have a handle on the set of current events, which collided, triggering the eruption of this episode of PTSD (as a fault line shifting the planes of the earth, catalyzing an earthquake to shake up the peaceful existence of everything that had felt securely grounded on the surface of our planet, my self-empowered mental strengths are, once again, in the process of recharging my spirit’s reconnection to positively focused energy💥 And thank goodness that’s true, straight through to my core, because Celina has asked me to catch Ravi up into my warm embrace, freeing her mama to see the urologist, who will, hopefully, withdraw the catheter and astutely diagnose the dysfunction that’s caused Celina to experience many days of physical distress, not to dismiss the anxious upheaval of not knowing what’s wrong..
As to naming the triggers that shot my sense of clarity full of holes, freeing subconscious fears to pour through my wall of denial unnamed, catalyzing a sneak attack against my personal sense of safety, as the lasting effect of PTSD is wont to do, most especially at those times when my vulnerability feels transparent (did I mention that the Thursday before Thanksgiving I’d moved in such an awkward way as to have triggered a painful episode of sciatica, which has subsided as will this episode of PTSD, which like any chronic injury to a portion of the body, tends to flare and repair, because the trifecta of mind, body and spirit are preprogrammed within the womb to pull off that feat, repeatedly, as long as all three remain patiently determined to tolerate the pain associated with healing from within before inner peace returns ... and speaking of peace, feeling at peace with all that remains unknown is why I find it necessary to muster my courage to take leaps of faith each time my power of intuition releases insights that spotlight the emergence of subconscious fears, which left to roam through my conscious mind, overlong, tend to sabotage the good health of my heart, spirit and mind.
PS
I have a very good reason for withholding the triggers that split my sense of personal safety between two planes ... I believe that if I so much as name them, today, my intuitive powers will feel stimulated to search out additional information, deep within, and if there’s anything that my processor does not need if this episode of PTSD is to continue to recede it’s to feel stimulated to muster the courage to dive even deeper into subconscious memory than has felt necessary throughout these mentally exhausting two weeks. So, rather than my mustering mental energy, which feels fully spent, I’ll ask you to muster the patience to await the reduction of my mental state of resistance until an attitude of re-energized readiness offers me the clarity necessary to work toward retrieving deeper truth, peacefully, my friends.
Reminiscent of the deep voice tones of
The King of Rick and roll
I feel like ending today’s post with:
Thank you very much ...
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