Over recent years, the intuitive portion of my brain has sensed my readiness to expose spurts of latent fear, unexpressed grief, and deeply repressed bursts of anger, all of which comprise the trifecta that pushes so heavily against my wall of denial as to produce cracks through which each of those negatively charged emotions tends to seep out of my subconscious while my conscious mind remains disassociated from the actual memories that are directly responsible for releasing the latency of those negatively charged feelings, which rouse my survival instinct to call forth my defense mechanism of dizziness, which separates my mental connection to conscious awareness as soon as any thought of revisiting yesteryear’s terrifying experiences resonates throughout my body as though fainting, dead away, is the only way to save me from confronting deeper truths ramming away at my wall of defensive denial with such a growing sense of persistence as to crash through the flood gates and ride out of my subconscious on flashes of insight regarding traumas past, thereby expanding my awareness of the bigger picture of the woman whose dark side remained secreted from the conscious portion of my mind as well as from the public eye over most of my life until EMDR therapy placed a magical mirror into my hand, which, upon reflecting the shadow life that exists behind the natural sparkle of my smile, offers me glimpses of both sides of my existential personality, each of which has, thus far, emerged from within my brain at different times on separate wave lengths, suggestive of this fact:
Both sides of me, which make up my whole, are still operating independently of one another, meaning they remain in need of synthesizing so that my shadow life can no longer be triggered by current events to suck my brightly lit spirit (which ignites my smile’s genuine glow) into the bottomless depths of yesteryear’s black hole where muddied memories of emotional rapids drown my intellect’s connection to courage in quicksand, again and again ...
So—with today’s insightful spotlight of clarity leading my intuitive way ever more deeply into my brain, it’s no wonder that I’ve recently been feeling such a strong pull toward cocooning my vulnerabilities within a safe haven in hopes of injecting my entire being with peace and quiet while my spirit recovers from a phantom-like fear and my brain’s connection to positively focused courage refuels.
And now that my intuitive voice has come to inform my conscious awareness of need to work at synthesizing both sides of my personality into a better balanced, unified whole, I believe that today’s post, concerning my desire to take a leap of faith toward my next growth spurt, is readying my inner strengths to rise up and tackle my defense system’s pattern of disassociation to the mat, so that I no longer feel so supremely self confident as to feel invincible OR so deathly afraid of evil closing in as to hide in a closet like a three year old child but rather to feel myself developing into a living example of a person, whose chosen path consistently leads toward growth spurts of self improvement, one cautious, ever more deeply aware, step at a time—throughout my life ...
Yesterday, I asked my therapist if my two sides can actually be synthesized so that PTSD will stop crippling my mental connection to personal safety, and you can imagine the size of my sigh of relief upon listening to her reply: With readiness clearly and consciously expressed, the answer is yes!
That led me to ask: Will it take long? Again, relief washed over me, permeating fear with courage, when her response suggested that: Now that you’ve worked to develop the self assertive portion of your voice, which fear had choked back during childhood—this plan should enable your intellect to nip episodes of PTSD in the bud—and once you are healed, through and through, PTSD will trouble you no more ...
Imagine my mind, spirit and body walking out of my therapist's office feeling more self-assured than when I'd walked in.
Imagine my mind busily considering my current connection to clarity working toward blending my personality’s bright and dark sides for real so as to lighten my spirit's heavy sense of weightiness as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the busy thoroughfare where the rest of my life awaits to welcome my fledgling sense of wholeness, which feels eager to embrace each next grow spurt believing in greater gain, less pain than when I’d walked into today’s session of EMDR only an hour before—and isn’t this avowal of working toward synthesizing the bond connecting my sense of courage to self improvement the very thing that my participation in soul-searching therapy to heal my brain of PTSD is all about?
Both sides of me, which make up my whole, are still operating independently of one another, meaning they remain in need of synthesizing so that my shadow life can no longer be triggered by current events to suck my brightly lit spirit (which ignites my smile’s genuine glow) into the bottomless depths of yesteryear’s black hole where muddied memories of emotional rapids drown my intellect’s connection to courage in quicksand, again and again ...
So—with today’s insightful spotlight of clarity leading my intuitive way ever more deeply into my brain, it’s no wonder that I’ve recently been feeling such a strong pull toward cocooning my vulnerabilities within a safe haven in hopes of injecting my entire being with peace and quiet while my spirit recovers from a phantom-like fear and my brain’s connection to positively focused courage refuels.
And now that my intuitive voice has come to inform my conscious awareness of need to work at synthesizing both sides of my personality into a better balanced, unified whole, I believe that today’s post, concerning my desire to take a leap of faith toward my next growth spurt, is readying my inner strengths to rise up and tackle my defense system’s pattern of disassociation to the mat, so that I no longer feel so supremely self confident as to feel invincible OR so deathly afraid of evil closing in as to hide in a closet like a three year old child but rather to feel myself developing into a living example of a person, whose chosen path consistently leads toward growth spurts of self improvement, one cautious, ever more deeply aware, step at a time—throughout my life ...
Yesterday, I asked my therapist if my two sides can actually be synthesized so that PTSD will stop crippling my mental connection to personal safety, and you can imagine the size of my sigh of relief upon listening to her reply: With readiness clearly and consciously expressed, the answer is yes!
That led me to ask: Will it take long? Again, relief washed over me, permeating fear with courage, when her response suggested that: Now that you’ve worked to develop the self assertive portion of your voice, which fear had choked back during childhood—this plan should enable your intellect to nip episodes of PTSD in the bud—and once you are healed, through and through, PTSD will trouble you no more ...
Imagine my mind, spirit and body walking out of my therapist's office feeling more self-assured than when I'd walked in.
Imagine my mind busily considering my current connection to clarity working toward blending my personality’s bright and dark sides for real so as to lighten my spirit's heavy sense of weightiness as I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the busy thoroughfare where the rest of my life awaits to welcome my fledgling sense of wholeness, which feels eager to embrace each next grow spurt believing in greater gain, less pain than when I’d walked into today’s session of EMDR only an hour before—and isn’t this avowal of working toward synthesizing the bond connecting my sense of courage to self improvement the very thing that my participation in soul-searching therapy to heal my brain of PTSD is all about?
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