655 SEEKING KNOWLEDGEABLE ADVICE IN HOPES OF BECOMING A CHILD WHISPER? :)

What would you do if your child was led by a coach or teacher who proved to be a passive aggressive, put down artist?  In four words:
All parents are teachers.
All teachers are coaches.

Would you ask that coach or teacher to choose to influence your child to succeed ways that did not threaten the wholesome development of youth's self esteem?

I was coached by many child whisperers—all authors of books I chose to read. On second thought, I did more than read.  I chose to absorb and put into practice every theory that made sense to me until my think tank had absorbed so many schools of thought that the creative portion of my mind fashioned a theory of my own.  This theory embraced generosity of spirit while injecting swirls of corny humor into natural and logical consequences when requests to end unruly behavior was ignored.  As my long range goal was to raise strong, open minded, independent, responsible, considerate, compassionate, creative adults, no child was hovered over.  No child was coddled or spoiled, even though, from time to time, each one believed the other two had received more attentiveness from me.  And most likely that was true at times when one or another was experiencing a negative situation that caused my brain to zero in more attentively than usual.  Over all, I made it my business to ensure that during classic developmental growth spirts when defiantly independent behavior is to be expected, each felt respected, worthwhile and loved—most especially at those times when need for calm, astute discipline techniques were being meted out by a role model, whose behavior demonstrated that which she expected in return.  Over time, experiments with a wide variety of positive discipline techniques proved that children, raised by adults who are eager to learn to practice good natured, and thus friendly communication, learn to respond with good natured receptivity.  Why?  Simply put:  children parrot.  Monkey see, monkey so.  Apple falls close to tree.  As tree is bent so is the twig.  Children do, not as you say but as you do.  On the other hand, children aquire traits from watching both parents ... And that's the monkey wrench.  My take?  If opposites attract then which of your traits will one child's think tank absorb and mimic vs adopting a spouse's traits, which oppose your own?  More about that in a later post.

My theories prove true, not just with my children.  With thousands of children, raised in homes by droves of parents, who swarmed into my classes.  Each semester, like clockwork, I'd receive this call from the office of the director of the college's parenting program:  Annie, your class closes at 25.  We have many more calling, who are being placed on a waiting list.  Can you take 35?  I'll welcome as many as you decide to allow.  If a mind feels eager to absorb methodology that influences the next generation to problem solve with generosity of spirit in a positive, good humored fashion ... Let me at'em :)

It never mattered if I spoke to a couple, sitting in my living room or 500, filing into an auditorium.  My enthusiastic approach and delivery of original material imparted the same train of thought: learn to embrace five conflict resolving tools, simple enough for a four year old's think tank to absorb, and watch conflicts causing children AND parents to take turns throwing tantrums resolve on the spot.  As success stories proved consistent in home after home, my creative juices remained stoked!  Wow, I'd surmise, if these tools, which conjure up consequences that make sense to adults and children, alike, cause conflicts to disappear into thin air ... just like that, then parents round the world can learn to feel like communication-magicians extraordinaire.  And if the family serves as each child's training ground for adult social interaction then these tools may influence peaceful negotiations amongst nations as never seen before.ways that prove more peaceful

As positive leadership in any field calls for clarity of thought, a child-whisperer coaches parents to identify the subtlety of power struggles that most fail recognize, which is why, in the long run, the concept of win-win can't help but fail.  A child whisperer develops into an experienced coach, whose personal success in the area of creative problem solving, offers time tested suggestions that coach parents to recognize and set power struggling aside in favor of motivating children to WANT to cooperate by conscious choice.  I ‘kid’ you not!  
Learning to differentiate between punishments and consequences is what changes battle fields, where parents and children are opponents, into play fields, where everyone in the family feels and believes he or she is on the same team.

As to original parenting techniques conjured up by my active mind ... though I've blogged a few in a post here or there ... you've not yet met the mother lode who raised three kids to believe that each was second to none.  Stories describing teaching children to get bullies to back down in grammar school, achieving honors in high school while rising to captains of teams, presidents of councils, and asking college and law school deans to please sit down and listen up with mutual respect will flow, by and by.  I mean if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s this:  This mental block to story telling can’t last forever!!!

Clearly, coaching my kids to aim toward short-range goals while learning to balance natural passion with self disciplined patience inspired three pairs of ears to tune into astute guidance, and year after year, each plan that inched toward success proved to be a step by step project.

Over a twenty year period of time, this trio of siblings had been consciouslty coached to comprehend the competitive nature of sibling rivalry, and as understanding served to strengthen their bonds of brotherhood, upon attaining adulthood, their thinking patterns had absorbed the importance of adopting supportive roles that transformed three unique, free thinking teens into all-for-one-and-one-for-all, mutually respecting team mates more often than rivals wrestling each other's vulnerabilities to the mat.

When asked why I believe this year-by-year process met with success, I reply:  Each child is born with innate potential for leadership, and all three had been consciously coached to transform potential into reality by believing in a coach, who’d learned the value of casting aside passive aggressive put downs in favor of setting her sights upon teaching her children to meet life's challenges with positive focus and clarity intact.  There’s a huge difference between guidance that hovers worriedly, pushes and punishes angrily vs learning to coach a team astutely by way of listening patiently and compassionately first.  Then after listening seriously, the coach in our house answered with knowledge, logic and sense of humor intact.  At all ages, we learn best when enveloped within an environment that feels peaceful, respectful and hopeful at best.

Once my mind determines that it’s time for these stories to flow, I believe you’ll absorb my fervent belief that families round the world are in need of a knowledgeable view as to why today's parents and many educators have become utterly confused about what constitutes a loving, astute, clear minded, experienced coach in the game of family life called Win-Win! :)

If asked what inspired me to pen today’s diatribe without stopping to inhale even one breath, here’s what I’d say, plain and simple:
My love of children is permeated with personal conviction based in success :)

So with appreciation for thousands who've participated, wholeheartedly, in my workshops for more than thirty years ... for all of you who jump-started my day in a breathlessly invigorating way by sharing success stories at the start of each two hour class, here I am, tipping my hat while wishing you a titillating good morning from my sick bed ... because having inspired you to achieve as much good humored success with your families as I've enjoyed with mine, I believe the powers of inspiration can travel round the globe ... oh and BTW ...
I’ll soon be well ... how do I know that to be true?

Saw the ENT doc, today ... a very smart, funny guy
Diagnosed bronchitis and sinus infection
While suctioning what seemed like a cup of pea soup out of nostril leading to sinus above left eye, I begged him to leave me a brain cell or two.  He asked what for?  I said, I need at least a couple of them to write my blog.  He pondered for a moment or two before responding simply, okay.  Prescribed a stronger antibiotic and said I’d live to write this post, today!  With great news like that, my spirit did a jig!

Can’t wait to awaken feeling better, tomorrow!
Till then, happy trails to all my dear friends ...
:)  Pale faced Annie—spirit animating—naturally! :)