Tuesday, April 30, 2013

682. MY TAKE ON WHAT TRUST IS NOT

Trust does not mean never bending a rule
Trust does mean learning to know
Who I am more thoroughly, today
Than I had a clue, yesterday

Trust when I say that the more I know of myself
The more truthful I can be with myself
And by growing more courageously truthful with myself about me
I can be more truthful with you

Trust  does not mean never bending a rule
Trust depends upon clarity determining
Which rules are in need of bending
When my spirit feels deprived of thriving

Trust allows me to differentiate between
Societal values and existential leanings
Self trust differentiates between
Upholding sound rules vs. rules bent for sound reason

Trust when I say that stories concerning bending rules
Which allow me to be true to myself
Are yet to come ...
:) Your faithful friend, Annie

Monday, April 29, 2013

681. POTS OF GOLD Part 2





When two people understand the concept of linking longing with freedom, words like 'I miss you' are welcomed without one or the other feeling somehow remiss for letting the other linger in loneliness over long :)

Once we trust that roots and wings interlace, the pure sparkle of love is less apt to dull within misunderstanding's murky maze.  For example, insecurity is easily misread as need for control, and a person who is misread feels 'unknown'.

Left in its unresolved state, one misunderstanding leads to another.  Knowing this to be true, I call upon humility to direct me toward openness in terms of engaging in difficult conversations, which may transform confusion into clarity so that none will be misread; all will feel known, peaceful and connected, again :)

Once clarity is yours and mine, we tend to recognize, more readily, those times when the main root of an unresolved issue has flown into the fray, causing a conflict, which would have been simple to resolve on its own, to grow complex.  Each time the main root of yesterday's unresolved issue is recognized, the depth of my reactiveness relaxes.  With less reactiveness on my part, I can soothe inner turmoil and restore my sense of balance on my own ... In fact each time my agility 'gains' perspective in terms of positive focus, my self confidence heightens and compassion for the other guy deepens.  Resultant of self confidence and compassion, insight streams, naturally, through my mind, leaving less brain space for my junk drawer to fly open.  As insight floods my mind with brightness, insecurity is less apt to darken my perceptions and with clarity, my junk drawer keeps emptying out.  As you can see, taking 'time out' to calm reactiveness down is vital to minds of all ages.  The more practiced my mind is at controlling quick triggered reactiveness, the less often does junk muck up my good fortune, today!  Hurray!  :) :)

After my sons moved away and their wingspans were in full flight, they'd respond to 'I miss you' with a roll of the eyes.  Since my junk drawer did not fly open while interacting with them, this is what I'd say in hopes of maintaining clarity between us:  Whenever you hear I miss you, absorb only my message of love, no pressure to get in touch more often.  From that time on, they absorbed every one of my good natured vibes, because any vibe of undeserved guilt, which they'd heaped upon themselves, had disappeared.  Less undeserved guilt, more open brain space in which to absorb the pureness of heart felt messages, flowing freely, back and forth.

See why I say less insecurity from me equals less pressure on others?  See why it's important to note whether pressure may be self imposed?  Once clarity is shared and misunderstanding evaporates into thin air, the expanse of the sky opens for love and friendship to flow so freely that time and miles seem to fly away when separated from those we love.  When I am here and a loved one is there, this positively focused concept of win-win is anchored across the expanse of the sky by a rainbow with pots of gold on both ends :)

Sunday, April 28, 2013

680. POT OF GOLD Part 1


Just wrapped my head around this train of thought ...
Each time I spend time with someone because I want to
I'm happy as a duck swimming with the current in calm waters
Each time I spend time with someone because I 'have' to
My spirit feels crowded as a salmon, swimming up stream
With that thought in mind
I remind myself not to push others to do my bidding
If someone I miss is unavailable to me
I consider whether a pensive state or busyness
May be the reason for that person's absence
In this way I place worry concerning inconstancy aside :)
Each time I direct my train of thought toward embracing
A positively focused, open minded stance
My junk drawer is less apt to fly open ...
Raining Jack in the box reactions on us both ... when in truth
I have no clue as to why someone I love
Has not reached out to hug me for what feels like
Too long a time
As it's easy to forget that love is at its most trustful
When two people applaud
The breadth of each other's wing spans
I remind myself to be mindful of generosity of spirit
Which suggests that longing and freedom hold hands
If at this time you were to ask me
Annie, when is generosity of spirit thine, I'd reply ...
Generosity of spirit is mine
When I feel confident about my self worth
As soon as self worth tosses latent insecurity out the door
My mind gains space for thoughts
Acknowledging my good fortune in life
And each time my good fortune sinks in
More deeply than ever before
What, I ask, could feel better than
A train of thought that proves as enriching as that!  :)

Saturday, April 27, 2013

679 TRUST IS TRUST AT SEVENTEEN Part 4

At seventeen years of age, Barry and John have enjoyed the bonds of friendship for twelve years.

Barry:
John and I met at the bus stop the first morning of kindergarten, and our moms arranged for us to play after school ... from then on, our friendship was in our own hands.  We have a lot of common interests.  All friends like to have fun together, but when John and I are together, we do the unusual!  We're rarely bored together, because we're always inventing activities, such as recipes, sports games, computer programs, scripts, etc.  After kindergarten we attended different schools, played different sports, had different hobbies, and practiced different religions ... we've not lived in the same neighborhood for years.  Yet, we look forward to being together often.

John:
Definitely!  The two most important bonds in our relationship are trust and creativity!  We don't get together to do the usual ... we use our imaginations.  We allow each other to be individuals, and we feel ... accepted.

Throughout each interview found in the the last four posts, four values surfaced repeatedly.  These values create the common thread, weaving together the formula for creating lasting bonds of friendship ...

FORMULA FOR CREATING LASTING BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP AT EVERY AGE:
Earning each other's trust ... by ...
Listening compassionately
Talking openly, freely, thus more daringly, than to most others
Actively taking part in creating fun


Friday, April 26, 2013

678 TRUST IS TRUST AT FIFTEEN Part 3

TRUST IS TRUST AT FIFTEEN  Part 3

Jill and Steven are fifteen years old.  Their friendship began when they met as neighbors and pre school classmates at the ripe, old age of three. :)

Jill:
Steven is a special person to me.  For twelve years our families have been friends, and we were classmates.  Last year, we went to different schools, but we call each other often and want to be together.  We know each other really well, and we enjoy the same things, like tennis, skiing and hearing about each other's new friendships and new schools.  A good friend is someone you can talk to and trust.

Steven:
I've known Jill longer than any of the other girls, and over the years, we've done so many fun things ... we kind of grew up together.  I'm big on trust, and I know I can trust Jill.  I don't have to feel embarrassed about the way I act when I'm with her.  A close friend is someone you can talk to and tell problems to.  When looking for friendship, a fun attitude, a good sense of humor and reliability are important.  You can be nice to others without being a follower ... a good friend does not try to push you around but allows you to act the way you really are.

Hmmm ... a good friend does not try to push you around ...

Food for thought ...
At every age, we're more apt to learn from friends than foe ...

Thursday, April 25, 2013

677 GUESS WHAT HAPPENED!

Guess what happened?
Went to Disneyland ...
Wrote several posts before hand
Saved them in drafts
Planned to print them from iPad, day by day
I planned ... God laughed ...
Guess what happened?
iPad stolen
Too busy vacationing to find a computer
And log into my blog
Made the best of positive focus and ...
Guess what happened?
Had great time with my son
Heart so happy
Felt like luckiest person ever
Flew home, today
Guess what happened?
Luggage turnstile emptied out ...
Except for one bag that
Went round and round
Looked like mine
But was not
Filled out forms
Positive focus thinning out ...
Till just now ...
Guess what happened?
Phone rang
Guess who?
Person who took my bag by mistake
Bag coming home, momentarily
Positive focus rejuvenating, spontaneously
Posts in drafts begin popping out in the morning ...
Happy heart smiling widely
Enough with the whining ...
Time for wine!
Your friend, Annie

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

676. TRUST IS TRUST AT THIRTEEN Part 2

TRUST AND THE LASTING BLENDSHIP OF FRIENDSHIP Part 2

Rachel and Dina have shared a lasting friendship over their lifetime
At aged thirteen this what they wrote:

Dina:
Rachel is a close friend, because I can trust her.  If I have a problem and I need to talk, she'll listen.  I know, when I'm with Rachel, no matter what I do, she won't laugh at me.

Rachel:
I can be myself with Dina, because I trust her.  We like to do a lot of the same things.  We both like to go to the mall; we share clothes, and we love to talk on the phone!  If Dina has a problem, I listen even if I can't solve it.  I let her know I care.

Food for thought ...
Do you ever wonder how compassionately parents listen and respond to their kids concerns, rather than brushing them off or telling them to buck up?

I wonder how many parents have learned how to coach children, step by step, toward solving their own problems, rather than stepping in to solve problems for them or dismissing the problems of youth as fleeting when, truthfully, these problems tend to be more classic and lasting than awareness knows ...

Monday, April 22, 2013

675 TRUST FORMS THE 'BLENDSHIP' OF DAVID'S AND AIDAN'S LASTING FRIENDSHIP :) Part 1


RIDDLE:
What is sought by all
Acquired by some
Elusive to many?

The quest for lasting friendship

RIDDLE:
What is the main key to lasting friendship?

Trust


In order to satisfy the human emotional need 'to belong' individuals of all ages seek to form warm and lasting relationships within their peer groups and beyond.

Characterizing the bonds of close friendships may be likened to interlocking pieces of a puzzle:  As one piece compliments another, the right combination unites to form a whole.

Eight young people, who consider themselves fortunate partners in this 
'right' combination, eagerly shared insightful perceptions concerning their personal 'formula for friendship', which endures through thick and thin.  These interviews were published in several parenting magazines over the years.  Let's sample what David and Aidan chose to say, first.

David and Aidan are nine years old.  They are in agreement concerning their mutual desire to be together—pretty much from birth :)

Aidan:
"We've been friends for a long time
David is a close friend
Close friends are nicer to each other and don't fight a lot
When we fight, we make up
We share and help each other
And sometimes we celebrate holidays, together
If someone wants to make friends
He should be nice and helpful and play with the other person a lot

David:
Aidan and I like each other a lot
We have a lot in common
We both like soccer, baseball, skiing, TV, toys and movies
A close friend is someone who cares for you
And feels differently about you than about other people
He is nice to you a lot
And he doesn't act like a hotshot

It seems to me that common sense suggests adults might be wise
To take a 'lesson' in forming bonds of trust
From this pair of nine year olds
And with thoughts of
Out of the mouths of babes ringing in your ears
I'll leave you to ponder upon the ways in which
A role model might best choose to develop
Trusting friendships
With those you love who share your home :)

Sunday, April 21, 2013

674 Part 2 for real ... DAVID AND AIDAN PRACTICE THREE STEP PLAN AND SWIM! :)

So let's see, where were we ... oh yes ... now that I've calmed down both tykes, I turn to four year old Aidan and begin to explain my family's three step problem solving plan:

Whenever our family needs to solve a problem we use a three step plan.

Since we all rely on this plan, no one needs to get too mad.
If for some reason (exhaustion, hunger, brewing illness) someone can't calm down fast enough to think, listen and talk calmly, we remind each other to take time out.  When everyone's ready, here is what we say out loud:
I'm ready to solve problems, now.
When everyone's ready, we make good use of the plan.
Do you understand all of that?

As Aidan knows all about time out, his head shakes up and down.

Next, I turn toward David to ask if he's calm enough to help me explain the plan to his friend.  As David nods, yes, I switch back to Aidan.


Aidan, here's how our problem solving plan works—pretty much every time:


As soon as a fight heats up, I stop what I'm doing, walk in and ask:  Do you need help solving a problem or will it just go away?  Though sometimes a problem seems to disappear as soon as I walk in, usually, the children need my help, so I stay and say:  Okay, let's use the plan.


At this point the teacher in me asks Aidan:
Is it okay if David helps me explain the plan to you?
Feeling respected, calm and curious, Aidan nods, yes.

I respond with a smile and a thank you before turning to David, who looks eager to help his friend understand what went wrong:



Step one: state the problem


David, you look like you have a problem; can you tell me what it is?
Yes I can ...
Aidan took off his clothes in the family room, and now we can't go swimming.

Turning back to Aidan, I explain:  When a problem pops up that means a rule has been broken:


Step two: state the rule


David, can you please tell Aidan our family rule?
Yes I can ...
Our rule says clothes cannot be thrown all over our house.

Now that the ball's rolling, it's time to alternate asking the boys questions:

Aidan, are you beginning to understand that David got mad when a rule was broken?


Aidan, still sniffling but looking to be agreeable, offers a confused, little nod ...

While offering a tissue to Aidan, I ask David ...

Do you know why Aidan got mad at you?

Now David looks perplexed, so I smile and explain to my youngest son:
Our family rule is not Aidan's family's rule.

Though David still looks perplexed, he says, Oh.


At this point, it seems wise to focus solely on teaching the plan, so I direct David back to the main topic by asking if he can explain why our family can't swim when clothes are strewn all over the place ...


Yes I can.  Looking at Aidan, David says, Mommy gets mad when we leave clothes all over the house.  We can't swim till Mommy's happy, again.

Aidan, do you understand that?

Since Aidan has a pool and a mom, who gets angry about the same problem, a bright awareness breaks through dark clouds of confusion, and this little guy's nod is not confused at all :)

David, can you tell Aidan what consequence takes place when this rule is broken?


Yes I can ...
Step three:  State the consequence
When clothes are thrown around, no one swims till clothes are put back on and taken off in the right place.

Mommy, beaming, looks proud of David.

She can't wait to grab a notecard and jot this down to relate to her class!
David, smiling in return, looks mighty proud of himself; self esteem is high!
Aidan looks confused, again.

Though Aidan's mind now holds several pieces of the puzzle, the whole picture has not yet come together for him.  However his four year old mind feels eager to understand the bigger picture for this reason:  A knowledgable, experienced leader has skillfully aligned all three attitudes along such a positive path that every ear is focused toward cooperative learning while teaching is taking place ... Woo hoo!  :) 

Intuitively 
encouraged by past success, this  self-disciplined parent, teacher, role modeling leader, moves forward:

Aidan, here's why we need to use this plan:

We go swimming several times a day.
I've been teaching everyone to take off their clothes in their bedrooms and put on the same clothes after swimming.  As no one listened deeply enough to remember my request, I got tired of being ignored.  Being ignored is a problem for me.  Each time our family has a problem to solve, we use this three step plan, so everyone knows what the consequence will be—next time.  Eventually, everyone who plays at our house solves problems by using our plan.

Now Mommy turns to David:  Can you tell Aidan what happens when clothes are left all over?


Yes I can.  When clothes are left all over, whoever breaks the rule pays the consequence that matches that rule.

David, can you tell Aidan more?

Yes, I can.
No one can swim until everyone follows the rule.

Much to Annie's delight, she is discovering that four year olds absorb problem-solving savvy while watching everyone in the family putting tools to good use.  For example, David's use of the word 'consequence' feels natural to him.

Annie's also devised a way to turn peer pressure into a positive tool, meaning that her children rarely gang up against authority, resentfully. Instead of pulling in their ears rebelliously, they've learned to listen openly to hear what's about to take place, next.  In this way does an attitude of one for all and all for one win the day, more readily, year by year :)

As the full wattage of her smile beams at her youngest son, we can picture Annie saying:  David, can you tell Aidan why you think he needs to put his clothes back on before we can swim?

Yes I can.

If we do something wrong then we need to do it over, and get it right.

As a teacher of other people's children, I'd decided to employ this technique while teaching my children at home.  You know the drill:  Misspell words on spelling tests, write each one five times.  Get a math problem wrong, do that 'problem' over for the next day.  
Take off your clothes in the wrong place, put them back on, take off, again, in right place.  As this method of logical problem-solving offers solutions at a level that proves basic enough for most ages to comprehend, awareness shines forth as Aidan's eyes light up! :)

If asked why my kids did not stamp their feet and refuse to pay logical consequences, I'd say, think about it:  Positively focused discipline techniques inspire minds of all ages toward sidestepping power struggles, which ensue when tension abounds.  As logical problem solving does not depend upon a show of force, issues do not escalate, so resistance is minimized.  Rather than dangling punishment above small heads, young minds tend toward absorbing problem solving skills, which set the entire group's focus upon seeking viable solutions.  Having paid a consequence once, every child understood that they could no longer pick up clothes and carry them to their rooms, because we'd been there, tried that, didn't work, too easy to forget, again and again.  In short, bright minds 'got' the logic of correcting mistakes on the spot :)

As I'd wanted problems resolved, once and for all, I conjured up logical consequences that small fry would not want to pay more than once—meaning that the result of misbehavior stuck in their minds without feeling punitive.  And when it came to small fry changing behavior after paying a creative consequence once—well, as you shall see in stories down the road—this simple three step sanity saving problem solving plan met with success most of the time :)

In my experience, astute leadership does not depend upon genius but rather generosity of spirit whipped together with dollops of creativity.  Since children's minds drip with creativity—a by product of imagination—you may want to dust off your imagination while musing over stories describing solutions, combining positively focused attitudes with creativity and logic :)

Anyhow, now that David is calm and Aidan no longer fears his best bud crazy, I take a moment to offer the boys this short explanation of family rules vs. house rules:


Family rules fit our family to a tee.

For example, bedtimes depend upon age.

House rules go for everyone, including those who come to play.
Example?  No jumping on the couch.

Turning to David, I explain:  Placing clothes in bedrooms is a family rule, so Aidan does not need to put his clothes back on, today, because he is a guest.

Though this makes sense to me, David thunders up.

That's not fair!  That's not fair!
After all, a four year old can only take so much logic in one day.  :)

While calming David, I think quietly and say to self:

Hmmm—my first thought's not always my best thought.
Now that the boys have just turned four, Aidan plays here a lot.
And since it's summer, they'll swim more than once, every day.
So, turning to Aidan I express these thoughts aloud and ask if he'll make life easy for all of us by following family rules when he comes to play.

Feeling well respected, Aidan agrees.  And as cooperatively as you please, he stands up, slips his tee over his head, pulls up his shorts, runs to David's room, drops his duds on the floor next to his best bud's ... and smiling winningly, we three scamper off to dive into the cool blue of our sun heated pool :)

Hurray for yet another success story on the home front! :)
This story has been related in classes for over thirty years.

From that day on when heated conflicts arose between the boys, I'd encourage David (after asking if time out is necessary to calm him down) to explain to Aidan how the three step plan worked in each particular case.


As to Aidan, upon settling down, he'd listen cooperatively, even avidly, because pretty soon, he'd decided that being accepted as the fourth brother in the Shapp family felt swell.

For more than three decades, this mutually respecting friendship, thriving on trust, has seen two tykes remain pretty much indivisible, not only during pre school, grammar school, high school and after school as team mates in sport after sport but every weekend from Friday till Sunday—through thick and thin.  Upon attending colleges on both coasts, their friendship flew through cyberspace across the miles, and when David, feeling deeply honored to be Aidan's best man, got choked up while attempting to make his heartfelt toast, so did the groom.  And when both men stood, hugging, tears flowing freely, before an audience of 200, the bride saved the day with:  Wow!  Can you believe these guys!

All in all, if there's one thing these two learned about lasting friendship it is this:  Though friendship is at first based in fun, the main bonds of lasting friendship go by the name of mutual respect and self trust—and it can't hurt to wear a Speedo under a tux, because it's a known fact that most hotels have pools :)

Oft times hands are raised as a class participant says:  Annie, I don't have time to offer explanations like this, and anyway, my kids wouldn't sit still long enough to listen.  At that, I smile and respond:  
Of course you have time, and here's why I have faith in your kids learning to listen up, same as mine:

Number one:  We teach only when all is calm on both sides.

Number two:  Time spent explaining this plan replaces time spent yelling—thus participating in tantrums that go on too long  :)

Number three:  Each plan is simple, so your explanations will be much shorter than mine, because yours will flow from step one to step two to step three ... whereas my explanations weave instructions into story lines :)

Generally, people get it :)

These plans are simplified into three steps for these reasons:
No one has patience to think of more than three steps when we're mad.
The first step presents itself:  No problem, no need for plan.
Plan pops up after problem :)
First words are always:  We have a problem
Second words are always:  What rule was broken?
Third words are always:  What is the consequence?

No unpleasant surprises because every mind is on the same page
Honestly, problems disappear into thin air:
I remember when one of my teens said:
God Mom!  We have more rules than anyone I know!
My ready response?
What do you think I do?
Lie on couch while you're in school, thinking up new rules to hit you with when you get home?
New rules don't appear until a new problem proves repetitive
That means you hold the magic wand ...
Want a rule to disappear ... make the problem disappear
The magic is in your hands :)
Though my son walked away scratching his head
Our conversation made so much sense to us both
That once again, we were on the same page :)

Believe this voice of experience:  It takes much less time and energy to teach a three step plan to a child than wasting everyone's time engaging in a lifetime of power struggles that worsen throughout the day and exacerbate, growing ever more subtle, over the years.


Yes, my friends, Annie had yelled before opening her mind to experimenting with what proves to be, for thousands of families, a much more creative, humane and logical approach to motivating the development of self discipline, all around :)

When embracing logical plans, common sense suggests we face this simple fact of life:  Even picnics are in need of a three step plan—Food/drink ... when ... and where.  And there's always a need to factor in unexpected changes in climate :)

By and by, stories will continue to pop up in posts where logic, inherent in each three step plan, shows you why raising my boisterous family felt like a picnic with few ants to spoil the feast enjoyed by us all :)

Once again, prim and proper does not equate with self disciplined.  One story, sure to appear, describes the spontaneous nature of a free-for-all food fight that broke out one Thanksgiving amongst the adults while the only child in attendance—that being my three year old, great nephew—who, looking deeply perplexed, sat perched upon a kitchen counter next to his mom, until he implored, blue eyes wide with wonder,  Uh oh!  No one's going to throw food at me ... right????

Guess what I'm trying to say while wrapping up for today is this:
For the most part, right up till today, each of us decides when to tame our wild things and when to let them spring into action ... and on those occasions when one or another or everyone feels too frustrated to remain cool and calm, a second simple plan comes into play to save the day.  Name of this plan?
THE LINE OF CONTOL :)

PS  I've been writing children's stories in hopes of teaching these plans to parents and tots, all at once.  If you're interested in learning more about these whimsical picture books, comment box always hungry :)

Saturday, April 20, 2013

673. SHAME SHAME :)

Oh!
I was bad!
Very bad!
Very bad, indeed!
When?
Last night ...
Invited to restaurant opening party
Chosen to sample wares
So staff could straighten kinks
Before welcoming paying public
As this is the newest link in a chain I really like
My appetite sat down, good and ready to enjoy
My favorite drink in the whole wide world ...
Aptly named the Paradise Margarita :)
As each had been gifted
A free drink, free appetizer, free entry, free dessert ...
What could be bad about that?
Nothing except for this ...
Our order got screwed up
So what?
Isn't that what this trial run was all about?
Sure!
And hadn't I thoroughly enjoyed my favorite drink, gratis?
Of course!
And ... after an hour's wait
Didn't the GM apologize profusely
While offering to replenish our spirits, all around?
You bet!
So where did I go wrong?
Was I ungracious?
Of course not!
What I did wrong was this ...
Upon being offered a second trip to paradise, gratis ...
I accepted, as gracious as you please ... while ignoring
Jiminy Cricket, jumping up and down on my shoulder
Who kept imploring ... Annie—
What are thinking???  Get a grip!!!
You know what'll happen if you drink more than one!
However, just like Pinocchio
Who wanted to prove himself
Brave, truthful and unselfish
So he could transform from a little wooden head
Into a real boy ...
Here's where my wooden headed problem lies:
After one trip to paradise
My Neo cortex autonomically switches to off ...
Leaving my brain vulnerable to
My wild thing freely making decisions
That make no sense, at all!
In fact, while laughing and washing down chips
With Paradise #2
The spirit of Socrates hovered right next to Jiminy
And upon hearing the sage whisper 'know thyself'
Into my ear ...
Memory actually nudged whatever was left of logic
Suggesting I'd pay the piper
Before the night was through ...
And as some tiny corner of my mind
Realized that, generally, memory serves me right ...
I downed most of #2 ... but not all
Unfortunately,  whatever little had been left
Was not enough to save me
From paying consequences
Which is why you'll not see me repeat this folly
More than once in a great while ...
You see, the fact that I prove to be
A cheap drunk, consistently
Keeps me on target
Concerning my being a one-drink-kind of gal
And that's most especially true
When slipping into Paradise
Because this frozen concoction of
Tequila and Grand Mariner
Proves more than enough
For a person to handle
Who's as petite as me
Sigh ...
Never made it to my bed
Dead asleep on living room couch till 3AM
At which time I awoke
With a pincushion for a head
As to my tummy ... I'll not paint any pictures
Describing turbulence created by
Too much salsa, chips and ... booze
God almighty ... this was so unlike me!!!!
Anywho ... in the aftermath
Of a rock n'rollin' night
Followed by a blurry-eyed morning
I'm feeling well enough, this afternoon
To tattle tale on myself
But not well enough
To write part two of the story promised, yesterday
Bottom line, I can choose to write it poorly
Or begging your patience, yet again
I'll choose to write well when feeling swell :)
As patience is one of many virtues
We all need to practice
And as I do my best to write well ...
I'm sure there's no question
Which choice wins hands down over the other
BTW if you're wondering whether
I'm taking the hair shirt out of the trash
Here's why that shalt not be ...
I've been learning to treat myself
With the same gentle, loving care
That I offer to friends and family when they err
And thus, having openly admitted to shame on me
You'll not see me stick my head into the stocks
Instead, I'm about to take good care of myself
By downing a tall glass of water
In hopes of flushing out my aching blood stream
And now, having apologized for not writing part 2 as planned ...
That, my friends, is all I have to say for today :)
Oh my gosh!  I almost forgot to tell you something great!
Guess what I found upon opening stats, this afternoon?
I found that my blog received more hits
During this month of April than during any month
That's come before ...
And as we still have ten days to go
Before this month rolls into the next
I'd like to take this time to suggest
That I'd not have been able to break every record
In terms of my blog being hit
Without your growing support
So with a great big, smiling thank you to all of you
Who continue to show interest in
Trains of thought that chug ahead
Until strings of insight spotlight
Dark spots inside my mind
Which, upon brightening
Deepen my sense of inner peace ...
Today's post is, now, finis :) :) :)


Friday, April 19, 2013

672 Part 2 'BESTEST' FRIENDS USE THREE STEP PLAN AND SWIM IN POOL :)

Part 2 coming up ... :)
Uhhhh ... wait ... hold the presses ...
Reminiscing over a story from the past can take hours to write
I've not had hours to write for quite a few days
Upon awakening, this morning
A smile spread across my face
As I thought—finally—
Today I'll enjoy writing part two!
Next thing I knew ...
Today disappeared
As friends are coming by at 6:15
That leaves me asking ...
How'd it get to be 6 PM???
Well—here's how that came to be:
Other priorities overshadowed my original plan
So, here's what I've decided to do ...
I'll reprint part one below
With this hope in mind:
Part 2 will show up on your screen, next
And thus, instead of asking you
To traipse back through recent posts
Part 1 will lead straight into Part 2 ...
On the other hand
It's wise to remember
That we have no clue
What surprise the future may hold
So let's hope my plan goes as planned :)

PART 1

I never promised you a rose garden
I did promise you a story about a four year old's use of a simple three step sanity saving problem solving plan created by yours truly ... which was inadvertently deleted by yours truly ... so, ready or not, here it comes—take two:

It is summer

It is summer in the desert
It is true that summer in the desert is hot as blazes
It is true that blazing hot in the summer in the desert
Is so hot that the bottoms of pink little feet
Can't walk on concrete without screeching of burning alive!
That's why cool deck surrounds the cool waters
Of the diving pool beckoning to a pair of four year olds
More than once a day, every day!
But isn't desert heat dry?
Yup—dry as exhaust fumes emanating
From engine vents of super jets
Yup—dry as placing one's head in oven
Turned to broil
Air temp rises higher than 110 degrees in the shade
Water temp of pool climbs above 90 ... No lie!
Meaning pool is hotter than most choose to shower
To give you some idea of excruciating nature of blazing hot summer
Sidewalk so hot as to burn ten pink little piggies
Attached to bottoms of every pair of bare feet, regardless of age
Even dogs walked on leashes have been known to wear shoes
And that's the truth!
Hungry?
Crack egg on sidewalk
Wait 30 seconds
Sit down with plastic fork in hand
Woof down fried egg
Toss shells to fertilize grass
Recycle fork
No prep time
No clean up
No fuss no muss
Makes it easy to be 'green'
At four years of age
David and Aidan, who've recently returned from preschool
Entertain a strong hankering to release pent up energy
By diving off diving board into deep end
Followed by splashing around crystal clear pool
Being tots, this pair of inseparable munchkins
Has not yet practiced patience tolerating tension
Which tends to build, instinctively, thus naturally
When their needs conflict with anyone else's ...
Including mine
As these two active little guys need to splash away
Energy, constrained ever since recess on the play ground
It stands to reason that
David, who feels most at home in his own house
Is about to clamor to Mom that it's time to swim!
Oh yes, one vital fact before scene setting est finis ...
These four year old tots
Are already accomplished swimmers for this reason:
Each is the youngest in a family
Where every child swims competitively on the same team
And as hours are spent practicing with teammates, every day
Common sense suggests that this is one Mom
Who has chosen to replace tykes' super hero Underoos
With Speedo swim suits ...
One bought for each day in the week
Thus, every child, caped or not
Is swim ready from dawn—
When practice takes place—
Past dusk, when swimmers—on-your-mark, get-set-ready—Bang!
Dive into pools at swim meets across the expanse of the city
In truth, this pair of four year olds
Whom you're sure to enjoy upon meeting
Has been competing for an entire year!
And you can believe me when I say
That watching their valiant attempts
At remaining in their own lanes
While competing in the butterfly stroke is a treat, indeed
In the past—before my children absorbed
Three step problem solving plans
Into their fertile minds —
Here is what would happen as soon as
Mommy exclaimed, Let's swim:
Clothes automatically fell to the floor ...
Here, there everywhere
This did not make me happy for two reasons:
After swimming in our backyard pool
Kids forgot to put on same clothes, again
Instead, clean clothes were pulled out of drawers
Leaving me staring at
Piles of unnecessary 'laundry' scattered
In whichever room each child had been in when
The call to swim sounded, loud and clear
And in addition to tons of unnecessary laundry
Piling up, here, there, everywhere ... every day
Here's what really made my mind swirl
Like a hornet, ready to strike ...
No matter how kindly and patiently
I'd requested clothing be removed in one place
The children, eager for energy-releasing activity
Ignored my oft spoken suggestion, soooo ...
Lack of respect for my needs rankled my nerves
You see, in addition to taking care of my family
I was one busy lady, indeed ...
Teaching, writing articles, sitting on boards, volunteering
Not to mention a thousand and one thankless tasks
That kept everyone's life running
Like a well organized business in which leadership
Strives to maintain the pinnacle of success, day after day
Knowing that family life, like business life
Must run like a well oiled machine
It was not unusual for tune ups to take place in our home
And thus, whenever lessons in self discipline
Proved necessary in our family
My active brain whipped up a plan
Not just any old plan ...
Not just the same old, same old punitive plan
But rather a super duper
Three step sanity saving plan
That works like clockwork—
Much more often than not—even, today
And here is why that's true:
Everyone who grew up in our home
Became accustomed
To one three step plan or another
Consistently coming into play
Whenever a repetitive problem
Simply would not go away ...
Over the years, these plans rooted
So deeply into our brains
It's likely we're unaware of
Their emergence in time of need, today
And I believe it is this statement of habitual consistency
That clarifies the main reason as to why
Problem solving 'seems' to come easy
To every person, whose sense of security
Continued to feel cradled within our family ...
As soon as today's story gets underway
You shall see every mind, including mine
Working mindfully to absorb a conscious respect for
Positively focused solution seeking skills
Therefore, everyone of us is actively developing
A positively focused
One-for-all-all-for-one cooperative attitude, which
Encourages the development of group mentality where
Each mind opens up, listens up and takes leaps of faith
Similar to the leap of faith I'm asking of you, today
And so, in hopes that you and I are ready
To land at the very spot
Where today's story, which had been inadvertently deleted (drats!)
Is ready to roll—here we go ... :)

While I am in the kitchen juggling umpteen who-knows-what, four year old David and his bestest friend in the whole wide world, Aidan, are bouncing off the walls in our family room, so eager are they to splash off suppressed energy after preschool.


Mommy!  We want to go swimming!

Mommy!  We want to go swimming!
Mommmmy—We want to go swimming!

This is the refrain parents hear, every day in the desert, where the summer, being hot as blazes, means playing indoors until the adult in charge feels free to accompany small folk, swimmers or not, poolside.


Most often, that refrain is answered by this one: In a minute, Sweetie, we'll swim as soon as I'm finished doing a million and one things that keep family life spinning like a well balanced top.


I am whistling as I work.

David and Aidan are bouncing away.
For a short spell, all is well.

Mommy!  We want to go swimming—Nowwww!

Upon recognizing good natured excitement about to spin straight toward a tot's quick triggered impatience, I respond with leadership's good natured voice ...


I'll be done in a jiff—time to slip out of your clothes :)


With that, David makes a beeline for his bedroom.

Aidan's clothes seem to drop, automatically, to the floor where he stands.

As David scampers back into the family room, storm clouds blow in ...


Pointing the finger of judge and jury at his best bud, David exclaims, Hey!  You can't do that!  You need to put your clothes back on, right now!


At this, Aidan looks puzzled, But, we're going swimming!


Not till you put your clothes back on!


But we take our clothes off to go swimming.  We put them on when we're done!


As soon as I'm aware of Aidan crying while David's voice of authority thunders up, I drop my task and glide toward two power struggling little guys', one of whom has just cause to feel confused.


At four years old, David has yet to master tension rising during conflict, so he stands with one hand on hip while pointer on other hand resembles a gun, aiming at the very heart of his deeply perplexed, best friend.  Having no clue that the threatening nature of his stance catalyzes Aidan's fearful reaction, David's voice of authority reigns supreme.  As to Aidan, his four year old brain is spinning out of control as if his best bud had just commanded him to walk stark naked into school!


As I know myself to have grown to be a role modeling voice of reason, a sense of inner calm bends my ear toward listening to both sides with compassion in hopes of nipping this storm in the bud before wailing cries on both sides blow utterly out of control.  And having encircled anger and fear within the warmth of my embrace, leadership soothingly suggests that the boys take turns explaining the nature of the blustering gale, which created such a hair trigger change in the emotional climate as to have spun two warm and sunny, free spirits into a pair of frosty popsicles on sticks.


First off, I turn my focus toward brightening dark clouds of anger in hopes of diffusing mind-swirling tension which makes Aidan's animal instinct quake with fear.  Then, assuming the role of knowledgable peace maker, I ask David, who is blustering about, to take a deep breath before revealing why he's too angry to respond calmly.

Aidan won't put his clothes back on!  No one can swim till he does!


At this my eyes shine, while my mind stifles the laugh bubbling up in my throat.  Wow!  I think silently.  He gets it!  He really gets it!


Okay, I say, smiling brightly, I understand.

With this, David's defense system, feeling heard, spontaneously releases coils of tension and calms down—meaning half the tension is gone.

So far so good :)

Having calmed crackling tension, which creates warring opponents of buddies, the voice of reason turns to Aidan, who, though still crying quietly is no longer blubbering, because this little guy, whose intelligent mind feels exceptionally confused, is also calming down for two reasons ...


One: It's easier to feel confused than put down ...

And two: Now that the tension is halved, Aidan's defense system feels less threatened, so his thought processor, though still confused, is up and running, again, meaning that curiosity has been jogged.  Once curiosity is aroused, Aidan's sixth sense wants to understand the bigger picture, which seems to have clarified for the other two—therefore, this bright child's listening skills engage automatically with whatever is being said.

So, okay ... that's enough for today.  Why?  Well, first of all, I've offered enough food for thought for one day.  Secondly, I'm about to be late for a doctor's appointment.  And thirdly, I'm happy, again.  Why?  Because take-two of this story is flowing out of my mind, differently than the first version but just as satisfyingly to the story teller in me.  You see, 
when it comes to storytelling, I can either tell it well or put my listeners to sleep.  :)

As I prefer to stimulate your minds to think rather than snore, I'll leave you with this last thought, chugging along an oft traveled track:


What's done is done.

We can't go back.
We can only go forward with postive focus intact, hoping ...
To learn how to tune up our minds
In order not to repeat past mistakes
And as it's time to tune up my body ...
Clickity clack ... please stay tuned for part two ...
Your cornball friend,
:) Annie