Rather than being a journey (which sounds seriously grim and dull, I’ve always considered my life to be a mysterious adventure, most of it offering the wonder of discovery, which though universal in nature proved highly personal whenever a natural growth spurt enticed me, with bated breath, to muster the courage to feed my curiosity by opening a door behind which beckoned a host of experiences, most of which ignited my enthusiasm to leap into the center of whatever inspired my spirit to participate wholeheartedly in a new relationship or activity.
As the paragraph above illuminates the natural spark of positive focus that has always guided my life to go forth with a greater sense of ‘I can do this’ rather than ‘Uh oh—this feels too hard or scary for me to handle—which would have stimulated my survival instinct to kick in so that I’d react to fear by fighting, fleeing or freezing my emotions, which otherwise might explode beyond my control.
This past week, one of my oncologists predicted that two additional nodules within my chest cavity will develop into tumors that will attack the healthy cells within my body. So—who wants to hear a prediction like that the very same week that a cancerous tumor was removed at waist level in the back?
This week, I’ll have a Nater blood draw at home. This DNA blood test is a tumor marker in that it indicates whether microscopic cancer cells have migrated into my blood.
This past week has seen us discussing grave sites (as we gave ours to my niece Jessica, when her husband Shawn died unexpectedly)—just in case.
This past week, we asked our friend, Jeffrey, a newly ordained rabbi, to officiate at my memorial service—whenever that may be.
This past week, in which I’ve struggled with feeling sad, lethargic and angry, those expressions of grief had to be experienced and released before my intuitive spirit could stand up and proclaim—leiomyosarcoma—you may kill me but as long as I’m alive, my strength of spirit won’t let you win! That does not mean that I am readying my inner strengths to do battle, but rather that my inner strengths will be called upon to appreciate each day as my medical team works to extend my life and my loved ones continue to buoy my spirit on the wings of love.
As for my part in the bigger picture of this stage of my life—this plan (outlined above) will come together as long as I awaken every morning with a conscious appreciation for each day while reminding myself that joy is an inside job, and as long as my attitude is fortified by positive focus, my cells may succumb to leiomyosarcoma but that will not be true of my inner joy, which tirelessly fuels my spirit with—Love of Life L’Chaim!
And now that I’ve walked through the door where this current attitude will encourage me to accept my fate, over time, you can be sure that I’ll be considering this post, repeatedly, because every word was written by my power of intuition, suggesting that the conscious portion of my mind has need to absorb a sense of mindfulness concerning that which I hope to develop as this mysterious stage of my life unfolds—one day at a time—
Barry FaceTime’s us, every evening
David FaceTimes us, every evening.
Steven is coming for dinner (Ravi’s at the cabin)
While my need to cocoon remains strong, phone calls, cards, texts, and sweet gifts of love, like cookies and gift cards for BR ice cream continue to arrive (and are answered), daily, stimulating our spirits’ smiles.
My mind feels peaceful
My heart feels full
My spirit is smiling
Life is good
🙋🏻♀️Annie
No comments:
Post a Comment