A CACOPHONY OF VOICES

 So here’s what my voice of intelligence felt need to ask me, today:  So Annie, how long will you and I remain too scared of our prognosis to awaken each morning with the courage to live up to the high expectations that you’ve set for yourself?

Next thing I know, the frightened voice, residing within my brain, begs my power of intuition to listen up before fear knots itself up into anger—Look here, you-know-it-all—I sure do hope you practice what you preach concerning your capacity to seek out wisdom gathered by sages throughout the ages, because all of us who share brain space inside Annie’s head are feeling mighty impatient with the fact that our girl’s sense of courage has yet to power up..

Hey!  Pipe down! sayeth the voice of my over achiever—give me a break!  While the rest of you have been sitting on your buns, complaining the day away, I’ve been busting my chops in hopes of making a courageous breakthrough big enough for each of us to face up to whatever fate has in store for all of us once we decide to function as a harmonic whole.

At that point, my voice of reason was able to calm my-many selves by calling forth the voice of my brain’s well practiced Line Of Self-Control: Okay everyone, let’s settle down and consider Annie’s history.  Whenever she sets her mind to achieve a difficult task, Annie hunkers down until her best efforts meet with success.  So stop your griping, get a grip, and soothe yourselves with generous dollops of self-love.

Though yesterday, I’d warned my dearest friend that, currently, I’ve not been very good company, Andi picked me up and took me to have my hair washed and blown dry,  Then later, Will and I enjoyed dinner with Andi and Mike in the loving warmth of their home.

In addition to feeling dispirited, yesterday, I’d felt lightheaded, as well.  Thankfully, I feel physically stable, today.  In fact, I spent this afternoon with Edie who came over to help me to reorganize the countertop and drawers in the laundry room, and we managed to accomplish that feat without my leaving the bed.  As always, Edie proves to be yet another loving friend whose creative actions prove greater than words.

I’ve wanted to reorganize the laundry room for months but couldn’t muster the mental energy to even think about tackling that task.  So much had piled up, over these years of illness when my sole destination had been Mayo that, walker in hand, I could barely stay upright while getting from the garage to the living room couch where I’d crash before making my way to my bed.  The mere thought of straightening up or putting anything away made my head spin like a top.  And the fact that I’ve always been a neat nut suggests how hard it’s been for me to ignore layers of clutter while going from one room to another.  Too bad I didn’t think to order blinders from Amazon until just now.

Over these next two weeks, Edie plans to help me re-organize the top of my kitchen desk, which has accumulated every bit as much clutter as was true of the laundry room countertop, and with Edie’s energy pinch hitting for my own, I hope to sit myself down in my closet and choose which clothes to pack for our annual stay in CA, which Will and I hope to enjoy for the first time in three years.

Little by little, I’ve been taking small steps toward regaining my sense of self-reliance.  My most recent surgery followed by bronchitis really set me back, over these past several weeks.  Literally, knocked the stuffin’s out of me  And as today saw me downing my last dose of antibiotics, let’s encourage my low level of energy to rise to the occasion of preparing for our family vacation by leaving my most recent setbacks in the past, thus freeing my spirit to face forward in hopes of enjoying that which has yet to come with a hearty sense of joie de vie!

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

(Generally, my cheerleading voice gets in the last word and thank goodness for that—what would I do without her spunky attitude when each next first down feels way beyond my wearied reach…)