FIVE REASONS TO FEEL GRATEFUL

 I’ve been in need of cocooning until I get my bearings

Until I get my bearings …

I’m not at all sure of understanding what that means

Perhaps it means regaining my sense of realistic hopefulness, which suddenly plummeted once my Phoenix oncologist Dr. S. conferred with my Houston oncologist  Dr. R., who believes the two nodules within my chest cavity (as seen on my most recent Chest CT scan) will, with time, prove to be cancerous tumors unlike the benign nodule in my neck (which was easily biopsied whereas this pair, being located behind my rib cage, is difficult to reach).

As both oncologists are highly regarded, my prognosis, (concerning longevity and quality of life) is more in question than ever.

These are all the words that I can muster, for now.  Hopefully, when next we meet, I can better explain the choices that have been laid out for my consideration.

Dr. R. believes I should start chemo, right now

Dr. S. Not so much. 

Today, I am deeply appreciative of the fact that while honoring my need for solitude, my family and friends continue to call Will, while emailing and texting me, allowing me to ‘lose myself’ reading books as hours pass until night falls at which time, I join Will in the living room where we watch tv till bedtime, and thankfully, we both sleep well until the sun shines when my current daytime activity busies my mind with the lives of fourteenth century English Monarchs.

Will meets my every need with a loving smile

Our family is well

I am not in pain

I’m experiencing no physical miseries

All of my children and their children plan to arrive, this up coming weekend

With a deep appreciation for these last five statements, I feel grateful that each one makes my heart smile

As to my spirit—it’s keeping my mind company in a place called limbo, where we are neither here nor there until we get our bearings, which I believe has much to do with acceptance of choices, none of which would be chosen freely by a person whose love of life has been as cherished as is true of mine.

😘Annie