1412K METAPHORICAL USE OF FOOTBALL PICKS UP EXTRA YARDAGE ...

2015
While raising our family, sports proved integral to daily life on fields, arenas, courts and TV, and though I'd watched Barry—who'd captained his high school football team—play, every Friday night, this Pied Piper absorbed nothing about football strategy other than its brutality, offering the male of our species an acceptable outlet for warrior-like testosterone, which, otherwise, must be contained in a passive aggressive state if carefully groomed social and professional interactions are not to break out into full-fledged wars, because so much of life dictates that Total Victory is the unspoken name of the game when one team's win necessitates the opponent's loss.  Rather than domination vs. submissiveness, Win-Win depends upon a growing sense of cooperative efforts on both sides.

Whereas football is a game played with passion and knowledgable finesse until total victory has been won, Win-Win upholds the concept of working toward peaceful gains while a growing sense of discretionary finesse becomes ever more respectful of equality, which must deepen, over time, before truce gives birth to reflective affection, which being freely embraced by both sides, creates teammates of opponents.  And thus, when I write of tweaking game plays, careful consideration is taken to ensure that a heartfelt value is not extinguished along the way, no matter how impassioned my heart, which multitasks like a seasoned pro, feels about achieving a personal goal.  In short, my voice is not given clearance to move down field until my heart, mind and gut respond as one to the inner whistle that suggests readiness to advance with patience, discretion, empathy, kindness and strength of purpose is mine.

By this fourth season of my life, Win-Win has grown so deeply rooted within the depths of my soul as to be synonymous with my life's path, which challenges my smarts to grow ever more consciously aware of this fact:  A limited interpretation of a heartfelt value inhibits my freedom to fully embrace a series of experiences, which actually nourishes my soul with a higher purpose, transcending any I'd thought to embrace before strings of insight, concerning my attentiveness to the mind expanding nature of intuitive thought preceding cognitive thought, had been fully thought out!  Yikes!  If you think that while penning this post I had a conscious clue of intuitive thought combining with cognitive thought to make metaphorical use of football, running soulfully deep, please think, again. LOL

On a serious note—inner strengths do not manifest while life feels like a picnic; it's not until you find yourself bitten, while sitting—unawaredly— on an ant hill that intuitive thought suggests that your mind has need of a mind of its own!  Thank goodness, my conscious mind knew better than to attempt to write today's post by itself, because had that been the case then my followers would feel even dizzied than is most likely true, right now— suggesting that the human brain's innate potential to become a magical thing depends upon taking leaps of faith that empower intuition with tons of self respect.

And now, as intuition is signaling for time out, due to my brain having covered so much ground as to have tired itself out, my inner coach will wisely bench my blog till tomorrow's mental energy dawns anew, and until then, here's wishing you the same five star day that I wish for myself ...

1412J WHAT IN THE WORLD COMPELLED ME TO WRITE THIS AT YESTERDAY'S GAME?

2015

Once passion inflames my heart, a sense of soulful meditation follows, injecting intuitive thought with the insight necessary to inject my conscious mind with the courage to inspire my comfort zone to take each next leap of faith, thus transporting every atom of my being to places (within reason) that blow my mind until strings of insight, processing, in a step by step fashion, deepen my sense of clarity, concerning any decision, which had originally been steeped so deep in emotional complexity as to have utterly confounded all sense of conscious comprehension.  Good thing I've come to accept the fact that much more information than I can consciously remember to consider in the heat of the moment tussles for brain space within the constraints of my subconscious—which is likened to the hard drive of my brain.  Generally, when I feel exceptionally confounded, I can't find the right file or too many fly open, at once.  And thus my need for time spent in reflective meditation.

Ultimately, with clarity in hand, my need to translate intuitive comprehension into words, in hopes of conveying a deepening sense of each insight for public consumption, demands several valiant attempts on the part of the dedicated teacher in me, who coaches my team of character traits to charge down the field, play by play, until successive first downs culminate in touchdowns, followed by kicking up my heels whenever a bonus point registers on the scoreboard, as well—however, true to form, my gain does not rain loss on anyone else's parade, and in this way does the game of Win-Win differ from Football for this reason:  During meditative time outs to think deep, insightful reflection, based in hindsight, preceding foresight, suggests that with each first down, made by my team of character traits, inner conflict, based in undeserved guilt, lessens to a greater degree, transforming defensive reactions into more deeply objective, self assured personal gains concerning my growing sense of comprehension (in the same way that yardage is gained when a team of thoroughly pumped, seasoned foot ball players, charging full steam ahead, passes the ball down field, one to another, until their goal is achieved).  And in this way, with the passage of time, my conscious mind develops the confidence in my team of personal strengths to carry the ball toward the goal posts where 'forgotten' details, which had once scared me half to death, pass more readily from subconscious storage into my conscious mind with a swiftness and secureness, which had not been possible when I was a rookie at identifying intuitive thought, suggesting that whenever self empowerment feels tackled and injured by any one of life's oppositions,  today, my faith in the well-practiced powers of my personal strengths stands up, feeling seasoned to keep my well trained eye on the ball until lost ground has been recovered while, I, advancing as a whole, complete each next first down. 

As this New Year commences, and Halloween ghosts no longer scare me, my present state of high spirited elation will surely give fervent thanks at Thanksgiving's approach for the fact that injuries, incurred during the first three seasons of my life, have healed without my having sustained any lasting impairment to the well balanced functions of my brain!  LOL

Each time intuition feels compelled to pen thoughts so complex as to have been published in a post before I spy reason to engage in yet another editing process, guess whose conscious mind keens in on my need to absorb strings of insight more deeply as they flash through my mind in hopes that, with the dawning of each next epiphany, my current stage of transformation, concerning some aspect of personal growth, will feel complete–until intuition offers my conscious mind a mysterious signal, alerting me to readiness on the part of the next 'forgotten' detail clamoring for release?

Perhaps the distinction, separating street smarts and book smarts (in a specific arena of life) from soulful smarts is the depth of a person’s self motivated compulsion to quest toward absorbing an ever more mindful observation of eons of wisdom, passed down from sage to disciple throughout the ages, and though today’s train of thought had not been so much as a firefly, lighting up my mind, while raising a trio of rambunctious, little boys, somehow, the contagious nature of my intuitive thought process must have inspired each one to develop into readers during the years when they sat at my knee, minds rapt, listening to stories while little fingers pointed at illustrations, and as each one advanced from story books to comic books to text books to novels to sports pages to law books (where Lady Justice stands tall, bold and realistically majestic), my sons developed into unique individuals, who, upon advancing from one milestone to the next, have freely chosen to adopt a self-respecting Pied Piper’s mantra—All for one and one for all—as their own.

PS

I have no clue as to why my brain felt compelled to pen this particular post between downs while the rest of me cheered for my team, which pounded the football toward victory, during yesterday’s game.  Guess you might chalk it up to woman’s ability to multitask amid the roaring frenzy of the fans, who’d packed our stadium.  In fact, in addition to cheering and posting, I was seen texting, because my sons have honored my newborn passion for their all time favorite sport by adding my cell to their group texts, which makes me chuckle to think of their collective amusement at their mom’s fledgling commentary, demonstrating my impassioned attachment for our family’s football-mania, thus bonding us even closer (if that’s possible) than before my recent mind expansion freely embraced a growing appreciation for the complex nature of finesse necessary to develop a seasoned team of champions—suggestive of this fact:  When the mind remains open to welcoming unexpected change, born of personal growth—Ain’t life grand!  :)

1412EYE

2015
Wow!  My apologies!  Friday's post ran too deep for me to clarify that which I felt compelled to write, so yet again, I found trains of thought in serious need review.  That's what I get for writing while wearied in the middle of the night, and then again, four hours later.  Mind refreshed; revision completed.  Again!

Friday night, we received a call from Steven, asking if we were free to enjoy Ravi for the day, on Saturday, and since you know how I nurture each chance not to miss one moment of joy, any thought of posting, was short lived.  Need I say that on Saturday, my face smiled widely for five hours straight, except for those moments when my ten month old grand daughter proved so funny that my smile laughed right out loud!

Today, being Sunday, is game day, and as we're about to leave the house, anticipating a home game win, it's time to get all decked out in NFL wear, including my lucky socks.  Then, upon returning home, I'll look forward to enjoying this season's premiere of a couple of our favorite TV dramas, so common sense suggests not sitting down before my computer, later in the day, because time spent writing evaporates into thin air as soon as my mind disappears into the zone—so ...

Upon awakening, this morning, wondering how best to describe that which felt thought provoking, yet not somber on a day when we were charged to bow our heads in repentance for last year's sins, I decided to review the Yom Kippur service, which grows more deeply meaningful to me, as I age ... And, hopefully, while paraphrasing those passages of the service, which felt written for my soul to contemplate, personally, that which spoke to me is likely to clarify in 3D by the time Monday's post is penned—unless my blog, which proves as sensitive to unexpected change as my mind, tunes into a different train of thought that feels need to switch tracks ... Why?  Because of the human mind's innate ability to juggle more than one impassioned emotion at once.

As for now, my new born passion for football is readying my right hand to high five with every fan, who sits close enough for their impassioned reactions to connect with mine, each time our team recovers a fumble or adds points to our side of the scoreboard!

Oh yes!  One more thing:  As with most babies, Ravi learned to mimic us when we raise our arms while saying:  How big is the baby?  Soooo Big!  Recently, I decided to change those words while lifting my arms overhead to:  TOUCH DOWN!  Why?  Well, knowing how tickled her uncles will be to see their sweet little niece joining in on their football-mania, Will, Steven and I have no doubt that Ravi's bright little mind will make that cognetive change by the time Barry, Marie, Tony, Ray and David fly in to celebrate her first birthday in November, at which time our entire family will tune in to football-mania, together :)

1412H THREE SUMMERS AND REASONS TO CARTWHEEL WITH JOY

2015
Received really good news, last night
News we'd been hoping for over
Quite some time, concerning David, and
As confirmation of this vital step forward offered
Our spirits reason to cartwheel with joy—I
Feeling much too excited to hit the sack
(This adrenalin rush was welcomed with open arms)—
Made the mistake of looking at Thursday's post at
Midnight and didn't push re-publish till 4AM
Then awakening this morning at 8AM, feeling curious to see
What insights intuitive thought had felt need to add to
Yesterday's post in the still of the night, I found that
Each new string of insight inspired even more to emerge, so
Of course, intuition's compelling need to add deeper meaning to
Trains of thought, penned during the wee hours
Refused to stop fleshing out every insight, which had
Already been written, suggesting that
Insights, which continued to shed light onto

The next, over the past 24 hours

Served to round out Thursday's post by quite a lot
And though my mind feels weary with lack of sleep
Here's why my spirit feels fully stoked, while writing, right now:
My soul is singing with appreciation for territory covered
Step by step, as my thought processor continues
To clarify strings of insight, which, though not new to me
Needed to be more deeply absorbed than
Had been possible before Will's surgery compelled
Humility to surface to such a startling degree as to have
Swallowed me whole to the point of compelling my confounded mind to
Reach out for professional expertise, knowing that while

Astute encouragement bollstered my couragintuitive thought would

drill through yet another layer of denial while
Whatever little was left of my waining state of clarity clung
Cliffside to that which had felt like the end of my rope—
I mean it's not as if inner strengths had failed me in the past when
Life threatening surgeries proved necessary or when
My beloved father passed from this life to whatever awaits us, next
So the fact that the depth of my emotional crises
(Born of repressed torment, continuing to swirl out of
The black hole, which took weeks to expose as
Intuition compelled me to bore through
The next layer of denial's wall) felt so devastatingly real, as to

Recreate my sense of terror to feel as if

An unidentified danger, closing in on

My conscious mind more fiercely than
Ever before, was

About to devour every inner strength that

I'd consciously worked to identify and

Absorb as my own, and
Though I could not fathom why my strengths

Appeared to implode, my last shreds of clarity knew not to

Let go of the end of that rope, which offered

My last shreds of hopeful self confidence refuge from
Losing faith in my personal history, concerning this fact:
Intuitive thought has habitually guided my brain to
Function as a cohesive, well balanced whole while processing its way through
Each tunnel of darkness until the bright light of insight, which
Thus far, has not failed to simplify mental complexity by
Retrieving a missing detail that proves crucial to
The emergence of a bigger picture, relating back to
A repetitive experience of abuse too terrifying for
A child's conscious mind to bear, and as Mother Nature
Deemed every detail of those experiences to be

Deeply repressed, thus does a portion of

My terror remain subconsciously unresolved until
Intuitive thought deems me ready to
Muster the courage to dive deep enough to
Identify at least one more crucial detail, which
Refuses to emerge until my maturity level has
Absorbed the inner strength to take each next step toward
Exposing that which had scared (scarred) my
Conscious mind senseless at an early stage in life when
Complex levels of cognetive thought had not yet
Developed inter connective strings of insight necessary to
Compel a well-practiced adult think tank to
Drill, intuitively, relentlessly, ever more deeply
Through my wall of denial, until newly rebalanced
Well practiced inner strengths coax my subconscious to
Squeeze out at least a tidbit more of
One of several darkly terrifying times, all of which
Reach back, connectedly, to the fact that
In the aftermath of her baby sister's death, a black hole, swirling
With fear, opened up inside the mind of a good little girl, swallowing
Her ability to make sound use of her self assertive voice, which had
Barely begun to develop at the vulnerable age of three, and
Thus can you see that reaching in to pull each forgotten detail out of
The repressed portion of my memory bank feels like
Pulling an abscessed tooth out by its root sans anesthetics or
Laughing gas, suggesting the reason why every particle of
My mental and physical energy must divert toward
Focusing solely upon tunneling toward each dark detail, which
Like a pack of dangerous predators, remains so well hidden within
The shadowlands from my conscious mind, that not one iota of
Energy was left, in the aftermath of Will's cancer surgery to
Enable me to physically arise from the stricken state that
Astounded no one as much as me while my body lay curled in
The fetal position on my bed for as long as
An over production of adrenalin kept my muscles too rigid to
Bend my limbs without drawing forth super human strength ... WHEW!
And not until I came to see that

In no way would I ever allow any man to devour me if
Will's presence was no longer here to

Protect my very life from reexperiencing
That which a child could neither fathom  nor physically bear, much less
Emotionally understand enough to bar

Did my production of adrenalin decrease enough, once that
Revelation had cleared, to cleanse my body of 

Undeserved guilt, thus freeing me to

Aarise, feeling abit more relaxed, revitalized, and
Free of that subconscious fear, over the next several weeks!
Last night, we attended theater with dear friends, who declared:
We're celebrating an important anniversary, tonight, to which we replied:
Oh really?  It's not your wedding anniversary or ours, so
What kind of anniversary can it be?
Our friend's answer came as a surprise, as
Yesterday was the two year anniversary of Will's cancer surgery, and
As Will's diagnosis and surgery had followed my 99 year old mother's first
Cancer surgery, which, several months later, was followed by another, we
Can see how each additional stress to my mental strain as
I flew back and forth, monthly, from Will's ordeal to
Watching my precious mother leaving this earthly life in such
A painful, unpeaceful, yet courageous manner, suggesting that

Over time, objective reflection discerns a person's vulnerabilities from his or her personal strengths —followed by
Will's course of  radiation, five times, weekly, last summer ...
Suggesting why, the rebirth of good health and
The miraculous blessing of rejoicing in
New life as we continue to delight in Ravi's
Effervescent presence, followed by this summer, flowing with
Familial togetherness, has offered my mind and spirit
Sound reason to float on a euphoric high for months, suggesting that
This summer's bliss contrasts with that which our family had experienced
Over the two that came before to the point that
Throughout this New Year's holiday, when we
Celebrate the birthday of the world, my spirit can't help but
Sing aloud, each time I feel need to
Release a highly personal sense of angst-ridden relief in favor of
Absorbing my newly restored freedom to fully embrace
The imperfect whole whom I'll continue to be while
Knowing full well that self improvement
Will continue to feed my soul with one caveat:
From now on the subtlies of undeserved guilt will
Not sneak into my think tank, clouding my judgement to the point of
Personal devastation, and here's why that's true:
During times of personal devastation
My adult think tank has habitually garnered
Sound reason to fortify my faith in intuitive thought working
Tirelessly to guide my path toward insight, each time
I feel a compelling need to brainstorm toward revealing
A deeply repressed, frightful detail from the past or
Brainstorming toward conjuring up a plan that
Frees all of me to adventure more courageously into
The great unknown where self discovery feels
Nurtured to expand, because I feel confident that
Each next forward step taken is fortified by
My faith in my seventy-one year old history, and thus
Over these past two years—beginning with two summers back
Leading forward toward this summer's brief
(Thank goodness for previous strings of insight absorbed)
Stay in intensive care—adversity has offered my conscious mind
Reason to dive ever more deeply into the complex depths of
My past, thus enriching my present state of awareness with
Undying gratitude (pun intended :) for intuitive thought, which
Continues to direct my soulful sense of wholeness toward
Revitalizing my attachment to heart-happy, good health each time
The river of life sweeps my well-intensioned ability to swim toward
Peaceful waters into next set of rapids, which
Rocks my boat to the point where my mind may flip out and my spirit
May sinks, but, life Molly Brown, this captain's ship refuses to sink ...
So, as long as my faith in intuitive thought serves as
My inner compass, my conscious mind need not fear
Swirling so deep into a bottomless abyss where dark visions of
I know not what threaten to swallow my thought processor whole
And as long as my belief in emergent insight has reason to root
Ever more deeply into my decision making process
Negative attitudes, which had clouded my self assessment will not
Detour me from advancing on this path, which
Given time, succeeds in uplifting my spirit to
Heights of joy, laced with inner peace, concerning
The well-balanced, though imperfect person, whom
The powers of deeply soulful reflection deem me to be, today
And you can believe me when I say this is not ego spouting
This is your friend, Annie, making
Sound use of my voice, at last, to express
The courage of my convictions with
Both self assurance and humility in hopes that
Clarity, concerning any last shreds of distrustful self rejection
Will not allow intuitive thought to slip through my fingers at
Times when freedom to choose to forego
Selflessness for the good health of my whole inspires
My fingertips to pen posts, showing me which
Next adventurous leap of faith proves necessary, thus
Detouring my mind from storytelling for
Longer periods of time than I can believe ...
On the other hand, as each string of
Insights expands the clarity of my
Conscious mind to draw forth bigger pictures
Intuitive thought suggests that
Each story I write will prove to be
More worthy of your time and mind than had
I simply skimmed over the top of my memory bank  :)

PS  Hopefully, time permitting, you'll
Choose to glance over yesterday's post, which
Contains insights, added, late
Last night and then, again this morning, because
Those trains of thought may prove
As self motivating as those penned, today ...
As to every heartfelt experience, which contributed to
My spirit soaring during this past week, beginning with
Rosh Hashanah and culminating in euphoria, following
Our Yom Kippur fast and feast
Please stay tuned, because
Right now, my mind needs to float gently down from
Cloud nine to land groundedly on planet earth in
Hopes of resting up after four hours sleep ...
I mean, glad and grateful as I am, advancing age suggests
That life, being short, means knowing when to
Re-energize my whole before
I find myself running no place fast on fumes—
Quoting the Raven:  NEVERMORE :)

1412G THE HEALING NATURE OF COMMANDMENT ELEVEN ON YOM KIPPUR ...

2025
2015
I awakened, yesterday
On The Day of Atonement for last year's sins feeling
Seriously reflective, just shy of somber, why?
Because, while dressing in High Holy Day finery
A flash of insight suggested that it is possible to
Sin against oneself, and earlier this summer
That sin was mine, yet again, when I'd unknowingly
Repressed a natural outpouring of emotion to
Such a painful degree as to have caused an adrenalin rush to
Overpower my heart's ventricular function, suggestive of
My need to remind myself, daily, of how often
My life's decisions had habitually been so selfless as to have
Sinned against my own good health, repeatedly ...
And thus did I arise, yesterday, with
Insight brewing within, suggestive of this fact:
We'd be wise to tune into those times when
Intuition cautions us to note that
Too high a degree of selflessness, in terms of
Repressing need to be true to one's
Innermost personal truth, can prove to be
Every bit as unhealthy as the obvious sin of
Selfishness, which considers no one's needs other than one's own
And as that distinction between extremes clarified for me before
Attending services, yesterday, I decided, while
Riding toward the house of God in our car, to ready
Both sides of my mind to coalesce, in hopes of
Preparing my whole self (my soulful self) to
Reflect ever more mindfully into absorbing
The value of balance in all things during
Yom Kippur services, at which time
My think tank spent hours feasting humbly upon
Wisdom, passed down through the ages, as found
Within the holy scroll of the Torah in which
Balance in all things is noted, repeatedly, for all to absorb as
Each person must determine when it's best to
Resolve inner conflict by choosing
An eye for an eye or turning the other cheek—though
Personally, I've found that neither choice works for me, and
Here's why that's true:
When selflessness ruled my decision-making process
Turn the other cheek had been my chosen path, and
Though, most naturally, change tends to
Take us from one extreme to the other before
Gaining insight into deepening our sense of inner balance
An eye for an eye has never been my choice, for this reason:
Ever since childhood, intuition has challenged
My mental awareness to seek and absorb
Knowledge, concerning my need to gain
A deeper sense of insight into adopting
Open minded trains of thought, based in self disciplined, mutually respectful
Compassionate, yet self assertive brainstorming sessions, when
Conflict resolution remains unresolved, over long, suggesting that
My chosen path to be in direct opposition to
The concept of an eye for an eye—which
May have proved necessary in days of yore when
Conflicts remained unresolved, during
Biblical times, eons before major breakthroughs in psychology
Had advanced to the point of acknowledging that
The development of each person's neocortex has
The God given potential to identify, embrace and
Create a balance between
Both sides of human nature, dependent upon
Knowledge gained, concerning the complex functions of
Each human brain, and the more I absorb about
Mental habits and learned response, the more my
Life's adventure with personal growth directs me to
Consciously choose to reveal whatever my heart truly feels with
Reverence for universal vulnerability, which all too often
During conflict, remains cloaked, untapped and
Silent behind denial's impenetrable defensive walls until
Individuals, who remain sadly divided in separate camps
Begin to feel ever more intuitively free to
Progress in a timely, not to be confused with
A unilateral, manner, toward regaining their
Heartfelt reconciliation, one slow, cautious step at a time
I also believe that if yesteryear so scribes, who'd penned the bible
Had swooped down from on high, during the twentieth century
They'd have felt divinely inspired to edit passages, referencing
An eye for an eye, because in his open-minded wisdom
God would choose to delete closed minded attitudes, based in
Seeking revenge, in favor of adding this commandment
To the first ten (which, throughout history too many souls
Have chosen to ignore)! so when I imagine
God's fiery finger of fate leaping back and forth across the keyboard
Let's see what comes to mind:
Thou shalt set out on a personal quest to
Resolve conflict by way of tunneling within until insight into
Thy need for balance inspires thee to develop personal traits, such as flexibility
Positive focus and kind hearted compassion for human vulnerability, thus,
Transforming thy thoughts, words and actions into workable plans, which
Considering needs, all around, injects humility into both souls while
Hope of resolving long-standing conflicts, all in good time, inspires
Each brain to Take two courageous steps forward, one indecisive step
Back, until insight into bigger pictures clarifies, all around
And if you ask:  Annie, what's new with that train of thought?  I'd reply:
In recent years, 'all around' has come to mean inclusive of my needs as well as
Those of everyone I love—however, guess who forgot
The merits of that plan to include my needs, yet again, during
The heat of conflict, this summer?  (Though I did make better use of
Insight to know when to open my mouth and employ
A self assured voice to rise in my defense a bit more often than
Had been possible in the past, thus stopping the
Uncontrolled wrath of another from attempts to
Create a scapegoat by projecting
One's own less desirable character traits on to me
You see, just as Afrin has re-opened my swollen nasal pathways, freeing
My innate ability to re-oxygenate my brain, thus did
Reflection over my time in intensive care, this summer
Open my mind to the fact that I'm still taking better care of
My loved ones' hearts than my own, and
Thus as the future unfolds, I'll take steps toward maintaining
My sense of discretion rather than resorting to emotional repression
And now, having spoken of happy, healthy hearts ...
It's nearing time for my heart to sing with joy as
I place myself in the driver's seat of the rest of my life and carefully direct
My conscious mind toward safely making my way to
Pick up where I left off with Ravi after our holiday dinner, last night
So, in the same vein that personal growth deems
Some aspects of life to progress and change while
Oothers stay the same here's to hoping that
You can feel my heart wishing yours
A happy and healthy New Year, knowing that
Your friend, Annie, will dive more deeply into today's insight when
The sun comes out, tomorrow ...
Why?  Because, intuitive thought is suggesting that
Though today's train of thought feels like
It's pulled into the station, I'll awaken, tomorrow
To find that a portion of the baggage, which I've
Just unloaded, has not yet been unpacked—And
You know me—my conscious mind is a hungry hunter until
The eye of the tiger and I see eye to eye :)

PS—If The Eleventh Commandment seems to embody Quaker components
That's because GOD, who created all living things
Speaks in mischievous mysterious ways, so please
Don't mistake a passive person of one, like me, whose
Passions, though well practiced at restraint, are known to
Run as deep as a river, which, upon traversing through the rapids
Runs so clear and peaceful as to create safe passage for
An able swimmer to float to shore, free of inner conflict, at last  ...

PSS—If there's a worthy addendum to THE TEN COMMANDMENTS—
Especially an addendum that may inspire folks to
Pay more mind to the first ten—then might there not be more?
I mean eleven is an 'odd' number with which to end—right?  ;)

1412F YOM KIPPUR

2015
I awaken on this Day of Atonement
A day reserved for contemplation of last year's sins
Though feeling seriously reflective, I am just shy of somber ... why?
Well, I don't have time to describe that which I feel, because
I'm off to services, where
The insight that's percolating within my mind, right now
Will most likely deepen throughout this thought provoking day
And with that said, I'll wish you a Yom Tov and
An easy fast before feasting commences at sundown, both of which
I'll explain, time permitting, tomorrow, along with the reason why
I feel seriously reflective, though not somber ...

1412E BRAIN FUNCTIONS BEST WITH OXYGEN

2015
Awoke today
Can't breathe, at all
Know exactly who to call
Thank goodness, he can see me
On my way To ENT
Gasp!

1412D NADA

2015
Fate ran interference with today's plan to
Post several photos from the album, compiled over
This past summer, when my heart had reason to overflow with
Love and joy, which replenishes hope for a future where
Positive attitudes outweigh negativity, which
Beats spirits down, creating sadness, all around
However, before selecting photos to share with you
I chose to follow a computer prompt to install
An update to my hard drive, and now
No matter how often I turn it off and on, rather than
Rebooting itself in a cooperative manner
All that stares back at my hopefulness is
A blank screen, suggesting lowering my frustration by
Calling my computer guru
Now that my original game plan has been sent to
The locker room for medical attention and
My inner coach feels stymied while
Staring at a screen that remains stubbornly blank
Here's what I have in mind, instead:
Nada
Because my think tank appears to be  as blank as
My screen, Except for this caveat:
I feel a change is taking place within me, suggesting
That rather than pouring insight out, I feel the need to
Breathe something in, but, as to what that something is
I have no conscious clue, as of yet ...
On the other hand, upon reviewing yesterday's post
My mind did give birth to additional insights, and without
Need to say more, I'm certain that, unless
You're a rookie in terms of following
My blog, you know the drill ...
(One step back to reflect more deeply than
Had been possible before one insight
Leading to the next, creates a bridge, which offers
A closed mindset safe passage when readiness
Opens the door to moving forward without fear of
Tumbling into an endless abyss that makes no sense,d at all
As insight is not compelling me to write and
Storms so fierce as to produce flash floods are
Predicted for today, rather than writing or
Getting soaked, traipsing about doing errands
I plan to curl up with an intriguing book, which
Will, hopefully, be completed before
One of my two book clubs convenes, late this afternoon
BTW, in addition to feeling a need to breathe 'something' in
I can barely breathe, at all, for this reason:
My allergies are killing me, and October, which is
The number one killer month for me, has not so much as
Lifted its pollinated little head ... (During October
Winter planting and over seeding transforms
The dull desert terrain into a lushly colorful bouquet of beauty)
And with that said, it's likely that allergens, stuffing
My sinuses, have swollen straight into my brain, which
Reducing my oxygen intake, may be
Contributing to my writing malaise, so
Keeping my saline nasal spray handy
I'll bid you adieu until
Hopefully, the swollen nature of my nasal cavities
Will settle down down enough for my system to
Absorb the healthy clarity of airborn particulates, which
Upon given time to clear allergens right our of my head, will
Free my clogged brain to clearly feel like writing when
The sun comes out, tomorrow ... ACHOO!

1412C HOLY COW! FOOTBALL ON MY MIND!

2015
As one thing leads to another, especially
When my brain enters writing mode
I really hope this post is short, today
Why?  Because this morning, I awakened with
An eagerness to watch football on TV
And here's why that unexpected change
Can't hep but intrigue me:
Over most of my life, no one would have
Expected a passion for football to
Develop within me ... And that's
Most especially truce of moi!
Once upon a time, I'd awakened with
An eagerness to make certain that
Each of my kids experienced
 A pleasant morning before sending all three
Off to school, knowing that feeling safe within
Their emotional environment and
Positive about themselves would
Influence the development of
The same open minded, positively focused
Attitude toward mindful absorption of
Knowledge as had consciously developed within me
(Need I say that if I'd hoped to raise
Positively focused, self disciplined kids
That meant role modeling those
Traits instead of demanding they do as
I say, not as I do ... No yelling or
Hitting or insulting from them, meant
No yelling, hitting or insulting from me
If I wanted my young to use their words (thoughtfully)
And if leadership comes from the top then
My actions had need to match my words, so
Rather than flying off the handle and
Resorting to punitive methods of discipline
I'd think calmly and deep until consequences for
Misbehavior matched whatever life lesson I was looking to
Imprint within each one's mind ( maybe this
Post is beginning to point to
My mind's readiness to return to 1967 and
Resume storytelling, again ... though only the shadow
Knows for sure what tomorrow may bring)
So anyway, while raising my kids, I'd curl up with
Books, concerning positive methods of discipline
Before falling to sleep ... I guess you could say
I've been an open minded and yet

Single minded soul for quite a while, and here's why
That's a very good thing:
Raising kids to grow up to be
Responsible adults, whom you'd choose as
Dear friends proves to be
A long-range goal that takes many years to achieve before
Their wing spans soar so independent of your own as to
Freely demonstrate a personal desire to remain well-rooted in
The values they experienced in their family of origin when
All of you shared a home, where, as children
Each one depended on your intelligent heart to
Provide much more than shelter from
The elements in that it's each parent's responsibility to
Provide love, emotional safety and
Moral guidance for every miracle placed
In our arms for safe keeping for at least
Eighteen challenging years
Once my kids were launched, I awakened
With an eagerness to read well-written novels, concerning
Character development, and when
Each story arc reached the point where
The main character had need to learn from
Suffering a huge loss, I learned from
That character's experience with humility how
Best to direct my own path ...
I guess you could say that my focus made me
A self directed, precautionary sort of gal, and all
Seemed well until two decades ago, when
Much to my astonished dismay
My life upended, no matter how
Self directed, self disciplined, empathetic and
Cautionary each step of my path had been until then when
I awakened to my first deeply confounding
Soul searching time of life, which

Forced me to labor through a deeply disillusioned
State of mind that gave birth to my hunger for clarity, which
Drove me to absorb a library of self help books that led me toward
Questing to know contradictive traits, which
I'd kept hidden from myself behind denial's wall ... Whew!
I guess you could say that here stands
A self respecting woman who

Has grown to consciously and conscientiously chosen to
Embrace change and constancy (with flexibility, rather than rigidity)

While directing the rest of the path of my life, because
I'm still always there for my family, because
Their welfare proves paramount to my peace of mind ...
And I'm still intrigued with character development, feeling
Most especially challenged with my own, and having become
A careful planner, concerning the achievement of self respecting
Long-range goals, which prove ever more challenging to accomplish
My present patience level offers me reason to enjoy
Peace of mind at the same time that a conflict remains unresolved
I guess you could say that, somewhere along
My path of self discovery I've developed the integrity to
Accept imperfection as integral to life ...
Not just in others, but more importantly, within myself
And having had sound reason to absorb this
Newly acquired change in my attitude, my need to grow
Ever more consciously aware of the narrowness of
My interpretation of heartfelt values, which had
Limited my freedom to fully enjoy
Certain experiences that had done nothing other than to
Enrich my soul with a higher purpose, transcending
Any to which I'd aspired before, and
Resultant of my having indentified where
My original interpretation of that value had need to
Expand, I succeeded in tweaking the way I'd taken
Good care of my family just enough to more fully
Consider the unmet needs of my soul, as well
And thus, rather than detouring me away from
My chosen path, personal growth has deepened my desire to
Continue to explore every experience that has led me to clarify
Deeper truth than would have been possible had fate not
Gifted me with a wide variety of unexpected experiences
Each of which has inspired me to expand
The open highway of my mind to
Accommodate for more traffic, which
Creates need for additional lanes, so that
Emotional traffic jams do not cause me to
Crash, head on, or blow my horn, prematurely
And if you ask, what does today's post have to do with
Football, I guess I'd say:  Step by step
My mind continues to grow open enough to
Expand upon my values so as to embrace
Aspects of life that my mindset had been
Closed to during younger, less experienced years. And
As each new experience offers insight into
My need to expand an attitude that had
Upon reflection, once been narrow minded
Today's summation, concerning the ways in which
Soul searching toward personal growth influences
Mind expansion, is right on the mark when considering
The development of my newfound passion for
Football, which surprises no one's mind as much as mine...
You see, I've come to see football differently than before
I see the finesse necessary to achieve each play
I see conflict interfering with making
First downs toward touch downs
I no longer frown, seeing only muscular men
Running each other harshly into the ground
I guess you could say that my newfound knowledge
Has expanded my attitude toward each game play in
A somehow personalized, impassioned way, which
No one in their right mind would have ever
Thought possible of me!
When it comes to complexity, my soul seems to be
A prime example of one that harbors a human spirit with
The innate ability to embrace changing game plans before
Loss, which feels irreplaceable, proves irretrievable

I guess you could say that each new sense of pleasure that
I freely choose to embrace re-energizes
My high spirited passion for life as immeasurably, today, as
Had been true when I was an innocent child, utterly
Intrigued with every new experience, which
For one, who proves as hopeful as me, has
No need to end in a dark place of disillusionment
I guess you could say that while writing my blog
Directs my focus on flash backs from the past in order to
Improve my chosen path as the future unfolds, I leave

No stone unturned and nothing I value behind, and

If you ask:  Annie, how is that possible without
Weighing your mind and spirit down?  I'd reply
With practice, My conscious mind has
Gained insight into identifying, unpacking
And leaving only my baggage behind, knowing that
It's actually baggage that limits mindsets and
'Shoulds' that weigh the spirit down at those times
When heartfelt goals remain just beyond my reach
And thus do we turn, once again, to the concept of
Mastering balance in all things ...
I guess you could say that when it comes to
Changing game plans, I've come to embrace
Every art form that life has to offer, which includes
Athleticism, in moderation, with the

Exception of pure joy, which
I can now swallow whole, inner conflict and all, to
The point that my heart feels so full when
A loved one is sighted that I can barely hold
My dancing feet still! In fact
The smile that beams forth from my entire being
Can not not wrap those I love in a hug ...
Guess you could say I can modulate passion but not love ...
And hopefully, that will remain true of my spirit until
 One second after my body exhales its last breath of
Life on earth ... as to what comes after that ...
I guess you could say, that when it comes to
Drawing up that game plan ...
I have no more clue, concerning
Adventuring forth into the great unknown than do you ...

Except for my feeling that
Whatever awaits us will not be something to fear :)

1412B INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 45

So, it happened, again ...
Which is why today's post is titled 1412B
If you ask:  Annie, what happened?
I'd smile and with tongue in cheek reply:
Please see yesterday's post, which is now titled 1412A, to check out
Insights, which intuitive thought felt need to transfer from
My subconscious into my conscious mind during
The writing process, this morning ...
Your friend, Annie

PS. The reason today's post is so short is because additional
Insights (which had filtered through the wall separating
Subconscious awareness from mindful recognition while
The rest of me was fast asleep, last night)
Fit best right next to those which had spoken, freely, to me, yesterday
And knowing that one insight leads to the next, it's as if
Upon awakening, each morning, my quest toward
Self discovery feels eager to gather data, concerning deeper truth, which
Continues to emerge from within in its own good time :)

1412A INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 45

2015
I felt too tired to pen a post, yesterday ...or maybe
A wholehearted sense of absorption of this next insight
(Completing a long string of insights), had need to process
In a timely fashion, more deeply through my conscious mind before
My sense of clarity felt free to share
Today's train of thought clearly with you:
Yesterday, intuitive thought awakened me to the fact that
My conscious mind had readied itself to process from
Agreement with insight, concerning a change for the better
To actualizing the absorption of insight, which takes time before
Mind expansion is truly mine, and this most recent insight into
Self awareness, speaking to me, intuitively, has freed my whole brain of
Its resistance against relinquishing an inner conflict, concerning
My extended family, which, for years, has disrupted
My peace of mind whenever taking care of them means
Forcing myself, time and again, to extinguish existential needs, which
Prove to be my own, suggesting that
Over these past few days, my think tank has completely imported
A change for the better, which, my little voice of intuition has been
Patiently coaching my conscious mind to
Fully embrace for quite a long time, and now that a closed mind set has
Successfully made its way through another painful stage of
Personal growth, culminating in mind expansion holding hands with
My newly expanded comfort zone, I hope you can see why
My brain's sense of wholeness has finally gained the freedom to
Fully enjoy a much needed angle of repose that
Feels so secure and well balanced as to have extinguished
Every last remnant of fear, concerning my sliding back down
The slippery slope where indecision resides, suggesting that
My ability to honor my existential needs, without
Heaping self-imposed guilt on my head, has successfully
Processed its way toward achieving a well earned
Sense of personal contentment with the person
I, now, know myself to be, and that's why, with each
Forward step that I freely choose to take on the path toward
Self discovery, my voice will have no reason to waver whenever
I choose to meet my needs (within reason) without
Inner conflict undermining my resolve, suggesting that
Once again, the concepts of:  No pain no gain and balance in all things
Walk hand in hand ... and yes, my friends ...
Intuitive thought woke me at dawn, this morning, to build upon insights
Drawn forth and clarified within my last post, before
My think tank felt ready to give birth to today's insight, which
Having labored to tunnel within my subconscious while
My conscious mind had sound reason to sleep as peacefully as
An innocent babe, throughout the night, has readied itself to be
Considered by you, and if you ask how I know that
Yet another new insight into self awareness is
Percolating inside my head, right now
I'd smile before quietly replying with conviction:
For quite some time, my brain has been mindfully trained to
Quest toward and absorb insight in a timely fashion, suggesting that
There's always something brewing inside there just waiting
For me to wake up and smell the coffee, which
Re-energizes my spirit, on a daily basis ...
And guess what Socrates just whispered into my ear?
He said:  Annie, why not make good use of your voice, right now, by
Penning something so profound as to inspire
Your readers to grow ever more self aware of the fact that
Ever since birth, the complex nature of their brains has been organized with
The potential to operate in the same insightful way as has become true of yours

I mean, seriously, Annie, when considering bigger pictures

Isn't inspiring others to identify their potential, waiting to ripen
The primary reason as to why your brain has felt committed to
Awakening your spirit at dawn, over these past five years, feeling
Self-inspired to reach for your iPad in order to review
Strings of insight expressed, yesterday, in hopes of
Expanding your think tank's ability to process through
The absorption of insights, which reveal deeper truths, concerning
Love and life, before your think tank feels free to pen a new post upon
Arising to greet each first day of the rest of your life?  (Whew!)

Then, after taking a breath, he went on ...
Isn't today's insight, concerning the power of one, working to
Inspire confidence in others to tap, more readily, day by day
Into their intuitive powers of positive focus, your contribution to
Creating change for the better throughout the world—as each of you
Takes one small step forward for the good of
Mankind, womankind and most especially for children, who are known to
Mimic the open or closed mind sets of their elders?
And then, with a wink of his eye ...

The spirit of the sage spread his wings and swooshed away, leaving behind
A flash of light so bright as to have lit up the clear blue sky like the 4th of July
As for me, I smiled, pushed publish, threw back the quilt and if you
Picture my mind bouncing with heartfelt energy, you'll see me
Jumping out of bed, my smile beaming bright as sunshine, because
My sweet little Ravi has a play date with Gramma, this morning
I mean, seriously, the mere thought of having made time to
Have her sweet nature all to myself, today, makes
My spirit leap for joy! And if you think one iota of my mind
Feels guilty of seeing myself as greedy ... may I
Respectfully request that you review heartfelt insights published within
These last several posts, yet again ... because, deeper truth suggests that
All I feel is every bit as lucky (while I observe the peaceful nature of
My soul, freeing my spirit to feast with pure delight, every time I have a chance
To enjoy one-on-one time with a loved one, such as Ravi has become to me)
As I know myself to have grown ever more plucky, over time :)

Ravi, catching hold of BIG FOOT ( which is attached to Daddy  :)

1411 INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 44

2015
Intuition's need to express deeper truth woke me at 4:30, this morning
At first, feeling tired after serving a holiday meal to fifteen of my nearest and dearest ...

I tried to ignore the emergence of insight until its persistence
Demanded my tired mind to stop sleeping in favor of
Picking up my trusty iPad and mini stylus without explaining why my
Brain felt so insistent; thank goodness, I chose to surrender my resistance to
The powers of magnetic attraction, because, ultimately
Based in the sheer strength of intuition, my conscious mind awakened to
Peer ever more deeply inside my head, though initially
I had no clue as to which insight into self awareness was
Processing toward ripening until the fruit of my labor had
Readied itself to be picked off of the tree of inborn knowledge before
It grew so heavy with impatience as to feel need to
Bonk some sense into my head, so in hopes of
Not having awakened, so early, for naught
I reminded myself that one insight leads to another, and
Thankfully, hat thought inspired my think tank to
Glance back at the previous post in hopes of
Receiving direction, concerning which insight
My subconscious believes my conscious mind is now
Ready to absorb more fully than had been true before, and
While reviewing insights penned on Sunday, intuitive thought proceeded to
Flesh out one insight after another, until ... Lo and behold ...
Epiphany, concerning an attitude change, clarified for me
And now that my conscious mind has awakened enough to
Absorb this dawning, early this morning, I
Still feeling contentedly exhausted after dishing up last night's
Delectable feast for fifteen, am clearly inclined to
Fall back into a restful slumber until it's time to
Rise from my bed to ready my tired body to
Drive David to the airport, so here's all I'd like to say for today:
Hopefully, the bright light of your curiosity feels inclined to review
Yesterday's post in order to check out insights, which
My conscious mind had need to process more thoroughly than
Had been true before my sense of mental absorption, concerning
Change for the better, was able to actualize, and as
I believe your consideration of these insights into
My think tank's absorption of deeper truth may prove as
Well worth your time as has proved true of mine ...
And now that my whole brain has reason to feel peaceful
My pillow is beckoning my head to
Nestle back into its softness, and somehow, I cannot resist ... Zzzz

1410 INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 43

2015
You've read many a post penned when dark times saw my spirit tunneling toward insight in hopes of brightening my state of mind, wearied by anxiety born of confusion, suggesting why, presently, my connection to clarity offers me reason to feel light-hearted while expressing the depth of my contentment with family life over the summer, both at home in the desert and up north at our forested cabin retreat, as well as on the west coast (twice), then in the Midwest and now, here at home, where we plan to stay put for a while.  In fact, my pleasure center feels so tightly packed with positivity that everything we enjoyed, over these past three months, has run together with such heartfelt warmth that my memory has melted down, creating a wave pool, where anything resembling distress, which proved great enough to stress my heart's ventricle to malfunction, has swirled right out of my conscious mind ... because that's how a brain, trained to focus on the positive, works.

Though positive focus carried my spirit past times which had wearied my mind with anxiety while stressing my heart with grief, born of heartfelt loss, I did not expect my energy level to ascend to former heights, which I'd taken for granted before life grew so confoundingly complex as to mystify my reasoning powers until my quest to gain insight into clarity was realized, thus inspiring a necessary change in my attitude, which had remained unconsciously focused on taking care of others at my own expense.  And now that clarity into the unconscious ways that I'd continued to place the needs of others much too far above my basic needs has emerged, my spirit can't stop smiling with delight, no matter how busily I consciously choose to tire myself,  physically, and here is why that's true:  The fact that I can see where my brain has been fooling me into taking care of others at the expense of my spirit's need to fly free of conventional reactivity allows my sense of joy to burst free of undeserved guilt thus resolving the state of inner conflict, which had tormented my brain since my sister died when I was three.  And with this insight in hand, I can actually be true to that which I feel, naturally, through and through!  And amen to an insight as personally strengthening and spiritually uplifting as that!

So guess what happened while writing this post?
I've gained insight into why less than perfect moments
Bounced off each person in my family, good-naturedly, as if
Intuition has guided my sense of self trust to work on its own until
Strings of insight led me toward consciously clarifying
This epiphany, which my subconscious has 'known', all along:

Any memory, which offered each of our minds

A negative bent, over this past year, did not

Last long enough to mar our perception of

A summer, which felt idyllic when compared to the last two (when
Will had cancer surgery, then
Mom passed away right around the time that

Will's PSA had begun to rise, creating

A scare, which made radiation necessary) and as
Those two summers plus every anxiety provoking
Grief struck month in between proved so difficult for
Our hearts, minds and spirits to bear that

The difference between this year and

The two that came before brings the concept of

Balance in all things to mind with this caveat:
Balance does not equate with expectations of
The scales of justice splitting good times and tough times, fifty-fifty

Balance suggests the adoption of an attitude that grows
Ever more mindful of our need to accept life on life's terms

And as life has felt mighty fine, over recent months

You can see why, currently

My spirit floats on air each time my appreciation of
Long range goals, coming to fruition, expands beyond

The confines of the pleasure center in my mind, which
Reminds me of a tough time when

I had reason to bolster David's spirit by saying:
Each time joy beckons to you
Embrace its glorious presence, wholeheartedly, because
Much of life offers strife born of inner conflict, which

Proving difficult to understand, demands soul searching for

Quite some time before clarity, born of 
Insight into comprehending life's most confounding complications, emerges ...
Thus freeing your whole mind to resolve a particular inner conflict, once and for all

And having offered my son reason to explore every avenue of joy that
Beckons to his existential being (without going off half cocked) I've finally
Freed my whole mind to offer the same to myself ... guilt free!
And now that intuition has focused my mind on
Penning today's post, which offered me reason to reflect back over
These past several years, I can understand why
This summer's heart episode seems to have inspired me to
Do more than take better care of my needs ...
This summer's heart episode seems to have inspired me
To appreciate moments soaked in joy, even more than ever before!
And if a picture is worth a thousand words then here's
The album of joyful moments in time that I plan to create ...

One for each of our sons and a fourth for Will and myself ... illustrating
The bigger picture of communal joy as experienced by
Our family of ten, this summer, which, for the most part
Filled our spirits with a connected sense of
Deeply pleasured togetherness while we enjoyed fun in the sun ...
Uh ... Hold the phone ... I just glanced at the clock, and
Though my main course of wine soaked brisket and roasted red potatoes are
Luxuriating in savory mushroom gravy in the fridge
Matzoh balls must be rolled with minced parsley before
Each one is gently plopped into

Boiling chicken stock where each one will

Grow so light and fluffy as to float to the surface before
We don our jerseys in time to traipse off to the football arena for
An early kick off, today, (at which time

Our team won the toss and threw the ball for so many first downs that

We landed a touch down, right off the bat! Oops, different sport)

Following the game we'll enjoy our high holiday dinner with
Extended family at the home of a dear cousin ... my offering being

A succulent apple pie, signifying a sweet New Year as
Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown, this evening, which is why
My desire to compile an album of
Summer fun, promised above, must be
Placed on a rear burner until such time as

I feel free to cook up a feast of photos at

The same leisurely pace as I chose to

Prepare our festive dinner for fifteen, which

Will be served with joyful smiles of welcome after

We return home from services at synagogue, when
The sun comes out, tomorrow ...
As for today, I'll end this post by
Sending family and friends, like you, both near and far
My love and best wishes for
A happy, healthy, peaceful New Year, both at home with
Your loved ones and throughout the world, where
Hopefully, one day, before too long
We'll have learned to reconnect with good natured smiles, and
If our beliefs continue to differ, we'll
Go on our separate paths in peace ...
And Amen to a thought as wholehearted as that!

1409 INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 42

2015
For those of you who raise an eyebrow to my definition of idyllic
Please note my awareness of this fact:  No one bats 1000
On the other hand, an  eye that proves well practiced at focusing
Positively on the ball will achieve success at an ever heightening degree
And so, if you ask: Annie, what about those, whom you love
Whose paths lead to places that do not grow closer to your own?
I'd reply:  Well, as choice factors in with fate, we'll grow further apart ...
However ... the special place, reserved in my heart, especially for
Each person I love, will remain theirs and theirs alone
And here's why that's true:
My attachment to 'never give up on love conquering all' remains
So strongly connected to hope, which I consciously
Inject with shots of patience, that any speck of skepticism
Concerning length of time apart, is swept
Sraight out of my head before doubt disturbs my peace of mind
And if that makes you call me Pollyana, please
Go right ahead, because over my lifetime
I've been called a lot worse than that by those who ...
Try as they may ... have yet to push my buttons
Dislodging me from this path where Socrates, rather
Than reactiveness, inspires my sense of logic to
Figure out how best to leap over or detour round
Any hurtle that blocks me from funneling my attention
Toward tunneling straight toward insight in hopes of
Continuing to experience life at its best until
Such time as fate taps me on the shoulder, suggesting it's
My turn to leave heaven on earth to mortals while
I adventure toward the great divide, where
The unknown awaits the arrival of my soul ...
Though even then ... the strength of my spirit will linger with
Loved ones, both near and far, in similar fashion to the
Legacy that we choose to adopt as our own each time
The spirit of Socrates, Austin, Gandhi, Twain,  Bombeck
James or The Bard comes to mind ... and
As that is what I've come to believe, I feel inspired to post
My adventures through personal growth, each day ...
As for now, David flew home, last night, and
Steven came for dinner with Ravi while Celina
Chose to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet, and
Guess what happened when, after dinner
Barry surprised us with a FaceTime call?
Tony and Ray were as delighted to 'play' with
Ravi as she showered them with delight by
Beaming smiles, bright as sunshine, at each one!
And as, happily, this morning, our sweet baby girl, whose
Heartfelt smile lifts spirits, all around, is due to
Arrive in her daddy's arms, once again, my perception
Concerning the existence of idyllic moments in time, which
Offer my heart reason to feel naught but joy
Comes true though perfection doth not exist
Annie

1408 INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 41

2015
If you ask:  Annie, how could your vacation have been
Idyllic if perfection does not exist?
I'd need time to think before defining
What idyllic has come to mean to me:
As defined by what I know of life, idyllic suggests that
No matter how many hurtles fate casts in my path
My heart and eye remain trained on achieving
A long range goal, which based in personsal growth, is sure to offer
Your spirit and mine reason to experience clear headed joy, over time

Sadly, I've watched life pull loved ones apart for
Many reasons, and here's why I think that's true:
Each person processes a new experience, based in
Whatever has been experienced in the past, and
As no life experience is exactly the same as any other ...
A new experience which is offered to both
May turn my pleasure center on while turning yours off, and
The difference in our decision-making process will
Be due to whatever you or I have experienced, before
So, if I've already processed through an experience that
You've not or vise versa, it stands to reason that
You (or I) may need to spend more time
Diving for insight into how our unique experience
Differs from any that either of us has ever known before, and
Not until insight into defining how this
Unique experience, which, standing differently from any we've
Hungered to enjoy, speaks to us both will
The wings of personal growth lift both spirits so high as to
Leave our doubting Thomas's questioning why
It took so long to clear yesteryear's cobwebs out of both minds
Then, when we feel the time is ripe to seek each other out
You'll find my smile sunning itself in a peaceful setting
Perhaps on a park bench, where, guided by
Patience born of strings of insight, I'll await
Your timely arrival, once your mindset has achieved
A level of personal growth in an arena that
Had once felt less grounded in emotional safety than
Will be true once personal growth and peace of mind
Have reason to walk neath a clear blue sky, hand in hand ...
And though whatever we build may not achieve perfection
That which personal growth will have strived to enjoy, peaceably
Will somehow feel idyllic to both ...
And speaking as one whose flexibility has
Tweaked countless plans until
That which is experienced pleasures both sides
Now you know why idyllic and perfection are not
One and the same to an eye trained to
Seek insight into bettering my sense of clarity, concerning
How best to accept certain limitations as dictated by
Fate, choice and reality until intuition tweaks a plan
Just enough so as not to throw the baby out with the bath water...
BTW:  I did not acquire these insights during
My idyllic family vacation ...
I enjoyed an idyllic family vacation because
Insights, such as these, have brightened my path for many a year ...

1407 INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 40

August, 2015
Why was our two week vacation with our family idyllic?
First of all ... All ten of us were in a good place, individually
Secondly ... Everyone's sense of readiness to enjoy each other had ripened.
Thirdly, the weather was warm, sunny and balmy, perfect for beach and pool
Fourthly, any plan, which seemed complicated, at first, was simplified.
Fifth, everyone, over 21, felt free to do as he or she pleased, no interference
Sixth, each person's sense of community had space for privacy, as well
These six realities led to the seventh:
Personal freedoms respected, created
Cooperative attitudes, abounding, all around, with consistency, not
To be confused with rigidity

As several posts interrupted my diary of our two week holiday
Let's review before moving on ...
Will and I drove from the desert to the coast on a Friday
Each time we drive, packing is eased in this way:
A rod extends across the back seat, and
Clothes on hangers are transferred from closet to car, leaving
Plenty of space to see through the rear view mirror
Most other things are stuffed into a duffle and ... shopping bags
Upon arrival, we'll enjoy two days in Barry's guest suite, and
Before we can even unpack, we're whisked off to enjoy the state fair ...
Where, knowing that I can't walk very far
Barry rents a motorized scooter, and
Without mowing anyone down, I manage to
Maneuver my way through the crowds while
Keeping up with two energetic little guys and their friends
(Reminds me of decades back when we and our friends took
All of our kids to the fair, year in and year out)
Even with help from four year old Ray
I can't finish the giant drumstick, though I try!
Downing the roasted ear of corn offers no contest to me
And somehow, a delectable, vanilla ice cream cone
Swirls so quickly down my throat that I've no time
For consideration of calories to spoil my pleasure—I mean
Every now and then, even taste buds deserve respect, right?

On Saturday, David drives down with his 'Little Brother', Brant, who
Is now taller than his 'Big Brother' of five years
Each time Brant walks toward my open arms to share an embrace
He says: 'Hi Mom', making my heart smile
They sleep on an air mattress and in a sleeping bag, respectively
Marie's little guys sparkle with delight as
Contagious gaiety permeates each room of their new home
Joyously, they beg me to hide with them from everyone, and
Smiling mischievously, I do—repeatedly
Whenever someone finds us too quickly, Tony (5)  instructs them to
Look other places before returning to find us, wherever we are
It's the waiting in suspense that makes hide and seek such fun
No wonder why the simplicity of a child's mind intrigues me to no end ...
I mean, think about how pleasant life would be without
Confusion bred of intrigue foisted upon
The adult brain by social propriety, which directs us to
Be so false to what is felt deep inside that
Often times we confuse no one as much as ourselves!
And if that were not true, the spirit of the sage
Would not feel need to swoop down to say:
'Know thyself, Annie' with such frequency as to
Weary my mind with diving for insight!

On Sunday morning, Barry surprises us with
Chocolate chip pancakes, ala the Sunday tradition, which
Had been enjoyed by our houseful of growing boys and their buds
(See photos at the end of post 1400)
Then, early Sunday afternoon, Celina flies in with Ravi while
Steven hauls their stuff across state lines in their SUV ...
Baby gear fills the back of their truck to capacity!
Once we're all together, joyful togetherness bounces off the walls
Barry simplifies his decision to BBQ for ten by
Tweaking his plan, choosing to free himself
To enjoy all the fun by ordering ribs and chicken, and
With this change in plan, we
Revel in each other's company, because ...
This is the first time all ten of us have ever
Been in the same room at the same time (eleven, with Brant)
I figure out how to say yes to fun and safety when
Right after swimming, Marie's boys ask to bathe with Ravi
And all of the adults delight to see
Tony, Ray and Ravi fall in love at first sight!

Sunday night, Will and I move into our two bedroom/two bathroom
Ocean view time share with Celina, Steven and Ravi ... freeing
Barry's guest suite for David, who is glad to have a bed, while Brant
Who does not want to leave us but has no choice, returns
Home for this reason:
On Monday, his junior year of high school begins ... and
Every time he's with us, he drinks in some variation of
The same heartfelt drill that we gave to our boys:
Education opens amazing doors to those who earn their degrees ...
For the most part, I need say nothing, though my smile says it all
You see, I hear my words, from years ago, flow straight from
My adult sons' mouths into Brant's teen-aged ear ...
Suggesting once again that throughout every person's life ...
Some things are in need of change while
Others remain constant from generation to generation ...

1406(B) IS YOUR BRAIN STILL FOOLING YOU?

2015
Please glance up at the name of my blog before offering these horoscopic musings serious reconsideration:

When intuition tells you something different from what the rest of the world seems to be saying, whom do you trust?  (Here's how intuition differs from anxiety:  With intuition comes an insightful sense of clarity that inspires creativity to rebalance a plan in such a positively focused way as to calm anxiety, releasing peace of mind from captivity once personal needs have been reconsidered, all around.)

You may ask opinions of those you admire though you are well aware that they do not know your inner world a millionth as well as you do.  Trust yourself.

Just because something is difficult to understand and describe doesn't make it any less real ...
Brainstorm till the inexplicable makes sense to you..

A past encounter sets off a chain of events.  When life offers mystery, you are just the person to solve it and choose the fork in the road that frees you to kick up your heels with joy ...

(Repetition is not redundant when you realize that retention of insight, concerning the enhancement of personal joy and inner peace, is a viable goal ...)

Flew home from a family wedding in
Miwaukee, yesterday, suggesting why
My writing time between Thursday and today
Was limited, as most of my waking hours were
Spent embracing cousins from around
The country, who'd also chosen to celebrate
This joyous occasion with
Bride and groom and their extended families ...

Throughout all of the festivities, many toasts were
Made to good health for two reasons:
One, it's hard to believe
How quickly we've reached this age, and
One dearly loved cousin, whose
Dancing feet remained grounded
Is so unwell as to have been selected to
Participate in a clinical trial at Mayo, and
When her blue eyes welled with tears as
We held each other close while
Saying 'so long', so did mine ...

Tonight's dinner date with dear friends and
Tomorrow's play date with Ravi are sure to lift
The heaviness that hit my spirit like
A lead weight while hugging my cousin close ...
You see, her tears and then mine expressed
Heartfelt emotion, flowing
Back and forth, running too deep for words ...
During that hug, we communicated more of what
Each of us felt than either had been able to
Convey over this past year when
The harsh truth of her illness had
Silenced our voices each time we'd phoned

As you can see, creating balance in all things
Proves more important than ever as
We and our loved ones enter this last stage of life ...
And with that deeper truth in
The forefront of our minds
There's no time like the present to reconnect with
Every heart that remains open to welcoming our love ...

As none know what tomorrow may bring ...
I plan to embrace an attitude of generosity that
Directs my mind to offer my spirit the freedom to
Revel in every possible joy that love has to offer ...

1406(A) INTRO TO MY INEXPERIENCED ADVENTURES INTO PARENTING Part 39

2015
The magic inherent in intuition induced me to
Check out a post penned in the past, and
Much to my surprise, here is what I found, written years ago ...

Post 708 CONFUSION IS A SELF TRUST TROUNCER

As confusion can be a self trust trouncer

I work to minimize anxiety for this reason:
Anxiety interferes with our powers of logical reasoning
Once I regain control over my reasoning powers
Confusion is more likely to straighten itself out, and
Here's why that proves true, time and again:

Once my spirit brightens, insights are more likely to
Chug out of a tunnel inside my mind as naturally
As kernels of corn pop non stop in hot oil

At those times when anxiety causes my mind to feel

Too darkly complex for insights to pop

Suggesting that confusion is crowding

All sense of self trust into a dark spot within my mind
It's time to question whether several emotional reactions
Acting like jumping beans, are bouncing into each other while
I'm attempting to reorganize a semblance of
Logical thoughts to line up inside my head

At those times when several emotional reactions
Are leap frogging around, bouncing off
Each other like bumper cars
This next thought extends my patience:
Leaps and bounds of personal growth may be
Clashing with old mind sets inside my think tank ... Sooo ...
Though I may need to calm my emotional reactiveness down
That does not mean turning my churning emotional needs off

As calming Mother Nature's natural sense of
Emotional reactiveness makes good sense
My smarts aim to relax inner turmoil with dollops of
Introspective patience until
Nourishing kernels of personal growth begin to pop, suggesting
My need to reflect more deeply than ever over whatever experience
Has caused internal unrest to disrupt peace of mind
And once positive focus and mindful attention to

Detailing needs, all around, have been reconsidered in depth
Self trust begins to sense that insight into clarity, which

Balances emotion with logic, will soon be mine
And once insight into clarity is mine
My think tank taps into creativity, which inspires me to
Tweak a plan that did not offer peace of mind, first time round

Whew!  :)