Sorry, resistance suggests that my mind is not quite ready to dive into that memory, as of yet. And as readiness is everything, and as I do not take others to a place that feels bad, I'll offer myself the same loving kindness that I extend to my friends, suggesting I'll not force myself to do or say anything until I've mustered the courage to open that door without fear of regression.
In truth, I've not yet worked to muster as much courage as is needed to edit the scariest portion of this story for this reason: Other than posting insight into my decision-making process, my mind has been actively engaged in absorbing an abundance of love from people who expect nothing in return other than my love for them. Oh my gosh—what a relaxing week this has been!
Last Thursday, we flew to Seattle, where we celebrated a special occasion with several couples, who prove to be life long friends. As you may remember, we've been spending quite a lot of time with friends, who recognize our value in contrast to that which we'd recently experienced in terms of extended family emotional upheaval. I mean, feeling showered with smiles glowing with love is exactly what Will and I have been in need of... especially right now, while he is being prepped to withstand two months of radiation therapy, which lay directly ahead ...
Hmmm ... I believe insight just asked me to listen up: Perhaps I'm expecting too much of myself. Perhaps the recent loss of my mother and Will's cancer are challenge enough to handle, right now. Perhaps it's enough to hold one challenge in my left hand and the other in my right instead of tossing another ball into the air thus expecting my mind to juggle three of life's most challenging situations, all at once.
Wow! The intelligent nature of having recognized my need to shift my mind set offered my think tank reason to relax, proving it's not easy to think of myself as a human being rather than a human doer—doing as I should.
I wonder if you realize what you've just witnessed ...
Rather than worrying about disappointing you, my mind made a healthy shift toward taking good care of my present needs. And if, feeling disappointed, you turn away from me then perhaps we were not as meaningfully connected as I'd hoped was true.
As for those of you who have come to care so deeply as to muster the patience to wait until readiness is mine, please feel me hugging you, wholeheartedly, while expressing my gratitude at feeling worthy of your love just as I am ...
The drapes are open; the sun is shining; fresh grapefruit juice from my tree is awaiting my enjoyment while I sway back and forth on my patio swing, musing upon all there is to absorb about living a well balanced life where work and worry do not out weigh each person's existential need to run the bases until we home in on the vital importance of claiming our just reward for being good hearted souls.
If you ask me to name what I perceive as our 'just reward', I'd reply: The 'just reward' for being a good natured soul proves to be a wholehearted sense of high spirited love flowing freely, back and forth, untarnished by inner conflict born of fear. And with a mindset as positively focused as that permeating my mind, here is what I plan to do as soon as today's train of thought has been launched into cyberspace: I'll be sipping freshly squeezed juice on my patio swing, where thoughts concerning possibilities ignite a smile as bright as a sunbeam streaming across the desert sky, which reminds me of my father's sparkling blue eyes inviting a good little girl to set fear aside, dry her tears and nestle within the safe haven of his loving embrace until such time as her traumatized mother has recovered her sense of balance, which lucky for three year old me, she did.
Have you considered how often love and courage walk hand in hand?
In truth, I've not yet worked to muster as much courage as is needed to edit the scariest portion of this story for this reason: Other than posting insight into my decision-making process, my mind has been actively engaged in absorbing an abundance of love from people who expect nothing in return other than my love for them. Oh my gosh—what a relaxing week this has been!
Last Thursday, we flew to Seattle, where we celebrated a special occasion with several couples, who prove to be life long friends. As you may remember, we've been spending quite a lot of time with friends, who recognize our value in contrast to that which we'd recently experienced in terms of extended family emotional upheaval. I mean, feeling showered with smiles glowing with love is exactly what Will and I have been in need of... especially right now, while he is being prepped to withstand two months of radiation therapy, which lay directly ahead ...
Hmmm ... I believe insight just asked me to listen up: Perhaps I'm expecting too much of myself. Perhaps the recent loss of my mother and Will's cancer are challenge enough to handle, right now. Perhaps it's enough to hold one challenge in my left hand and the other in my right instead of tossing another ball into the air thus expecting my mind to juggle three of life's most challenging situations, all at once.
Wow! The intelligent nature of having recognized my need to shift my mind set offered my think tank reason to relax, proving it's not easy to think of myself as a human being rather than a human doer—doing as I should.
I wonder if you realize what you've just witnessed ...
Rather than worrying about disappointing you, my mind made a healthy shift toward taking good care of my present needs. And if, feeling disappointed, you turn away from me then perhaps we were not as meaningfully connected as I'd hoped was true.
As for those of you who have come to care so deeply as to muster the patience to wait until readiness is mine, please feel me hugging you, wholeheartedly, while expressing my gratitude at feeling worthy of your love just as I am ...
The drapes are open; the sun is shining; fresh grapefruit juice from my tree is awaiting my enjoyment while I sway back and forth on my patio swing, musing upon all there is to absorb about living a well balanced life where work and worry do not out weigh each person's existential need to run the bases until we home in on the vital importance of claiming our just reward for being good hearted souls.
If you ask me to name what I perceive as our 'just reward', I'd reply: The 'just reward' for being a good natured soul proves to be a wholehearted sense of high spirited love flowing freely, back and forth, untarnished by inner conflict born of fear. And with a mindset as positively focused as that permeating my mind, here is what I plan to do as soon as today's train of thought has been launched into cyberspace: I'll be sipping freshly squeezed juice on my patio swing, where thoughts concerning possibilities ignite a smile as bright as a sunbeam streaming across the desert sky, which reminds me of my father's sparkling blue eyes inviting a good little girl to set fear aside, dry her tears and nestle within the safe haven of his loving embrace until such time as her traumatized mother has recovered her sense of balance, which lucky for three year old me, she did.
Have you considered how often love and courage walk hand in hand?
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