1013 TWINKLE TWINKLE—REVISITED 8

(8)

If it’s true that the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother then my sister and I received that gift nine times over.  In addition to witnessing adoration in action, my father showered his daughters with devotion, as well, making it’s easy to see why an unrealistic expectation concerning my future husband’s rapture had unwittingly imprinted deeply into my mind.  In short, I’d unconsciously expected to see ‘the look of love’ directed at me, year after year—forever.

If Shakespeare’s head popped out of this post, right now

we'd surely hear love’s foremost scribe say:

Alas!

How naïve doth yonder maiden’s daydreams be

She, who emulates her father’s lust for life

Forgets that opposites attract

And thus, if unrealistic expectations cause hearts to weep
This damsel's spirit shalt surely take a tumble

Love stories are filled with ups and downs—

Ups tend to outnumber downs once subconscious fear is identified
If you ask why that proves historically true, I'd reply:
Fear breeds defensiveness, which
Knocks moments of open, honest intimacy on its ear

If you'd like to turn love gone wrong around
Then please remember this:
Opposites attract until
Power struggles for dominance cause them to repel
Once this struggle ensues
Defensiveness flips the intelligence switch to off while
Flipping the fighting, fleeing or clamming up switch to on
As that proves classically true of human nature

Tis wise to reconsider which role you take on as your own:
The cock-eyed optimist (something is to be gained) or
The closet pessimist (something will be lost)

As you shall see ...
It's vital to discern that which is in need of rebalancing
When friendship and love are in need of reconditioning

Early in my life, MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, will not yet have been published.  So, when my unabashedly passionate father grabs hold of my mother’s hand and recites his blessings, aloud, while he and she make their blissful way down three flights of stairs on that cloudy, ill fated, Saturday afternoon in November of 1946, no ‘relationship expert’ will have filled my parents' minds with the misconceived belief that men are naturally logical, women emotional.  Though I concede to the fact that estrogen and testosterone play significant roles in differentiating men from women, historically, women have been taught to freely express every sensitivity which warrior men have been shamed into repressing, suggesting that socially acceptable behavioral patterns are more often acquired than innate.

Next time you're at a football game watch for natural changes in emotional reactiveness when a guy's team goes from winning to losing.  Now, let's imagine standing in the stadium next to this guy when his team loses the Super Bowl in the last second of play.  Imagine sunny, high spirited elation sinking into a thunderous black cloud quick as lightening.  Somehow, while leaving the stadium, I can't see the men calming their sweethearts by patting their backs while soothingly saying:  No worries, Hon, it's just a game; there's always next year, and everything will work out in the end—who cares about a silly ring …

BTW, it's important to note the difference between suppressed emotion, suggesting emotion which is felt and accepted but not revealed vs. repressed emotion, suggesting emotion numbed to the point of believing it does not exist, at all.  Though subconsciously repressed emotion is numbed beyond feeling, it remains every bit as potent as emotion expressed or suppressed.  Repressed emotion is a hungry tiger, snoozing in a cage.  Awaken the tiger and hear it roar:  Feed me now or watch me bite!!

Each time numbed emotion is stirred by a memory or chance meeting, tension—simmering quietly within the brain's subconscious pressure cooker—bubbles up and boils over, causing the subconscious to flip its lid, and thus is the depth of whatever we truly feel, repressed at our core, consciously exposed.  That metaphor suggests 'Deeper Truth rising above Denial'.

Denial is tricky because it blinds us to that which we don't want to acknowledge as true.  As long as denial blinds us to reality, staring us in the face, we'll bump into our own defensive wall repeatedly.

Unfortunately, if deeper truth rises above denial too late to reveal the depth of our love for one another, eventually, we live with regret, as did Scarlett with Rhett.  And Annie with Joseph (a story we'll revisit with attention to insight when I grow to be a pre-teen).

I believe Socrates referenced the emergence of deeper truth over denial when he implored us to:  Know thyself.

As acceptable behavioral patterns are acquired, let's return to that fall day in 1946, when my mother asks my dad to take her shopping.  In this way, we can watch Jennie shy away from showing the depth of what she feels, even to herself, while Jack feels intuitively free to expose a kaleidoscope of emotions that prove natural to human beings of all ages and both sexes—as long as we are not shamed into sending ourselves on undeserved guilt trips for honoring our deepest sensitivities and acknowledging our unmet needs …