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At not quite three years old—and for many years thereafter—I did what most children do—I took the best aspects of life with my parents for granted. Today, reflection suggests that my parents shared two powerful strengths, which profoundly affected everyone in our family:
Each conveyed the ability to express love and accept love in return.
My father, whose eyes shone with a joyful passion for life, had been famous for flashing smiles as bright as sunbeams at his wife and daughters. As for Mom, the depth of her love of family cast a quiet glow as heartwarming as Dad’s natural bent toward expressiveness. I’d felt welcomed to nestle in the tender warmth of my mother’s embrace, and unknowingly, I'd looked to emulate her womanly traits in every way.
Each time I’d looked up at my Dad, I saw much more than a male authority figure. I saw a handsome, blue-eyed, blond, solidly built, super hero, who, in all of life’s arenas, seemed masterfully immune to defeat.
In reality, Dad had tipped out at five-foot-six. Even so, his super sized spirit had far surpassed his height, and his playful imagination proved so engaging, it’s no wonder why I grew up laughing at his corny jokes, worshipping the ground he walked on, and eagerly obeying his every word. In addition to being my first playmate—Dad was my hero.
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014
Years later, when I walk down the aisle and Will takes me as his bride, you'll see me take no issue with the verbiage: love, honor, and obey. Thought patterns are habits. My subconscious thought pattern: By serving the needs of others and receiving a smile, I'll feel safe from being abandoned, which I'd feared since the age of three. In the aftermath of our family's tragedy, saving myself from feeling abandoned became my greatest need, as is classically true of over-achieving pleasers.
As to why a child who is deeply loved developed abandonment issues, please stay tuned ...
As to why a child who is deeply loved developed abandonment issues, please stay tuned ...
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