Thursday, January 23, 2014

909 NGUOUY Part 73 100 YEARS AND COUNTING

January 2014
I am writing today's post from the Midwest
I fly here monthly to see my mom, who is one hundred years young
At least her spirit seemed younger than springtime until
Last year when breast cancer grabbed control over her life ....

September 9th, 2013
Mom's one hundredth birthday
Unbelievable!
Unbelievable to the point that, with great pride
I tell anyone who will listen how long
My lovely mother has graced our lives with her presence
Upon calling to wish my mother happy birthday
I am gratified to hear how many loved ones have called
Or stopped by her apartment in the senior residence to
Hug her close and wish her well
Most of all,  I'm glad to hear how loved she feels 
Mom's gala celebration will be held in the Midwest on September 21st
Will's Surgery is scheduled for September 24th
Though one side of my mind works to muster the courage
Necessary to mollify the depth of my fear ...
Intuition continues to whisper this question into my ear:
How can I fly to the Midwest and party with
Many loved ones who plan to honor my mother when
It's nearly impossible to force myself to leave my house?
When Yom Kippur arrives at the end of this week
You'll see me at home, unable to
Unclench my muscles enough to
Ready myself to attend services …
If we move ahead one day to 
September 10th, you'll play witness to what takes place
When a much loved college friend, Margie and
Her significant other, Mike, fly in to hold us close
She takes one look at my wan spirit, pale face
Darkly ringed eyes, and sudden weight loss and
Calmly, warmly gathers me into her compassionate embrace ...
Feeling, somehow, a bit safer in her presence
My mind opens up to my dear friend of 53 years and
I ask aloud that which I could not bear to say to myself ...
How can I go to Mom's party, right before Will's surgery
When I can barely eat, sleep or unclench my muscles enough to move?
Annie, everyone who loves you and Will wants what's best for
Both of you during this deeply trying time ...
You don't need to go if you need to be here...
What?  Not go?  Of course I need to go!
How often does my mother turn one hundred?
The idea of placing my needs on the same level as
That which my mother needs of me offers no peace of mind ...
At least not yet
Why not?  Because ...
Generally speaking, we say—
Attitude, timing and readiness are everything—for this reason:
It takes time to develop the readiness to consider my needs, along with
The needs of loved ones, without
Raining undeserved guilt upon my own head …


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