Sunday, January 19, 2014

905 NGUOUY Part 69 A NEED TO EXPLORE MY MINDSET …

Once, during an extended time of inner conflict
I had need to rest my mind from
Inner turmoil for quite a spell
And while my mind was at rest 

I learned that some, whom I'd considered lovingly supportive
Had labeled me an 'all or nothing' person, as in
Uncaring, selfish, fragile when in truth, my mind felt so confused
For so long that my spirit just 'plumb wore out'

Though the nature of that life changing experience
Made me exceedingly sad, eventually, exhaustion passed and
My spirit got to feeling so mad that my original mindset, which
Had placed the needs of others way above my own, fell apart

At that time when my mindset had sound reason to fall apart
I had the good sense to examine all of the puzzling pieces until
The bigger picture fit together in such an unexpected way as
To show myself as having been too empathetic for my own good

So the first thing my spirit had need to muster was
The self trust necessary to calm my injured ego on the spot
Next, my spirit had need to muster the maturity to
Mollify the madness that made me want to go to war

Upon quelling my defensive desire to insult insult with insult
My mind tunneled toward insight into my need to develop
The self confident clarity that proves necessary
If conflict resolution, rather than retaliation, is truly my goal

Then, as insight had offered me clarity into
Identifying my best character traits
I mustered the grace to reply to every darkly assumptive assault
With a sense of patient resolve to adhere to my path of win-win

Please note that my compassionate response to each attack
Was not based in the insight of a sage
Nor in the patience of a saint, but rather in this quote:
Be the change you wish for the world ... Gandhi

And to that end, I pledge my conscious decision to
Work painstakingly toward developing the patience of
person, whose think tank is capable of tunneling
Ever more deeply toward insight into human nature for this reason:

I hope, at first, to lead myself toward absorbing this fact:
An attitude of 'all or nothing'
(with me or against me)
Proves to be self limiting

Then, hopefully
My stories may inspire countless others
To choose to follow my lead by
Exploring their mind sets, as well

Story by story, you'll come to see
What happens when I stretch toward
Giving my all until utter exhaustion hits so hard
There's nothing left of me to give, at all

Though that's who I was
(and since that didn't work very well)
Today, I feel free to say that my self limiting attitude
Has changed for the better in this way:

Today, I've grown to be a person who knows
To listen when intuition is leading my thought processor toward
Accomplishing a heartfelt mission—though
You'll not see my spirit push me to the point of exhausting my mind

Today, I'm no longer a complacent settler
Who will, one day, reflect back regretfully
Over roads not taken though
Opportunity beckoned, repeatedly

Today, I know myself to have grown to be
A self confident, competent map making explorer
Who embraces opportunity, graciously
Each time an adventure into the great unknown knocks at my door

Today, I accept the fact that
Some will tunnel toward developing insight into unmet needs
And some will not
(In truth, acceptance of that fact proves far from easy :)

Today, I work humbly to examine my mindsets
Thus offering my processor countless opportunities to
Develop a better sense of balance concerning when to lead myself
When to lead others and when to follow the lead of another

As insight into rebalancing my thought processor
Stops the fight/flee/freeze impulse from directing my decisions
Inner conflict can't grow so confounding
As to drive my mind crazy

You see, rather than allowing inner conflict to
Make me feel crazy, I call upon self trust to come up with
An insightful plan that allows me to be
True to those I love and myself, as well …

And what I ask could offer
A weary mind, torn in half
A more soothing, healing, re-energizing balm
Than that :)

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