482 WHY PROCESS THAT WHICH 'SEEMS' UNRELATED?

Do you remember a few weeks back
When I said our family had experienced a serious loss?
Well, over these past several weeks
My mind has clearly (?) been functioning in a scattered state
While working to comprehend why
One plus one plus one did not add up to three

While working—subconsciously—to comprehend
This whirlwind that caused life to turn upside down
Creative thought processing does not come easy
And since this state of inner turbulence
Is still rushing around, deep within
I've not felt like story-telling for a while

As I know better than to force creativity
My mind has turned toward
Rereading older posts
In hopes of reabsorbing insights
Which had served to settle my mind
During yesteryear's trying times

As usual
Whenever I reread
That which I've written
The editing process starts up in my brain
So rather than creating new posts
I've been editing those penned in the past

Hopefully, insight into family history
May jump start subconscious wheels
To spin within the detective side of my mind
And with time
As I process my way toward comprehending
The main reason why
Fate tossed this current live fire cracker into our laps
My mind may settle in a peaceful place, once again

Once peace of mind is mine
The creative side of my story will move forward
As though all on its own ...
And if asked how I know that to be true
I'd say say, I don't know it, I sense it ...

And so until the scattered nature
Of my mind works to settle itself down
Here is why
I hope you'll have patience
With whatever my brain
'Feels' the need to expose:

I think it is safe to surmise that just as insights
Transformed confusion into clarity
In posts penned in the past
We can expect a swarm of insights to pop out
Of my head—one by one
Which may serve to get us from point A to B
Some time soon

And if you ask
Annie
How do you know
That to be true
I'd reply
I just feel it in my gut

Each time I feel instinct speaking to me, like right now
It's as if the voice of some sage is suggesting that
Thoughts, which seem disjointed, today
May be just what the scattered nature
Of my mind needs to consider
Before the healing balm of clarity can soothe confusion away

It's probable that during these weeks following
This most recent, unexpected, irretrievable loss
My subconscious mind has been so busy, stripping denial away
That my conscious mind has been unable to function at full speed
And thus, once subconsciously suppressed emotion emerges
Permitting me to feel the depth of my pain, inner peace will prevail

Hmmm ... guess what just popped out of my mind?
An insight offered up, years ago, by Dr. David Schnarch:
Annie—you have all the data, necessary
To make sense out of painful nonsense—
Once you figure out how these disjointed pieces fit together
A bigger picture will appear—as never before

You see, once subconscious turbulence
Has been clearly identified and understood
Mental irritation, catalyzed by a relentless state of confusion
Is soothed
And once both sides of the mind feel reconnected
The calming balm of inner peace resumes

Once balance has been restored
Between one's conscious and subconscious states of mind
The sour taste

Of yesterday's unprocessed memory

Is replaced
By the state of today's newly processed awareness

Each time mental irritation works to re-stabilize
Both sides of my mind
A sweet sense of logic buoys my belief
That tomorrow will offer the sense of fulfillment
Which had been unexpectedly dashed against the rocks, recently
And when mental clarity resumes, my creative juices will flow, anew

Though my mind is still stirring
With that sour taste of confusion, today
I believe that with time, we'll have reason to witness
Dashed hopes morph into a sweet sense of clarity
Concerning the classic way that an unnamed fear
Catalyzed yet another deeply valued relationship to crack in half

Once this sense of clarity is mine
I feel confident that subconscious irritation will wain
And the door to the storytelling side of my mind
Will open as naturally
As my heart pumps energizing oxygen
Throughout my body

In the meantime—
Only my shadow-self knows
When the next story will pop up on your screen ...
Oh yes, one more thing:
FYI Dr. David Schnarch
Authored PASSIONATE MARRIAGE

Your friend, Annie