406 NO! NO! NOT AGAIN!!! Part 14

14
2002
After musing for a moment, Mom responds, "You're right, Annie. You and Lauren were very good children.  I don't know anyone who went for help during the 1950's unless problems were severe, and we can't know the degree of misery others stuff inside."


"Mom, I'm beginning to realize that we don't know the misery we stuff inside, ourselves...


When I was a young mother, FATE smiled in my direction by introducing me to a neighbor who, in turn, introduced me to The Family Education Association (FEA).  While reflecting back, it's clear to see why I attended those by-monthly meetings without fail.  Why I devoured countless, self help books, which taught me how to choose my words carefully and listen, patiently, in hopes of encouraging my children to open up to me... but not just to vent...

I know that, Annie.  I've learned so much while watching you raise the boys.

Whenever my children expressed emotion freely, I'd acknowledge their feelings, so they'd felt heard, valued, connected.  Once we were emotionally connected (not to be confused with enmeshed) we'd engage in discussions that expanded their perspectives, little by little. Then, we'd consider creative problem-solving techniques, which I'd read, absorbed, and eventually, The creative center of my brain conjured up simple plans that 'magically' considered personal needs, all around.

Over time, I'd work at boosting each child's self confidence until they'd mustered the courage to stand up for themselves and go toe to toe with whatever problem arose, whether at home or in school.  As each child experienced success, far more often than not, their minds absorbed many of the same problem solving techniques that I'd acquired during FEA workshops.

(Then, while eagerly amassing a self help library, I unknowingly re-raised myself.)


Upon recognizing that we all start out as 'problem solving beginners', I told my sons to consider our plans as experiments, meaning we'd have to pay attention to the reasons why some did not succeed.  Since many of our experimental plans met with success, a communal sense of trust developed throughout our family.


As years passed and my mind soaked in knowledge, I felt inspired to create an emotional environment whereby we'd openly ask each other for help.  And in this way, our family grew accustomed to offering help by putting our heads together in hopes that whenever a problem arose, we'd brainstorm cooperatively, thus ironing out conflicts before wrinkles transformed into permanent pleats.  In short, we learned to welcome the concept family meetings designed with cooperative attitudes in mind.


At this point, after absorbing and teaching respectful methods of assertive communications to people of all ages over most of my adult life, I’ve become aware of this fact:  The learning process never ends.  Whether we know it or not, each of us gropes to understand identity issues through every stage of life.  

Unfortunately ... *We can't see into the depths of our issues unless we seek help, because our defense systems are programmed to run interference with clarity ...

"That's really confusing, Annie."


You bet it is, Mom.  In fact, there's nothing more puzzling than pinpointing our own contradictions, which fog up the mental processing centers of our brains.  *We have no clue of how often we give ourselves and each other mixed messages ... and mixed messages make life really messy.  For example ..."