11 BULLY FOR ME Part 5 DENIAL WEAVES FANTASIES

11   BULLY FOR ME  Part 5 DENIAL WEAVES FANTASIES

Common knowledge suggests that no one leaves childhood unscathed by ‘evil spells’.  However here’s where fairy tales and memoirs part ways:  Whereas fairy tales offer princes and princesses happily-ever-after endings, reality charges real, live guys and gals with seeking out paths where self-awareness is what frees one from evil spells, over time.

          
I mean what might have happened had Hansel and Gretel abandoned each other when life got dark as a forest or hot as an oven?  Though storybook characters depend upon each other's courageous support during life's darkest hours that's when live people lean toward divorce.

         
With thoughts of pulling together vs. pulling apart, let’s consider this:  Harrowing experiences create confusion.  And during confusing times, contradicting traits compete for space inside our minds.  Then to make matters worse, denial blinds us from seeing our vulnerabilities with clarity, so pots call kettles black.  Thus does the blame-game heighten pain all around.
         
In my opinion, this is NOT how love makes the world go round.  This is how fear and fury spin clarity into La La Land.
        
Though embarking upon a quest for self discovery may be a scary thought, I envision life as a Create-My-Own-Adventure.  And here's how that came to be:  While my mom consciously nurtured each of her daughters to grow into unique individuals, my dad's sense of adventure injected us with the strength of his spirit.
         
Even so, people are people where ever we go—meaning that all people are vulnerable to denial—most especially during difficult times.
        
Each time you witness the strength of my spirit nearing collapse, my defense system will sweep me on to the stage of Denialand, where I’ll produce, direct, star in and believe in my own productions for decades on end.  In short, denial will serve me well until I weave a fantasy, which cannot sustain the test of time.

         
Eventually, my pattern of denying subconscious pain will plague my marriage.  Today, when can't figure out how I got from 'there to here', I question whether denial is blocking my way.  However I’m getting ahead of myself, so let’s consider one last insight for today:


If balance in all things is a rule of thumb then visiting Denialand enables a person's spirit to make it through a fearsome time.  However any attempt to move one’s entire life into Denialand weaves a fantasy that's bound to explode.  And …

Once Fantasyland bombs, depression descends—BIGTIME.

At eleven years old, I'm still decades away from my Fantasyland’s collapse.  So when next we meet I'll show you how The Furies of Inner Conflict devil me, night after night.  Then I'll introduce the person who tries to save me from seriously injuring myself …