So here I stand in front of our brand new, two story, red brick, Georgian-styled house (no straw, wood or wolves to be seen) with Hebrew books in hand. As my self-image has suffered no flagrant fouls, I'm eager to befriend the ‘innocent’ children who, along with me, are on their way to the compassionate house of God.
With no clue that a battle with the mean minded BULLY OF THE BUS is about to ensue, I climb into the van and begin to take a seat.
As I'm unprepared for what’s to come, my vulnerability is exposed.
With one quick glance, THE BULLY OF THE BUS spies an easy target and sets his beady sights on me. Then seizing the moment, he lands a solid sucker punch straight into my gut—without so much as lifting a hand.
You see, with one God-awful, hair-raising roar, this mean-minded Ring Master reaches into my head, grabs my brain and flings my senses right out of that van. If you wonder how that bully shatters my self-confidence, quick as a whip lash tames the cat in the cage, well, here’s what spews out of that bully’s mean mouth:
Oh my God! Look what we’ve got here!
Move over! Waaaaay over!
I’m not sitting next to THAT!
HEY-YOU, make room for—FATTY—over THERE!!!
And from that moment on I am the butt (literally) of countless fat jokes, which entertain an entire busload of kids, every time I climb into that van.
And from that moment on I am the butt (literally) of countless fat jokes, which entertain an entire busload of kids, every time I climb into that van.
So there it is—one defining moment that determines my lack of confidence with guys for decades to come. You see, once I take this whack to the head, my brain's inner compass flies off course. In lieu of a well balanced compass, my perspective, concerning my relationships with guys will veer off center for many a year.
In case you'd like to ask: Annie, can an evil spirit really knock out a person’s self-confident, brain power in one fell swoop? Well, in truth, the strength of the human spirit does not deflate as fast as a blown up balloon, left untied, goes Ffffffttttt! You see traits like:
Resilience and perseverance exhaust, little by little, one tortuous step at a time.
And to make matters worse—the more resilient the spirit the more stubbornly a person endures onslaughts of negative energy until the day dawns when something HUGE flies in from out of the blue and smashes what's left of the compass, thus catalyzing the spirit's final collapse.
When that something HUGE flies in from out of the blue—a little later in this story—you'll witness wild roars of laughter grind the last shards of my spirit into dust. At that point, what little is left of my social self confidence will be toast.
AND THAT WILL BE THAT FOR DECADES TO COME!
As I’ve revealed very few details, thus far, please keep this insight in mind: the little that you know of my childhood is not all there is to know—meaning that many missing puzzle pieces have yet to be retrieved. Once every essential fact has been plugged into all of my stories' holes, a bigger picture will be revealed. And not until then will the puzzle be solved as to why I was empowered to take a courageous stand in defense of others but not in behalf of myself.
As you shall see (in a story yet to come), defining moments commonly occur younger than ten years of age. However rather than pedaling backward to an earlier stage in my life, at this time, let’s turn the page and check out that which I’ll choose to endure every time I agree (?) to descend, silently, into the bowels of Hell—until a day dawns, when my spirit shouts—EnOUgH!
As you shall see (in a story yet to come), defining moments commonly occur younger than ten years of age. However rather than pedaling backward to an earlier stage in my life, at this time, let’s turn the page and check out that which I’ll choose to endure every time I agree (?) to descend, silently, into the bowels of Hell—until a day dawns, when my spirit shouts—EnOUgH!
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