Love this cartoon. So fitting.🙂
Yesterday, I came to realize that My Fixer has yet again emerged from deep within the recesses of my over active mind, and she has been bullying ‘my love of family’ to fix everything that had been broken long before Shawn’s death had opened my sweet niece’s Pandora’s Box … so with that insight soothing the anxious state of my mind, hopefully, my confused feelings of inner conflict will begin to resolve, freeing my lost sense of inner peace to relax—unless this insight is just the first in a string of insights, each one about to ignite the next as has been true countless times in the past. Let’s see what evolves as today’s post develops …
Just returned from Mayo—lab tests ordered by my autonomic neurologist. More about that, later.
How interesting it is to note that our defense systems are wired to focus your antenna and mine toward blaming others for our discontent instead of looking to see if the real culprit lurks within the deeply conflicted portions of our very own minds. I continue to hope that a string of insights will develop, offering my mind sound reason to stop moping over everything that’s beyond my capacity to ‘fix’..
If only ‘my fixer’ would rattle its cage instead of emerging from my subconscious with such stealth in her attempts to take charge of my brain, initiating a plethora of inner conflicts, each of which, remaining unidentified, creates a continuous sense of confusion that gives rise to anxiety, based in my processor feeling at odds with itself, and not until the divided state of my mind feels whole, again, can I feel safe within my own skin.
With a bell fastened round my fixer’s neck, my sharpened sense of awareness would collar her to a short leash so quickly as to calm my conscious mind before anxiety, based in a compounding sense of consternation, arises, again. In this way, if my fixer whispers—Your loved ones are in distress, do something, Annie, to lessen their stress—I’ll know to respond—All I can do is to offer my love while setting my primary focus toward buoying my spirit in hopes of healing myself, day by day. And once my divided mind has reset its compass to focus primarily upon accepting the lengthy nature of my on-going recovery, my restored sense of wholeness will offer my anxiety sound reason to relax, knowing full well that my energy source has need to refuel its readiness to accept the next personal challenge that’s bound to arise, because the aging process stops for no one—so hopefully, by re-setting my active mind —I’ll recoup mental energy to spare—and now that my long range goal (concerning my current need to concentrate my focus upon my recovery) has been clarified by my intuitive voice, yet again, my over achiever will choose to relax at least enough to grab a nap after spending time with Anne Tyler’s host of quirky characters until my eyelids grow heavy and close on their own.
🙋🏻♀️🥱Annie
PS Hopefully, you’re enjoying a good day 😴
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