The day I was scheduled for a PET scan, which
Was to be read STAT, my processor was operating on
Slo mo and fuzzied up, easily, while my intellect
Struggling with inner conflict, worked overtime to
Hold onto a train of thought that proves so
Life threatening as to naturally stimulate anxiety to
Spike straight through my well practiced
Line of self control, and I believe that
My defensive reaction to danger closing in indicated
The eruption of suppressed emotionality filtering into
The conscious portion of my mind, thus
Running interference with my hold on logic
Recently, mental fuzziness subsided as
My disbelief (concerning the pulmonologist’s
Preliminary diagnosis of cancer) was swept aside once
The radiologist, who read my PET scan, agreed that
The mass, seen in two lobes within
My right lung (which is comprised of three) is
A cancer that is rarely seen in the lung
Thank goodness, the radiologist found
My left lung, which is naturally
Comprised of two lobes, to be clear of
Invasion, thus far, and then the report added
A factor that added a bit of mystery in that
A haziness within the affected lung hints at
A slight possibility that a pneumonia-like infection
Can be detected, and the only way to make
An affirmative diagnosis of what type of
Cancer has affected a large portion of the tissue is to
Biopsy my right lung, so a bronchoscopy was
Conducted as the next step at hand in hopes of
Identifying the invader that Fate snuck into
My lung, uninvited, to disrupt my life's
CREATE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE, because
I most certainly would not freely choose to
Take part in these experiences, which have my family and
Friends worrying about what may or may not
Await me, directly ahead, and if there's one thing
I feel adamant about it's this—
Having recovered from several serious
Surgeries over my adult life—No one is going to
Break my ribs—at least that’s my processor’s
Defensive attitude, right now, though, as
We know full well, the only constant in life is change, so
It’s highly probable that as my diagnosis narrows down to
Pinpoint exactly what flavor of cotton candy has
Amassed within my lung, it’s a sure bet that as forceful as
I sound today, common sense will win over emotion, thus
Changing my stubborn stance for the better as
Reality and decision-making skills mix it up with lucidity
As of today, I believe suppressed anxiety is
Making itself known in this way:
Currently, while engaged in conversation concerning
My health, my processor is slow on the uptake as
If my think tank is reluctant to navigate its way through
A highly complex train of thought, which feels scarier
Than running into a witch on Hallows Eve, apple in hand
Once my original disbelief stepped aside
This emotional invasion calmed down, and
I believe brain space has been clearing to invite courage to
Strengthen so that as my trains of thought face up to
One of life’s harshest realities, my spirit, rather than
Sinking, will dive ever more deeply into
The most intuitive portion of my mind, which
Upon engaging with the conscious portion of
My brain, will coach my thought processor
How best to maneuver through whatever lies ahead by
Truly concentrating most of my focus upon living
One day at a time so as to control feeling overwhelmed by
Fear of which outcome Fate will choose to be mine—
Interestingly, when my current health is at the heart of
Any ‘conversation’ (which is presently A LOT)
I feel much more lucid while writing than while
Speaking, and that makes me surmise that
Speaking and writing must naturally utilize
Different parts of our brains, or perhaps
Listening to my problems verbalized aloud stimulates
Depths of suppressed emotion to feel so aroused as
To filter through my line of control as though
My sense of emotion and logic are playing Red Rover or
Perhaps, the act of writing is so methodically
Word by word that emotion is described rather than
Expressed and felt
As I’ve chosen to save best for last, here
Is the most encouraging news recorded within
My PET scan report, which upon leaping out at me
Gladdens my spirit, each time this fact comes to mind as if
I’d just thrown back a strong shot of tequila with
A float of hope-inspired relief:
I remind myself, repeatedly, that no foreign cells were
Found in my nodes, suggesting that, thus far
The tumor (which, as you know
I've named so as not to perceive of my body hosting
An evil visitor against my free will ) continues to be
Contained—Gynormous Whew!
As we know, the first biopsy was non-conclusive; however
The interventional radiologist, who performed the second
Attempt felt that he obtained samples that will provide
The answers we need to move forward.
Over this past week, my days have been quiet, except for
Time spent with doctors or other appointments, which Will and
David so generously drive me to; as to evenings
Will and I have been actively engaged with family and
Several couples, who've stepped up to the plate so
Naturally that Will’s spirit and mine feel buoyed, and
Our hearts feel thoroughly infused with
The strength of courage attributed to
The force field of love, which
Is as imperative to maintaining good health as is
The inhalation of oxygen suffused with the richness of
Positively focused support—not a naysayer to be seen!
GO! FIGHT! WIN!
PS
I’ve named the invader COTTON CANDY for
Several reasons: Firstly, if perception is
A person’s reality and if you know me at all then
It will come as no surprise that a touch of humor (most
Often the corny kind) tends to tickle the funny bone of
My patience whenever mustering another shot of
Courage proves wise to ensure that my tag team of
Inner strengths does not wain when the rapids get rough
Why concentrate on that trio of traits
(Courage, humor and patience)when
So many more are necessary to lighten
My spirit’s heavy load?
Because that trifecta, intertwined, serve as
Head coach, which inspires the rest of
My inner strengths to stand at attention in readiness to
Leap into the fray, no slouching or droopiness
To be seen—As to crying, that’s one
Vulnerability, which promotes good health in that
No one can face a gynormous challenge
Without releasing drops of despair so as to
Get through stormy sets of rapids in hopes of
Re-setting my sights upon basking on the other side of
Hardship in a state of healing propelled by
A jubilant host of loved ones rejoicing as one
On a sun kissed shore ...
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