Monday, November 11, 2019

AN INTUITIVE TRAIN OF THOUGHT SPOTLIGHTS MY NEED TO EMPOWER THE DEVELOPMENT OF A HOST OF PERSONAL STRENGTHS IN THE AFTERMATH OF CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

The answer to the riddle (which awaits
Your processor’s consideration directly
Below), will be threaded throughout
Today’s intuitive stream of
Consciousness so as to offer
Your think tank an ever deepening awareness of
The mental complexity that exists within
The subconscious portion of
Every human brain—so let’s straighten
Our thinking caps in readiness to spotlight
The answer to this riddle—

What is to be gained by considering
A detailed account of Annie’s and Joseph’s
Star-crossed story?
(If you are new to my blog, please note
That, having changed everyone’s names, I
Refer to myself as Annie and my husband
As Will) for reasons which will
Become apparent, down the road)

And now, having offered you time to
Straighten your thinking cap—
Here we go—

One glance at this week's stats shows us that
The number of South Koreans who are choosing to
Consider my trains of thought continues to
Increase, offering my processor sound reason to extend
A warm welcome to those of you who feel inspired to
Connect your hopes and dreams for a peaceful future with
Mine concerning world wide need to seek out and
Make sound use of a host of communication skills, which
Being mutually respectful, will serve to expand
Narrow mindsets toward communal need to
Heighten current levels of patience as
Proves necessary if we are to listen ever more
Objectively (less defensively) to opinions based in
Experiences that differ from our own, and every time
One of my trains of thought challenges your processor to
Feel inspired to climb up yet another rung on
The ladder of emotional maturity by setting
Bursts of impatience in time out
You and I may find both of our processors engaging in
Debates so calmlycompassionately, respectfully, and
Proactively as would teammates, who
Have been coached to set defensive emotionality aside while
Focusing their mental strengths upon working together to
Change life on our planet for the better, little by little, here
There, everywhere (Peace core style) until
We’ve worked toward expanding
A circle of love in which the on-going well being of
Every individual is valued so highly as to be naturally
(Rather than begrudgingly) considered by one and all—

Common sense suggests that we need to raise a generation of
Future leaders, whose minds are trained to
Prioritize the integration of universal values into
Daily life rather than blindly giving our values no more than
Lip service until overwhelming problems, which we did not
Consider our own to resolve, eventually, seep into
Our lives (for instance, mass shootings) as
Happens repeatedly throughout history whenever
Greed divides people into haves and have nots, meaning that
Again and again, we fail each other as well as ourselves until
Despair hits us all, and once we are reunited in misery
We come together in hopes of listening and speaking in
Such a bonding manner as to work toward achieving
An inter-related set of realistic, long range goals that
Serve the needs of the majority, rather than only the '0ne %'

If today’s intuitive train of thought (meaning that I feel
As if this post is, somehow, writing itself) seems
Idealistic, let’s remember fifty years back when
A group of highly intelligent individuals, who had
Dedicated their brain trust toward working together while
Shooting for the moon, realized their long range
Goal of landing a spacecraft right on the bullseye, where
A team of courageous, well trained astronauts chose to
Take a humongous leap of faith for
The betterment of humankind—as a whole—and
If we know that the concept of teamwork has already
Achieved astounding feats of training and transporting
Courageous teams of human beings to
Fly through space, land on the moon, followed by
Successfully transporting these brave souls to
Return, safe and sound, back home, where with
Great jubilance, we, who had held our breath until
Their splash down on Planet Earth then
Why doubt the fact that we can succeed in meeting
Today’s challenge of ‘training’ each thirsty
Young brain in your family and mine to
Identify, process and absorb the divisive ways that
Our defense systems insult, demean and disrespect
Each other rather than utilizing our intelligence to
Educate our young to comprehend
Universal need to consciously seek to
Deepen our comprehension concerning
Classic reasons as to why children grow up feeling so
Rebellious against parental authority as to feel
Compelled to unconsciously push loved ones
Away whenever a natural sense of
Heartfelt conflict arises between one generation and
The next, releasing flashes of red hot anger that
Zing back and forth unless our collective need to
Actively brainstorm toward creating a mutually
Respectful emotional environment (by maintaining
A solid connection to logic on both sides) is so
Deeply established in home after home that
The processors of each member in your family and
Mine are no longer so defensively reactive as to be
Reduced to lambasting each other until one person’s
Need to usurp the position of egocentric dominance over
Everyone else seems to  ‘win' over the resentful acceptance of
Subservience from the other family members until the on-going
Nature of dueling attitudes is triggered to emerge and resume, yet again

Upon choosing to gain the wisdom necessary to
Train my brain to resolve conflicts with
Loved ones by way of enhancing
My absorption of listening and speaking skills
I came to embrace my need to listen for those times
When my power of intuition is proactively whispering
Insight driven words of wisdom (passed down through
The ages by yesteryear’s sages) into
My ear thus motivating my defensive need to
Protect my personal sense of safety to sit in
A time out chair before anger, grabbing hold of
My processor, reacts rashly or feels so threatened as to
Retreat subserviently from conflict rather than
Mustering the patience and courage to consciously calm
My anxiety’s natural uprising of emotional reactivity in time to
Free my processor to peaceably navigate my way through
Each next bout of argumentative reactiveness, which, from time to
Time, bares its teeth once seething frustration, raging
Back and forth throughout my extended family, is in need of
A captain, whose think tank has been consciously trained to
Maintain such a shipshape manner of listening
Before replying in such a mutually respectful manner as to
Stop tidal waves of emotional reactiveness from rocking
Life boats so furiously as to recklessly capsize everyone’s
Personal sense of safety before the well being of
Each individual has been compassionately considered so as to
Stabilize the family lifeboat as an intelligently reunited
Whole, and in order to supply you with examples of
Conflict resolution that strengthened our family relationships
My stories will illustrate the depths of
My processor’s self motivation to captain the mother ship, which
Transported each of my three sons from their naturally
Rambunctious, contentious high spirited childhood toward
Developing open minded attitudes concerning each one's need to
Embrace the concept of personal responsibility for
Their conscious choice of attitudes, words,
Actions and behaviors, and so—whether you see yourself as
Captaining a row boat, sail boat, motormouth—whoops—I mean
Motor boat or ocean going vessel, every adult has need to
Become a role modeling leader whose heartfelt strengths feel
Fully committed to working as valiantly, compassionately
Patiently and tirelessly as is humanly possible if
We aspire to guide our populous as a whole toward
Participating soulfully in guiding our families to aspire
Toward reaching a shoreline where brainstorming toward
Achieving peaceful conflict resolution ensures
Everyone’s right to voice differing opinions once
The steadying nature of the captain’s gift of insight serves
To shine its spotlight upon each person’s dignified need to
Stand in support of each other's self respectful
Emotional intelligence while leadership works to maintain
A unifying steadfast position at the helm during
Each next stormy emergence of unmet needs, which are
Bound to erupt until, eventually, emotional defensiveness
Bows to leadership's growing sensitivity to consciously
Inspire each person’s personal connection to positively
Focused attitudes of self respect and mutual respect to
Strengthen and preserve an awesome sense of
Familial security as happened when fate passed
The maternal baton of leadership into my hand at which time
I shocked my (subconscious) mantra of ‘Personal safety first’ into
Submission in favor of consciously developing a newfound attitude of
Emotional risk-taking, which inspired my sense of readiness to
Connect ever more naturally with my power of intuitive thought, which
Continues to encourage my smarts to expand the narrow boundaries of
My processor’s scope so as to take courageous leaps of faith away from
My defense system's fearful, self protective smoke screens, which
Had served to fog up my connection to clarity concerning
Emergent realities that proved too painful to consciously
Acknowledge until I experienced sound reason to differentiate between
Decisions that constitute a united state of mutually respectful
Familial closeness, which is directly opposed to my past need to
Participate in relationships, which (rather than providing
One and all with emotional environments that breed
Lasting friendships based in mutual respect) had promoted
Relationships that proved to be deeply enmeshed within
The unhealthy emotional environment where leadership declared
‘You're 100% with me or 100% against me' no room whatsoever for
Any peaceable discussions once negatively focused
Attitudes of mutiny and betrayal had leapt into argumentative
Reactions, which stormily implied: ‘It's my way or
The open highway in the opposite direction for you!'
And not until I grew consciously aware of
Having repressed a serious lack of self worth during
Childhood, which saw me taking on
The subservient role of 'follower', did fate
Offer my processor sound reason to open my eyes to
Need to sweep cobwebs of my persona’s false
Front of pretense out of my sunny viewfinder in
Favor of clearly (and painfully) retraining
My mind’s eye to refocus my suddenly, deeply
Confounded, heavily weighted, downtrodden
Spirit toward acknowledging personal need to
Make sound use of my smarts by working toward
Scaling each next level of my defensive, self protective wall of
Denial in hopes of eventually setting my sights upon
A set of long range goals that proves so profound as to remain
Way beyond our current generation’s grasp though
A wealth of knowledge concerning this subject (of
Knowing oneself in depth ala Socrates) is presently at hand, and
Over these last forty-eight years of my life, nothing
(Inclusive of bouts of mental exhaustion, which led my spirit to
Temporarily experience defeat) has detoured
My impassioned attitude from adhering to this intuitive belief:
Sometime in the future, a blessed day
Will dawn when information concerning
Skillful communications will be taught in
School after school to millions of children, who
Will be coached by their parents’ and teachers’
Positively focused attitudes to aspire to
Absorb heightened levels of emotional maturity thus
Empowering tomorrow’s leadership as well as
The general populous with personal need to
Work together ever more earnestly toward
Achieving the worthy accomplishment of
Placing a high value upon personal growth spurts focusing
Upon the importance of directing each person’s
Current level of emotional intelligence toward
Connecting ever more naturally with intuitive streams of
Insight, which will serve to deepen humankind's
Sense of self awareness (as continues to be true of
My personal quest to painstakingly reassemble
A healthy sense of my need to reconnect
The dots of my life in such a way as to have reassembled
The bigger picture of my life so clearly that
Portions of my self worth, which had been shattered by
Fate before my third birthday, have been identified and
Restored, suggesting why, at this late stage in my life
I freely commit my smarts to spend hours, each day
Penning and sending posts highlighting
My processor's sense of progress concerning
Knowing myself in depth into cyberspace though
The fruit of my labor (concerning inspiring millions of
Adults to muster the courage to ferret out
Subconscious secrets that their defense systems
Repress from the conscious portion of
Their processors) is likely to
Ripen long after I’m gone—suggesting
Why I envision my work as being
One link in the chain made up of those minds, which
Have encouraged mine to follow their lead, just as
I hope to see my intuitive trains of thought serving to
Encourage think tanks younger than my own to
Feel inspired to follow my impassioned adventures through
Each stage of my life until my spirit leaves my body so
As to take wing into the great unknown, which
Must exist, because otherwise why does
Each next generation feel compelled to work so proactively
And productively only to die?  I mean, subscribing to
An attitude as gloomy as that just doesn't make sense—right?

As to the primary reason why
My heart remains wholly devoted to
The pursuit of this mission (to consciously peel
Each next layer of my wall of denial away by
Consciously calming strikes of latent anxiety so as to
'Tune in’ ever more naturally to my intuitive powers guiding
My intelligence to remain ever more conscientiously
Abreast of each step that I need to take next if
My adventure through life is to adhere, most often, to
My chosen path, which, being positively focused, sees me
Probing ever more courageously into provoking and thus exposing
Subconscious fears that run so deep within
My psyche as to have blocked my processor from
Clearly and consciously acknowledging
Personal need to identify inner conflicts (repressed during
Childhood concerning my self worth), I now
Challenge my current connection to clarity to
Grow so bold as to envision my processor becoming
Ever more proficient at uncovering fear’s
Foggy-eyed blindness concerning where to
Direct my current level of self awareness to
Openly confront whichever traumatized portions of
My self worth are still in need of insight’s
Emotionally intelligent recalibration, thus brightening
Any darkened attitude that had blocked my mind’s eye from
Highlighting my own narrow mind sets, which
Had blinded me from identifying trains of thought in which
I’d unconsciously put myself or others down for so long that
I’d had no conscious clue of where attitudinal change for
The better would provide my host of
Inner strengths with layers of
Self empowerment, which as this last stage of my life
Moves forward, will bolster my spirit’s natural vibrancy to
Bounce back repeatedly until I exhale my very last breath—Wow!

Today’s intuitive train of thought  may have
Revealed the most self empowering string of insights
Necessary to ready my whole self to continue to
Pen this memoir, story by story, unhampered by
Subconscious fears running interference with
My sense of clarity by shooting my processor with
Spikes of latent anxiety that tend to fill
My self confident attitude with so much buckshot that
Like Bambi’s mother, I am felled by episodes of
PTSD, no matter how swiftly my processor runs for cover,
And as I feel that it’s way past time for my
Intelligence to overcom the repetitive nature of
PTSD’s darkly spooky mental pattern
This is one sitting duck who has grown
Ever more determined to stop childhood trauma from
Usurping dominance over my smarts by releasing
Latent anxiety, which shatters my connection to
 Clarity before my view finder’s sense of
Today’s reality can stop subconscious
Fear from careening my think tank’s
Strength of spirit ever more deeply into
Yesteryear's black hole (where despite
The fact that I'm currently surrounded by loving
Hearts, which nurture my own) had caused
My psyche to lapse into
Feeling utterly alone and bereft of seeing
Myself worthy of receiving my family’s
Loving companionship unless I remained capable of
Satisfying everyone’s need of my host of inner strengths
So along with today’s natural stream of insights, here comes
My plan to create lasting change for the better inside
My head:  As soon as my spirit feels wearied with problems that
Are not mine to solve as had felt true when
A sad twist of fate had struck down
The natural vibrancy of a small child’s spirit after her
Undeveloped processor felt sound reason to
Drift off course away from my next classic stage of
Early childhood development (when
A youngster’s mind is naturally establishing
Independent trains of thought necessary to
Eventually secure an ever-strengthening sense of
Self worth) based in the fact that a double dose of
Tragic deaths in my family, weeks apart, had been followed by
Vein popping fights, sending my mother’s spirit to
Spiral into the depths of a long lasting depression, which
Had petrified my psyche so completely into
Misconstruing her emotional separation from me as being due to
My unworthiness of her time and attention thus stalling
The emotional development of my thought processor from
Transforming into a truly independent thinker undamaged by
Inner conflicts based in subconscious self doubt, which had
Muddying up my adult processor’s connection to clarity concerning
Differentiating my personal needs from my loved ones’ need of
Me until two years after my father’s death when I was in
My sixties, and all hell broke loose (subconsciously within me), which
Proved beyond my conscious comprehension until
I was astutely diagnosed with PTSD, and ever since that revelation
My intuitive intelligence has been questing (with
The guidance of professional help) toward securing
The self assertive portion of my voice, which had
Choked behind an avalanche of boulders made of
Deeply repressed fears, which continued to pile up once
My worthiness of receiving love felt subconsciously
Shattered, beginning at the highly vulnerable age of three
And here comes the insight concerning the depths of
My need to pen this memoir and
Send it into cyberspace for posterity:
Though two deeper truths suggest that—
No one’s psyche escapes childhood
Emotionally unscathed, and though everyone is replaceable—
I plan to live my life with such a conscientious
Abundance of positively focused generosity of
Spirit as to be uneraseable by remaining on
An emotionally well-balanced track rather than
Experiencing sudden gusts of
Emotional storm clouds, which serve to
Stimulate and release unexpected uprisings of PTSD, which
Swirl the unhealed (and thus shattered portion of
My psyche) straight down into that same
black hole of hopeless despair, no matter how often
I’ve managed to work my way out of the eye of that
Hurricane, which had been empowered, time and again, to
Torment each painful shard of my shattered self worth
Until recently when I chose to take
A gargantuan, existential leap of faith, which proved
Necessary if my open minded attitudes are to be
Fully embraced by me concerning the fact that
The needs of vulnerable children, which prove universal in
Nature, must be met by kindhearted souls who also choose
Not to forsake the elderly, who, being graced with
The good fortune of living past our prime, continue to
Grow ever more vulnerable with each additional candle that
Enhances the warm glow of loving tenderness that will hopefully
Adorn each delicious morsel of your
Birthday cake and mine when generous dollops of love are
Digested so naturally as to sweeten every difficulty that
Proves necessary to endure if we are to maintain
The brightness of the human spirit until one second after
Our bodies have left this world for the next as
The eternal flame of love light in our eyes dims without
Completely disappearing as long as the memory of
Our presence on planet earth is highly valued and
Deeply absorbed into the hearts of our loved ones whose
Inner strengths continue to feel fortified by lasting sensations of
True friendship and love, both of which are known to
Embrace a natural sense of forgiveness that cracks through
Self protective shells of bitterness, which erected during
Youth and beyond, have need to be softened as naturally as
Some of us choose to pop an M&M into our mouths
And rather than chewing it up, we consciously savor
The delicious sensation of chocolate sweetness for
As long as possible, just as forgiveness of human
Imperfection melts bitter reactions of vindictiveness that
Otherwise consumes heart space meant for savoring
The sweet taste of loving kindness inside
Your heart and mine, today ... and
Now that you and I have taken this leap from
My sixth grade story to present tense, let’s cruise toward
The development of patience before dancing
Gracefully back across the time line to witness
What’s about to happen once Annie, whose spirit had last been
Seen slumping against the cloakroom wall, has had time to
Catch her breathe so as to recoup enough energy to
Stand up straight while squaring her shoulders to
Walk through a storm with her head held high thus
Insuring that the defense system of
This damsel in distress takes the lead so
That no one can see how painfully her aching heart has
Need to ready itself to secret its limp as she makes her way
Into the classroom where she’ll be sure to
Avert her eyes away from any chance head-on
Collision with Joseph’s steely glare, which Annie's
Twelve year old, deeply confounded processor
Has no clue is serving to shield the depths of
Her former best friend's heartfelt pain, which
As you shall soon see matches the depths of Annie’s
Wholly confused, heartfelt sadness, which
Remains hidden behind Joseph’s strong (yet vulnerable)
Inexperienced young male’s emotional wall of denial ...

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