So here we stand—a pair of preteens, lip locked within an embrace more intimate than I'd ever imagined in my wildest dreams—Well truthfully—at the age of twelve, my wildest dreams see me being chased down a dark street by a mean minded gorilla, and though my mouth is wide open, no scream for help gets past the huge lump in my scared-to-death throat (which is tightening, right now, exactly as had been true all those decades ago). And each time that gorilla closes in on me (this being a repetitive dream) as though narrowing the gap between life and death, I choke up even more—as proves true while Joseph’s bear hug crushes my body against his until his arms, relaxing their hold on mine, free my arms to fly up as though all on their own in defensive readiness to beat my very first crush soundly all about his head (as I long to do to the gorilla?), shocking us both every bit as much as his kiss had shocked us only moments before—and as you and I watch Joseph ducking and weaving like a prize fighter dodging my two fisted blows, the wool cap, warming his ears against this frosty winter's eve, somehow gets snagged onto the tip of my thumb, which, pulls it off Joseph's shocked to the max head and flings it down to the ground where it lands in a muddy puddle of melting snow, ending up as muddled as the utterly stunned brains of two, out-of-control pre teens—neither of whom has a clue of the fact that one limbic (Google it) reaction stimulates another—which is why your narrator (being an impassioned instructor of sane communications) plans to revisit many moments in Annie’s life that seem to make no sense since her rising level of personal accomplishments and sudden slides in self confidence cease to match), and as Annie’s limbic reaction to unexpected passion is not uncommon, I strongly suggest that along with Sex-Ed, Jr. high school curriculum coordinators would be wise to offer preteens a required course in basic psychology so as to instruct youngsters about the intricacies with which our limbic (emotionally instinctive, defensively insensitive, egocentric portion of the human brain) reactions literally lock down our Neo cortex (where knowledge and logic are stored) whenever our personal well being feels threatened—and as this classic hypersensitivity to emotionality is both contagious and universal in nature, it’s important to note that during impassioned moments, out-of-control emotionality is the norm most especially during puberty when hormonal fluxation is expected to be all the ‘rage’, thus unbalancing self discipline during those highly volatile developmental years in which children’s sturdy bodies and well organized minds labor through complicated (deeply confusing) stages of transition until each one’s metamorphosis toward adult independence is complete—and as humans grapple with all of these confounding changes without benefit of a cocoon (which Mother Nature thought to gift the caterpillar so as to protect this harmless creature from the harsh environment of predatory personalities during its ungainly time of unsightly transition from a creepy, crawly little critter into a beautiful butterfly, ready to take wing) just think of the internal mess that would surely be seen if the caterpillar’s cocoon was ripped open before the natural transition from fragile dependency to existential independence was complete ...
Actually, a human being engaged in teen-aged transition from total dependency toward flying free of the nest may be compared to the scrawny ungainliness of the unfeathered baby bird, which would surely parish without the lasting patience of its mother’s instinctive nature, which continues to nourish her young until its fragile wingspan proves so strong and supple as to support its own weight mid flight—no parental squawking and screeching insults that serve to clip the natural growth plates of the younger generation’s spirit as in—you’re nothing but a no good lazy lout who thinks to sponge whatever you can off of me until I get so sick of your rebellious face as to kick you out into the street where, emotionally unprepared for the cold cruel world, you’ll have no clue how to fend for yourself without viewing everyone you meet as dog eat dog ... (whoever told parents that trips to the woodshed made caring, compassionate, responsible adults of children whose brains, during an eighteen year span of gestational development have so much knowledge to absorb as to look up to parental guidance for encouragement (not discouragement) while distinguishing which path (of many) each is best suited to carve out as one’s own—Unfortunately, as parents rarely comprehend the lasting affects of their limbic reactions (which prove immature) upon the developing self image of each next generation, all too few children grow to be adults who have gained so much as a glimmer of a clue concerning the importance of developing a contemplative comprehension of the confounding nature of the contradictory intricacies commonly associated with each person’s multifunctional brain—inclusive of their own ... in short, as all children learn through absorption and mimicry, common sense guides us to role model voice tones, word choices and behaviors that we wish to receive from our young ...
So with today’s informative, train of intuitive thought chugging through the forefront of your mind and mine where our potential to absorb and permanently store logic exists, here’s where the concept of ‘either/or’ comes in: At different times, either the neo Cortex or the limbic system of our brains is stimulated to lead us wherever we’re about to go, next, and once a courageously positive or fearfully negative attitude takes us to wherever we end up, either the neo cortex or the limbic system will dictate the brightness or darkness of the tone of everything we hear (and say) and see (and do) and feel and believe and perceive)—which is why two people may remember the very same experience differently.
Some of us are settlers. Others are explorers. Both are needed for stability. In fact, just as some ‘settlers’ will stay put in one mindset for quite some time, others, who grow toward becoming explorers, will feel compelled to scout out untried territories and then beckon to other courageous settlers to uproot their comfort zones (not to be confused with their principles) so as to expand their mental horizons, too. On the other hand, if, at any moment during the throes of inner conflict (to remain rooted in complacency or to grow ever more assertive), one person is operating from the limbic (fearful) portion of his/her brain while the other person, (who has been guided to consistently practice the conscious adoption of A Line of Emotional Control while expansive solution seeking is taking place on the spot) is operating primarily from his/her neo cortex then no matter how logical a problem-solver’s train of thought may prove to be while this pair of minds is debating a point, they’ll be unable to see eye to eye, because one mind will be operating from yesteryear’s unidentified (repressed) fear of failure while the other mind focuses upon releasing creativity to soak up today’s expansively sunny horizon. And if, at some point in time, one feels need to goad the other into diving into his/her dark side for cover, over and over again, then—Watch Out! because once both think tanks feel defensive, it’s a short leap into the bottomless abyss where a pair of limbic systems, reigning supreme over logic, will engage in a fight to the finish without so much as a bell ringing aloud offering a fair warning signal before fireworks ignite causing a friendship made in heaven to fend off so many friction-based sparks as to land with a sudden thud in the fiery bowels of hell where everything that had felt so sweet and peachy feels rotten to the core, because neither side has a clue concerning the ease with which the limbic (fight, flee, freeze) portion of your brain and mine knocks out the neocortex on both sides—unless a well-coached Line of Self Control pops up, behaving as objective as a well trained referee, who stops two locomotives from engaging in a head-on-collision in the nick of time ...
Bottom line, the length of time that each person will momentarily lapse into emotional immaturity depends upon how often and quickly an insight laden sense of self awareness can be regained concerning the necessity of consciously rebalancing emotionality (natural instinctive reactions) with logic based (insight-driven intuitive trains of thought) so as to switch tracks from duking it out toward drawing forth the concept of brainstorming with long term memory intact so as to employ spot-on, detailed solution seeking skills, which having been conscientiously absorbed and permanently stored within one frontal lobe or the other, serve to cool down hot headed conflicts before fury ignites short fuses to explode.
Once my neocortex had hungrily absorbed info about the limbic system (why didn’t anyone clue me in when I was young???) I consciously trained my brain’s neocortex to be my primary leader in charge of my on-going, well balanced welfare (meaning that I had to discern between times when as an adult I was truly thinking for myself vs times when parental tapes, turning themselves on inside the subconscious depths of my brain, were directing my embarkment, yet again, upon yesteryear’s undeserved guilt trips taken during my youth).
And in order to consciously turn down spikes of latent anxiety, based in one of childhood’s guilt trips or another, I continue to calm my mind (while others are giving way to limbic reactions) with thoughts of the accomplished, well balanced person I’ve consciously chosen to grow to be, today, so as to reflect back with a rebalanced, rewired attitude concerning what a good kid I’d actually been, and little by little, I’ve managed to reconstruct the bigger picture of my self image to match reality rather than matching my parents’ momentary over-reactive outbursts in response to my natural existential need to challenge their autocratic attitude of authority, early on, and as detailed memories of hard won personal growth spurts bubble up BEFORE my stormy over-reactive egocentric reaction can geyser up (scaring or angering my current mental state half to death), I can differentiate between those times when the courageous side of my brain is actively encouraging me to grow toward overcoming my fear of failing to please everyone I love, today, as had once been true of my need to please my parents thus arousing my repressed fear of feeling emotionally abandoned, which had detoured my brain’s decision-maker from focusing determinedly toward achieving a difficult heartfelt goal based in the anxious side of my subconscious feeling so limbic as to overwhelm my connection to logic, and if my spirit feels discouraged from deep within about advancing toward achieving a difficult goal which, in truth, remains just beyond my reach, that same repressed fear of being abandoned unless I achieve success, can still arise to haunt my connection to well being, today.
Needless to say, by now, my faith in my brain’s ‘miraculous’ well practiced intuitive transitions take place in the wink of an eye, and thus do I wish that all parents, teachers and role models of children understood the importance of offering youngsters a developing comprehension of the temporary nature of limbic reactions that we all toss back and forth during the eighteen years in which age appropriate taste tests of self control can be offered to tots and teens just as I chose to share that which I found fascinating to absorb about the complex workings of our brains with my sons at levels that each could understand, absorb and digest while this trio of rambunctious little boys transitioned from natural competitors into each other’s self disciplined, supportive friends (and mine, as well).
In short, I continue to choose to study the consequential effects of inner conflict—most especially repressed inner conflict, which sees the intuitive portion of my brain engaging ever more naturally with my wavering mental state so as to determine whether a latent fear, left unresolved, is lifting the lid on the past, causing my current level of emotional maturity to feel more confounded, less clear-headed than I am consciously aware of whenever an emotionally charged choice is challenging my well practiced connection to mental balance to fear toppling one way or the other off of what feels like a tension-springed high wire, no net in plain sight (because the netting is made of intuitive insight, which has not yet filtered through my wall of denial so as to be clearly absorbed by the conscious portion of my mind). Whew!
Upon reflection, we can see that my defensive ‘choice’ to smack Joseph soundly about his head was purely instinctive (limbic in nature) based in my projective repressed self protective need to defend my voiceless self from being physically attacked by a pedophile, who had ‘loved’ me in such a perverse way as to have left an inexperienced child feeling utterly bereft, deeply confounded and guilt-ridden, suggesting my wholly negatively charged reaction to Joseph’s shocking bear hug. In this instance, my defense system, reacting on its own, freed pure instinct to reign supreme over my preteen brain so naturally as to be utterly subjective (locking any hint of objectivity out of my head), thus narrowing my mindset (attitude) so considerably that Joseph’s reaction to being beaten all about his head never registered within my conscious memory as being in need of care taking, and as attitudes (most especially repressed attitudes) either brighten or darken our viewpoints, instinctive spontaneity is not always the best way to achieve heartfelt goals as we make our way (experimentally) through each next naturally impassioned stage of life. So sad that when a boy I’d loved hugged me, impulsively, my limbic reaction slugged—a dangerous bear.
Let’s face it, experiments in labs blow up more often than not before remedies for dis-ease meet with success. In fact, when compared with intuitive reactions, animal instincts concerning survival can be much more aggressively childish than not. And as we are presently turning reflection’s objective spotlight upon a girl whose self-assertive voice had been unknowingly caught in a choke hold beginning at the age of three, has yet to develop in defense of herself, Annie’s twelve year old fists leaped up in instinctive limbic defense of—my—life, because once fear had naturally locked my neocortex down, all my brain had left to function with was this limited trio of choices—fight for my life then freeze in place like a solid cement statue sinking in quicksand or flee the scene—why? Because animal fear disconnects the problem-solving portion of our think tanks, which is why no insight surfaces to save the day. And as long as insight remained caged in the dark side, my self protective defense system had successfully kept me sane by locking every memory of sexual abuse out of my conscious mind—and with denial’s self protective amnesia creating a mental block concerning repetitive abuse, my brain could not inform my conscious mind of my deeply repressed fear of being sexually abused, again and again, and thus do you and I understand my instinctive reaction though Joseph and Annie did not when subconscious fear struck out on its own then froze up my voice as a fleeting fear of feeling subconsciously unworthy of love had surfaced momentarily based in the undeserved guilt that I'd unknowingly harbored beginning at the age of three—needless to say, none of these insights would be mine, today, had I not invested my time, money, courage, mental energy and patience in intensive psychotherapy ...
So—what shall you soon see? You’re about to see my negatively focused limbic reactions to Joseph’s instinctive impulsivity result in a host of negative consequences, all around. And not until a later chapter in my life will you watch my intuitive sense of objectivity develop electrified sparks of positive focus that will naturally ‘shock’ my attitude's negatively focused, narrow-minded need to rebalance my insecure take on Joseph’s power over my pre-teen social standing, ... and once depth in terms of detailed memory retrieval is mine, change for the better will naturally rewire my brain’s adult capacity to reflect ever more objectively over my original, severely limited understanding of situations that had made no sense to me when my mental thought processes had been so youthfully subjective as to lack any mind brightening insight, at all ...
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