So here we stand—a pair of preteens, lip locked within an embrace more intimate than I'd ever imagined in my wildest dreams—Well truthfully—at the age of twelve, my wildest dreams see me being chased down a dark street by a mean minded gorilla, and though my mouth is wide open, no scream for help gets past the huge lump in my scared-to-death throat (which is tightening, right now, exactly as had been true all those decades ago). And each time that gorilla closes in on me (this being a repetitive dream) as though narrowing the gap between life and death, I choke up even more—as proves true while Joseph’s bear hug crushes my body against his until his arms, relaxing their hold on mine, free my arms to fly up as though all on their own in defensive readiness to beat my very first crush soundly all about his head (as I long to do to the gorilla?), shocking both of us every bit as much as his kiss had shocked us only moments before—and as you and I watch Joseph ducking and weaving like a prize fighter dodging my two fisted blows, the wool cap, warming his ears against this frosty winter's eve, somehow gets snagged onto the tip of my thumb, which, pulling it off Joseph's shocked to the max head, flings it down to the ground where it lands in a dirty puddle of melting snow, ending up as muddied as the utterly stunned brains of two, out-of-control pre teens—neither of whom has a clue of the fact that one limbic (Google it) reaction stimulates another—which is why your narrator (being an impassioned instructor of sane communications) plans to revisit many moments in Annie’s life that seem to make no sense being that her rising level of personal accomplishments and sudden slides in self confidence cease to match), and thus do I strongly suggest that along with Sex-Ed, Jr. high school curriculum coordinators would be wise to offer preteens a required course in basic psychology so as to instruct youngsters about the intricacies with which our limbic (emotionally instinctive, defensively insensitive, egocentric portion of the human brain) reactions literally lock down our Neo cortex (where knowledge and logic are stored) as soon as our personal well being feels threatened—and in addition to the FACT that this classic hypersensitivity to emotionality is universal in nature, it’s important to note that emotionality is out of control most especially during puberty when hormonal fluxation is expected to be all the rage, thus unbalancing self discipline during those developmental years in which children’s sturdy little bodies and well organized minds labor through complicated (deeply confusing) stages of transition until each one’s metamorphosis toward independence is complete—and humans grapple with all of these confounding changes without benefit of a cocoon, which Mother Nature thought to gift the caterpillar so as to protect this harmless creature from the harsh environment of predatory personalities during its ungainly time of unsightly transition from a creepy, crawly little critter into a beautiful butterfly, ready to take wing. I mean think of the internal mess that would surely be seen if the cocoon was ripped open before the natural transition from fragile dependency to existential independence was complete?
Actually, the human being engaged in teen-aged transition from total dependency toward flying free of the nest may be compared to the ungainliness Scrawniness of the unfeathered baby bird that would surely parish without the lasting patience of its mother’s instinctive nature, which continues to nourish her young until its fragile wingspan proves so strong and supple as to support its own weight mid flight—no squawking and screeching insults that serve to clip the natural growth plates of the younger generation’s spirit as in—you’re nothing but a no good lazy lout who thinks to sponge whatever you can off of me until I get so sick of your motley face as to kick you out into the street where, emotionally unprepared for the cold cruel world, you’ll have no clue how to fend for yourself without viewing everyone you meet as dog eat dog ... (whoever told parents that trips to the woodshed made caring, compassionate, responsible adults of children who, during an eighteen year span of gestational development have so much knowledge to absorb as to look up to parental guidance for encouragement (not discouragement) while distinguishing which path (of many) each is best suited to carve out as one’s own—unfortunately, as parents rarely comprehend the lasting affects of their limbic reactions upon the developing self image of each next generation, all too few children grow to be adults who have gained so much as a glimmer of a clue concerning the importance of developing a contemplative comprehension of the confounding nature of the contradictory intricacies commonly associated with each person’s multifunctional human brain—inclusive of their own ...
So with today’s discomforting, yet informative, train of intuitive thought chugging through the forefront of your mind and mine where our potential to absorb and permanently store logic exists, here’s where the concept of ‘either/or’ comes in: At different times, either the neo Cortex or the limbic system of our brains is stimulated to lead us wherever we’re about to go, next, and once a courageously positive or fearfully negative attitude takes us to wherever we end up, either the neo cortex or the limbic system will dictate the brightness or darkness of the tone of everything we hear (and say) and see (and do and feel)—which is why two people may remember the very same experience differently.
Some of us are settlers. Others are explorers. Both are needed for stability. In fact, just as some ‘settlers’ will stay put in one mindset for quite some time, others, who grow toward becoming explorers, will feel compelled to scout out untried territories and then beckon to other courageous settlers to uproot their comfort zones (not to be confused with their principles) so as to expand their horizons, too. On the other hand, if, at any moment during the throes of
conflict resolution (to grow more assertive or to remain complacent), one person is operating from the limbic (fearful) portion of his/her brain while the other person, (who has been guided to consistently practice the conscious adoption of A Line of Emotional Control so that expansive solution seeking can take place) is operating primarily from his/her neo cortex then no matter how logical a problem-solver’s train of thought may prove to be while this pair of minds is debating a point, they’ll be unable to see eye to eye, because one will be operating from yesteryear’s unidentified (repressed) fear of failure while the other one’s focus is drinking in today’s expansive horizon. And if, at some point in time, one feels need to goad the other into diving into his/her dark side for cover, over and over again, then—Watch Out! because once both think tanks have felt defensive need to leap into the bottomless abyss where a pair of limbic systems reign supreme, a fight to the finish will ensue without so much as a bell ringing aloud offering a fair warning sign before fireworks ignite causing a friendship made in heaven to fend off so many friction-based sparks as to land with a fiery thud in the bowels of hell—And all because neither side has a clue concerning the ease with which the limbic (fight, flee, freeze) portion of your brain and mine knocks out the neocortex on both sides—unless a well-coached Line of Self Control pops up, behaving as objective as a well trained referee ...
Bottom line, the length of time that each person will momentarily lapse into emotional immaturity depends upon how often and quickly an insight laden sense of self awareness can be regained concerning the necessity of consciously rebalancing emotionality (natural instinctive reactions) with logic based (insight-driven intuitive trains of thought), thus drawing forth the concept of brainstorming with long term memory intact in order to employ spot-on, detailed solution seeking skills, which having been conscientiously absorbed and permanently stored, serve to cool down hot headed conflicts, right on the spot.
Once my neocortex had hungrily absorbed info about the limbic system (why didn’t anyone clue me in when I was young???) I consciously trained my brain’s neocortex to be my primary leader in charge of my on-going, well balanced welfare (meaning that I had to discern between times when as an adult I was truly thinking for myself vs times when parental tapes, turning themselves on inside the subconscious depths of my brain, were whispering of my embarking, yet again, upon yesteryear’s undeserved guilt trips taken during my youth)
and in order to consciously turn down spikes of latent anxiety, based in one of childhood’s guilt trips or another, I continue to calm my mind (while others give way to limbic reactions) with thoughts of the accomplished, well balanced person I’ve consciously chosen to grow to be, today, so as to reflect back with a rebalanced, rewired attitude concerning what a good kid I’d actually been, and little by little, I’ve managed to reconstruct the bigger picture of my self image to match reality rather than matching my parents’ momentary over-reactive outbursts in response to my existential need to challenge their autocratic attitude of authority, early on, and as detailed memories of hard won personal growth bubble up before my stormy over-reactive egocentric reactions can geyser up, scaring or angering my current mental state half to death, I can differentiate between those times when the courageous side of my brain encouraged me to grow toward overcoming my fear of failing to please my parents, thus arousing my repressed fear of feeling emotionally abandoned so as to continue to work determinedly toward achieving a difficult heartfelt goal, step by step, before the anxious side of my subconscious gets to feeling so limbic as to overwhelm my connection to logic, thus discouraging my spirit from advancing toward achieving a goal that, in truth, remains just beyond my reach, today.
Needless to say, by now, my faith in my brain’s ‘miraculous’ well practiced intuitive transitions take place in the wink of an eye, and thus do I wish that all parents, teachers and role models of children understood the importance of offering youngsters a developing comprehension of the temporary nature of limbic reactions, which we all toss back and forth during the eighteen years in which age appropriate taste tests can be offered to tots and teens just as I chose to share that which I found fascinating to absorb about the complex workings of our brains with my sons at levels that each could understand, absorb and digest while this trio of rambunctious little boys transitioned from natural competitors into each other’s self disciplined, supportive friends and mine, as well.
In short, I continue to choose to study the consequential effects of inner conflict—most especially repressed inner conflict, which sees the intuitive portion of my brain engaging ever more naturally with my wavering mental state so as to determine whether a latent fear, left unresolved, is lifting the lid on the past, causing my current level of emotional maturity to feel more confounded, less clear-headed than I am consciously aware of whenever an emotionally charged choice is challenging my well practiced connection to mental balance to fear toppling one way or the other off of what feels like a tension-springed high wire, no net in plain sight (because the netting is made of intuitive insight, which has not yet filtered through my wall of denial so as to be clearly absorbed by the conscious portion of my mind). Whew!
Upon reflection, we can see that my defensive ‘choice’ to smack Joseph soundly about his head was purely instinctive (limbic in nature). In this instance, freeing pure instinct to reign supreme over my preteen brain was so naturally subjective (rather than objective) as to have narrowed my attitude considerably, and as attitudes (most especially repressed attitudes) either brighten or darken our viewpoints, instinctive spontaneity is not always the best way to achieve heartfelt goals as we make our way (experimentally) through each next stage of life. So sad that when a boy I’d loved hugged me, my limbic reaction slugged—a dangerous bear.
Let’s face it, more experiments in labs blow up than not before remedies for dis-ease meet with success. In fact, when compared with intuitive reactions, instinctive reactions can be much more aggressively childish than not. And as we are presently turning reflection’s objective spotlight upon a girl whose assertive voice, having been unknowingly caught in a choke hold beginning at the age of three, has yet to develop, Annie’s twelve year old fists leaped up in instinctive limbic defense of—my—life, because once my neocortex had been naturally locked down, all my brain had left to function with was this limited trio of choices—fight, then flee and freeze in place, like a solid cement statue sinking in quicksand, no think tank connected to insight to save the day in plain sight—as you shall soon see ... why not? Because my self protective defense system had successfully kept me sane by locking every memory of sexual abuse out of my conscious mind—but creating amnesia in that part of my brain did not release my deeply repressed fear of being abused, again and again, and thus did subconscious fear strike out ...
So—what shall you soon see? You’re about to see my negatively focused limbic
reactions to Joseph’s instinctive impulsivity result in a host of negative consequences, all around. And not until a later chapter in my life will you watch my intuitive sense of objectivity develop electrified sparks of positive focus that will naturally ‘shock’ my narrow minded, negative attitude’s need to rebalance my insecure take on Joseph’s power over my pre-teen social standing, ... and once depth in terms of detailed memory retrieval is mine, change for the better will naturally revamp my capacity to reflect ever more objectively over my original, severely limited understanding of situations that had made no sense to me when my mental thought processes were so youthfully subjective as to lack any mind brightening insight, at all ...
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