BOOK ONE PROLOGUE— BACK TO THE BEGINNING—WALTZING BLINDLY THROUGH LIFE BY DAY WHILE WRESTLING WITH UNNAMED INNER DEMONS IN THE DARK

PROLOGUE
Though I feel no resistance while expressing my take on
Sexual morals that prevailed during the 1950's
Resistance arises, as though creating a moat (filled with
Snapping gators) surrounding murky memories concerning
The unhealthy nature of highly personal sexual experiences of
My own during high school, suggesting that it may be best to
Ease my way toward revealing teen-age stories by
Reviewing childhood stories (already penned and posted), which
May free my power of intuition to release
Additional insights that will naturally light a path leading us
Toward gaining a deeper understanding of several
Baffling periods of time in my life, each of which proved so
Painful as to see my itch deepen to such
A tormenting degree as to have offered sound reason for
All of my classes, during my junior year, to be moved to
The afternoon, offering me the opportunity to sleep
My exhaustion away during the mornings after having
Wrestled with unnamed inner demons throughout
The night—night after night after night—
Had that been true of a sweet sixteen year old girl, today
She'd have been diagnosed in dire need of therapy ASAP!
Hhmm ...

PS
Immediately after penning this post (in which I've barely mentioned
Experiences, which had felt so horrendous as to have invaded
My summer of fun preceding my junior year in high school) I became
Aware of the fearsome element of shock that had stimulated
My defense system, during childhood, to create
A mental block, repressing those murky memories from
Conscious awareness—and I say murky memories because
Once the torturous nature of a good little girl's
Horrified reactions had been subconsciously buried and
'Forgot', the intensity of my nightly itch to get out of
My own skin felt sound reason to peak, based in this fact:
These secrets, which my defense system had 'thought' best to
Lock out of my conscious memory, during my preteens, had
Layered up atop the unrealistic vow made by a good little girl to
Be the best little girl in the world, because she'd felt so bad in
The aftermath of her baby sister's death as to have subconsciously
Shackled her self image to a guilty state of mind that proved
Deleterious to my mental health for decades without end—Wow!

Circa 1947

See arms bandaged to keep me from scratching

No wonder why ‘they' say writing is cathartic, because while penning
Post after post, strings of insight continue to pour freely out of
My brain's subconscious pockets, filtering into
My conscious state of awareness, brightening my sense of
Readiness to concede that a positively focused attitude is
Necessary to achieve heightened levels of success in all of
Life's most significant endeavors, and since
My present attitude of resistance to reveal details concerning
High School Stories From Hell (to myself) must be based in
A negatively focused mindset, we come to see why
My power of intuitive thought is guiding me to
Hold my horses rather than charging ahead until
Additional insights emerge while we're reviewing stories that
Preceded my teen years, and hopefully, with the emergence of
New strings of insight a detailed version of misperceptions, which
Had influenced the ways in which my self-demeaning self-image had
Affected my participation in the dating game will surface, clarifying
Why my brain's intuitive sense of hindsight will naturally offer us
A less murky, more positively focused, clearly detailed
Version of ‘The Bigger Picture’ concerning yesteryear's
Subconsciously distorted impression of myself at each stage of
My life, and with that thought in mind, let's
Zoom back in time so as to retrace my steps (beginning with
Infancy when my self image was a clean slate awaiting fate to
Offer up a series of experiences that would imprint positively or
Negatively upon the development of my character traits), and
In this way will we develop an ever deepening understanding as to
Why loving support in the aftermath of a series of hard knocks
Makes one person 'tick' this way while a whole separate set of
Lonely experiences makes another person ‘tock' that way
And since opposites attract (as proves true since Father Time
Hooked up with Mother Nature during puberty when
The world was young) you, too, may begin to collect
Insight-driven details concerning circumstantial situations that
Had fated you and your mate to draw toward each other followed by
Collecting insights spotlighting unresolved insecurities that may have
Sadly torn your love for each other apart)—
Double Hhmm ...

Here are two photos conveying

The treasured friendship that developed between
My dad and I, which remains

Untainted by unidentified (thus unresolved) trauma
Eighteen years after his sudden death at the age of 87
(And soon you'll see why his friendship
Meant the world to me)

Circa 1944

Circa 2001

 In case you wonder how my dad's hair became curly once

He'd moved from the Midwest to the Southwestern desert

That detail (resolving riddle #1) will appear in a story not yet penned ...

PSS

Speaking of fate—

You can believe me when I say that

While I've been sitting in front of my computer

Penning today's post concerning revealing secrets that
My defense system kept from my conscious awareness
The program that I clearly hear airing in the next room on
Our TV is a story concerning a young woman whose
Character traits are strapped into the hot seat, suggestive of
Her being accused in a court of law of 'asking for it' while
Being raped by a gang of guys, who, in this case, will not get off
Scott free, because TV scripts are—scripted so that
The good girls and guys win over the bad whereas
All too often, real life offers up the fickle finger of misjudgment, which

Vilifies an innocent victim by pointing blame at a person who, being
Fated to show up in the wrong place at the wrong time, had need to
Fight off assault on the part of the uncompassionate, animalistic side of
Human nature, and speaking self-assertively as one who has felt
Compelled to delve into the painful mental work (that
Proves necessary) if a person is to grow emotionally past
A long series of unjust judgments in hopes of banishing
Latent anxiety from haunting my peace of mind so as to
Rejuvenate my spirit's childlike sense of joy— sans denial—well—
Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that having
Strapped my psyche into the roller coaster that saw my spirit diving
Straight down from thriving to barely surviving after a series of
Inter-related traumas saw my self-image hit rock bottom until
My intelligent sense of clarity identified my subconscious need to
Work toward recovering from PTSD, and with that insight in mind
My psyche readied itself to leap off that coaster feeling fully
Determined to figure out how best to thrive through this
Last quadrant of my life, and since watching my intelligence
Working tenaciously to heal the injured portions of my brain (which
Had unknowingly carried a latent sense of emotional pain forward
Through every stage of my life) proved to be a personal feat that
I believe is worthy of widespread introspective consideration, thus
Did I decide to convert this blog into an autobiographical trilogy—and if
You ask why this sudden literary change in media does not
Surprise me, at all, I'll reply:  Previous to penning this blog
My days were engaged in writing an autobiographical trilogy of
My life; however, after years of writing for hours, day after day
I could not get a firm hold of where I was going, because there was
So much to say, and thus did the persistent suggestion of one of my
Cousins as well as a dear niece to write a blog begin to make sense for
This reason:  Whereas an autobiographical trilogy has
A beginning, an arc and an end, a blog remains every bit as
Vibrantly alive concerning change as is true of the life of
The author, so I, who had cautioned my classes to recognize and
Welcome opportunity—especially when it knocks twice—felt
My mind open so as to switch tracks from authoring
A memoir-with-no-end-in-sight to freely authoring an insight-driven
Blog, which freed my power of intuitive thought to direct
Each post toward readying my growing sense of
Wholeness to reveal secrets that I'd unknowingly kept from
Myself concerning the injured portions of my self esteem until
My sense of intrigue about the divisive compartmentalization of
The human brain paired my sense of heightened awareness with
Both sides of my brain (conscious and subconscious) thus forming
An adventurous partnership that saw me cautiously diving ever more
Deeply into a foreign, subterranean mine infested territory, which
Having existed within my head since the age of three, has been
In need of careful excavation over most of my life, and now
With clarity suggesting that my blog has recently been caught in
A bog, intuitive need for change for the better has beckoned to
My intelligence from the inside out—again, and thus does the time seem
Ripe to reconsider each post that I plan to republish (from here on) as
Being a page leading us to turn to the next page as
My power of intuitive thought pens a pager turner that will
One day, feel like a job so well organized as to have enticed you to
Ride sidekick along side of me, toward THE END—not of my life, but rather
The end of the true tale that the family communications instructor (who
Resides inside the positively focused side of my head to this very day) still
Feels compelled to send out into the baffling world, which we'd be wise to
Learn to share, fair and square, and as I can feel the last line penned
Pulling today's free-streaming train of thought into a rest station
My mind feels ready to switch tracks toward reflecting over
A mantra that I've written on the blackboard of every class I've ever
Taught, and since I plan to take my own advice, I'll end today's intro to
The autobiographical trilogy of my life, which has been on intuitive hold for
More than five years, by saying:
NEVER GIVE UP ON ACHIEVING YOUR HEARTFELT, LONG RANGE GOALS  

Your friend,
Annie

PSSS
If you're curious as to why Annie is my pen name—well
Just as with every riddle that's bound to pop out of my mind as
My power of intuitive thought re-writes this true story of my life
My primary reason for choosing to name myself Annie is
Sure to turn up in a story down the road and that's riddle #2 😊