After yesterday's post was published, I was surprised to
Find myself feeling confused for the rest of the day, and upon
Awakening, still feeling confused, today, I came to see that
It's not a question of how many people are inside me but
Rather: How many emotions do I harbor
In an unnaturally repressed state deep inside my mind though
I cannot consciously feel them, at all? And of those
Repressed reactions, how many have I been taught to
Hate, loath, despise, abhor, and thus, disavow? As in
'Shame, shame' on me if I own up to (or reveal)
Any emotional reaction that society deems reprehensible
BTW: Shame, like envy, is one of many emotions that’s
Commonly despised—suggesting my having been
Taught to reject alot about myself that’s actually natural —
And the same is true of you, which is why
We each develop need to erect an invisible shield of
False pride, behind which our defense systems hide
So many emotional reactions from—ourselves that
We can’t readily discern what we truly feel
Deep inside, which suggests that we have no clue when
We’re lying to ourselves, which is why we tend to
Say: The truth will set you free—to naturally be
True to your whole self by feeling (rather than
Repressing) the entire spectrum of natural
Emotional reactions as they emerge!
Suggesting that self control is best utilized to suppress
Empassioned reactions from leaping out and attacking
Others without numbing us to our need to engage with
Reflective insight in an objective (rather than defensively
Unbalanced) manner so as to be able to examine the full
Spectrum of our emotions, calmly and clearly in depth
Once my think tank began to ask the right question concerning
Emotional reactions that I’m unaware of repressing
(Not to be confused with reactions that I know I’m suppressing)
Guess what happened? My confusion decreased and
My abdominal muscles stopped contracting in fear—
Fear of what? Fear of the negative energy field that
That surfaces from deep within in the form of
Unnamed anxiety whenever my defense system is
Struggling to hide a socially unexceptable emotional
Reaction from revealing itself to the conscious portion of
My mind, and as long as my processor can’t identify
The emotion that’s demanding my attention, that
Negative energy field will irritate my peace of mind
For example, today, I came to understand that
My defense system was repressing not one emotion but
Two, and not until fear rode out of my subconscious on
The tail end of anger (which I was also taught
To repress ‘or else’) the blended nature of that
Complex reaction had doubled the negative energy
Field that had caused my head to ache until
Both of those emotions emerged, offering
The logical portion of my brain sound reason to experience
A welcome wave of mental relief—Relief from what?
From feeling confounded by mental discomfort that
I’d not been able to name until intuitive thought
Had identified two emotions that I’d needed to
Identify and free myself to feel, both of which
Had produced negatively charged energy that felt
Like a dust storm was swirling round throughout
My body from head to toe until the main source of
My emotional complexity was intuitively
Revealed openly —to me
Whewwww!
Now that today's string of intuitive insight has offered me
Sound reason to work toward identifying
Repressed emotional reactions in need of
Being revealed and released in hopes of reclaiming
Peace of mind, I'll place my faith in
My intuitive powers ability to rethink
The plan, mentioned (but not yet explained) in
Yesterday's post, so—until such time as I feel
Wholly ready to describe a plan that will help me to
Resolve the problem of disowning emotions that
Prove to be repressed within the depths of
My mind, common sense suggests that anyone
Who subscribes to the theory that clarifying what
Actually takes place inside your head or mine is
Easy is either in denial of subconscious repression or
Just plain crazy—
Hhmmm ...
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