As you shall see, the tracks of this roller coaster traveled across several states, welcoming extended family (both Will’s and mine) to hop aboard, and within this post, I aim to clarify the reasons why my heartfelt choice to ride sidekick with so many loved ones in such a short span of time would have dizzied my clear-headed brain had I not done the homework assignment that has been heightening my self awareness so that inner tension (which builds up as fast as the downs add up) is consistently released in conscientious spurts before the worried portion of my defense system releases a gushing rush of Adrenalin, which stimulates the savage beast (that dwells within the anxiety prone portion of every person’s brain stem) to leap out, pounce upon and devour my processor’s hard won peace of mind—
Hhmm ...
I’m really bushed, today (having traveled home from the Midwest to the southwestern desert for more than eight hours, yesterday—though flight time clocked in at just over three hours). In fact, last night, Will and I felt so weary, that I had to laugh (before thanking him) for asking me to confirm the order of the digits of our home phone number after we’d arrived home from our brief stay in the major Midwestern metropolis where he and I had been born, raised, educated, married and lived until 44 years ago at which time we chose to move to the southwestern portion of our nation so as to raise our two small sons in a temperate climate where son number three was born to cavort with his big brothers ‘neath a sunlit blue sky, which I see reflected whenever my gaze (sweeping over the lush flowering foliage that we chose to plant along our back patio wall) lands upon our royal-blue-tiled spa, where Ravi and I enjoy splashing around, together, several times each week. Whew! (Though these runaway sentences may be challenging to absorb, their emergence from within the intuitive portion of my brain conveys each insight driven stream of consciousness that rises to the surface from deep within my subconscious so naturally as to float through the portion of my thought processor that is readily able to express the complex nature of my emotional reactions as one word after another makes up each run on sentence, which passes forward trains of thought that have been submerged so deeply within my think tank as to feel too profound to tamper with in any way, at all, and thus does my power of intuition guide me to post them exactly as each one emerges, which is why I feel need to apologize to you, every now and then.)
So why, you might ask, did our roller coaster ride of
Ups and downs extend from the Pacific Ocean to the Midwest?
To honor Will’s brother, may he Rest In Peace.
You see, following the death of a loved one, Jewish tradition
Subscribes to an ‘official’ mourning period of one year, after which
Family and close friends gather graveside, again, so as to unveil
The headstone, which marks the final resting place of each of our
Beloved departed, and just as Jeremy’s demise saw
Our immediate family of five make haste to fly from
California to the Midwest, during our vacation last August
The same scenario repeated itself, last week, with this exception:
Last year’s plan came together, last minute, becauseThe Grim Reaper
Offers no guarantees concerning date or time that Death will snuff out
A loved one’s life—On the other hand, the solemnity of
Loved ones gathering graveside, once the traditional year of
Mourning has passed, to unveil the headstone of
A beloved family member is planned months in advance, so
Will and I received a call from our sister-in-law, last spring, offering us
Suffient time to enjoy the tail end of our two week vacation with
Our sons’ families and extended family and friends at our timeshare on
The west coast (which must be reserved a year in advance) before
Driving home from the coast last Wed. so as to unpack and do laundry on
Thursday before repacking on Friday in readiness to fly to
The Midwest on Saturday, knowing that the unveiling would be
Sunday, followed by Labor Day, which we enjoyed with
My sister's family, laughing at the antics of my newphew’s young sons—
A pair of junior comedians, aged one and three, and though you now know
Why I’ve been hopping up and down from state to state, over these past
Three weeks, very few details (coloring in various reasons for having
Experienced emotional swings) have been transferred from
My memory bank to your conscious awareness—as of yet—and now
In hopes of having ignited your sense of intrigue,, I’ll rest my weary mind after
Cluing you into the flash of insight that just spotlighted
This awareness, which leaped out of my mind and into
The center ring of my tired think tank, just now:
Thank goodness, my EMDR therapist offered up a specific
Homework assignment to me before Will and I drove to the west coast, which
The over achiever in me chooses to keep in the forefront of my mind so as
To practice change for the better, because if ever there was a three week
Period of time in which this exercise in self awareness (concerning training
My brain to consciously regain peace of mind on a daily basis by
Knowing when to pull this assignment out of my think tank and
Plug it into the socket where my brain's peace of mind is refueled) proved
To offer my proactive processor sound reason to release inner tension before
The downs have had time to layer up in a repressed state that would
Otherwise have stimulated anxiety to spike too high to calm my runaway
Defense system down, most especially when this summer’s
Roller coaster ride, into which my strong-hearted spirit has freely
And lovingly chosen to securely strap all of my loved ones, sees me
Sharing seating space with so many who make up Will’s family and
Mine, along with our expansive set of close friends, all of whom
(Nestling naturally, as though conjoined into one within my heart) reside
From the west coast to the Midwest—and having arrived home, last night
From this duet of back-to-back trips where so many were embraced, I
Awakened, today, feeling groggy while freely choosing to focus
My mind upon making calls, which prove necessary to planning
A holiday feast in an organized fashion, which I'll enjoy hosting along with
Will, once everything on my to do list has been freshly purchased, rinsed
Peeled, chopped, boiled, roasted, sliced, baked, cooled, frosted
Refrigerated and reheated while setting a beautiful table so that
Right after we return home from high holy day services on Monday
Extended family and dear friends, who live nearby, will ring
Our chimes and feel warmly welcomed into
Our home to celebrate the Jewish New Year in a festive manner—oh—
Did I mention that David, who flies in this Friday, made
A 'reservation' with Steven to be assured of enjoying a sleepover with
Ravi on Saturday night before our immediate family attends
The football game (sans our three year old sweetheart) on Sunday?
‘Tis not lost on me that my cup runneth over with all good things since
Not even one forthcoming event makes me long to raise my hand
In absentia. On the other hand, past experience concerning this
Advanced stage of my life has offered my smarts sound reason to
Expect to do little more more than smile (gratefully) at walls after
David flies back to the west coast on Monday evening until
Will and I readily experience another 'up' while attending our friend's
Grandson's Bar Mitzvah the following Saturday, which
Precedes my flying back to the west coast on that Sunday to enjoy
Time spent with a dear niece and nephew, who, choosing to raise
Their family on the Southeastern shore, plan to fly to
The West Coast to attend a professional conference, suggesting that
When an expansive heartline loves lots of folk, the proactive mind
Experiences never a dull moment—which is a very good thing until
My wearied body reminds me that though my spirit remains younger than
Springtime, reality points to the fact that at seventy four years old
I also feel need to slow down the roller coaster (which includes
Sons, 'daughters', grand children, sisters, brothers, nieces and
Nephews, cousins, in laws and close friends, all of whom reside from sea to
Shining sea) because our conversations (depending upon whom
We’re choosing to expend energy upon from one day to the next) are
Made up of highs—mainly based in delighting in the adorable antics of
Little ones—and lows—mainly based in news of life threatening
Physical declines—a beloved cousin’s brain tumor in the Midwest—a
Glioblastoma (the same deadly tumor that defeated
The Maverick's fight for life) which is sadly no longer in remission—and
Then breast cancer is threatening the life of a cousin on the west coast while
Decisions must be made concerning two cancers of the prostate
(Both of these potential killers having been recently diagnosed), one in
The Northwest, the second In the Southeast, and as this trio of
Recently diagnosed cancers involve the well being of a sister and
Her two brothers (whose 'baby' sister succumbed to complications of
Diabetes a couple of years back), and as I'd babysat for all four during
My preteen years, suggesting my being at least eight years older than
The oldest of these four siblings, whose hearts have been indivisibly
Intertwined with mine beginning when our family celebrated each of
Their births, it comes clear as to why we of a certain age would be
Wise to accept the reality of being jelly (which
Sweetens our role in acknowledging that, once again, we are
The sandwiched generation, though most of our parents
Are gone and our children are grown, because we find ourselves
Squished between a slice of bread made up of seriously ailing, aging
Friends and family on one side while the other slice of life is
Made up of delicious youngsters, who thank God, delight
Their grandparents’ high spirited appetite for life, and, once again
We are reminded that regaining and maintaining peace of mind
Depends upon remaining aware of consciously creating
Balance in all things, suggesting why I choose to see myself
As jelly, sweetening the sandwich, rather than the peanut butter that
Remains stuck in an emotional funk—and—BTW, when listing
The downs (of which more exist that have not yet been
Disclosed in today’s post) I didn't even include the fact
That dt is still stamping his heavy handed foot-in-mouth dis/ease
All over the Oval Office—and with that addendum, tis time to
Pull today's insight driven, intuitive train of thought into
The next rest station so as to free my think tank to reconstruct
Last year’s grocery list before the sun comes out, tomorrow, when
Shopping for holiday ingredients is one of several tasks that
Graces the calendar of this person who luckily loves lots of people—
Many of whom make up the very young as well as those who can't believe
They've reached middle age, and then the spotlight of insight illuminates
The fact that I find myself dining, most frequently, with a generation of
Friends and family, who talk so much about bodily dysfunctions as to
Be unable to deny the reality of having grown so old as to laugh at
The truth, even when facing the cold, hard fact that our minds become
So dizzied while riding emotional roller coasters with loved ones as to
Forget the order of the digits of a land line, which has been our own for
44 years! Triple Hmm—perhaps a massage will loosen my
Muscles, tight from Having traveled through so many highs and lows
(Inclusive of Will’s painfully stuck kidney stones) in a matter of weeks!
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