WHICH AM I—TORTOISE OR HARE?

This post, penned last summer, is being published for your consideration (and mine) today:

I think it's important to note that
Often times, the creative portion of
My brain sees me as whom
I yearn to be rather than whom
I've actually grown to be, thus far
But that's not a bad thing as long as
I continue to strive to attain greater degrees
Of personal growth though perhaps
More at a turtle's pace than a hare's, which
Proves to be a good thing, being that
The hare hopped off track by leaping from
Here to there while the tortoise kept
Its focus on its chosen path till the
Finish line came clearly into view

In short, while writing, I grow aware of insight serving as
A beacon of light shining upon some aspect of reality that
I'd thought resolved, which still undermines the peaceful state of
My mind, and that's important to note for this reason:
For the most part, whether writing or not, my well practiced
Line of self control keeps me outwardly calm except for
The fact that each time I awaken feeling compelled to
Check myself out at a deeper level of
Conscious awareness by way of writing at 5am
I take that as a clear indication of intuition re-evaluating
My need to confront some aspect of subconscious turbulence that
Remains unresolved, and in this way does writing serve to
Slow whatever ride through the rapids is bound to turn up during
This next stage of my mental development, and with
Today's train of thought streaming clearly through
My conscious mind, I surmise that today's post is
Affirming my belief in the calming power of intuition offering
My conscious awareness timely flashes of insight concerning
Subconscious conflicts (demonstrating readiness to filter into
My conscious mind) before my trait of openness turns me into
A babbling brook, suggesting that flashes of insight offer me
The foresight to stabilize my think tank's connection to logic so that
Any resurgence of repressed anxiety (based in the eruption of
Yesteryear's complex unprocessed emotion, does not throw
My think tank off track by hijacking my intuitive intelligence, unnecessarily
Ohhmmm ...

Thursday, November 9, 2017

When most of your life has been spent unconsciously holding anger, sadness and/or fear at bay, and then an unexpected experience offers you reason to decide to muster the courage and humility to acknowledge and work toward disassembling your wall of denial in hopes of following Socrates' guidance so as to come to know both sides of the adult whom you've grown up to be, it should come as no surprise that much of the repressed angst that spills out of subconscious pockets will not feel pleasant or peaceful at all, and today’s train of thought inspires me to say:  Thank goodness my processor, which has taken turns being tortoise and hare (the former seeking protection from predators by retreating into its shell; the latter seeking protection from predators by leaping away from open confrontation, disappearing, quick as a wink, into a dark hole) is now neither,  and here is why that change for the better is true:  The processor that does my thinking, today, continues to acknowledge and accomplish the work necessary to develop a well-balanced (self assertive, yet mutually respectful) voice of its own, so that each time some random stimulation empowers yesteryear's unprocessed anxiety to erupt, my spirit can calmly and patiently place its faith in the fact my proclivity toward personal growth will tolerate the arousal of yesteryear’s emotional discomfort without feeling need to bite off an adversary's head, and here's what inspires that change for the better in my reactivity to take place naturally, repeatedly:  My conscious connection to intuitive intelligence suggests that once surging anxiety abates, the peace-keeping nature of my adult think tank will get to work, identifying whatever inner conflict has been attempting to slip through a crack in my defense system's wall of denial, and once insight shines its spotlight upon the primary source of that specific inner conflict, my conscious awareness alerts my inner strengths to rise to the occasion and clarify the most creative way to brainstorm that inner conflict, toward effective resolution, once and for all.  Please note that I could not hope to accomplish the complex nature of this mental work until an astutely trained professional counselor raised questions that served to guide my intuitive intelligence to arouse my curiosity to thirst for knowledge concerning the complex nature of the many interactive functions of my brain.  And one of the self-empowering lessons that I've encountered, time and again, is this one:

My first thought is not necessarily my best thought.  It's just my first thought.
And that’s especially true when my first thought has not dived so deep beneath the surface of my conscious awareness as to peek through a crack in my defensive wall of denial so as to clarify a deeper truth that’s attempting to filter its way out of subconscious memory so as to speak to my conscious awareness of need to pinpoint exactly where I am currently deceiving myself.

For example, my original thought was that this week's inner tension has been associated with my aging process leading toward death, but today, the depths of my love for my dad emerged, and I came to see that my angst has been based in how deeply I've missed his presence, over these past fifteen years, and perhaps that last flash of insight may inspire you to ask:  Why did fifteen years pass before repressed feelings of grief for your father—who was quite a character—were aroused, this week?

PS
You might want to review the last two paragraphs of the post published yesterday, because those paragraphs were not added until today ...