1328 AN ANSWER

2015
I just reviewed post 1326. Again
Why?
Well, once again, I've learned to listen when intuition coaxes
Inner need to speak to me, and guess what happened while
My sense of awareness absorbed
Strings of insight more thoroughly than before?
The answer to my question—concerning why
Inner tension (banging at my wall of denial) had lessened—came clear!
If you ask how that came to be, I'd reply:
Thinking, writing and re-writing deepens contemplative comprehension

While writing that post, intuition ignited insight that reflected
A negatively focused mindset; then, during the editing process
That insight ignited additional insights, and upon reviewing
That string of insights, my conscious awareness caught on to
A subconscious secret, which exposed a sense of self degradation that
Had layered up over my lifetime, and as long as
This secret remained in an unprocessed state
My sense of self degradation empowered a negative mindset to act like
A vice, squeezing the life out of my energy force in the still of the night

As long as this negative mindset remained captive behind
My wall of denial, I ignored the little voice that pleaded with me to
Figure out why keeping the peace seemed so vital as to silence my needs and
Opinions to the point of depriving my energy source from all sense of personal freedom

Thank goodness, my powers of intuition continued to
Hammer at my wall of denial until
One series of insights after another snapped, crackled and popped open
That padlock, which my defense system had placed on the door that had
Protected my conscious mind from feeling terrified when I was three, and
Over these past five years of penning my blog, you've watched me attempt to
Pick that lock as would a master locksmith, who (having lost
sight of the numbers that open the tumblers) worked until
The 'right' combination of insights fell into place, and as
The door in my wall of denial opened, guess what happened, next?
Several big 'bad' secrets slipped quietly into my conscious mind, at last!

It's not as if each of those secrets had never banged at
My wall of self-denial, before
In fact, each secret has been filtering, little by little, into
My conscious awareness for quite some time;  however
Readiness to wholly embrace so many personal imperfections
Had not clarified the number one mindset in need of
Change for the better as clearly proves true, today

Holy cow!  I am beginning to understand why
Exiting this mind maze has felt so challenging and confounding
As to feel overwhelming—time after time!

If you choose to scroll back to post 1326 and
Mull over the string of insights that my intuition coaxed
My worried, wearied, conscious sense of awareness to clarify
You, too, will get a feeling as to why my think tank's pounding tension
Felt sound reason to relax..

And now, having gained insight into why
My power of intuition kept coaxing
My weary mind to labor until several subconscious secrets emerged
I am beginning to understand why each of those secrets deemed me
So unworthy of love as to have caused me to roast myself over hot coals
In fact, I'm beginning to feel that my sense of clarity will soon
Be able to express the reason why feeling myself to be unlovable served
As the umbrella—under which a host of negatively focused mind sets had  huddled

Sooo, if you'd like to review
That final string of insights, which offered me reason to
Sigh with relief and smile with pleasure over a life well lived
Please don't hesitate to back track while
I make my way into our kitchen to
Get coffee percolating and bagels toasting for
Will, our dear friend from the Midwest, and
Last but not least, "Me Too" ...

PS
I have a feeling that once our house guest flies home
I'll feel free to edit and post the unpublished trains of thought, which
Had felt too raw to expose for public consumption—until today ...
Or not ... who knows?