During the week before our last house guests arrived, my interest turned toward editing one of the children's books that my young writing partner, Katy, and I had placed on a back burner, several years ago. Coincidentally, Katy, called to say that she'd felt drawn to do the same. I love when that happens! Kindred minds, leaping, intuitively, unexpectedly, upon the same wavelength, simultaneously ...
Then, our house guests arrived, and my mind absorbed reason for two pathways (editing these children's books and penning posts) to converge for this reason: Throughout the weekend, conversations, initiated by one of our two guests, enticed me to reconsider my decision to place my blog on hold for an undefined length of time. You see, my guest (who attributes my blog to inspiring her to delve more deeply into grasping why she'd unknowingly adopted a certain role while growing up in her family), asked me questions, concerning why I believe my three sons grew up to be a trio of fast friends.
The fact that these questions had been asked of me at a time when my interest in blogging was waining in favor of re-investing my time and energy in editing the first in a series of whimsical tales, concerning the importance of creating an emotional environment in which each person in the family absorbs the value of mutual respect, inspired my think tank to consider the merits of embracing both tasks (posting true stories, brimming with insight, for adults and penning fanciful, insight-driven stories for children, concerning the development of self discipline) simultaneously. Hopefully, if this expansion of my original mindset finds me capable of nurturing both passions, at once, my comfort zone will feel more at ease than when I'd thought to close the door on one in favor of the other ...
As it is common for our thought processors to ping pong, back and forth, when inner conflict won't quit, I've become practiced at relaxing my decision-making process until my mind calms enough to draw forth a sense of intuitive thought that emerges from deep within my psyche. And following the emergence of intuitive thought comes insight into deeper truth, which kicks my reasoning powers into high gear. As this well-practiced pattern of seeking solutions to difficult problems by way of interweaving intuition with analytical reasoning has proven successful, repeatedly, I place my faith in this belief: With the emergence of insight into deeper truth, my mind can spotlight the narrow scope of a negatively focused attitude, which, over time, caused coils of subconscious tension to tighten until a self-defeating mind set that felt set in stone shaped up.
Once coils of negatively focused tension have been coaxed to relax, my processor is capable of embracing an expansive, open-minded semblance of re-balance between emotion and logic. With balance restored, my think tank's agile ability to brainstorm toward workable solutions resumes—naturally. If you ask how this solution-seeking agility, which meets with success with a high degree of consistency, developed, I'd reply: I've coached my personal skill set to absorb my professional ability to calm the minds of thousands of people who, over these past thirty-five years, have sought me out whenever brainstorming toward workable solutions proved necessary. In other words, my think tank came to recognize the importance of taking time to consciously calm myself in order to regain a sense of balance between emotion and logic when the problem at hand was mine. And with that thought in mind, I gave my kids permission to respectfully suggest my taking time out to calm down when my brain felt too irritated to think clearly. With years of practice under my belt, taking time out to calm my processor during the heat of conflict became second nature to me.
If you ask how I can redirect this change for the better to take place inside my head during the heat of the moment, I'd reply: Emergent from within the depths of my mind exists this self confident belief: My think tank has grown capable of conjuring up trains of thought that massage coils of tension, which layer up within my brain. As coils of tension, based in negatively focused, self-defeating attitudes, relax, I am amazed at my mindset's ability to expand enough to 'see' over defensive walls, which had blocked my ability to brainstorm, naturally, until all sense of negativity, based in a subconscious attitude of undeserved guilt, has been swept away. Once my conscious mind has calmed enough to tame unruly emotional reactiveness behind my well-practiced line of control, my whole brain is free to brainstorm toward a solution, which, at first, I'd felt too 'scatter-brained' to see. Once a rebalanced, mind-expanding sense of clarity is mine, insight into deeper truth emerges, suggesting that this solution had been within reach, all along.
With balance between emotion and logic restored, my innate potential to connect problem solving agility with creative thinking, frees my self confidence to step up to the plate and each time that trio of well-practiced, personal strengths takes a swing at the problem, it's not unusual for my think tank to hit an open-minded homer out of the park. This is not ego boasting. This is experiential success, concerning brainstorming, voicing its successful batting average. And if you've read stories, penned in the past, you already know me to be candid about describing self-defeating attitudes, based in negatively focused mind sets, which led me straight toward making mistakes in judgement before a sense of objective reflection refocused my sights until my ability to detail a plan proved so precise as to have met with brainstorming success for everyone concerned. Though Babe Ruth struck out more times than he hit homers when he came up to bat, he never stopped swinging for the fences, and just as we attribute his success to self confidence, swinging for the fences is what I've come to expect of myself, each time my brainstorming skills are tested by a worthy opponent.
In the absence of feeling balanced, I prove every bit as vulnerable to making decisions that, over time, prove irreconcilable to my spirit's need to thrive as anyone else. It's after my mind feels calm enough to reflect objectively over past mistakes that my ability to brainstorm toward new possibilities sweeps disillusionment, leading toward self-defeat, out the door. Once self-destructive mindsets, based in self defeating trains of thought are swept 'clear' out of my mind, space opens within my think tank for hope to revitalize. Hope for what? I have no more clue than you, except for this: Each time the negative side of this cycle comes full circle, the constructive idea of 'hope-for-who-knows-what-may-happen-next' proves enough to re-energize my positively focused spirit.
When it comes to embracing the unknown, with a stout heart, I need not know exactly what may fall into my lap, next. Instead of needing to know what each next stage of life may offer me that causes my mindsets to expand, I just need to approach each unexpected change with self confidence, courage, humility—and curiosity intact.
After our guests flew home, my thoughts turned to surgery, scheduled for the next day, so intuition directed me to seek out my patio swing in hopes of coaxing apprehensive thoughts to relax. While swaying, peacefully, back and forth with a refreshing glass of fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice in hand, I absorbed a glowing review in a magazine, concerning a novel, whose title had peaked my interest, and as intuition whispered into my ear, I arose from the swing, went in search of my iPad and making swift use of Amazon Prime, I ordered it.
Holy smokes!
I think sparks of insight are firing off while
Intuitive thought is wholly engaged in writing this post, right now!
I say 'I think', because clarity is not yet mine.
All I can say for certain, concerning where this post is going, is this:
The novel arrived over night, and my mind was immersed in reading GOD HELP THE CHILD by Toni Morrison, winner of The Nobel Prize, when suddenly, I felt a sense of connection click, and within seconds, I began to understand why intuition gagged my positively focused bent toward story-telling, several months back.
If you ask me to describe the insight that made me close Morrison's novel, pick up my iPad and watch this post write itself, word by word, here it comes: Over these last few months, I've been denying a deepening awareness of disillusionment concerning my ability to motivate adults to search ever more deeply within themselves in hopes of uncovering negatively focused beliefs, based in one-tracked trains of thought, absorbed during childhood, which, over time, have solidified self defeating attitudes into close-minded stones.
As one insight sparks more, here comes the next insight that lit up painfully but gainfully within my conscious mind: No matter how many seeds of common sense I've planted with loving kindness, closed-minded stones, firmly set in sludge, cannot be coaxed to roll themselves up hill in hopes of nurturing personal growth. Why not? Personal growth requires the fertile soil of open-minded toil.
No wonder why I prefer to brainstorm with the young, whose minds prove as open and agile to accommodating change as their energy levels feel boundless ...
No wonder why my conscious mind refused to review my pronouncement of disillusionment, which this post clarifies, at last. Deeper truth suggests that I did not fear your absorption of my train of thought. I'd feared absorbing my thoughts, myself.
(As this train of thought proves lengthy, you might want to take a break, right here ...)
Originally, I had no clue what drew me to order Morrison's novella from Amazon Prime. Generally, her use of symbolism proves too dark for my sensitivities. However, after writing 'I prefer to brainstorm with the young', intuition drew my mind toward the title of this particular story (in which the misery of children is based in their unanswered need to converse intimately with adults, who have no clue that repressed rage is the primary reason why people who love each other fail to connect at deeply intimate emotional levels. How sad it is to note that as each generation of open-minded, zealous youth enter middle age, a vast majority find themselves compressed within the center of the bell-shaped curve, where, feeling stuck in place, disillusionment sets in, and as long as the moral majority feels as blindly close-minded to each person's need to create change-for-the-better, all too many end up griping about the same disappointments as did the adults who had raised us. Sigh!
Upon reflection, I've worn my brain to the bone, thrice ... placing myself amongst those who labor, tirelessly, pulling the weight of that bell shaped curve forward along the timeline in hopes of meeting the future, head on. Ultimately, this proves exhausting, because society's forward movement toward change is known to crawl at a snail's pace. In fact, reflection suggests that the only way I'd allowed myself to experience a moment of relaxation was by knocking myself out.
Time and again, I'd forget to remember 'the myth of movement', meaning that it can be difficult for me to discern those times when expansive-thinking processes are actually taking place vs times when my hopeful quest for change-for-the-better 'sees' progress where reality suggests that no hint of movement toward improvement exists, at all.
Recently, having coached myself to let go of that rope, I've chosen to walk forward on my own, not to be confused with walking alone, for this reason: Today, I choose to keep company with those who feel free to hold my hand while, together, we meet the future head on, and as we walk and talk, we tend to agree about this or brainstorm when conflicting trains of thought clash about 'that' until, step by step, we find common ground where conflicts tend to resolve more respectfully, less painfully, than had been true when, though connected by a line made of love, one pulled back while the other pulled forward, until such time as the line of open communications felt so taught as to have sadly, created a gap that snapped—unnecessarily ...
And that last train of thought makes me ask: When does the open-minded inquisitiveness of youth transform to closed-minded, stone-like attitudes, commonly attributed to middle aged adults? BTW, I asked when rather than why because common knowledge suggests that, over time, young minds unknowingly adopt more of our parents' disillusioned attitudes than not—hook, line and sinker—though, classically, we deny that as true:
You're reacting just like your father! (Mother)
No I'm not!
Yes you are!
Have you ever thought to ask which of your parents' negatively focused attitudes may have been unknowingly absorbed by your brain? Brings to mind the title of another insight-driven book, authored, years ago:
MY MOTHER, MYSELF
While my mind absorbed the secret childhood misery, which proved universal to each character presented in Morrison's novel, GOD HELP THE CHILD my intuitive connection with the unmet needs of children, which prove timeless throughout the world, continued to tick, tick, tick within my mind as if the hands of a clock were marking that moment when insight into myself would light up with such alarming clarity as to trigger this thought, which I've heard myself say aloud, repeatedly:
For the most part, I enjoy interacting with the minds of children more than adults for this reason:
Generally speaking, the mind of a very young child is bright, pliable and eager to absorb plans of action that create change for the better when, over the long run, bite-sized bits of knowledge are presented with authenticity, assertiveness, patience and kindness intact.
As each insight-driven plan guided my children to grow into adults with open minds, concerning owning up to the need to identify and correct mistakes, ever more graciously, over time, we watched self respect deepen, proportionately, as eventual success proved exponentially apparent. And thus, as each step toward self respect is taken, along life's pathway, we come to see why, eventually, certain spirits fly independent of parental approval while others feel they cannot accept changes in societal values, which, though timely, would have caused their parents to frown with disapproval.
That last train of thought brings this memory to mind:
Once my Grandma Ella had passed, my mother chose not to keep kosher. And every time her knife sliced through a sandwich made of turkey and cheese, Mom sliced through her peace of mind, as well. Retrospectively, Mom felt as though making any decision for herself that her mother would disapprove of was disrespectful of her mother's memory. In this way, did my mother lay undeserved guilt upon her own head. When Dad passed, Mom, whose beauty defied age, dismissed any man who'd tried to woo her. She said she was revering the memory of Dad's love for her. However, hving been told, repeatedly, how shy Mom had been when—seen as a curvaceous young woman—men had been in hot pursuit, I believe her lack of experience catalyzed her youthful sense of shyness to re-emerge, and as her original mindset shaped into a fearful attitude, concerning intimacy with men, I watched my 87 year old mother revert back to ancient reactions, which had remained subconsciously unresolved, deep inside her mind.
Knowing that many of you have reason to feel skeptical of my conviction, concerning disciplining children with consequential kindness rather than punitive means, I'll offer you many short stories that will demonstrate this next insight as being true much more often than not: The decision-making process that takes place in the young mind is likely to be based in the common good when the emotional environment nurtures a positively focused, loving sense of mutually respectful safety that inspires children to develop the ability to brainstorm away from rebellious dissension in favor of brainstorming towarn cooperation, over time. You see, once a sense of deeply respected, emotional safety has taken root within everyone's mind there's little reason for anyone in the family to harbor repressed feelings of resentment that excite a riot of rebelliousness to arise each time reason for conflict disrupts peace of mind.
I mean, think about it: Would you feel more inspired to learn to cooperate when leadership creates an emotionally light-hearted environment or when the dark cloud of impending punishment hangs over your head?
How often have I been asked to answer this question: Annie, how did you manage to raise three children, who have grown to be strong and sensitive, creative and responsible, compassionate and uniquely successful adults, all of whom have become your intimate, supportive friends as well as each other's?
Today, I'd answer quite simply: Being human, no way did I raise my sons perfectly ; however, each was raised the way I'd wished to have been raised, myself—as unique individuals. And each time I chose to read another self help book, which clarified my mistakes, I'd set my ego aside, share each morsel of mind-bending knowledge with my kids and having admitted, openly, to my mistakes, my growing sense of humility led them to follow my lead as each of us, myself included, learned to brainstorm through conflict, like teammates, until proactive plans, which met needs, all around, enticed the cooperative spirit of generosity to develop more deeply within us all. And until proved otherwise, that's what I believe.
(You might want to take another break, here ...)
In recent years, I've had to accept this difficult reality:
Though it's best to live in the present, tis human for the mind to develop a subconscious 'mind of its own', meaning that I find myself wandering back to certain moments, which renew my feeling vulnerable to an emergent sense of heartfelt loss, which, upon filtering through denial's wall, clouds my conscious mind with brief spells of sadness that weight heavy on my spirit—most especially because this recurrent sense of irreplaceable loss would prove unnecessary if brainstorming toward change-for-the-better bespoke of reconciliation to both.
I guess, being human suggests that time spent in reflection must be expected. In fact, in the absence of objective reflection, insight fails to spark, suggesting that 'looking forward' and only forward is not everything it's cracked up to be.
Opening my mind to objective reflection has offered my subconscious reason to open doors to insight-driven plans, which resolved conflicts that would not quit until my conscious mind had time to delve more deeply into specific details that proved unsuccessful in the past. Seen in that light, objective reflection (hindsight) may be considered as scientific in nature as cataract surgery, which strips away cloudy filaments that blur the clarity of our vision.
Each time I muster the courage to view my own little corner of the world with an expanded sense of clarity—which had escaped my sense of conscious awareness, before—my sensitivities experience a painful sense of shock, followed by a period of adjustment while my conscious mind absorbs need of personal growth in some aspect of life. And with each step taken, consciously, toward gains in personal growth, my sense of possibility, concerning reality, expands, yet again.
At times when reality seems to create pain without gain, in truth, I gain a deeper sense of insight into reasons why those who choose to walk forward with me find need to garner as much courage as I do before each of us knowingly takes each next step forward into the great unknown. Though all people, at every age, walk into the great unknown, those who refuse to open their eyes to deeper truth, repressed inside, walk into walls.
Case in point: No matter how many fertile seeds I've worked to plant in recent years, tis been hard to admit to my lack of success at inspiring change-for-the-better to take root within certain adult relationships, which continue to mean the world to me, and if you ask why I could not fully accept that reality until my readiness to strip denial away took place, today, I'd reply: Though denial held disillusionment at bay for quite some time, a sense of deeper truth has continued to filter into my conscious mind, drop by drop, until, ultimately, clarity—which has been on the verge of bursting into bloom—tackled my hopeful sense of positive focus to the mat, at last.
On the other hand, make no mistake, my friends. Today's shot of reality does not mean I've closed the door on hope for change-for-the-better, forever. In fact, today's shot of reality suggests my working toward making this change: I'll not watch my unanswered efforts at reconciliation suck my spirit into a vacuum, as had been true in years past.
Perhaps a portion of the mental cloudiness, attributed to my recent surgery, has actually been due to this last stage of metamorphosis, crystallizing within my conscious mind. I mean seriously, shedding layers of denial, which make up a self-protective shell, is more than mind bending work. Have you ever seen what a chick looks like after it has instinctively pecked it's way out of its shell? Dizzied little thing feels too exhausted to stand up.
On the other hand, it's highly possible that it's taken two weeks for mental clarity, concerning insight into my disillusionment, to emerge, because I've felt distracted, disoriented, bordering on dizziness while a large portion of my brain has been working to absorb change-for-the-better, as the implantation of one of two multi-focal lenses is being proactively absorbed. As my surgeon suggested: Several changes in perception must advance through each stage of re-adjustment before clarity is mine. And in a similar manner, a narrow mindset, working to expand perception, must advance through several stages of re-adjustment before our stressed defense systems allow inner conflict to relax, freeing our sense of wholesomeness to feel at peace within new comfort zones, at last.
You see, common sense suggests that the human brain can concentrate, calmly, on only so much change at one time. And though none of these insights are new to me, somehow my sense of clarity, concerning my need for self-empowerment, has been crystalizing with a greater degree of consistency while writing this post than had been possible, before. In fact, rather than taking a break from blogging, I've been adding strings of insight to this post, paragraph by paragraph, all week.
Tomorrow will see me undergoing surgery number two. As soon as I feel drawn toward story telling as naturally as I've felt compelled to pen this post, I'll pop up on your screeen; however, my newfound sense of clarity suggests that my stories will describe those years when I'd felt inspired to raise my kids in the mindful way that I'd wished to have been raised myself.
As you shall see, each story posted will highlight mistakes of my own, which I learned to identify while absorbing insights, authored by professionals, whose self-help books concerning the welfare of children, concentrated on the benefits of positively focused discipline. One book in particular is titled: HOW TO DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE (from crib to college).
As you watch me muster the humility to admit to my own mistakes, you'll see me pack my 'baggage' and set sail on an intuitive, step-by-step, quest to absorb knowledge, concerning common sensical approaches to disciplining with love in hopes of inspiring life-long bonds of friendship to develop within our home. Then, upon feeling flushed with success, you'll witness my quest expand to sharing my passion for positive discipline with parents, hoping to raise offspring, whose relationships would not simulate that which had been true of Cain and Abel. Over time, my petchance for planting seeds of open-minded attitudes—which, upon fertilizing steps toward personal growth, create change-for-the-better—offered countless families sound reason to brainstorm toward resolving conflicts, respectfully and thus peaceably—beginning with my own.
So what reality, you may ask, has denial refused to allow my mind to swallow in the past few years? The fact that my allegiance to the concept of win/win could not accept—win some, lose some.
(This might be a good place for break number three)
Just as insight-driven plans met with success, time and again, year in and year out, while my children and I learned to brainstorm through conflict with positive focus intact, our strong sense of teamwork continues to motivate each of us to confer with each other whenever life tosses one of us another unexpected challenge, to this very day. And as the development of each plan of action has eventually met with success, each downcast spirit has had reason to rise to embrace a renewed sense of personal challenge, which recharges our attachment to thriving once our efforts at brainstorming ignite strings of insight that deepen our understanding of that which had initially gone wrong.
As each short story leads toward the next, you'll see why I've come to believe so strongly that defensive attitudes cause us to shrink back while open-minded attitudes, based in personal growth, re-energize our belief in NEVER GIVE UP WORKING TO ACHIEVE HEARTFELT GOALS, WHICH ONCE ACCOMPLISHED, OFFER YOUR SPIRIT REASON TO SOAR HIGHER THAN EVER BEFORE.
In addition to Babe swinging for fences
Do you remember my writing that
Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper publisher, who
Admonished the young writer for lacking creativity?
What would you say to the fact that
Louis Pasteur flunked chemistry in high school
Guess folks who know who they are and
What they have to offer figure they have
Sound reason to NGU
As to what I'll feel like writing once this next series of stories has been told, well, your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps, as insights ignite within those stories, I'll have peeled away additional layers of my defensive wall, allowing my comfort zone to expand enough to relate experiences that caused my subconscious to flood with unprocessed fear of personal failure during high school and college, extending into my marriage.
Hopefully, as more of my many-layered wall comes down, I'll gain insight into how best to tell stories, concerning my teen years, stepping toward early adulthood, without invading the privacy of anyone involved. Needless to say, Will has the right of first refusal ...
As to my sons—they gave me carte blanche, years ago.
As to offering you a sense of what to expect once story-telling flows freely onto my screen and yours, I can reveal this: Every story that my comfort zone chooses to write will offer examples of changes that inspired everyone's spirits to lift for this reason: Conflicts resolved and change-for-the-better met with solution-seeking success, because needs were respectfully considered, all around. And generally speaking, here is why each change that we made, working like teammates, produced lasting results—at least thus far: Just as I do not fear exposing a large portion of my vulnerabilities to you, I did not fear admitting my mistakes to my kids. And each time I chose to demonstrate humility while disciplining my temper behind my line of control, my kids watched their role model direct her defensive reactions to sit in a time out chair with a growing sense of consistency, day after day. Then, over time, three little monkey faces, whose active minds absorbed changes developing within their mother's mindful leadership skills, grew up to follow my lead—and thus have all three grown to be adults, who embrace compassionate leadership skills, as well.
Whereas fighting words, suggesting—
You're just like your mother (or father)—
Lead to WWIII in most homes—
That declaration is cause for laughter in our family of five
Why? Because, in the absence of defensive reactiveness
We choose to laugh at the truth
I've found that the true art of creating
A lasting sense of intimacy, connecting two hearts
Depends upon both developing the openness to say:
My first thought's not always my best thought—
Upon reflection, I'm aware of my mistake, and I'm sorry
So, let's start over by brainstorming, together, until
Two minds, landing on the same wavelength, will
Prove better than one, working alone
And once insight into conflict resolution is ours
Both of our minds will feel so peaceful that
Your spirit will lift as will mine ...
Will and I married in March of 1966
Will was twenty-three
I was twenty-two
Will and I became parents in February of 1969
Will was twenty-seven when Barry was born
I was twenty-five when my expansive adventures with motherhood began ...
2015
Wow! For someone who'd thought to delay blogging for an indefinite time, this post exemplifies more of an open-minded, proactive change-for-the-better than I could have perceived possible while conversing with my guest, two weeks ago.
Over these past two weeks, I've felt compelled to add strings of insight to this post for hours, each day, in hopes of clarifying (for myself) why the narrow framework of my original train of thought had sound reason to grow ever more expansive. Why? Well, simplifying the complexity that weighs heavy on my mind has become—my thing.
And as my expanded sense of insight and one brand new eye adjust my sights to 'see' the station appearing on the horizon, I'm feeling ready to send this post into cyberspace, where, hopefully, my musings may offer your thought processor sound reason to reconsider a time when inner conflict may have created tight coils of tension, which had need to relax within your brain before your sense of intuitive thought felt capable of re-examining a mindset that may have required time to expand, one step at a time, before your comfort zone felt able to absorb a plan that offered change-for-the-better, all around.
Seriously, who wouldn't take a leap of faith when a second chance beckons toward reconciling with a special someone, whom you care for so deeply that inner conflict swings, back and forth, from one end of the spectrum to the other, indefinitely?
If you ask why I place so much faith in the power of second chances, I'd reply: So far, every leap of faith that I've chosen to take, generated by intuition, has seen me grow capable of identifying changes that prove necessary if plans, which had met with failure, yesterday, are to succeed—differently—today.
At this late stage of my life, there's very little that makes me feel like a beginner—except growing old—and I plan to move through this next stage of life, searching within for insight, as has been true during each stage that came before. And in hopes that the same may prove true for you, may I respectfully suggest that you offer your mind time to percolate over today's lengthy train of thought, as did I, in order to 'see' if that which you view as 'your truth' has had reason to expand into deeper truth, as did mine, over time.
If you've come to know me, at all, then
I believe you'll agree that when identifying
A mindset that proves incorrigible, time and again—
Here is mine—
I find it nearly impossible to lose sight of hope, concerning
Heartfelt reconciliation, while two people, who care deeply for each other, are
Still on this side of the grass ...
On the other hand, my mindset would adjust to change if I had reason to believe that
One continues to care deeply while the other does not—and as that's not been
My experience, thus far, I'll follow intuitive trains of thought that
Inspire me to take leaps of faith, based in open-minded attitudes that
Have served me well, because—as 'they' say—
So far so good—and—If NGU ain't broke, don't fix it ...
Therefore, please do not mistake my current sense of disillusionment for
Giving up on change-for-the-better—forever—because
I have no more clue as to what change of heart tomorrow may offer me than do you
And with this last train of thought in mind, it becomes apparent that
My life-long connection to a sunny sense of hopefulness outweighs
My current downpour of disillusionment, by far—
And here's why I thank goodness for the fact that I know
Without a doubt that the life I chose freely as my own in the desert has
Offered my spirit much more reason to thrive than to whine:
I finally feel ready to end this lengthy post on an upbeat note that
Provides my positively focused attitude with a bit of breathing room, at last ...
1967
I'm glad to say that after setting the kitchen on fire
The dinner I served—one night, soon after I'd been a bride—was
Surprisingly delicious once Will and I calmed our reactions enough to
Sit down and nourish our hunger with whatever was left of the fruit of my labor ...
(This story will be the first to show up—some time after tomorrow's surgery ...)
(You might want to take another break, here ...)
In recent years, I've had to accept this difficult reality:
Though it's best to live in the present, tis human for the mind to develop a subconscious 'mind of its own', meaning that I find myself wandering back to certain moments, which renew my feeling vulnerable to an emergent sense of heartfelt loss, which, upon filtering through denial's wall, clouds my conscious mind with brief spells of sadness that weight heavy on my spirit—most especially because this recurrent sense of irreplaceable loss would prove unnecessary if brainstorming toward change-for-the-better bespoke of reconciliation to both.
I guess, being human suggests that time spent in reflection must be expected. In fact, in the absence of objective reflection, insight fails to spark, suggesting that 'looking forward' and only forward is not everything it's cracked up to be.
Opening my mind to objective reflection has offered my subconscious reason to open doors to insight-driven plans, which resolved conflicts that would not quit until my conscious mind had time to delve more deeply into specific details that proved unsuccessful in the past. Seen in that light, objective reflection (hindsight) may be considered as scientific in nature as cataract surgery, which strips away cloudy filaments that blur the clarity of our vision.
Each time I muster the courage to view my own little corner of the world with an expanded sense of clarity—which had escaped my sense of conscious awareness, before—my sensitivities experience a painful sense of shock, followed by a period of adjustment while my conscious mind absorbs need of personal growth in some aspect of life. And with each step taken, consciously, toward gains in personal growth, my sense of possibility, concerning reality, expands, yet again.
At times when reality seems to create pain without gain, in truth, I gain a deeper sense of insight into reasons why those who choose to walk forward with me find need to garner as much courage as I do before each of us knowingly takes each next step forward into the great unknown. Though all people, at every age, walk into the great unknown, those who refuse to open their eyes to deeper truth, repressed inside, walk into walls.
Case in point: No matter how many fertile seeds I've worked to plant in recent years, tis been hard to admit to my lack of success at inspiring change-for-the-better to take root within certain adult relationships, which continue to mean the world to me, and if you ask why I could not fully accept that reality until my readiness to strip denial away took place, today, I'd reply: Though denial held disillusionment at bay for quite some time, a sense of deeper truth has continued to filter into my conscious mind, drop by drop, until, ultimately, clarity—which has been on the verge of bursting into bloom—tackled my hopeful sense of positive focus to the mat, at last.
On the other hand, make no mistake, my friends. Today's shot of reality does not mean I've closed the door on hope for change-for-the-better, forever. In fact, today's shot of reality suggests my working toward making this change: I'll not watch my unanswered efforts at reconciliation suck my spirit into a vacuum, as had been true in years past.
Perhaps a portion of the mental cloudiness, attributed to my recent surgery, has actually been due to this last stage of metamorphosis, crystallizing within my conscious mind. I mean seriously, shedding layers of denial, which make up a self-protective shell, is more than mind bending work. Have you ever seen what a chick looks like after it has instinctively pecked it's way out of its shell? Dizzied little thing feels too exhausted to stand up.
On the other hand, it's highly possible that it's taken two weeks for mental clarity, concerning insight into my disillusionment, to emerge, because I've felt distracted, disoriented, bordering on dizziness while a large portion of my brain has been working to absorb change-for-the-better, as the implantation of one of two multi-focal lenses is being proactively absorbed. As my surgeon suggested: Several changes in perception must advance through each stage of re-adjustment before clarity is mine. And in a similar manner, a narrow mindset, working to expand perception, must advance through several stages of re-adjustment before our stressed defense systems allow inner conflict to relax, freeing our sense of wholesomeness to feel at peace within new comfort zones, at last.
You see, common sense suggests that the human brain can concentrate, calmly, on only so much change at one time. And though none of these insights are new to me, somehow my sense of clarity, concerning my need for self-empowerment, has been crystalizing with a greater degree of consistency while writing this post than had been possible, before. In fact, rather than taking a break from blogging, I've been adding strings of insight to this post, paragraph by paragraph, all week.
Tomorrow will see me undergoing surgery number two. As soon as I feel drawn toward story telling as naturally as I've felt compelled to pen this post, I'll pop up on your screeen; however, my newfound sense of clarity suggests that my stories will describe those years when I'd felt inspired to raise my kids in the mindful way that I'd wished to have been raised myself.
As you shall see, each story posted will highlight mistakes of my own, which I learned to identify while absorbing insights, authored by professionals, whose self-help books concerning the welfare of children, concentrated on the benefits of positively focused discipline. One book in particular is titled: HOW TO DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE (from crib to college).
As you watch me muster the humility to admit to my own mistakes, you'll see me pack my 'baggage' and set sail on an intuitive, step-by-step, quest to absorb knowledge, concerning common sensical approaches to disciplining with love in hopes of inspiring life-long bonds of friendship to develop within our home. Then, upon feeling flushed with success, you'll witness my quest expand to sharing my passion for positive discipline with parents, hoping to raise offspring, whose relationships would not simulate that which had been true of Cain and Abel. Over time, my petchance for planting seeds of open-minded attitudes—which, upon fertilizing steps toward personal growth, create change-for-the-better—offered countless families sound reason to brainstorm toward resolving conflicts, respectfully and thus peaceably—beginning with my own.
So what reality, you may ask, has denial refused to allow my mind to swallow in the past few years? The fact that my allegiance to the concept of win/win could not accept—win some, lose some.
(This might be a good place for break number three)
Just as insight-driven plans met with success, time and again, year in and year out, while my children and I learned to brainstorm through conflict with positive focus intact, our strong sense of teamwork continues to motivate each of us to confer with each other whenever life tosses one of us another unexpected challenge, to this very day. And as the development of each plan of action has eventually met with success, each downcast spirit has had reason to rise to embrace a renewed sense of personal challenge, which recharges our attachment to thriving once our efforts at brainstorming ignite strings of insight that deepen our understanding of that which had initially gone wrong.
As each short story leads toward the next, you'll see why I've come to believe so strongly that defensive attitudes cause us to shrink back while open-minded attitudes, based in personal growth, re-energize our belief in NEVER GIVE UP WORKING TO ACHIEVE HEARTFELT GOALS, WHICH ONCE ACCOMPLISHED, OFFER YOUR SPIRIT REASON TO SOAR HIGHER THAN EVER BEFORE.
In addition to Babe swinging for fences
Do you remember my writing that
Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper publisher, who
Admonished the young writer for lacking creativity?
What would you say to the fact that
Louis Pasteur flunked chemistry in high school
Guess folks who know who they are and
What they have to offer figure they have
Sound reason to NGU
As to what I'll feel like writing once this next series of stories has been told, well, your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps, as insights ignite within those stories, I'll have peeled away additional layers of my defensive wall, allowing my comfort zone to expand enough to relate experiences that caused my subconscious to flood with unprocessed fear of personal failure during high school and college, extending into my marriage.
Hopefully, as more of my many-layered wall comes down, I'll gain insight into how best to tell stories, concerning my teen years, stepping toward early adulthood, without invading the privacy of anyone involved. Needless to say, Will has the right of first refusal ...
As to my sons—they gave me carte blanche, years ago.
As to offering you a sense of what to expect once story-telling flows freely onto my screen and yours, I can reveal this: Every story that my comfort zone chooses to write will offer examples of changes that inspired everyone's spirits to lift for this reason: Conflicts resolved and change-for-the-better met with solution-seeking success, because needs were respectfully considered, all around. And generally speaking, here is why each change that we made, working like teammates, produced lasting results—at least thus far: Just as I do not fear exposing a large portion of my vulnerabilities to you, I did not fear admitting my mistakes to my kids. And each time I chose to demonstrate humility while disciplining my temper behind my line of control, my kids watched their role model direct her defensive reactions to sit in a time out chair with a growing sense of consistency, day after day. Then, over time, three little monkey faces, whose active minds absorbed changes developing within their mother's mindful leadership skills, grew up to follow my lead—and thus have all three grown to be adults, who embrace compassionate leadership skills, as well.
Whereas fighting words, suggesting—
You're just like your mother (or father)—
Lead to WWIII in most homes—
That declaration is cause for laughter in our family of five
Why? Because, in the absence of defensive reactiveness
We choose to laugh at the truth
I've found that the true art of creating
A lasting sense of intimacy, connecting two hearts
Depends upon both developing the openness to say:
My first thought's not always my best thought—
Upon reflection, I'm aware of my mistake, and I'm sorry
So, let's start over by brainstorming, together, until
Two minds, landing on the same wavelength, will
Prove better than one, working alone
And once insight into conflict resolution is ours
Both of our minds will feel so peaceful that
Your spirit will lift as will mine ...
Will and I married in March of 1966
Will was twenty-three
I was twenty-two
Will and I became parents in February of 1969
Will was twenty-seven when Barry was born
I was twenty-five when my expansive adventures with motherhood began ...
2015
Wow! For someone who'd thought to delay blogging for an indefinite time, this post exemplifies more of an open-minded, proactive change-for-the-better than I could have perceived possible while conversing with my guest, two weeks ago.
Over these past two weeks, I've felt compelled to add strings of insight to this post for hours, each day, in hopes of clarifying (for myself) why the narrow framework of my original train of thought had sound reason to grow ever more expansive. Why? Well, simplifying the complexity that weighs heavy on my mind has become—my thing.
And as my expanded sense of insight and one brand new eye adjust my sights to 'see' the station appearing on the horizon, I'm feeling ready to send this post into cyberspace, where, hopefully, my musings may offer your thought processor sound reason to reconsider a time when inner conflict may have created tight coils of tension, which had need to relax within your brain before your sense of intuitive thought felt capable of re-examining a mindset that may have required time to expand, one step at a time, before your comfort zone felt able to absorb a plan that offered change-for-the-better, all around.
Seriously, who wouldn't take a leap of faith when a second chance beckons toward reconciling with a special someone, whom you care for so deeply that inner conflict swings, back and forth, from one end of the spectrum to the other, indefinitely?
If you ask why I place so much faith in the power of second chances, I'd reply: So far, every leap of faith that I've chosen to take, generated by intuition, has seen me grow capable of identifying changes that prove necessary if plans, which had met with failure, yesterday, are to succeed—differently—today.
At this late stage of my life, there's very little that makes me feel like a beginner—except growing old—and I plan to move through this next stage of life, searching within for insight, as has been true during each stage that came before. And in hopes that the same may prove true for you, may I respectfully suggest that you offer your mind time to percolate over today's lengthy train of thought, as did I, in order to 'see' if that which you view as 'your truth' has had reason to expand into deeper truth, as did mine, over time.
If you've come to know me, at all, then
I believe you'll agree that when identifying
A mindset that proves incorrigible, time and again—
Here is mine—
I find it nearly impossible to lose sight of hope, concerning
Heartfelt reconciliation, while two people, who care deeply for each other, are
Still on this side of the grass ...
On the other hand, my mindset would adjust to change if I had reason to believe that
One continues to care deeply while the other does not—and as that's not been
My experience, thus far, I'll follow intuitive trains of thought that
Inspire me to take leaps of faith, based in open-minded attitudes that
Have served me well, because—as 'they' say—
So far so good—and—If NGU ain't broke, don't fix it ...
Therefore, please do not mistake my current sense of disillusionment for
Giving up on change-for-the-better—forever—because
I have no more clue as to what change of heart tomorrow may offer me than do you
And with this last train of thought in mind, it becomes apparent that
My life-long connection to a sunny sense of hopefulness outweighs
My current downpour of disillusionment, by far—
And here's why I thank goodness for the fact that I know
Without a doubt that the life I chose freely as my own in the desert has
Offered my spirit much more reason to thrive than to whine:
I finally feel ready to end this lengthy post on an upbeat note that
Provides my positively focused attitude with a bit of breathing room, at last ...
1967
I'm glad to say that after setting the kitchen on fire
The dinner I served—one night, soon after I'd been a bride—was
Surprisingly delicious once Will and I calmed our reactions enough to
Sit down and nourish our hunger with whatever was left of the fruit of my labor ...
(This story will be the first to show up—some time after tomorrow's surgery ...)
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