1258 MUTUAL RESPECT HOLDS HANDS WITH SELF RESPECT

2015
Well, I'm feeling like posting, today, but not story-telling, yet ...

Here's a message I created for myself by condensing several horoscopes from yesterday's paper into one:  Feeling lost is not your favorite thing, but it's a necessary part of being an adventurer.  If you aways knew where you were, where you're going and with whom, you wouldn't be you.  Here's what makes other people want you on their team:  You'll take in the situation and promptly decide you can make it better (So what's new about that, for me?  Experience has taught me that there will be times when, after brainstorming for years, I have no choice left other than to take a deeper look at a frustrating situation, see what I'm missing and make changes that will prove healthy for myself, but that does not suggest my losing hope that, some day, life will offer deaf ears sound reason to tune in to positively focused attitudes, which prove healthy, all around...)  Then, my message to self goes on to say:  The reason you consider yourself fortunate, regardless of all you've been through, is because you know that struggle makes people stronger, and it's a lot better to look back on a struggle that's over than it is to feel controlled by the needs of another, forever.  Seek out steller and varied companionship, and don't take it lightly.

I'm smiling to think of my daily connection with you through my blog.  Each day, while writing, I feel your presence, and that makes me smile, like, right now.

You might like to know that that last line was copied from an email that I sent, yesterday, in response to an email from a very dear friend from high school who reads my blog and let me know how much she's missed our daily connection.  The email I sent in response to hers went on to say:

As you know, I'm feeling challenged by someone whose unhappiness is trying to stir up trouble in my immediate family, and as I don't feel free to write about this person's controlling tactics, which resort to mind manipulations of 'divide and conquer', my mind has been preoccupied with figuring out how best to work through this no-win situation so that nothing this person thinks to do, next, will invade my peace of mind.  As this feat, which I expect of myself, proves far from easy to achieve, thank goodness, I know who to go to for guidance whenever my mind is challenged to take the high road, repeatedly.

Here's one huge change that's relieved a great deal of stress during these past two weeks:  My attitude has changed, in that my mind is no longer focused on what I can do to improve this relationship, suggesting that I open my eyes and accept a truth that proved too painful for me to accept:  Every positively focused effort on my part, which has proven futile, for years, has produced nothing but heightened frustration.

Now that denial is no longer blinding my sense of clarity from recognizing this painful reality, which has been staring me in the face, I've finally come to see that this person's mindset is not looking to improve our relationship by way of enhancing mutual respect.  This person's sense of personal safety depends upon controlling our relationship, as had been true in prior years.  Now that my conscious mind has finally grasped this deeper truth, which my therapist has been coaxing my awareness to absorb, this person's mind manipulations are no longer empowered to control my decision making process.  And amen to having awakened to an awareness as profoundly self-empowering as that!

Though I don't know where this insight into our relationship will take me, next, I do not fear moving forward into unexplored territory, because history suggests that each time my mindset expands, I've always taken myself (and my immediate family, who trust my intuition) to a place that feels ever more secure to us all.  Therefore, choosing to free myself of feeling manipulated does not suggest ignoring the welfare of anyone, who agrees that mutual respect and self respect walk hand in hand.

I ended that email, written, yesterday, by saying:
Guess what, Debbie ... Your email, which suggested how much you've missed our daily connection, over these past two weeks, inspired me to write tomorrow's post.

The drapes are open, the sun is shining and I'm smiling!

Your friend,
Annie