Today I awoke with insight streaming through my mind.
I love when that happens!! :-)
Today I know why yesterday's sensations of awe popped out of my memory.
I experience sensations of awe each time a new country appears for the very first time in stats, highlighting where HAVE YOU GOT A CLUE? OR IS YOUR BRAIN STILL FOOLING YOU? is being read.
Fourteen nations, so far ...
Wow!
'Unbelieeebbbable!'
Unbelievable? Why? Because I'm surprised at the unbelievable amount of courage I need to muster while sharing personal details with people throughout the world, whom I don't know.
Good thing that during the writing process, my intuitive sense of personal safety remains intact as I dive ever more deeply inside my subconscious in hopes of retrieving portions of my 'voice', which I'd no clue of repressing when childhood trauma paralyzed the self assertive side of my mind from developing, naturally.
Lots of I's in those sentences.
Not a you to be found.
Why?
Because—
No one
Was to blame for my mental paralysis
Other than
The fickle finger of fate
Many years ago, when Barry was a teen, listening to
Me express disbelief at finding my articles published in magazines
This insight dropped out of his mouth—
Mom, I think you're beginning to absorb everything that you've taught us to consider about high self esteem—
And as I had lots to learn about developing an awareness about my arrested self-esteem, here is why my teen-ager's insight was right on target:
It's true that
Though I'd taught at the college for years before penning those articles
My sense of self esteem did not deepen until
My conscious mind registered surprised at how many readers valued
My trains of thought as seen by the popularity of the column I'd penned
As long as my self deprecating attitude remained unidentified
I was blind to my adult acquisition of personal strengths
In short, it's difficult to recognize change (whether positive or negative)
Taking place within our psyches, one infinitesimal step at a time
Thank goodness, Barry's insight made such good sense that
My intelligence felt intuitively inspired to set out on a quest to
Examine the sum of my traits in hopes of
Coming to know both sides of myself as a whole
Each time anxiety, due to unidentified insecurity
Eats at my peace of mind—like a gerbil
Running on a wheel inside my head
I remind myself of these facts:
Confounding problems lead me toward introspective thought
Introspection precedes insight
Insight precedes comprehension of whatever makes the problem puzzling
Comprehension precedes self confident growth
Each time I 'forget' to follow my chosen path toward personal growth
My negative attitude sucks me more deeply into a mental maze, where
Once my think tank has been redirected from negativity toward
Positively focused introspection, I choose to work patiently
At deepening my comprehension of a subconscious attitude of
Self depreciation, which gives birth to feelings of anxiety
If you ask why
I need to retrace these steps
Each time a sense of self-depreciating inner conflict erupts
I'd reply:
Attitude is everything, and ...
The only subconscious (fearful) attitude that I can learn to
Identify, comprehend and change for the better is my own, and
Here's why that proves true, repeatedly:
The only subconscious I can penetrate is my own
And as disassembling each layer of my wall of denial
Takes more time, patience and energy than I can believe
It's futile to try to scale walls of denial in any brain other than mine
If introspective thought deepens comprehension of oneself
Then, at times common sense suggests redirecting my focus away from
The community as a whole while concentrating my time and mental energy Upon creating change for the betterment of my mental health
As it can be difficult to know when
It's best to take care of the community vs
When to take care of youself
We've just defined inner conflict
If it's true that inner conflict breeds anxiety and
Working toward conflict resolution transforms
Survivors into thrivers then as you watch my spirit choose
Thriving over fuming and surviving, that makes me ask: How'bout you?
:-) Annie
2015
If you ask why it makes sense, from time to time
To review insights written in the past
I'd reply:
By this time in my life
There's more stuff piled into my memory than I can readily retrieve, and
As staving off subconscious fear, born of PTSD, may be likened to
Staving off the flu bug, time and again, I need to re-inoculate my spirit's
Immune system with insight into my personal strengths in hopes of
Maintaining control over subconscious fear, which
Acting like a stubborn virus, is in need of
Being sneezed out of my head in order to
Clear the conscious portion of my brain from
Succumbing to dis-ease that renders intelligent thought lame ...
PS
In celebration of growth, 14 nations have advanced to 77 ...
Fourteen nations, so far ...
Wow!
'Unbelieeebbbable!'
Unbelievable? Why? Because I'm surprised at the unbelievable amount of courage I need to muster while sharing personal details with people throughout the world, whom I don't know.
Good thing that during the writing process, my intuitive sense of personal safety remains intact as I dive ever more deeply inside my subconscious in hopes of retrieving portions of my 'voice', which I'd no clue of repressing when childhood trauma paralyzed the self assertive side of my mind from developing, naturally.
Lots of I's in those sentences.
Not a you to be found.
Why?
Because—
No one
Was to blame for my mental paralysis
Other than
The fickle finger of fate
Many years ago, when Barry was a teen, listening to
Me express disbelief at finding my articles published in magazines
This insight dropped out of his mouth—
Mom, I think you're beginning to absorb everything that you've taught us to consider about high self esteem—
And as I had lots to learn about developing an awareness about my arrested self-esteem, here is why my teen-ager's insight was right on target:
It's true that
Each adult has reason to harbor
Subconscious vulnerabilities of which
We are not consciously aware—
My sense of self esteem did not deepen until
My conscious mind registered surprised at how many readers valued
My trains of thought as seen by the popularity of the column I'd penned
As long as my self deprecating attitude remained unidentified
I was blind to my adult acquisition of personal strengths
In short, it's difficult to recognize change (whether positive or negative)
Taking place within our psyches, one infinitesimal step at a time
Thank goodness, Barry's insight made such good sense that
My intelligence felt intuitively inspired to set out on a quest to
Examine the sum of my traits in hopes of
Coming to know both sides of myself as a whole
Each time anxiety, due to unidentified insecurity
Eats at my peace of mind—like a gerbil
Running on a wheel inside my head
I remind myself of these facts:
Confounding problems lead me toward introspective thought
Introspection precedes insight
Insight precedes comprehension of whatever makes the problem puzzling
Comprehension precedes self confident growth
Each time I 'forget' to follow my chosen path toward personal growth
My negative attitude sucks me more deeply into a mental maze, where
I lose sight of my positive focus, and when that proves true
I ask a mind that proves more knowledgable than mine for guidanceOnce my think tank has been redirected from negativity toward
Positively focused introspection, I choose to work patiently
At deepening my comprehension of a subconscious attitude of
Self depreciation, which gives birth to feelings of anxiety
If you ask why
I need to retrace these steps
Each time a sense of self-depreciating inner conflict erupts
I'd reply:
Attitude is everything, and ...
The only subconscious (fearful) attitude that I can learn to
Identify, comprehend and change for the better is my own, and
Here's why that proves true, repeatedly:
The only subconscious I can penetrate is my own
And as disassembling each layer of my wall of denial
Takes more time, patience and energy than I can believe
It's futile to try to scale walls of denial in any brain other than mine
If introspective thought deepens comprehension of oneself
Then, at times common sense suggests redirecting my focus away from
The community as a whole while concentrating my time and mental energy Upon creating change for the betterment of my mental health
As it can be difficult to know when
It's best to take care of the community vs
When to take care of youself
We've just defined inner conflict
If it's true that inner conflict breeds anxiety and
Working toward conflict resolution transforms
Survivors into thrivers then as you watch my spirit choose
Thriving over fuming and surviving, that makes me ask: How'bout you?
:-) Annie
2015
If you ask why it makes sense, from time to time
To review insights written in the past
I'd reply:
By this time in my life
There's more stuff piled into my memory than I can readily retrieve, and
As staving off subconscious fear, born of PTSD, may be likened to
Staving off the flu bug, time and again, I need to re-inoculate my spirit's
Immune system with insight into my personal strengths in hopes of
Maintaining control over subconscious fear, which
Acting like a stubborn virus, is in need of
Being sneezed out of my head in order to
Clear the conscious portion of my brain from
Succumbing to dis-ease that renders intelligent thought lame ...
PS
In celebration of growth, 14 nations have advanced to 77 ...
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