March 2014
Yesterday, the phone rang
I was not home
Will answers the call, and
While listening to Dr. B. relay the findings of
This week's psa test, Will's heart sinks:
Will, your test results mirror those of two weeks ago.
Though I'd hoped the number would have decreased, suggesting
Your last test registered a false positive, that's not the case.
Disheartened, Will asks: So what's next? Radiation?
Well, here's what I recommend:
Your last two tests proved borderline
And as you know, this is a very slow growing cancer
So, I'd suggest repeating the test a month from now, and
If, at that point, there's no improvement
I believe radiation is the right choice for two reasons:
The size of the original tumor was significant
And your path report, following surgery, indicated
The margins were not clean
Those two facts, combined with a borderline number
Suggest an aggressive approach is the safest way to go
As Dr. B. does nothing but prostate all day, every day
Will, believing his urologist's professional opinion to be thorough, asks:
If the aggressive route proves necessary, what can I expect?
Seven to nine weeks of radiation, Monday-Friday.
Possible side affects?
Scarring of nerves and tissue associated with
The bladder, rectum and anything encountered while radiating
After considering the serious nature of Dr. B's reply, Will asks:
Are those side effects probable or possible?
Today's technology is so precise, I'd go with possible
I drive up our street and
Upon approaching our house
Push the button on my remote
As our garage door goes up
I see Will's car parked in its space, so
Pulling my car in next to his, I
Can't wait to get inside, because
Ever since awakening, this morning
Will's newest psa number has been foremost in my mind
As my house key turns in the lock
I open the door, place my purse on
The laundry room countertop and
Sweep into the living room where
Will sits on the couch, watching TV
Then, sensing my presence, his head turns toward me while
I stand, still as a statue, eyes locked with Will's until
My heart sinks to see
My husband's head shake, silently, from side to side
Oh no!
Now I'm sitting as close to Will as possible, feeling
100% protective, and while wrapped in each other's arms
We engage in twenty questions until
Will has related everything that I've written above
Then, after several minutes of silence
Will sighs deeply and says, I'd better call the boys
We know that wherever they are
Our three sons are waiting to hear
The results of this week's test
And as bad news travels fast, one by one
They listen, ask questions and
Emote words filled with love, such as:
I wish I was there …
Who are you planning to be with tonight?
Angie and Mark
Okay. Good
It's a given that loving support, both near and far
Carries each of our spirits forward whenever anyone in our family
Soldiers, step by step, through a lengthy ordeal
Though we have listened to phone messages
Left by friends and family, who wait in hope for
Good news, which unfortunately, they'll not receive
Will and I choose to delay returning those calls in favor of
Taking solace in the quiet comfort of each other's arms
After a bit, I, still sitting velcroed to Will, hip to hip, place
My daily call to Mom, who
Sounds less and less like herself—more like she's failing, daily
Mom asks about Will, and as I offer a brief answer
My sister's voice can be heard asking questions in the background
After wishing Will well and exchanging 'I love you's' with me
Mom hands the phone to Lauren
Once Lauren has listened and responded, compassionately
She solidifies my impression that Mom is much weaker than
Two weeks ago when Will and I and
Barry and David had been with her—
At that time, two weeks back
My hundred year old mother, whose
Vibrancy had been remarkable until several months ago
Could not stand up from a sitting position without
Someone lifting her under her arms, so during today's
Phone call, Lauren and I discuss Will's psa findings, which
Are of such concern as to make me feel torn about
Leaving my husband to fly to Mom's side …
That night in bed, I toss and turn until intuition suggests
My opening up to Will
He and I discuss my inner conflict, caused by
His dry heaves, weight loss and tremors, which had
Caught him by surprise, last month, when
I was in the Midwest with Mom, and he was home, alone
(Lately, I've flown to her side every two to three weeks)
As Will's physical symptoms of heightened stress
Disappeared upon my return—he and I discuss the fact that
Spinning together lessens our struggle when life spins out of control
Once Will hears how torn I feel about leaving him to be with Mom ...
My husband replies: I'll be fine, Annie—
I know how much you need to hold your mom—
I want you to book a flight
As Will sounds sincere and his spirit seems strong
A huge sigh of relief rides out from my depths, and then
Nestling close, after having harmonized like
A couple of old married pros, we both drift into
Slumberland and actually sleep peacefully through the night …
Now, it's time to stop writing, so
I can check airline tickets on line …
Though my heart feels sad
My spirit feels strong, for reasons I'll explain, tomorrow
Once I've booked this plane ticket
(Thank goodness for frequent flier miles—
Last minute tickets are exorbitant)
Will and I will be off to our favorite coffee house
Where I plan to indulge in comfort food
A pumpkin muffin to be precise
Umm—Make that half of a pumpkin muffin, because …
For the most part—
SelfControlUnderPressure is my middle name—
Hoping you and your loved ones are well
Wishing you a five star day ...
Yesterday, the phone rang
I was not home
Will answers the call, and
While listening to Dr. B. relay the findings of
This week's psa test, Will's heart sinks:
Will, your test results mirror those of two weeks ago.
Though I'd hoped the number would have decreased, suggesting
Your last test registered a false positive, that's not the case.
Disheartened, Will asks: So what's next? Radiation?
Well, here's what I recommend:
Your last two tests proved borderline
And as you know, this is a very slow growing cancer
So, I'd suggest repeating the test a month from now, and
If, at that point, there's no improvement
I believe radiation is the right choice for two reasons:
The size of the original tumor was significant
And your path report, following surgery, indicated
The margins were not clean
Those two facts, combined with a borderline number
Suggest an aggressive approach is the safest way to go
As Dr. B. does nothing but prostate all day, every day
Will, believing his urologist's professional opinion to be thorough, asks:
If the aggressive route proves necessary, what can I expect?
Seven to nine weeks of radiation, Monday-Friday.
Possible side affects?
Scarring of nerves and tissue associated with
The bladder, rectum and anything encountered while radiating
After considering the serious nature of Dr. B's reply, Will asks:
Are those side effects probable or possible?
Today's technology is so precise, I'd go with possible
I drive up our street and
Upon approaching our house
Push the button on my remote
As our garage door goes up
I see Will's car parked in its space, so
Pulling my car in next to his, I
Can't wait to get inside, because
Ever since awakening, this morning
Will's newest psa number has been foremost in my mind
As my house key turns in the lock
I open the door, place my purse on
The laundry room countertop and
Sweep into the living room where
Will sits on the couch, watching TV
Then, sensing my presence, his head turns toward me while
I stand, still as a statue, eyes locked with Will's until
My heart sinks to see
My husband's head shake, silently, from side to side
Oh no!
Now I'm sitting as close to Will as possible, feeling
100% protective, and while wrapped in each other's arms
We engage in twenty questions until
Will has related everything that I've written above
Then, after several minutes of silence
Will sighs deeply and says, I'd better call the boys
We know that wherever they are
Our three sons are waiting to hear
The results of this week's test
And as bad news travels fast, one by one
They listen, ask questions and
Emote words filled with love, such as:
I wish I was there …
Who are you planning to be with tonight?
Angie and Mark
Okay. Good
It's a given that loving support, both near and far
Carries each of our spirits forward whenever anyone in our family
Soldiers, step by step, through a lengthy ordeal
Though we have listened to phone messages
Left by friends and family, who wait in hope for
Good news, which unfortunately, they'll not receive
Will and I choose to delay returning those calls in favor of
Taking solace in the quiet comfort of each other's arms
After a bit, I, still sitting velcroed to Will, hip to hip, place
My daily call to Mom, who
Sounds less and less like herself—more like she's failing, daily
Mom asks about Will, and as I offer a brief answer
My sister's voice can be heard asking questions in the background
After wishing Will well and exchanging 'I love you's' with me
Mom hands the phone to Lauren
Once Lauren has listened and responded, compassionately
She solidifies my impression that Mom is much weaker than
Two weeks ago when Will and I and
Barry and David had been with her—
At that time, two weeks back
My hundred year old mother, whose
Vibrancy had been remarkable until several months ago
Could not stand up from a sitting position without
Someone lifting her under her arms, so during today's
Phone call, Lauren and I discuss Will's psa findings, which
Are of such concern as to make me feel torn about
Leaving my husband to fly to Mom's side …
That night in bed, I toss and turn until intuition suggests
My opening up to Will
He and I discuss my inner conflict, caused by
His dry heaves, weight loss and tremors, which had
Caught him by surprise, last month, when
I was in the Midwest with Mom, and he was home, alone
(Lately, I've flown to her side every two to three weeks)
As Will's physical symptoms of heightened stress
Disappeared upon my return—he and I discuss the fact that
Spinning together lessens our struggle when life spins out of control
Once Will hears how torn I feel about leaving him to be with Mom ...
My husband replies: I'll be fine, Annie—
I know how much you need to hold your mom—
I want you to book a flight
As Will sounds sincere and his spirit seems strong
A huge sigh of relief rides out from my depths, and then
Nestling close, after having harmonized like
A couple of old married pros, we both drift into
Slumberland and actually sleep peacefully through the night …
Now, it's time to stop writing, so
I can check airline tickets on line …
Though my heart feels sad
My spirit feels strong, for reasons I'll explain, tomorrow
Once I've booked this plane ticket
(Thank goodness for frequent flier miles—
Last minute tickets are exorbitant)
Will and I will be off to our favorite coffee house
Where I plan to indulge in comfort food
A pumpkin muffin to be precise
Umm—Make that half of a pumpkin muffin, because …
For the most part—
SelfControlUnderPressure is my middle name—
Hoping you and your loved ones are well
Wishing you a five star day ...
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