599 IMPOSSIBILE

I am walking down the hall in high school

Books pressed against my chest like a shield

He is tall and too good looking for me

He tosses me a smile

And a casual:

Hi Beautiful (shiver, wince, blink)

I am dazed

That word so glibly tossed at me?

A beating is sure to follow

I duck

Go home

Tell my mom

A boy called me beautiful, today

(We remember our firsts)

Mom laughs, teasingly ...

And you believed him?

No

Mom doesn't hear my silent reply

I don't tell Mom anything more about boys

Invisibility feels safer than even good natured teasing

I have no quiver of arrows

No instinct to flirt—just a shiver and a prayer that

The dark side of human nature won't

Seek me out and play bat and ball with my ego or mind

At our reunion this past summer, same guy approaches:

Remember me?  I had such a crush on you.  Are you married?

What?  He had a what on who?

A crush on me?

I stand there—seventeen years old plus many more
In shock ... Impossible

The word he'd tossed out so long ago ...
Beautiful
Lingering in memory—

Mr. Good Looking had a crush on me?

Why does It takes seven positives

To outweigh one negative?

When negatives pound down
Too hard, too often, too long, on the young

It takes 700, 000 positives—maybe more ...

Raw subconscious need to roar continues to soften...

I am woman ... Please do not mistake crying for whining