585 THE GREAT WALL AND EMDR

Disclosure:
Today's post is behaving like unexamined portion of brain in that something is in need of adjustment, but I can't put my finger on how to solve this problem, as of yet.  For some strange reason, I can't edit mistakes.  As I'll puzzle this out, over time, no worries.  For now, let's just go with the flow.  Okay?  Okay :)

The Great Wall of China is tough to take down

Why?

Plain and Simple:
Sticks and stones may break my bones
And names did prove to hurt me

By building defensive walls, as layered, as brick upon mortared brick
Mother Nature ensures that the deeply pained portion
Of a traumatized child's mind does not run interference
When the rest of the mind is expanding it's wing span ...
Absorbing a wealth of knowledge and working to function, naturally

By allowing the child to deny layers of pain, building up behind 
That tall, thick Great Defensive Wall ...
Disfunction suppressed,  resisting detection, persists, and thus ...
Behind said wall resides piercing swirls of needle sharp pain ...

Too fearsome for a person to consciously confront
In the absence of unwavering patience and moral support

Call me out to play—watch unhealed pain
Lying low in my subconscious
Hiding out behind that wall
As though in wait for the next bully to pounce ...
Bat crashing down on my hard won self esteem ...
Quoth the raven ... Never more ...

Therefore, my defense mechanism, called Denial
Is programmed to rise up to fend off any truth
Strong enough to feel like a tongue lashing
Which might flatten my spirit's need to attach to
My self confident, hard boiled self image, today ...
Unless Humility welcomes
Constructive  criticism by placing Ego in time out

Time and again, I  turn up ...good naturedly cajoling you
To consider opening your mind's eye to this probability ...
If you consent to look in ...
Might you, like me, spy two slealthy critters
Named Denial and Dysfunction, holding fast
To each other's hands while contributing to bedlam
In ways that remain unclear to your conscious mind?
Hmmmm ... Something to mull over, n'est ce pas? :)

If you ask the well educated pathways of my adult brain
How much of yesteryear's uhealed, deeply buried
Staunchly sealed, unpeeled pain persists behind
My Great Defensive Wall, today ... I'd reply

I’d thought to have exorcised the worst of my fears
Concerning bullies with bats drawing near

However, here and there, I experience unexpected spurts of tears ...
Suggesting that layer cakes of fully baked Post Traumatic Pain
Prove very hard to shake, indeed ...

Then there's the mystery in need of solving, surrounding 'that word' ...

The one that makes me squirm with discomfort, even today ...

Go figure why a compliment as desirable as  ... beautiful ...
Makes me shiver with undisclosed fear?

If asked why these posts run interference with
High school tales running toward the goal with the ball ...

If asked why I awake with this need to write of new clues
Seeping out from behind My Great Defensive wall , day after day ...
I'd reply, who knows what truly motivates
The unexamined portions of our brains?

If the subconscious dictates what must be written
Then who knows how much else is dictated
By tunexplored caverns within the subconscious, as well?

As each post is written
The conscious portion of my mind
Creates  a file in the hard drive of my mind

Where insights accumulate, light up and brighten
The dark side of my spirit, over time ...
As Aha! moments add up, positive focused changes do too :)

Saving new files is not tough work

It's erasing old files that serves as the arc and crux of each story
Thank goodness for EMDR
Don't know what that is?

Google EMDR

As for roaring?—maybe later ...
Too hungry, to write more,  right now :)
And as tis healthy to feed hunger ...
Think I'll have some miso salmon

Nuf said
Later ... :)