506 UNTYING KNOTS (edited)

Why write of untying knots of anger

Why write of seeking peace of mind

If peace of mind had been mine?

In truth, maintaining peace of mind is like riding a sled up and down life's slippery slopes.

As balance in all things is a hard pact to keep, I look in to see if my metronome needs tuning up. 

Recent posts suggest that inner conflict, bumping around inside my head,

causes my mechanism of self-control to cross wires.

Can you guess what inspires me to rewire my mind when resistance to a mental growth spurt feels strong?

The answer, my friends, is not blowing in the wind.  The answer is about to be written in my blog:

Growing pains are seriously stretching my comfort zones

Though I long to 'snap back' and feel like my cheerful self, here's why that's not an option: I'm growing toward a new level of emotional maturity

If asked why tomorrow’s gains are worth today's painstaking work, I'd reply:

I'm looking forward to feeling more comfortable in my skin, tomorrow than than today, and expanding my comfort zone depends upon deepening my sense of self confidence.

In recent years I've worked to re-evaluate experiences, which had shaped my mindsets during childhood.

During times of personal growth, people can’t spin themselves into cocoons, and as growth, leading to change, may not be pretty to see, I feel more reclusive, right now, than social—however—feeling reclusive and being reclusive are not one and the same.  So, when spending time with friends,

I'm less bubbly, more reflectively introspective for a time.

Recently, when friends or clients seek a piece of my mind, I answer 'caringly' rather than releasing this reaction:

Pleeeze!  Life's tough, all over!  So, may I make this suggestion ... take your subconscious need for personal growth, elsewhere, and leave me in peace to work on my own!

Needless to say, I’ve kept that piece of my mind under wraps.  So though my brain's tied in knots, I've not tossed my cookies, yet!  In fact …

I grow ever more appreciative of this fact:

Others continue to demonstrate confidence in that which the-teacher-in-me feels eager to share.

And as I’m feeling the need to write about brain knots, let's consider what a brain knot looks like to me:

Brain knots result when inner conflict lingers, over long

As inner conflict grows ever more taut, open channels within my thought processor tense up.  When open channels tense up, clarity knots up.

When clarity knots up, my thought processor can grow so confused and frustrated that anger boils up.

When anger boils over, my thought processor misfires.


If a fire burns within, without release, guess what clouds up?
Common sense.  And in lieu of common sense, we can’t think straight, no how.

At those times when my thought processor has burned out, instinct alarms my brain’s defense system to kick in.  And thus does my trusty firefighter go to work …

Doing what?

Working to hose down hot spots of stress.

How do I cool down hot shots of stress without attacking anyone else?

I go to tried and true calming techniques, which have settled tension, produced by inner pressure, in the past.

Once deep breathing techniques oxygenate my blood, hot spots of tension stop back firing,  and my brain's need for stress release feels relieved.

At this point, I check to see which traditional rule of conduct may be chafing at my sensibilities.

Once I come to see which traditional rule of conduct is making me break into sweat, knots of tension untie inside my mind.

At other times, when stress feels so overwhelming that clarity refuses to emerge, coils of discontent tighten so tensely that next thing I know, my tongue ties into a big ole' knot, and feeling tongue tied, my voice chokes in my throat.

When my voice chokes, perceptions which might burn shame into my opponents’ self esteem, lock up inside my mind.

Seen in this light

This temporary chokehold on my brain, tongue, throat and voice may actually prove—wise.  Why?  Well, I rarely need to eat crow.


Who wants to eat crow???
No one I know!

Can you guess what I need of most when repressed anger acts like a vice, compressing choices into nothing that makes sense?

I need time, alone to reflect upon which of my beliefs may be wedging my brain between a rock and a hard place.

At times when inner conflict causes the coils of my brain to clog up, guess what I feel like?

I feel like a fully cranked Jack in the box ready to spring.

When I feel really cranky, it seems impossible to listen to negatively focused innuendo, flying out of another person's mouth …

When a cranky sense of vulnerability hits me hard, I can't hold my jumpy sense of self-control responsible for whatever may ride out on my tongue.

In order to stop my eye-popping, hot spots of coiled tension from releasing responses, which cast intelligent thought to the winds, I consciously take time out to separate from anyone, who has been known to fling negatively focused assumptions at my raw vulnerabilities, repeatedly.

Perhaps by drawing an illustration of how time out works to calm me down, you’ll see how I stop my mind from turning into a gerbil, running on a wheel:

Generally speaking here’s what happens when I choose to take time out to be true to myself:

First, I find a peaceful, safe haven where I can calm my thought processor down; then, once my thought processor feels calm, guess what I spy inside my mind?

I spy a fork in the road …

Upon spying this fork in the road, I set my sights upon a signpost, which holds aloft a street sign, offering me this choice:

One side of this street sign directs me toward choosing a traditional path …

The second side of this sign directs my mind to connect with a new school of thought.

While standing at this cross roads, where my mind plays double Dutch,

I can jump ...

From yesterday's behaviors toward those yet untried ...

And then back again, if that's my choice.

Each time I exchange inner conflict for this fork in the road, I inspire myself to experiment with change ...

At first when I feel inspired to experiment with change, fear of the unknown may freeze me in place.

Then, memories of having experimented successfully in the past relax my mind just enough so that the clamp, which squeeze my thought patterns

Within its relentless vice, loosens up—on it's own!

And thus do moments spent in peaceful introspection offer hot spots of tensely coiled inner conflict a chance to relax inside my mind.

Once channels of thought open freely to the concept of choice, knots of tension untie and clarity is mine—Deep sigh!

With clarity, indecision vaporizes—and as a result of that …

Headachy days and sleepless nights come to an end!
In this way does a growth spurt lead to inner peace and a time of rest.

Rather than suffering emotional indigestion, resulting from mixed messages, backing up, I can unknot inner conflicts and go with the flow.

Each time my mind feels less uptight, I can encourage my present growth spurt to swim more peacefully with the current of today's thought.

When I remember to divide inner conflict into two separate choices, I can consider which choice will offer me less pain, today.

And though I may choose one choice, today

Growth may suggest choosing another path, another day.

By partnering my mind with the concept of choice, I recognize the ways in which mixed-messaged madness messes with my sense of clarity–again and again …

Each time I remember to partner up with the concept of choice, my mind is empowered by insights such as these:

When I feel self-protective or I'm acting over-charged … it’s time to tune into a conflict that’s distressing my mind.

While calmly and quietly considering my options, I can determine which channel of thought is in need of unclogging and rebalancing—again.

As you can see, this sense of challenging myself to re-balance my mental hang ups is less than easy, and that's especially true ...

When I have no clue which inner conflict has been clogging my channels of thought with stressful knots of tension, most recently.

Today, when I sense raw vulnerability in need of

Positively focused support, I steer clear of those who profess friendship while continuing to fling mixed messaged barbs at my heart …

Having taken time to ponder over a situation, which proves as sad and perplexing as that, I give serious consideration to this possibility:

I wonder whether over-sized boulders of insecurity are banging around inside the heads of those who profess love while arrows of angst aim at my heart?

Rather than firing back with angst of my own, I choose to tame my tongue and …

Switch tracks toward new schools of thought, which consider the merits

Of developing self respect.

And while ‘talking’ about switching tracks, let's consider how often old computer programs prove to be in need of change …

You see, once I’d considered how frequently old computer programs are exchanged for new, it seemed wise to overhaul the hard drive in my head.

While taking time to re-evaluate old schools of thought, let’s also consider thoughts concerning 'back to basics':

Back to basics offers our minds a place to rest while new schools of thought soak in.

For example:

While upholding THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, we might consider replacing parent tapes with schools of thought, which expand comfort zones, today.

And while we 're considering the taxing nature of the mind bending work of expanding comfort zones, these riddles come to mind:

If scout 'masters teach kids to tie 'proper' knots then who teaches adults to untie knots, producing up-tight traits?

How might expanded channels of thought sweep inner conflicts out from under rugs, so we can welcome sunbeams of friendship to dance through our minds?

What if the enemy of love is less about hate and apathy, more about subconscious knots, hot with insecurities?

If thee hangs on to the pretense of harboring ...

"No knots of tension within my mind" when in truth thee ...

Eats too little or too much then ...

Won’t emotional tension show up as indigestion, which causes some to shrink up or blow up or up chuck or back up or shoot up or toss-and-turn or 'tie one on'?

As for me, I prefer to understand inner conflict, then relax and rejoice each time inner peace returns.

In recent weeks inner conflict has made me feel as though my parent tapes are allergic to new schools of thought.

As new schools of thought rebel against old parent tapes, I feel 100% allergic to both sides of myself!

While my mind is busy rejecting both sides of myself, here is what all of me feels:

All of me feels as though I’m walking through the fires of hell.

And thus you can see that this business of honoring metamorphosis, as it takes place within one’s mind, is far from easy …

And so, though I welcome change, taking place within me, I respect that your path may differ from mine.

If you ask when storytelling channels will open within my mind, I’ll reply:

Hopefully, unclogged channels will flow freely—soon.

If asked why I feel that way, today, I’d reply ...

Upon working to untie knots of inner conflict, I’ve met with success in the past.

Each time I have reason to tunnel toward clarity, anew, my confidence is bolstered to believe that I’ll achieve success in this endeavor, again.

Just as I’ve managed to pull my trains of thought into stations where new stories boarded our train, I have faith that as readiness ripens the next station will appear.

As that’s more than enough to chew on, today, I wonder if you can name the specific inner strength I’m exercising, right now? J