Why
write of untying knots of anger
Why
write of seeking peace of mind
If
peace of mind had been mine?
In truth, maintaining peace of mind is
like riding a sled up
and down life's slippery slopes.
As
balance in all things is
a hard pact to keep, I
look in to
see if my metronome needs
tuning up.
Recent
posts suggest that inner conflict, bumping
around inside my head,
causes my mechanism of self-control to cross wires.
Can
you guess what inspires me to rewire my mind when resistance to
a mental growth spurt feels strong?
The
answer, my friends, is not blowing in the wind. The
answer is about to be written in my blog:
Growing
pains are seriously stretching my comfort zones
Though
I long to 'snap back' and feel like my cheerful self, here's
why that's not an option: I'm growing toward a new level of
emotional maturity
If
asked why tomorrow’s gains are worth
today's painstaking work, I'd
reply:
I'm looking forward to feeling more comfortable in my skin, tomorrow
than than today, and expanding my comfort zone depends upon deepening my sense of self confidence.
In
recent years I've worked to
re-evaluate experiences, which
had shaped my
mindsets during childhood.
During
times of personal growth, people
can’t spin themselves into cocoons, and as
growth, leading to change, may not be pretty to see, I feel more reclusive, right
now, than social—however—feeling
reclusive and
being
reclusive are
not one and the same. So,
when spending time with friends,
I'm
less bubbly, more reflectively introspective for a time.
Recently, when
friends or clients seek a piece of my mind, I answer 'caringly' rather than releasing this reaction:
Pleeeze! Life's
tough, all over! So,
may I make this suggestion ... take your subconscious need for
personal growth,
elsewhere, and leave
me in
peace to work on my own!
Needless
to say, I’ve
kept that
piece of my mind under
wraps. So
though my brain's tied in knots, I've
not tossed my cookies, yet! In
fact …
I
grow ever more appreciative of this fact:
Others continue to demonstrate
confidence in
that which the-teacher-in-me feels eager to share.
And
as I’m feeling the need to write about brain knots, let's consider what a brain knot looks like to me:
Brain
knots result when inner conflict lingers, over long
As
inner conflict grows ever more taut, open
channels within my thought processor tense up. When
open channels tense up, clarity knots up.
When clarity knots up, my
thought processor can grow so confused and frustrated that
anger boils up.
When anger boils over, my thought processor misfires.
If a fire burns within, without release, guess what clouds up?
Common sense. And in lieu of common sense, we can’t think straight, no how.
At those times when my thought processor has burned out, instinct
alarms my brain’s defense system to kick in. And
thus does my trusty firefighter go to work …
Doing
what?
Working
to hose down hot spots of stress.
How do I cool down hot shots of stress without attacking anyone else?
I go to tried and true calming techniques, which have settled tension, produced by inner pressure, in the past.
Once deep breathing techniques oxygenate my blood, hot spots of tension stop back firing, and my
brain's need for
stress release feels relieved.
At this point, I check to see which traditional
rule of conduct may be chafing at my sensibilities.
Once
I come to see which traditional rule of conduct is making me break into sweat, knots
of tension untie inside my mind.
At
other times, when stress feels so overwhelming that
clarity refuses to emerge, coils
of discontent tighten so tensely that next
thing I know, my
tongue ties into a big ole' knot, and feeling
tongue tied, my voice chokes in my throat.
When
my voice chokes, perceptions which
might burn shame into my opponents’ self esteem, lock up inside my mind.
Seen
in this light
This temporary chokehold on my brain, tongue,
throat and voice may actually prove—wise. Why? Well,
I rarely need to eat crow.
Who
wants to
eat crow???
No one I know!
Can
you guess what I need of most when
repressed anger acts like a vice, compressing
choices into nothing that makes sense?
I
need time, alone to reflect upon which
of my
beliefs may be wedging my brain between
a rock and a hard place.
At
times when inner conflict causes
the coils of my brain to clog up, guess
what I feel like?
I
feel like a fully cranked Jack in the box ready
to spring.
When
I feel really cranky, it seems impossible to listen
to negatively focused innuendo, flying
out of another person's mouth …
When
a cranky sense of vulnerability hits me hard, I
can't hold my jumpy
sense of self-control responsible
for whatever may ride out on my tongue.
In
order to stop my eye-popping,
hot spots of
coiled tension from releasing responses, which
cast intelligent thought to the winds, I consciously take time out to separate from anyone, who has been known to fling negatively focused assumptions at
my raw
vulnerabilities, repeatedly.
Perhaps
by drawing an illustration of how time out works
to calm me down, you’ll see how I stop my mind from
turning into a gerbil, running on a wheel:
Generally
speaking here’s what happens when
I choose
to take time out to
be true to myself:
First,
I find a peaceful, safe haven where
I can calm my thought processor down; then, once
my thought processor feels calm, guess
what I spy inside my mind?
I
spy a fork in the road …
Upon
spying this fork in the road, I
set my sights upon a signpost, which
holds aloft a street sign, offering me this choice:
One side of this street sign directs
me toward choosing a traditional path …
The
second side of this sign directs my mind to connect with
a new
school of thought.
While
standing at this cross roads, where
my mind plays double Dutch,
I
can jump ...
From
yesterday's behaviors toward
those yet untried ...
And
then back again, if that's my choice.
Each
time I exchange inner conflict for this
fork in the road, I
inspire myself to experiment with change ...
At
first when I feel inspired to
experiment with change, fear
of the unknown may freeze me in place.
Then,
memories of having experimented successfully
in the past relax my mind just enough so that the
clamp, which squeeze my thought patterns
Within its relentless vice, loosens
up—on it's own!
And
thus do moments spent in peaceful introspection offer
hot spots
of tensely coiled inner conflict a chance to relax inside my mind.
Once
channels of thought open freely to
the concept of choice, knots of tension untie and
clarity is mine—Deep sigh!
With
clarity, indecision
vaporizes—and as a result of that …
Headachy
days and sleepless nights come to an end!
In this way does a growth spurt lead to inner peace and a time of rest.
Rather
than suffering emotional indigestion, resulting
from mixed messages, backing up, I can
unknot inner
conflicts and go with the flow.
Each
time my mind
feels less uptight, I can encourage my present growth spurt to swim more peacefully with the current of today's thought.
When I remember to divide inner conflict into
two separate choices, I can consider which choice will offer me less pain, today.
And
though I may choose one choice, today
Growth may suggest choosing
another path, another
day.
By
partnering my mind with the concept of choice, I recognize the ways in which mixed-messaged madness messes
with my
sense of clarity–again and again …
Each
time I remember
to partner up with the
concept of choice, my
mind is empowered by insights such as these:
When
I feel self-protective or
I'm acting over-charged
… it’s
time to tune into a conflict that’s distressing my mind.
While
calmly and
quietly considering my options, I
can determine which channel of thought is
in need of unclogging and rebalancing—again.
As
you can see, this sense of challenging myself to re-balance
my mental hang ups is
less than easy, and that's especially true ...
When
I have no
clue which inner conflict has
been clogging my channels of thought with
stressful knots of tension, most recently.
Today,
when I sense raw vulnerability in need of
Positively focused support, I
steer clear of those who
profess friendship while continuing to fling
mixed messaged barbs at my heart …
Having
taken time to ponder over a situation, which proves as sad and perplexing as that, I give serious consideration to this possibility:
I
wonder whether over-sized boulders of insecurity are
banging around inside the heads of those who
profess love while arrows of angst aim at my heart?
Rather
than firing back with
angst of my own, I
choose to tame my tongue and …
Switch
tracks toward new schools of thought, which
consider the merits
Of
developing self
respect.
And
while ‘talking’ about switching tracks, let's
consider how often old
computer programs prove to be in need of change …
You
see, once I’d considered how frequently old
computer programs are exchanged for new, it
seemed wise to overhaul the hard drive in my head.
While
taking time to
re-evaluate old schools of thought, let’s also consider thoughts concerning 'back to basics':
Back
to basics offers our minds a place to rest while new schools of thought soak in.
For
example:
While
upholding THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, we
might consider replacing parent tapes with
schools of thought, which expand comfort zones, today.
And while we 're considering the taxing nature of the mind bending work of expanding comfort
zones, these riddles come to mind:
If
scout 'masters teach kids to
tie 'proper' knots then who
teaches adults to untie knots, producing up-tight traits?
How
might expanded channels
of thought sweep
inner conflicts out from under rugs, so we can welcome
sunbeams of friendship to dance through our minds?
What
if the enemy of love is less about hate and apathy, more
about subconscious knots, hot
with insecurities?
If
thee hangs on to the pretense of harboring ...
"No
knots of tension within my mind" when in truth thee ...
Eats
too little or too much then ...
Won’t
emotional tension show
up as indigestion, which
causes some to shrink up or blow up or
up chuck or back up or shoot up or toss-and-turn or 'tie
one on'?
As
for me, I
prefer to understand inner conflict, then
relax and
rejoice each time inner peace returns.
In
recent weeks inner
conflict has made me feel as though my
parent tapes are allergic to new schools of thought.
As
new schools of thought rebel against old
parent tapes, I feel 100% allergic to both
sides of myself!
While
my mind is busy rejecting both
sides of myself, here
is what all of me feels:
All of
me feels as
though I’m walking through
the fires of hell.
And
thus you can see that this business of honoring
metamorphosis, as it takes place within
one’s mind, is far from easy …
And
so, though I welcome change, taking
place within me, I
respect that your path may differ from mine.
If
you ask when storytelling channels will
open within my mind, I’ll reply:
Hopefully, unclogged channels will flow freely—soon.
If
asked why I feel that way, today, I’d reply ...
Upon
working to untie knots of inner conflict, I’ve
met with success in the past.
Each time I have reason to tunnel toward clarity, anew, my
confidence is bolstered to believe that
I’ll achieve success in this endeavor, again.
Just
as I’ve managed to pull my trains of thought into stations where
new stories boarded our train, I
have faith that as readiness ripens the next station will appear.
As
that’s more than enough to chew on, today, I wonder
if you can name the specific inner strength I’m
exercising, right now? J
