251 REGAINING INNER PEACE DURING TIMES OF UNREST

Thank you to those who have shown me how to keep my cool during times of unrest.

Thank you for suggesting that I accept anxiety as a signal to remain alert to what may come.

Thank you for suggesting that I respect resistance as a message from my subconscious to be patient while readiness for comprehension or change is ripening within.

When I make good use of emotional signals, like anxiety and resistance, my train of thought maintains a logical step-by-step approach toward achieving (or altering) heartfelt goals.

Following the after glow of a high, there's a tangible stillness within me.

Following a bout of stress that gets me down, there's a mellowness about me.

Following the aftermath of highs and lows, I luxuriate in restful contemplation of life.

Just as times of unrest can be frightening or sad, others are blissfully exhilarating.

During times of reflection, I choose which experiences to repeat and which not, as the future unfolds.

Upon embracing the wisdom to quiet my mind ...

I've learned to listen when instinct sends a message that requires time spent in solitude to decode.

Upon coming to know myself in depth ...
I explore trains of thought, which enable me to share these mind quieting experiences with you.

250 TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR #3

On December 8, 1943, I slid, head first, into a brightly lit world.  And with one slice through the umbilical cord, my mother and I were free to be uniquely separate individuals.
         Next thing I knew, some guy flipped me upside down and smacked my naked bottom so soundly that I grabbed hold of LIFE with a strong spirited cry.  You’d think that such an indignant beginning would have prepared me for what was to come, but no such luck.  As far as I was concerned, the world was my oyster, and I was the sun, around which the universe would surely revolve.  Needless to say, I had no clue that I was the product of—sexual passion.  Lucky for me, I was the result of love connecting with lust.

As an infant, I’d not yet met my baby cousin, who’d been born in California, so I crowned myself first grandchild on both sides of our family.  As everyone’s dimpled darling, my life felt grand, until two weeks before my third birthday party, when FATE knocked down our apartment’s front door; tragedy struck, and life grew grim.

When tragedy interrupts the natural course of a child’s life, an inexperienced mind may wander into a terribly confounding, emotional maze.  Once lost in this maze, it can take decades to figure out how to reclaim one’s original path.  I mean, we can't 'get over' something until we know what we're trying to recover from—right?

Luckily, my curious mind will set out on this quest after I crash through a wall and find myself wandering through a foreign land, wondering if it’s possible to be true to those I love and be true to myself, simultaneously.  Thank goodness, my quest will guide me toward a path strewn with insights, and as I go forth, 'connecting the dots', I'll find that being true to those I love and being true to myself are one and the same.

With time, I'll learn that the key to maintaining inner peace during conflict does not depend upon pleasing others or pleasing oneself.  The key to maintaining peace of mind during conflict depends upon figuring out which of my perceptions contradict DEEPER TRUTHS, and are, thus, in need of change.  Bottom line:

Perceptions change, but TRUTH IS TRUTH.

Once I began to quest for DEEPER TRUTHS, my sense of self awareness deepened.  And as self awareness deepened, step-by-step, so did peace of mind—even during moments fraught with conflict.  Again—self awareness leads to insight—which leads to change.  And change is a mixed bag.
As one change leads to many more, you'll watch me come upon many forks in the road.  And though I'll take a wrong turn, now and then, my compass will remain set upon my quest until find my way back to that stage of development, where tragedy's dark clouds of fear caused me to misread so many signals that I lost sight of my true path.  Needless to say, I knew none of this on December 8, 1943.
In fact on the day of my birth, I 'knew' nothing at all.  I certainly had no clue that tragedy changes the natural course of a child's development, or that life is a quest—not for happiness but for TRUTH—which offers peace of mind.  And as you shall see:

This trio of TRUTH, INNER PEACE and HAPPINESS are, often, one and the same.

Though we are born knowing nothing, our instincts are fully functioning right from the start.  And while cradled in my parents loving arms, my instincts had a strong inkling that I'd been born under a lucky star ...

249 PULLING PAST RESISTANCE INTO THE STATION

Though

Peace of mind

Comes and goes

Just like

Changes in climate

Inner peace returns

Quickly

When we know ourselves

Deeply

Why

Is that true?

To know oneself

Deeply

Offers insight

Into those times

When it's best to press

Beyond comfort zones or

Not

For example

Had I pushed

To release

This life changing story

Before readiness

Ripened

Anxiety would have provoked

Resistance to

Heighten

By

Respecting resistance

My comfort zone feels

Free

To expand

Little by little

And thus does anxiety minimize

While inner strength

Maximizes

If

Peace of mind

Comes and goes

Just like changes in climate

Then the winds of change

Must blow dark clouds away

Before the sun, shining forth from our spirits

Comes out to play

Again

If

Everything happens for a reason

Then—

There's a reason for every change

And if the change is not to your liking

It's wise to retrace your path

In hopes of learning how to go

From better to worse to–better

Than ever!

248 NEARING THE STATION WHERE THE STAR AWAITS

What happens when a soul searching experience awakens you to the fact that vital aspects of your life, which had 'seemed' normal, prove unhealthy for your personal sense of well being?

When challenged with change, how conflicted might you feel until you dive in deep enough to figure out that which was too complicated for a child to comprehend?

Would you like to know that each decision you make, today, is based in an acquired strength rather than in a subconscious fear, which unwittingly side tracks your train of thought?

Upon reading an article in Vogue (June 2011, p. 80) I came upon the word proprioception:
"The way you perceive yourself, literally, in space; your equilibrium ..."


"The private joy of feeling precisely right about how ... she's chosen to move through the world."


Aha! I thought.  So this is what I seek when my mind resists a goal :
 I seek a sense of peace concerning which conflict to confront now, which to confront later ...


Here's how that translates to the those times when part of my mind is resistant to writing a story:

Stories, which build intrigue, are many layered.  So I seek a sense of peace concerning which details to reveal now, which to table till later.  Once that decision is made, my mind is stoked with inner strength, and the little engine that could feels free to chug ahead.

247 G

I
Write about
Subconscious fears
Because
They cause
Resistance

Resistance
Turns many of
Life's adventures
Into
A series of arduous
Journeys

While
Writing my stories
I did not expect
So much resistance
To come from
Within

I
Write about
Subconscious fears
In hopes of freeing myself
To resist less and enjoy
More

246 F

How good, strong, smart, beautiful, or young do you need to be to feel secure?

By identifying subconscious fears
We learn why we don't FEEL
Good enough
Strong enough
Smart enough
Beautiful enough
Young enough
To FEEL loved and appreciated

Once subconscious fears
Have been identified
We gain insight into
What we do
To self defeat
And sabatoge ourselves
From achieving heartfelt goals
And Peace of mind

245 QUESTION: FATE, CHOICE, INSIGHT

What flew in from out of the blue that, with time, deepened your understanding of how fate, choice and insight influence the direction of our lives?

244 SEEKING SELF-EMPOWERMENT

'We are not given more than we can handle' is an incomplete statement.

Some experiences are too tragic to handle—alone.
When we seek guidance from a mind
That's knowledgable and positively focused
We can learn to handle that which seems unfathomable.

243 NETHERLANDS: TWENTY-SEVEN NATIONS AND COUNTING

Welcome to our friends in the Netherlands!

242 STOKING MY GOAL WITH POSITIVE ENERGY

I've been trying to make sense of why my train of thought has chugged so slowly toward the station where my toddlerhood awaits.

Then common sense suggested that releasing my story about being bullied outside of my home at the age of ten is less stressful than reliving an experience, which fate flung into our safe haven when I was not quite three, and thus, too young to fathom the suddenness with which lightening strikes down a whole family's sense of well being.

As support is heartening, I was gratified to know that upon clicking onto my site, you click into my thoughts. So once again, your responses stoked my locomotive with positively energized fuel ...
:)Annie

241 LATVIA

Let's bid welcome to Latvia!
:)

240 E

If everything happens for a reason
Do you ever wonder
What causes one child
To develop into a sage
While another grows up
To minister to the needy?

I wonder whether
Those who think themselves 'fatalists'
Review the CHOICES
They'd DECIDEDLY made
EACH time they approached a fork in the road
And CHOSE one path over another

Just as you and I
Had once been babes in the wood
With no clue as to where fate AND choice
Might take each of us next
Wasn't the same true of
Socrates and Mother Theresa, too?

If quality of life depends upon
How we CHOOSE to handle fate
Then aren't the stepping stones
Which direct EACH person's path
Determined by the combination of
Choice AND fate?

When it comes time
To accept or reject accountability
For mistakes in judgment
Can you tell when defensiveness, insecurity
Revisionist memory or memory lapse
May have influenced YOUR sense of clarity?

How deep is YOUR fear
of acknowledging
The DARK SIDE
Of
YOUR
Mind?

Though some fear their dark sides
While others do not
In truth
The dark side lurks within us ALL
And sneaks out
From time to time

And that's it for today
Because
I'm feeling less like an insight-lit Annie
And more like a darkly lumbering Edgar Allan Poe
So I'm CHOOSING to flip the switch toward
The light side of my spirit, right now! :)

239 SWEDEN

Let's wlcome Sweden!
:)

238 THE HEALING ENERGY OF LOVE AND LAUGHTER

Since I write about the importance of revealing deeper TRUTHs, it's best to admit how little I know about endorphins, like dopamine, seratonin and norepinephrine.

What I do know is this: Our body's ability to produce certain chemicals enhances our spirit's sense of well being, whereas the production of other chemicals, like cortisol, deepens one's sense of doom and gloom. So when writing about consciously rebalancing my attitude, I'm choosing to fuel my spirit with positively focused energy.

For instance, let's take yesterday: In hopes of relaxing the inflammation of my sciatic nerve, I consciously rebalanced my attitude toward spoiling myself throughout the day. Early in the evening, I partied with my four adult 'kids' and their friends. Upon being welcomed into the warmth of their embrace, the upbeat nature of their high spirited peals of laughter Proved contagious.  Within this nurturing atmosphere of love, friendship, and good humored amusement, I must have produced an abundance of every endorphin known to medical science, because throughout the high jinxs of the evening, my pain was virtually anesthetized.

Just as anesthesia wears off in the aftermath of surgery, a throbbing sensation of pain resumed sometime during the night, but the buoyancy of my spirit did not deflate. And upon awakening this morning, last night's pain had lessened considerably, suggesting a lessening of inflammation.

When positive focus combines with the glowing forces of love, friendship and endorphins, it's easy to set painful limitations to the side and appreciate blessings, which make my heart smile. Ohmmm :)

237 TIME OUT IS MEANT TO LESSEN RESENTMENT AND PAIN

Yesterday I wondered why I needed to write about time out.
Today insight hit as to what inspired that post:

A oouple of days ago another person's subconscious fear sabotaged a goal that meant alot to us both, and I felt frustration flare. (The nature of that goal occurs too deep within my story be revealed, right now.) Though we'd discussed my response, resentment, concerning fears that sabatoge our goals, smoldered within. And while my mind was busy smoldering, here's what I forgot: I forgot how anger clouds the thought processing center of the brain. As my mind felt murky, I walked straight into a maze—of my own making. Literally.

I have sciatica. When I walk too far, the pain intensifies and just won't quit for days. Thogh I seemed calm, in truth, my brain had set up a smokescreen between the depth of my frustration and my ability to function with clarity. On a 'clear' day, I'd have thought to monitor the length of my walk. However, my thought processor was operating at half mast within that maze, so I walked, robotically, until, tired out, I returned and took a nap.

Upon awakening, sciatic pain radiated from hip to toe. Needless to say my ire increased, causing everything that was in need of release to constrict even more. It never fails: When operating with a foggy brain, I compromise my sense of well being.

Naturally, I gave myself a hard time. By naturally I mean instinctively, but instinct is not always smart. At this point I reminded myself to go with the flow, so the blood flow to my thought processor would not constrict, even more.

My dear friend, Syd, whose nurturing heart lifts my spirits, suggested a massage. Now why didn't I think of that? Because my thought processor was at half mast.

Hopefully, I'll remember my walking-robotically-mistake and not repeat it.

After the massage, I took a steam, floated in a pool and having focused on relaxation, I spoiled myself until my brain released enough dopamine to lift my spirit, naturally. And having refocused, positively, I hope to rebound from the intensity of the pain more quickly than had I not opened up and followed the sage advice of a nurturing friend, who had naught but my best interests at heart.

Light sabers for today:
Time out is meant to reduce resentment brewing in the brain.

Knowing whose advice to follow is key to shortening time spent in pain.

If subconscious fear makes you flinch away from sage advice then it's wise to ask what truth you may be afraid to confront. Knowing that the truth leads me out of a blurry state, where a negatively focused maze swallows up too many days, I do not seek advice from those who robotically agree with me. My go to person is someone who has the clarity to reveal a truth that my mind is too foggy from hurt, anger, frustration, fear, or pain to see—as of yet. So once again, thanks Syd!

Each time I remember how stealthily the subconscious mind sabatogizes us from achieving attainable goals, my ire relaxes, constrictions loosen up, and every part of my whole is released to flow toward healing, more deeply than before.

236 RE-CENTER POSITIVE ATTITUDES WITH TIME OUT

When we don't feel safe
Our minds play tricks on us
When we don't feel safe
Our inner compass is off center
When we don't feel safe
We're apt to hear what we fear
When we don't feel safe
It's easy to miss the true meaning of what's been said
How often have you heard or said:
That's not what I meant ...

When we don't feel safe
Fear clouds clarity
When we don't feel safe
Our sense of judgment is off
When we don't feel safe
Clouded judgements narrow our views
Though we see and hear with our eyes and ears
The acquity of our listening skills and eyesight
Depends upon the centeredness
Of the thought processing centers inside our brains

Each time an emotion
As strong as fear
Constricts the blood flow to our brains
Our ability to process thoughts grows faint
Since any strong emotion
Compromises our ability to see or hear
Or think or respond with clarity
It's wise for everyone concerned
To take time out to calm down
Before astute problem solving can take place

Time out is NOT about punishing unruly behavior
When time out is misused
Self destructive attitudes lead to
Victimization, seething with resentment
Time out IS meant to provide a quiet place
Where a distraught mind can relax
Once the mind is relaxed and rebalanced
The thought processor's sense of readiness
Allows everyone concerned to seek
Positively focused, mutually respectful solutions

235 TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR #2

Once the fires of lust energize my existence
How I wonder what I'll grow to be
At first breath ...
Before my spirit smiles, laughs
Rolls over, sits up, crawls
Stands, toddles, walks, runs
Flies toward each next personal goal ...
I will cry ... right out loud ... to be heard

Instinctively
My adventurous spirit and curious mind
Will stretch toward achieving
Every challenge life sets before me
Until
A lightening bolt
Shoots in from out of the blue
Striking my sense of security down

At those times
When I've been struck by lightening, which
Colors my mind as black as night
While colorizing my spirit blue
I tune into this PLAN
Which enables me to figure out
How BEST to fire up
My exhausted life force, yet again:

First I rest to reset my inner compass
Next I muster the humility to dive into knowledge
Then, upon benching my ego
I ask a trusted guide for help
And here is how
This common sense approach
To solving problems
Will serve me well when I grow up:

Each time I sense
THE MAZE directly ahead
Looming heavy overhead
I remind myself of this fact:
The thought processing center of my brain
And the shining star that lights my spirit
Combine to empower me
To rise above the hazy maze, repeatedly

Each time I think to make good use of my mind
Here is what you'll hear me sing:
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Open my eyes as I approach the maze ...
Guide me toward rising above its darkness, repeatedly, and
Then, please remind me that no Maze proves as mighty as
The life force burning brightly within my mind
ABC No Maze Can Faze Me—Forever!

234 REFOCUS

It's important to note that each time life clouds up, the maze regains its power to suck us back in.

When something clouds my mind and I sense one of life's mazes closing in, I write about positive focus and patience comcerning instinctive resistance. In this way I call upon common sense to minimize confusion and fear. And as a result of consciously re-centering my mind, the maze is forestalled from gaining ground.

233 ON THE OTHER HAND

PS
Positive focus and patience is my chosen path with resistant adults.
When raising my children, positive focus and patience had to buddy up with listening skills, consequences, consistency, and and gobs of humor. Otherwise, I'd want to match their tantrums with my own!
:-)

232 GLAD TO HAVE HEARD FROM YOU!

I sent a question into cyberspace and was glad to have received two comments in return. I've found that decisions, based in knowledge, are more likely to get us where we each need to go.

When I can't seem to get to where I want to go, I ask if what I want may be different from what I need.

When all I wanted was to please my loved ones, I knocked myself out.

If a relationship is to strike a happy medium, people need to meet halfway in terms of accepting responsibility for what keeps going south.

Before I could strike a happy medium within myself, my idea of what made me happy was in need of change.

As pleasing all of the people all of the time proved impossible, my priorities were in need of change, as well.

Though I can not change others, there's lots I can change about me.

If I want to strike a happy medium within myself, and if the only person I can change is me, then here's how my priority changed: I stopped seeking a fleeting happy medium with others and began to work at instilling a sense of lasting peace within myself.

Once I stopped stretching too far, my spirit strengthened, and I no longer wore out.

As I learned with whom to seek a happy medium, I gained a peacefulmedium within myself.

Though my desire to share insight into positive change remains strong, experience suggests that the key to unlocking resistance opens from within.

So picture this: Picture two sides of my mind, wrestling behind a locked door. One side says I need to please others to feel safe. The other says 'we' need a place of peace in which to rest and figure out how to get out of this crazy maze.

Which side is based in common sense? Which side will assume control over the other? I guess that depends on how often I'll allow myself to wander blindly down the wearing out path.

Stretching beyond my last reserves of energy to serve others is not loving, it's enabling.

Once I've enabled another, what I give will be taken for granted. Eventually, the enabled will demonstrate resentment when I run out of steam and can't give my all, anymore.

In order for a happy medium to be struck, humility wins over each person's need to be right.

A person who needs to be right will tune out any sign of knowledge that proves his or her reasoning 'off'.

Light saber for today: I'm as eager as ever to impart insight into change when minds are open to meeting me half way. Otherwise, positive focus directs me toward patience.

Right now, I'm being patient with whatever part of my mind is resistant to moving forward.

Ooohhmmmm...

231 Hmmm ...

I'm kind of perplexed and when confusion hits, I ask for help. I'm considering whether to post those ditties, which flowed naturally out of my mind or take a break from posting until the story, itself, feels ready to flow naturally, again.

I also wonder why comments (or questions) pop up so infrequently. Do you realize that comments come in anonymously? That I have no clue who is commenting or where in this wide world each comment comes from? As much as I love writing this blog, I think writing interactively might add to the fun.

I truly hope you'll let me know your preference:
Post the ditties until my sense of readiness for storytelling flies all over the keyboard. Or take a break until my pregnant pause is no longer laboring over the day of my birth...

Today
I'm confused
And asking for help
Because otherwise
I'll have to guess
And generally
When it comes to
Choosing a path
Where we go hand in hand
Knowing
What pleases your partner
Is wiser than
Guessing

Hoping to hear from you ...
:) Your friend, Annie

230 A QUESTION FROM ME TO YOU ...

If you're frustrated with how slowly my story is evolving, wouldn't you like to shoot me a comment, suggesting how you feel?

229 D

People are not born
Too good to be true


People who act
Too good to be true


Are afraid
Of who knows what?

228 C

So chastised was I by fear

That any hint of selfishness

Or manipulative bitchiness

Tied themselves into a knot

So deep within my psyche

That I was bound to be a good girl

To my core


In order to reclaim lost traits
And rebalance myself as a whole
I tunnel
Toward my dark side
In hopes of opening the door
Behind which fear of pain
Hides within my core 

227 B

As with any brand new child
I was not born thinking
I was born feeling ...
Infallible


When tragedy flew in
Fear shut me up
But no one knew that to be true
Because I talked so much

226 ABC FEAR OF PAIN WILL NOT BULLY ME!

Choosing to create new thought processing channels
Requires work and patience for this reason:
Cracking through old patterns
Is like digging ditches through solid stone


Choosing to produce a lasting change in a relationship
Requires tons of patience for this reason:
One can not force another to tunnel toward unresolved pain
Readiness to change, ignites from within


When tragedy sparks terror in a healthy home
Subconscious fear of pain can sear budding strengths
Upon tunneling toward subconscious fears
Traits, frightened into submission, may be free to develop


By way of tunneling
I uncover traits
Which terror had buried
Beyond my reach


I do not need to re-invent myself
I just need to discover
Which of my traits
Are still half baked

225 TURKEY!

Bid welcome to Turkey!


A file filled with memories flies open
A wondrous vacation with dear friends
The marbled ruins of Ephesus
The spired mosques of Istanbul:
The Sultanahmet Mosque , the Blue Mosque, built in 1609 -1616
The Topkapi Palace
The undulating sultriness of belly dancers
The Byzantine mosaics on the church walls of Hagia Sophia, 537 AD
The Grand Bazaar
The Turkish rug, adorning our guest room
Need I mention my need to covet a magic lamp?
Though rubbing it has yet to pop out a genie—
If you know me at all—
Hope springs eternal!



 

224 INSIGHT FLEW IN FROM OUT OF THE BLUE ...

It's flash of insight time, again!  I'm beginning to sense why resistance to this part of my story flared up.  Though I'd thought myself ready to expose the tragedy that threw my inner compass off center, reality suggests otherwise.


Today, I can sense the bolt of lightening that ignited a hot spot of residual pain, which I'd not expected to cloud my mind.


I'm referring to the death of my friend's child.
Evidently, I've been numbed by denial, concerning how deeply I still feel.


Though my mind's been a bit disorganized, I didn't relate recent thought-processing lapses to operating on two levels.  Consciously I've been going about my daily life.  Subconsciously, my brain must be conducting emotional static through my thought processor, causing my sense of clarity to cloud up.  When my thought processor clouds up, I lose sight of my target and inject a hit or miss quality into my work.


Over the past several days, I've wondered where all of those ditties came from.  Now, I believe this recent sense of cloudiness has collided with the fear that threw my mind into denial after tragedy hit my family when I was a child.

Now, I believe my defense system has been guiding me, gently, toward mustering the courage to acknowledge residual, unresolved pain, yet again.


Now that I think to know what's going on, I'll offer my whole mind a chance to rest.  Thank goodness I can post that host of ditties, until such time as this part of my story flows out, pain free.

Yet again
Writing proves to be cathartic
So if I tend to repeat myself
Please accept my apologies
Cloudiness does that, you know ...

223 UH OH—SOMETHIN'S GOING ON ...

Every day
I sit down
To write about my toddling years
And much to my surprise
A poem about fear
Pops out of my mind
And on to the screen, instead.


Message of encouragement to self:
Annie, let your thought processor relax
See this as a sign of
How tricky
The ego can be
When it gains control over
The thought processing side of your memory


As
My defense system
Is trying to protect me from pain—
I know it means well
So I feel grateful that writer's block
Has usurped only part of my brain
Because, knowing that, I can consciously choose to go with the flow


Over the past several days
I've written so many short ditties
That each has been titled
With a letter in the alphabet
And as I've already gone from A through T—
Upon awakening, today
My mind dittied out U


With insight into having hit a story-telling wall
I realize my subconscious is suggesting ...
It's practice/patience, muster/courage time
Knowing this to be true
I've come to accept this fact:
The body of this story
Will hit the bulls eye in its own good time


So with your permission
I'll reveal these ditties (or not)
In the order that each flowed naturally
Out of my mind
And once my sense of readiness ripens
This story will write itself, resistance-free
Ohhhmmm ... 

222 TO YOUR GOOD HEALTH

A healthy home

Is one in which

Competition and jealousies are discussed as being normal

A healthy home

Is one in which

Competition amongst siblings is leashed but not muzzled

A healthy home

Is one in which

Jealousy is considered normal but unhealthy for friendship

A healthy home

Is one in which

Discussions explain how the law of averages evens things out

A healthy home

Is one in which

The law of averages serves to level the playing field, again and again

A healthy home

Is one in which

Jealousy's passive/aggressive put-downs are replaced by mutual respect

A healthy home

Is one in which

Unique individuals are encouraged to be mutually supportive.

A healthy home

Is one in which

Respect for supportive friendship overcomes ego, more often than not

A healthy home

Is one in which

Conflict resolution is consciously addressed, step by step

A healthy home

Is one in which

Positive attitudes are consciously developed, little by little

A healthy home

Is one in which

Each learns a healthy respect for each other's success

A healthy home

Is one in which

A family enjoys getting together—as friends

A healthy home
Is one in which
People of all ages continue to mature

221 HEALTHY HOMES ARE NOT ALWAYS HAPPY

A healthy home

Is not always

A happy home

A healthy home

Is one in which

Egg shells are acknowledged

A healthy home

Is one in which

Courage sets defensive egos to one side

A healthy home

Is one in which

Thought patterns tunnel deep

A healthy home

Is one in which

Each learns to muster the humility to confront denial

A healthy home

Is one in which

Self defeating patterns are openly discussed

A healthy home 

Is one in which

Problems are not shoved under rugs

A healthy home

Is one in which

Power struggles (conflicts) are consciously resolved

A healthy home

Is one in which

Each feels secure with the others during adversity

A healthy home

Is one in which

Family talks face to face—not behind each others' backs

A healthy home

Is one in which

The blame game is not played

A healthy home

Is one in which

Mutual respect is practiced by one and all

A healthy home

Is one in which

We feel free to unmask stress and discuss fearful feelings

A healthy home

Is one in which

Discouraged spirits are encouraged to rest and refocus

A healthy home

Is one in which

Each is accountable for regaining (maintaining) self control

A healthy home

Is a rarity

But that can change for the better

A healthy home
Is one in which
Love, self respect and mutual respect create inner peace

220 TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR #1

Two voices tell my story:

The voice of youthful innocence

and

The italicized voice of experienced insight

These early scenes are based on conversations with my mother.  Though we shared most of these experiences, the memory, in great part, is Mom’s—the commentary mine.

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR Scene 1

Society clings to conformity (to the detriment of individuality) in hopes that stability will counteract LIFE’s unpredictability.

My story begins in a neighborhood with an interracial population on the South side of a major metropolis—where the weather proves to be as unpredictable as life.  It’s a blustering kind of day, during the late fall of 1943. Trees are bare, and the russet colors of Indian summer have been raked away.

Several people, ducking their heads against a fierce wind, are scurrying down the sidewalk of a busy thoroughfare, lined with small shops on either side.  The cloudy sky, which had been darkening and grumbling, has released a sudden, driving downpour, drenching everyone in sight.

A young couple is running along the sidewalk, seeking shelter from sheets of icy rain.  As Jack spies a forest green awning just a shop or two ahead, he grabs his sweetheart’s hand and speeds toward it’s protective covering.

         Once under the awning, the two face each other and burst out laughing. “My gosh," exclaims Jennie.  “We’re soaking wet!”

 Jack, the ever-upbeat soul, wipes streams of water off his face while chuckling, “Well, that’s what we get for leaving the umbrella in the car.”

         Now that they're feeling protected from wind, rain (and tragedy?), the young lovers huddle close for warmth, and with arms wrapped around each other, they become aware of the book shop behind them.  “My teeth are chattering,”  says Jennie.  "Let's go in."   Jack opens the door and follows Jennie inside.

The mahogany shelves, lining the walls of this small, neighborhood shop showcase a variety of books, thus inviting a cozy sense of well being and warmth—a protective cocoon from the elements outside.  Holding hands and glancing over the books set out on display, the young couple browses from one spot to another.

As a book on a table captures Jack’s attention, he stops and stands quite still.  Staring at the novel’s title, his face lights up, and turning toward the lovely, soft brown eyes of his raven haired wife, he asks, “Hey Jennie, what about—‘Annie’?

Jennie looks up from the book she was eyeing and smiles at the animated expression on her handsome, young husband’s face.  “What did you say, Jack?  Something about—‘Annie’?”

“Yes, Annie!  If the baby’s a girl, let’s name her, Annie.”

Jennie is seven months pregnant with their first child (that would be me), and I’m to be named after Jennie’s father, the grandpa I’ll never meet, because he’ll have passed away several years before my birth.  Standing there in the bookstore, ‘Annie’ has an appealing ring to my parents’ ears, and since I’m destined to be a girl, Annie is my name.