Yesterday, I experienced a mild bout of anxiety (key word being mild), which arose based upon my belief that the ghost of My Fixer had most likely felt need to raise her head🤯as though to admonish me, subconsciously, with—Annie! A beloved family member is in distress and your Success-driven Solution Seeker is contributing nothing to FIX your niece’s life!
Once that insight brightened the dark (u worthy of love) spot in my mind, my defense system (remembering that The Fixer had retired for sound reason) relaxed.
You see, today is the first anniversary of the traumatic day, last year, when my niece walked into her home after work only to find her beloved husband, Shawn—dead.
On Tuesday of this week, my sister, Lauren and brother-in-law, Mickey, flew here from the Midwest to offer their loving support to Jessica, and the fact that they are together (while we wait several days after they’d been in two international airports to enjoy each other as I expect Mayo in Rochester to overnight my medications as I’m supposed to begin my oral chemo treatments, tomorrow night. And though oral chemo is supposed to tame the seriously debilitating side effects that had seen me hospitalized and in need of blood transfusions—several times—the mere thought of chemo, again, is daunting …so It’s good to know we’ll all be together to enjoy dinner, tomorrow, before I return home to swallow my first anti-nausea pill a half hour before swallowing my fear of side effects along with my first chemo tablet.
My past experiences with chemo literally came close to killing me. Will spoke with a specialty ohyarmasist at Mayo in Rochester, today, who said we could expect the oral chemo to arrive, overnight. Though I’ve been feeling a bit anxious as if an episode of PTSD wants to sneak up on nearly killed meme, being that oral chemo is more than remotely similar to the protocols that had nearly killed me, I’m determined to take my Compazine (for nausea) a half hour before swallowing my very first chemo tablet at bedtime, tomorrow night—and hope for the best …remotely similar
Annie
Please remember, In not taking chemo in hopes of saving my life. I’m hoping this round of chemo will prolong my life by shrinking the tumor in my neck and killing cancer cells traveling through my blood …
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