AN APPRECIATION OF SOLITUDE

 While the sizzle of

A lengthy desert summer

Sees me housebound, again

(And because of my limitations

The same is true for Will)

Life continues to move around us—

Our friends are throwing parties

Birthday celebrations

Celebrations of life

Indoor celebrations to which

We are lovingly invited but

Cannot attend because

I cannot catch any

Respiratory illness

Much less COVID, which is

Still going around

And so—

In order not to feel like

A grounded, rebellious teen

Innocent of wrongdoing

I must consciously decide that

Buoying my spirit is as much

An adult’s daily responsibility as is

Brushing all of the teeth that

I hope to keep in a state of good health

“Be able to be alone. Lose not the advantage of solitude.”

—Sir Thomas Browne

Excerpt From What We Find by Robyn Carr

With a conscious sense of

Graciousness, I can truly say

Thank goodness for

My love of reading

And my passion

For writing so that

Rather than

Losing myself

In loneliness

I find myself detailing

Sound reason as to why

Puzzling pieces of

Emotional complexity that had

Layered up, subconsciously, during

Childhood’s most traumatic

Confounding experiences

Can be understood and

Simplified as I work toward

Completing my sense of

Wholeness, which had been

Lost when I was three

Suggesting that having

Lost my self confident self

An unidentified insecure sense of

Loneliness had been mine, and

For a very long times

I had no clue that

Feeling lonely and

Finding myself alone

Are not

One and the same

As a matter of fact

More often than not

I feel fortunate to

Spend time in solitude

Working intuitively to

Free whatever whatever mental block

May still may be repressed

In the depths of my mind, in hopes of

Freeing myself of fears that

My defense system had

Thought best to block from

The conscious portion of

My mind (behind a wall of denial)

Separating my conscious awareness from 

The subconscious portion of

My brain, suggesting that

Our brains are structured in

Such a confounding way as to

Fool us into believing

We know ourselves in depth when

Deeper truth maintains that

Our greatest fear of all

(Think rejection) remains a mystery until

We muster the courage and humility to

Seek the help that is needed to

Dismantle the layers of these walls that

Denial persistently insists do not exist

Inside your head and mine, because

Other than a darkly shadowed inclination

A subconscious fear, having been anesthetized

During our youth, cannot be felt

If asked why I find writing in solitude so

intriguing, fascinating, illuminating and

Relaxing, my answer would

Hihlight this fact—

Writing triggers my conscious mind to

Relax, freeing my power of intuition to

Penetrate my defensive wall of denial

And once intuition takes charge of my brain

Deeper truths (concerning the inner me)

Which have been locked away from

My conscious awareness are

Drawn toward being published in posts

Almost every day in hopes of

Releasing an entertaining anecdote

Spotlighting solution-seeking skills

Or better yet, I delight in watching

A string of insights

March across my screen (one word following another)

Brightening my conscious awareness of

A personal fear, belief, or feeling that had thoroughly thrashed my self image so thoroughly during childhood that having worked to recover forgotten details, this hot spot has finally lost its sting now that this unidentified fear has finally been named, suggesting a childish reaction can develop into an emotionally intelligent (matured) personal strength, which I have been newly empowered to identify as—my own.

All in all, I crave time spent

With Solitude as

My intuitive companion which

Proves to be

Personally instructive or calming

Or so entertaining as to see me

Welcoming time spent alone with

This re-balanced, composite view of

Myself, wholeheartedly, most every day

As for now—

I’m about to find out if the indoor party e-vite we received from a dear friend, today, names a restaurant with a patio, where Will and I can enjoy a cocktail with friends who, knowing that we can’t enjoy indoor festivities with large groups, will happily visit with us for a moment or two.  And oh how happily Will and I will greet friends on a patio, who’ve been lovingly supportive, though walled off from us, physically, over the past three years.  

Thankfully, though our days remain hothothot—evenings are cooling down enough to dine on restaurant patios, under fans, with family and friends.  And soon, we’ll find ourselves free to walk outside, again with friends.

As to naming my spirit’s top three person strengths, I’d say: an intuitive sense of courage/an insightful sense of humility/and a cornucopia of patience concerning instigating change for the better, that never quits …

🙋🏻‍♀️Annie

PS I didn’t have to call my friend, who’s hosting the party mentioned above, because—

She just called me—

And that makes me ask what are your thoughts about 

ESP?