It’s true that cocooning myself in solitude feels vital to my well being whenever I have to muster the courage to do whatever it takes to prolong my life. Keeping my spirit buoyed is difficult while answering well-meaning questions posed by my friends, concerning my health. In short, when courage is in short supply, the only voice I want to hear is the one inside my head, which is sure to shore up my connection to bravery with a positively focused attitude that just won’t quit.
The fact of the matter is this—the mere thought of starting any form of chemo, again, is daunting. I do not want to talk about it. Again and again. As I’ve clarified my reasoning with my friends, most know to call Will (who answers their heartfelt m questions in ‘doctor mode’) and then, they text me.
The oral chemo that was prescribed has just arrived, today, from Mayo in Rochester. So, tonight, I hope to arouse the courage to swallow my fear along with the first tablet of chemo as well as the other meds that will, hopefully, minimize side effects—though those additional meds have side effects of their own. Bottom line, every form of chemo is poison, and our hope is that this new protocol will kill more cancer cells than healthy cells.
Why take oral chemo at night on an empty stomach? The patient is less likely to experience nausea. As I am the patient in question, let’s hope for the best …
As previously mentioned, my sister, Lauren, and her husband, Mickey, are in town. Yesterday was the first anniversary of Shawn’s unexpected death (my niece Jessica’s husband). We are all having dinner, tonight, on a restaurant patio with hopes that the breezes resulting from fan blades whirling round and round, overhead, will save us from melting as would Olaf in summer.
Though I shy away from phone conversations (except for FaceTime with family) I am eager to spend time with my family, because they are always up to date on whatever is taking place with me, and our love for each other, resonating round the table from heart to heart, helps to maintain my spirit’s mindful resolve to enjoy every minute of our togetherness.
Annie
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