Friday, October 15, 2021

9 BLINDSIDED Part 9

 Each time I’ve approached another birthday ending in zero, disbelief has covered my face.  Upon hitting 70, EVERY next birthday felt impossible to believe.  And now that 78 is less than eight weeks away, I’m finding it impossible to believe that in two blinks of an eye, eighty candles will light up my cake.  Hopefully, a fire extinguisher will be made available to help me blow that many candles out!

Good to note I felt like making a joke.  So little has touched my funny bone since Shawn’s passing.  In fact, yesterday, I realized that while I’ve released sadness, worry and fear, the emotion that I’ve been repressing, most recently, is anger.

At life

Which can be so unfair

As Shawn’s death has devastated Jessica, our family feels devastated for her. 

Over these past twenty five years, I’ve watched my niece, Jessica, grow from an insecure, unformed nineteen year old girl into a college graduate with so many admirable character traits that her devastation, based in the depths of her grief, sees me trying to swallow a Boulder each morning, when I awaken to the painful reality that her beloved Shawn is gone.  And with him, her sense of personal safety, as well.

Jess and Shawn were high school sweethearts.  And being that both had been diagnosed with social anxiety, they’d been each other’s safe haven for these past thirty years.

I could go on and on about the hardships they’d worked to overcome, but considering the serious nature of my illness and Andi’s recent hospitalization, I’d better wrap up this post and occupy my mind with loving thoughts, aimed at keeping my spirit afloat. 🍎🍯

To my way of thinking, Apples and Honey have come to symbolize the sweetness of love that sustains our spirits’ appetite for life during our darkest, grief struck times … 
👩🏻Annie

Sent from my iPhone



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