8 BLINDSIDED Part 8

For those of you new to my blog, I’ve already written the ‘story’ of Janice’s tragic death near to the very beginning of my posts.  In fact that series of posts is titled:

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR

I want you to know that Shawn's passing, the excruciating depths of Jess’s grief and the degree of worry my sister feels for her daughter, day after day, have been affecting me much more deeply than I can show.  With EMDR therapy, I’ve come to see that, over most of my life, my depths of sadness remained blocked from my awareness behind a subconscious wall of denial until copious amounts of unhappiness or fear or both had built up so much, inside my mind, as to break through my defense system’s dam, releasing repressed emotional reactions to pour out to such an alarming degree as to overwhelm my ability to cope with the magnitude of the unidentified emotions that I'd been hiding from myself.  

Over recent years, my body warns me of a mental block being swept away as I get a sudden case of ‘the runs’ before my conscious awareness of emotional upheaval becomes apparent.  Last night, thoughts of Jess being all alone with her misery, saw me with the runs, again.

Thank goodness, Jess’s long-trusted friend, Roz, is flying here to be with her, next week, before my sister returns in November..  Though I want to be of help to my niece more so than sending messages filled with love, every day, I hope that at some point, Jess’s head will clear of such intense pain as to free her intuition to kick in, letting her know which decisions are best to make just as my intuition guided me to tell her how deeply my heart cares about all of the reeling emotions that she must be feeling though perhaps she (like me) cannot find the words to clearly convey the depths of her current state of mental turmoil to me.  Thank goodness, my belief in intuitive thought offered me the clarity to say:  Though there may be times when I feel too overwhelmed with so much that remains beyond my control ‘to fix’, I love you, deeply and am always here for you.

👩🏻Annie