The answer to the riddle (awaiting
Your serious consideration directly
Below) will be found threaded throughout
Today’s intuitive, insight-laden, stream of
Consciousness so as to offer
Your think tank an ever deepening sense of
Mental complexity that exists within
The subconscious portion of
Every human brain—so let’s straighten
Our thinking caps in readiness to spotlight
The answer to this question—
What is to be gained by considering
A detailed account of
Annie’s and Joseph’s sad story?
(If you are new to my blog, please note
That I refer to myself as Annie and my husband
As Will for reasons which are certain to
Become apparent, down the road)
So, having offered you time to
Straighten your thinking cap—
Here we go—
One glance at this week's stats shows that
The number of South Koreans who are choosing to
Consider the validity of my trains of thought continues to
Increase, offering my processor sound reason to extend
A warm welcome to those of you who feel inspired to
Conjoin your hopes and dreams with mine concerning
Universal need to improve our relationships with
Regard to every aspect of life, as person by
Person (throughout our wide, wide world)
We each gain insight into acknowledging
Personal need to absorb a host of
Communication skills, which being
Mutually beneficial, will serve to expand
Narrow mindsets toward communal need to
Heighten current levels of patience if we are to
Listen ever more objectively to opinions based in
Experiences that differ from our own, and
Every time one of my trains of thought challenges
Your processor’s intelligence to aspire toward climbing up
Yet another rung on the ladder of emotional maturity, which
Knows no end, you and I may find our think tanks
Engaging in debates so calmly, respectfully, compassionately
And proactively as would a pair of teammates, both of whom
Have been coached to focus their strengths upon
Working together to change life on our planet for
The better, little by little, here, there, everywhere until
We’ve worked to create a circle of love in which
The on-going well being of each
Individual is so highly valued as to be
Naturally (rather than begrudgingly) considered
By one and all—Bottom line—
Divided we fail each other as well as ourselves—
United we come together in hopes of achieving
An inter-related set of realistic, long range goals
If today’s intuitive train of thought
Seems way too idealistic, let’s
Remember fifty years back when
A well educated group of highly intelligent
Individuals, who had dedicated their lives toward
Working together ever more productively by
Choosing to place their differences as well as
Their egocentric needs aside so as to assemble
Their mental strengths into a deeply united
Cohesive whole while shooting for the moon until
The blessed day dawned when their
Combined experiments had led each one to
Rejoice with one another based in
Their communal awareness of
Having succeeded in actually landing
A spacecraft on the bullseye where a team of
Courageous, well trained astronauts, who had
Chosen to take a humongous leap of faith for
The betterment of humankind as a whole had
Amazed every person on our planet-twice—
Firstly, when they landed on the moon and secondly
When we, holding our breathe, had
Sound cause to exhale with a communal
Sense of incredible jubilance upon witnessing
The splash down of these deeply adventurous, brave
Souls, whose safe and sound return to planet earth
Left every think tank all around the globe feeling
So awestruck as to be utterly wordless, so
Thankful were we to have witnessed—eyes
Glued to millions of TVs—the concept of
Teamwork achieving the amazing feat of
Having trained and transported a courageous team of
Human beings to fly through space, land on
The moon and then find themselves transported
Back home, and so, if humankind is known to
House the brilliance to pull off an achievement as
Stellar as that then why doubt the fact that we can meet
Today’s challenge of ‘training’ each young brain in
Your family and mine to aspire to identify (and
Process) the divisive ways that our defense systems
Insult, demean and disrespect each other so as to
Create change for the better (as my stories shall show)
In a family that has been consistently trained to
Absorb universal need to consciously seek to
Deepen each person's understanding of
Classic reasons concerning WHY children grow up feeling
Compelled to unconsciously push loved ones
Away whenever a natural sense of
Heartfelt conflict arises between them, releasing egocentric
Flashes of red hot anger that zing back and forth until
Our collective need to actively brainstorm, together, toward
Strengthening a mutually respectful emotional environment (with
Leadership at the helm, role modeling the importance of
Maintaining a solid connection to logic on both sides) is so
Deeply established in home after home that
Each processor within every brain within
Your family and mine is no longer so defensively reactive as to be
Reduced to making bad use of our wit to lambast each other until
One person’s need to usurp and establish
The supreme position of egocentric dominance over
Another ‘wins' while the resentful acceptance of
Subservience within another person’s head bows
Down to today's 'winner' until something triggers the on-going
Nature of their dueling attitude to re-emerge, stimulating
Their never ending battle to put on the gloves, enter
The ring, and fight for dominance, yet again
No wonder why love (?) is so exhausting!
Upon choosing to amass a library within
My head concerning humankind’s need to seek and
Absorb the wisdom necessary to
Recognize the most subtle of power struggles heating
Up before egocentric furies blow our planet to smithereens
I chose devour one tome after another while training
My brain (while my husband and children
Slept soundly throughout each night, year after year) in hopes of
Digesting tried-and-true ideology devoted to
Resolving conflicts with loved ones and colleagues by
Way of enhancing my knowledgeable absorption of
Listening and speaking skills until such time as
I came to embrace my need to listen for those times
When my power of intuition is naturally, thus
Proactively whispering words of wisdom (passed down
Through the ages by yesteryear’s sages) into
My ear thus motivating my defensive need to
Protect my personal sense of safety to sit down in
A time out chair before anger, getting the best of
My processor, reacts rashly or feels so threatened as to
Retreat subserviently from conflict rather than
Mustering the courage to consciously calm
My anxiety’s natural uprising of emotional reactivity in time to
Free my processor to peaceably navigate my way through
Each next bout of argumentative reactiveness, which, from time to
Time, bares its teeth in family life once seething frustration, raging
Back and forth throughout each evolving relationship, is in need of
A captain, whose think tank has been consciously trained to
Maintain such a shipshape manner of listening
Before replying in a mutually respectful manner so as to
Stop tidal waves of emotional reactiveness from rocking
Life boats so furiously as to release high pitched emotion to
Recklessly capsize everyone’s personal sense of safety, which
Upon feeling threatened, chooses to jump ship rather than
Rowing to shore, and in order to change that natural reaction to
Distract friendships away from conflict resolution, each member of
Our immediate family was consciously taught to participate in
Family meetings in which a talking stick was passed around
The table while each of us was reminded to seriously, patiently and
Compassionately consider the well being of every individual, thus
Stabilizing the family lifeboat to sail forth as an intelligently
United whole, and my stories will eventually show you
The depths of my processor’s self motivation to
Captain the mother ship, which transported each of
My three sons from their naturally rambunctious, contentious
High spirited childhood toward developing open minded
Attitudes concerning need to collectively embrace the concept of personal
Responsibility for each one's conscious choice of positively
Focused attitudes, words, actions and behaviors, and so—
Whether you see yourself as captaining a row boat, sail boat
Motormouth—whoops—I mean motor boat or ocean going vessel
Every child has need to grow up toward adulthood, setting sights upon
Seeing him/herself as a role modeling leader whose
Heartfelt strengths feel fully committed to working as
Valiantly, compassionately, patiently and tirelessly (?) as is
Humanly possible if we aspire to guide our populous as a whole to
Participate soulfully in guiding our families to aspire
To reach a shoreline where brainstorming toward
Achieving peaceful conflict resolution ensures
Everyone’s right to voice differing opinions once
The steadying nature of the captain’s gift of insight serves
To shine its spotlight upon each person’s dignified need to
Stand in support of each other's self respectful
Emotional intelligence if the motherlode hopes to maintain
A united steadfast position at the helm during
Each next stormy emergence of unmet needs, which are
Bound to erupt until, eventually, emotional defensiveness
Bows to leadership's growing sensitivity to consciously
Inspire each person’s personal connection to positively
Focused attitudes of self respect to conjoin with mutual
Respect, which together, serve to preserve
An awesome sense of familial security, and once
Fate had passed the maternal baton of leadership into
My hand, I shocked my (subconscious) mantra of
‘Personal safety first’ into submission in favor of
Consciously developing a newfound attitude of
Emotional risk taking, which inspired my sense of readiness to
Connect ever more naturally with my power of
Intuition, which, to this very day, continues to
Encourage my smarts to expand the narrow boundaries of
My processor’s scope so as to take courageous leaps of faith beyond
My defense system's fearful, self protective smoke screens, which
Serve to fog up my connection to clarity concerning
Emergent realities that prove too painful to consciously
Acknowledge until I experience sound reason to differentiate between
That which constitutes a truly united state of mutually respectful
Familial closeness, thus exposing my past need to participate in
Relationships, which (rather than providing
One and all with emotional environments that breed
Lasting friendships based in mutual respect) had promoted
Relationships, which proved so flawed as to remain
Deeply enmeshed within the unhealthy emotional environment where
Leadership declared: ‘You're 100% with me or 100% against me' no
Wiggle room whatsoever for any peaceable discussions once
Negatively focused attitudes of mutiny and betrayal leap
Toward argumentative reactions, which stormily imply
‘It's my way or the open highway for you!'
And not until I'd looked back, thus becoming consciously aware of
Having repressed a serious lack of self worth during
The traumatic aftermath of my baby sister's death at which time
I'd unknowingly swerved away from my natural path of
Early childhood development in favor of safely taking on
The subservient role of 'follower' until fate stepped in when
I was middle aged to offer my processor sound reason to
Open my eyes to need to sweep cobwebs of my persona’s false
Front of pretense out of my sunny view finder in
Favor of clearly (and painfully) retraining
My mind’s eye to refocus my deeply
Confounded, heavily weighted, suddenly downtrodden
Spirit toward acknowledging personal need to make sound use of
My smarts by working toward scaling each level of
My defensive, self protective wall of denial in hopes of
Eventually setting my sights upon a long range goal that
Proves so profound as to remain way beyond our current generation’s
Grasp though a wealth of knowledge concerning this subject (of
Knowing oneself in depth ala Socrates) is presently at hand, and
Over these last forty eight years of my life, nothing
(Inclusive of bouts of mental exhaustion leading my spirit to
Temporarily experience defeat) has detoured
My impassioned attitude from adhering to this belief:
Sometime in the future, a blessed day
Will dawn when information concerning
Skillful communications will be taught in
School after school to millions of children, who
Will be coached by positively focused attitudes to
Aspire to absorb heightened levels of emotional maturity thus
Empowering tomorrow’s leadership as well as
The general populous with personal need to
Work together ever more earnestly toward
Achieving the worthy accomplishment of
Placing a high value upon personal growth spurts focused
Upon the importance of directing each person’s
Current level of emotional intelligence toward
Connecting ever more naturally with intuitive streams of
Insight, which will serve to deepen mankind's
Sense of self awareness as continues to be true of
My quest to painstakingly reassemble
A healthy sense of my need to reconnect
The dots in such a way as to have reassembled
The bigger picture of my life so clearly that
Portions of my self worth, which had been shattered by
Fate before my third birthday, has been restored, suggesting
Why, at this late stage in my life, I freely commit
My smarts to spend hours each day
Penning and sending posts highlighting
My processor's sense of progress concerning
Knowing myself in depth into cyberspace though
The fruit of my labor (concerning inspiring millions of
Adults to muster the courage to ferret out
Subconscious secrets that their defense systems
Repress from the conscious portion of
Their processors) is likely to
Ripen long after I’m gone—suggesting
Why I envision my work as being
A link in the chain made up of those minds that
Have encouraged mine to follow their lead, just as
I hope to see my intuitive trains of thought serving to
Encourage think tanks younger than my own to
Feel inspired to follow my impassioned adventures through
Each stage of my life until my spirit leaves my body so
As to take wing into the great unknown, which
Must exist, because otherwise why does
Each next generation feel compelled to work so
Productively only to die? I mean, subscribing to
An attitude as gloomy as that just doesn't make sense—right?
As to the primary reason why
My heart remains wholly devoted to
The pursuit of this mission (to consciously peel
Each next layer of my wall of denial away by
Consciously calming strikes of latent anxiety so as to
'Tune in’ ever more naturally to my intuitive powers guiding
My intelligence to remain ever more conscientiously
Abreast of each step that I need to take next if
My adventure through life is to adhere, most often, to
My chosen path, which, being positively focused, sees me
Probing ever more courageously into provoking and thus exposing
Subconscious fears that run so deep within
My psyche as to have blocked my processor from
Clearly and consciously acknowledging
Personal need to identify inner conflicts (repressed during
Childhood concerning my self worth), which have
Challenged my current connection to clarity to
Grow so bold as to envision my processor becoming
Ever more proficient at uncovering fear’s
Foggy-eyed blindness concerning where to
Direct my current level of self awareness to
Openly confront whichever traumatized portions of
My self worth are still in need of insight’s
Emotionally intelligent recalibration, thus brightening
Darkened attitudes that blocked my mind’s eye from
Highlighting my own narrow mind sets, which
Had blinded me from identifying trains of thought in which
I’d unconsciously put myself down for so long that I’d had
No conscious clue of where attitudinal change for
The better would provide my host of
Inner strengths with layers of
Self empowerment, which as this last stage of my lif
Moves forward, will bolster my spirit’s natural vibrancy to
Bounce back repeatedly until I exhale my very last breath—Wow!
Today’s intuitive train of thought may have
Revealed the most self empowering string of insights
Necessary to ready my whole self to continue to
Pen this memoir, story by story, unhampered by
Subconscious fears running interference with
My sense of clarity by shooting my processor with
Spikes of latent anxiety that tends to fill
My self confident attitude with so much buckshot that
Like Bambi’s mother, I am felled by episodes of
PTSD, no matter how swiftly my processor runs for cover,
And as I feel that It’s way past time for my
Intelligence to overcom the repetitive nature of
PTSD’s darkly spooky mental pattern
This is one sitting duck who has grown
Ever more determined to stop childhood trauma from
Usurping dominance over my smarts by releasing
Latent anxiety, which shatters my connection to
Clarity before my view finder’s sense of
Today’s reality can stop subconscious
Fear from careening my think tank’s
Strength of spirit ever more deeply into
Yesteryear's black hole (where despite
The fact that I'm currently surrounded by loving
Hearts, which nurture my own) my psyche lapses into
Feeling utterly alone and bereft of seeing
Myself worthy of receiving my family’s
Loving companionship unless I remain capable of
Satisfying everyone’s need of my host of inner strengths
So along with today’s streaming insights, here comes
My plan to create lasting change for the better:
As soon as my spirit feels wearied with problems that
Are not mine to solve as had felt true when
A sad twist of fate had struck down
The natural vibrancy of a small child’s spirit after her
Undeveloped processor felt sound reason to
Drift off course away from my next classic stage of
Early childhood development (when
A youngster’s mind is naturally establishing
Independent trains of thought necessary to
Eventually secure an ever-strengthening sense of
Self worth) based in the fact that a double dose of
Tragic deaths in my family, weeks apart, had been followed by
Vein popping fights, sending my mother’s spirit to
Spiral into the depths of a long lasting depression, which
Had petrified my psyche so completely into
Misconstruing her emotional separation from me as being due to
My unworthiness of her time and attention thus stalling
The emotional development of my thought processor from
Transforming into a truly independent thinker undamaged by
Inner conflicts based in subconscious self doubt, which had
Muddying up my adult processor’s lack of clarity concerning
Differentiating my personal needs from my loved ones’ need of
Me until two years after my father’s death when I was in
My sixties, and all hell broke loose (silently within me), which
Proved beyond my conscious comprehension until
I was astutely diagnosed with PTSD, and ever since then
My intuitive intelligence has been questing (with
The guidance of professional help) toward securing
The self assertive portion of my voice, which had
Choked behind an avalanche of boulders made of
Deeply repressed fears, which continued to pile up once
My worthiness of receiving love felt utterly
Shattered, beginning at the highly vulnerable age of three
And here comes the insight concerning the depths of
My need to pen this memoir and
Send it into cyberspace for posterity:
Though two deeper truths suggest that—
No one’s psyche escapes childhood
Emotionally unscathed, and everyone is replaceable—
I plan to live my life with such a conscientious
Abundance of positively focused generosity of
Spirit as to be uneraseable by remaining on
An emotionally well-balanced track rather than
Experiencing sudden gusts of
Emotional storm clouds, which serve to
Stimulate unexpected uprisings of PTSD, which
Swirl the unhealed (and thus shattered portion of
My psyche) straight down into that same
black hole of hopeless despair, no matter how often
I’ve managed to work my way out of the eye of that
Hurricane, which had been empowered, time and again to
Swallow each painful shard of my shattered self worth
Until recently when I chose to take
A gargantuan, existential leap of faith, which proved
Necessary if my open minded attitudes are to be
Fully embraced concerning the fact that
The needs of vulnerable children, which prove universal in
Nature, must be met by kindhearted souls who also choose
Not to forsake the elderly, who, being graced with
The good fortune of living past our prime, continue to
Grow ever more vulnerable with each additional candle that
Enhances the warm glow of loving tenderness that will hopefully
Adorn each delicious morsel of your
Birthday cake and mine when generous dollops of love are
Digested so naturally as to sweeten every difficulty that
Proves necessary to endure if we are to maintain
The brightness of the human spirit until one second after
Our bodies have left this world for the next as
The eternal flame of love light in our eyes dims without
Completely disappearing as long as the memory of
Our presence on planet earth is highly valued and
Deeply absorbed into the hearts of our loved ones whose
Inner strengths continue to feel fortified by lasting sensations of
True friendship and love, both of which are known to
Embrace a natural sense of forgiveness that cracks through
Self protective shells of bitterness, which erected during
Youth, have need to be softened as naturally as
Some of us choose to pop an M&M into our mouths
And rather than chewing it up, we consciously savor
The delicious sensation of chocolate sweetness for
As long as possible, just as forgiveness of human
Imperfection does not offer vindictiveness
Reason to steal space meant to savor the sweet taste of
Loving kindness inside your heart or mine, today ... and
Now that you and I have taken this leap from
Sixth grade to present tense, let’s cruise
Gracefully back across the time line to witness
What’s about to happen once Annie, whose spirit had last been
Seen slumping against the cloakroom wall, has had time to
Catch her breathe so as to recoup enough energy to
Stand up straight while squaring her shoulders to
Walk through a storm with her head held high thus
Insuring tha the defense system of
This damsel in distress takes the lead so
That no one can see how painfully her aching heart has
Need to ready itself to secret its limp as she makes her way
Into the classroom where she’ll be sure to
Avert her eyes away from any chance head-on
Collision with Joseph’s steely glare, which Annie's
Twelve year old, deeply confounded processor
Has no clue is serving to shield the depths of
Her former best friend's pain, which
As you shall soon see matches the depths of Annie’s
Wholly confused, heartfelt sadness, which
Remains hidden behind this strong (yet vulnerable)
Inexperienced young male’s emotional wall of denial ...
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