Let's imagine Annie—certified family communications instructor and young mom of three growing boys—making her way toward center stage, and as her unexpected appearance startles the narrator into silence, this younger version of Annie, now seen standing next to her flash frozen twelve year old self, smiles serenely as her eyes sweep across the audience being that she’s well versed at facilitating seminars in auditoriums where adults are encouraged to adopt a positively focused attitude concerning inspiring their children to freely seek out Mom or Dad (whichever is more likely to discuss sexuality unabashedly) so that whenever a healthy sense of curiosity arises about developmental changes inclusive of hormones, pheromones and other classic prepubescent matters, questions pop naturally out of a youngster’s mouth:
Hello everyone. With hopes that you'll experience sound reason to welcome this interruption, I feel a compelling need to add to your stash of thoughts concerning pre-teen sexuality before Annie and Joseph are freed from their flash frozen state on center stage, and with that said, I'm here to serve up a sampling of vignettes concerning youthful curiosity about the birds and the bees in case your brain has been fooling you into dismissing the healthy nature of your kids (or grandkids) prepubescent interest in the opposite sex. So without further ado, the first thing you can do to ready yourself to embrace reality is to stream insight-laden movies filmed in the sixties and later, such as:
WHERE THE BOYS ARE
TOWN WITHOUT PITY
SPLENDOR IN THE GRASS
PAYTON PLACE
*THIRTEEN*
If these films are not available, please google a synopsis of each plot. Then if I may be so bold as to make a second suggestion, hopefully, after previewing any or all of these films on your own, you'll choose which ones to watch with your preteen offspring. In this way, you may score family discussions steeped in classic insights embedded within each story line concerning inexperienced youngsters engaging in adult sexuality too early in life to have any clue of natural consequences, which follow premature ejaculation—I mean experimentation or heaven forbid—the hard hearted possibility of sexual assault also known as date rape. Needless to say, my suggestions are not meant to scare parents and their offspring but rather to prepare both generations to enter this classic arena of life as coach and rookie.
If, while watching these films with your kids, your attitude remains relaxed so as to expose no sign of embarrassment or shame concerning this natural stage of human development, your youngsters may feel free to approach you with questions when their hormones are feeling as bouncy as jumping beans in need of timely guidance concerning the conscious development of discretionary containment—let’s face it—who would you choose to inform your pre-teens about self respect, mutual respect, responsibility, natural consequences and life threatening illnesses before they experience peer pressure along with natural urges based in impetuous uprisings of hormonal activity preceding impassioned sensuality yet to come—a textbook concentrating solely on plumbing? A preteen friend, who has little clue as to the imperative importance of responsibility, self respect and mutual respect? Or an emotionally mature adult, who cares so deeply about the good health of his or her child's emotional development as to initiate heart-to-heart discussions. Bottom line, all of the above is bound to fill preteen minds with questions. So it’s imperative that your positively focused, knowledgeable, clear-minded guidance is in the mix.
I remember an evening when my second born son, Steven, was eleven. He and I were sitting side by side on the couch in our spacious family room watching a scene steaming up on a weekly prime time drama. The male and female leads were heating it up under the covers in bed when my child turned to me and said: You and Dad don't do that. Smiling at the fact that he'd opened the door to discussing physical intimacies, I asked nonchalantly: What makes you say that?
Well, responded my child, I never saw you and Dad rolling around each other in bed.
Pointing to the T.V., I replied good naturedly: Look again—do you see any kids in the room watching them?
As my child's eyes widened, his jaw dropped, freeing me to make good use of that moment to initiate a brief talk (not our first) about adult sexuality in that parents are responsible for guiding their children to develop a healthy sense of respect for each other's privacy and personal needs ... and just as is true of insights, my son’s first question led to more, because the easy flow of his mother’s matter of fact answers inspired his curiosity to deepen.
As one who had been sexually abused during childhood, I’m a firm believer in parental leadership ensuring that our young develop a healthy respect for one's own budding sexuality suggesting why I encourage family discussions that prepare each child’s comfort zone to move through this classic process under the protective wing of adult supervision at home before pre-teen hormones are buzzing round beehives dripping with honey—In fact, I believe discussions of this nature between parents and offspring are so important that I've chosen to digress from our story concerning my wounded sexuality so as to offer up several vignettes experienced naturally with each of my sons, which proved quite different from my preteen experience under the bare bones tutoring of my parents' generation.
Perhaps, the ease of my attitude while coaching my young to discuss sexuality openly at home was based in the fact that during my childhood, the subject of sex was presented as a double edged sword—Gramma’s sharply negative attitude clashing loudly with my dad’s determination to offer me a healthy viewpoint while my mother, seen wringing her hands in the wings, seemingly wished that the hot-potato nature of this topic, which so many families continue to consider close to taboo, would just disappear along with the dark cloud that thundered heavily overhead whenever a serious difference of opinion arose arousing her husband’s ire to match her mother’s fiery temperament, which had frowned upon much that my dad felt free to express within the sheltered environment that his loving heart had provided for the bevy of women whose welfare depended upon the steadfast nature of a very good man’s work ethic.
Though Dad's combatant disputes with Grandma left a little girl with big ears feeling deeply confused, I had the good fortune to grow into a woman who’d chosen to embrace her father’s healthy attitude, which matched knowledge acquired during my early years as a college certified instructor of family communications, and as my professional life enhanced my family life, and vice a versa, creative communication techniques served as a well-oiled conveyance that transported this highly personal aspect of my sons’ development toward a clearly constructed two way freeway that provided our family with a comfortable ride as a trio of new drivers picked up their dates as each one made his existential way toward manhood. And as each of my sons had participated openly in discussions concerning sexuality beginning in kindergarten, years spent traveling toward teenaged responsibilities had been paved as carefully as is true of any two way intersection where carelessness would have increased the likelihood of head on collisions. And now without further delay, I'm hot to offer up examples of discussions initiated by the healthy arousal of curious young minds—
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